Here is my story in a nutshell...

On Jan.12, I came home to a scene that will never be able to leave my memory. My wife ***edit*** had locked up her phone, was dissapearing at odd times of the day and night and drastically changed her grooming habits. All the signs were there. In fact I noticed we had a box of condoms when I was sure there was none before. I counted them and took a picture as to remember the exact amount. Earlier in the month she insisted the only way to "save" our marriage was a seperation. So I moved to my birth mothers house for the week. Having returned that weekend I stayed in the house but there was much tension. That morning of the 12th she actually got up and saw me off to work. She sent me a text later to see what I was doing, and then called my work to get a hold of me (making sure I was there). That night my son had to get stitches and we took him to primary childrens. After returning home, ***edit*** my wife went into the master bedrooms bathroom and brought bathroom trash (toilet paper, etc) from there in her clasped hands and put it in the kitchen trash. The alarm in my head went off and I ran to the bedroom.

I opened the nightstand and counted the condoms. There were 9... I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I went to the kitchen and began digging through the trash. I found an empty condom wrapper. Again that kick to the stomach. ***edit*** my wife saw my alarm and grabbed me and escorted me to the bedroom and shut the door. I began crying and asked how could she! She grabbed my nipples and twisted them and said "If the kids heard that I am going down to the court house and filling divorce papers tomorrow!" A bullying tactic she had been using against me for weeks. We then went for a drive to talk and I listened to her tell me about how she had swept under the bed and found one and didn't want me to "freak out" so she made sure I didn't see it. We then returned home, she told me I had to fix what the kids had heard.

I sat my children down and told them what a great person their mother was. A woman that so loved her heavenly father that she would never dream of cheating on me. She stood there and cried as I told my children this. The kids then went to bed and ***edit*** my wife took the 1/3 full trash out.
Seeing her take that 1/3 full trash out made my head spin. What else was in there! I then went out to the dumpster and retrieved the trash bag. I quietly went back into my bedroom and into the bathroom. I began digging through the bag. At the bottom I found something that never leaves my thoughts. That haunts my dreams and has scarred me for the rest of my life. Inside was a used condom... At about this same time I received a text from ***edit*** my wife that said "I didn't cheat, I'm sorry" I began crying uncontrollably!

I don't know why she then came into my room, but she did. I held it up and asked why! She said we needed to go for another drive. Sitting in a church parking lot I heard her tell me that she has lots of friends that are having affairs... She told me about one of her friends and how she was cheating on her husband with the doctor that took care of her. She then told me a friends and her lover stopped by the house in their car. They had the used condom and asked if they could throw it away in our trash can. A trash can Dari just happened to be holding and then brought back into our home and put in our bathroom... I didn't believe one word but I wanted to. That night my wife slept in the same bed as me for the first time in months. She rubbed my arm as I cried myself to sleep.

The next day I was told by my wife that she had lied to me a lot of times in our marriage. She told me that her and her high school boyfriend had been intimate only once and she felt so bad she went to her bishop and never did it again. She told me that morning that was a lie. That they were intimate as much as they could be. She also told me about going up the canyon with a date and having sex with him. My whole life I thought I was my wifes second intimate enounter. I was lied to my whole marriage!

She then told me that if our marriage was going to have any chance that we needed a long seperation. That was the biggest mistake of my life. She wanted me out of the house. She knew that when she filed I would be at a disadvantage because I left the marital home. But because I was so desperate to save my marriage I left again.
Her birthday was January 22nd and she wanted to go to California to "sit on the beach" and think about our marriage. I knew she was taking a man with her... I was "allowed" to come home to watch our children while she went. I slept in that bed, the bed I KNEW she did unthinkable acts in. I had to have one of my children sleep next to me and placed my hand on their back to keep myself from crying. ***edit*** got stuck in Long Beach for 3 days instead of just being gone the one. How convienent. The whole time she was gone she barely spoke to me or the kids. I later learned her plane ticket said ***Do not give my husband any information, I have a protective order against him. Along with the name of another man she traveled with.
After another week of living with my birth mom I decided to go home. When I returned home ***edit*** my wife was in the bathtub. She became instantly angry about my arrival home and began singing at the top of her lungs "I hate everything about you" by Ugly Kid Joe. I begged her not to throw away our marriage. I followed her into the closet begging. As she came out I said "I hope whoever he is, he's worth throwing away our marriage" She looked at me, rubbed her body sexually, smiled, and said "There hasn't been just one, there has been eight and they all made me feel amazing!" (she also included this in her written statement to the police) At this I said "Did you hear that kids" and she punched me! I called the cops.

Once the cops were there I begged them not to arrest her. I put in my written statement that she pushed me instead of hitting me. I was so distraught! The cops told her that she should leave with the children and they went to her mothers house. A few hours later she returned to our home. She cried and said that her and the kids needed to be in the home.. (Of coarse she did, she counldn't maintain control of it if they were gone and I was there) I had no where else to go. I told her I would do whatever it took to save our marriage. I then emptied out my checking account to stay at a hotel for the week.

We saw our marriage counselor on that Tuesday. He told us that for us to work things out I had to be in the house. ***edit*** my wife sat there with her head in her lap and of coarse responded to nothing in the hour long session. I told her I had protected her from being arrested two days before by changing my story. She said "You should have just told them the truth. All they would have done was booked and released me". The session ended and we went our seperate ways.

That week I had one of my children spend a night with me each night in the hotel. The night my youngest spent the night ***edit*** my wife and I had an argument about when I could come home. She said I could come home Sunday, as I had nowhere else to stay after my week long reservation was up. That Friday morning she called. She wanted to know why I was mad and that I should be ecstatic because, as she put it, I "Won".. I was getting to come home. There was no win or lose in this... I just wanted to be in my house. Be with my family and animals.. Why was she so angry.

That night ***edit*** PD called me. They had a protective order that ***edit*** my wife had signed to make damn sure I couldn't come home. I was in shock. My Sgt I was having dinner with had to drive me back to my hotel.
Now, litterally having no where to live, my parents flew me to Florida. I stayed the week with them. I was so sad, so confused how someone you have been married to for 18 years could do something like this!

While in Florida I called my daughters boyfriend. He told me I needed to speak to my daughter as she had information about my wife. My Daugher told me how she had looked at my wife's KIK account (KIK is an app used mainly for sending nude photos or used by people having affairs as its messages are untraceable) and saw a "love letter" between a man and my wife. He sent her the Lonestar song "Amazing". She responded back saying she loved that song. He then told her it reminded him of her and that she was amazing. She responded back that he was amazing. Again there was that kick to my stomach. I cried harder at that time than I think I ever have in my life. I didn't sleep a second that night and was a zombie the next day. I will always hate that F'ing song now!!!
When I returned home from Florida I was informed my wife filled for divorce on Feb. 20th

It has been months since I have seen the inside of my home. Seen my dog or loved my cats. I am a shell of a man. I hurt constantly. I have been following a dating app since my wife mentioned it and saw her on it the other night. She's already trying to date... she has the phrases "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" and "today was great, today was fun, tomorrow is another one". She has already moved on! How does someone do that! I don't know if I will ever be able to move on! The pain I feel is worse than anything I have ever felt before!!!

Granted I wasn't the best husband either. I have a temper and I have yelled at her and our children. I became very angry this fall when she went to a club with her girlfriends because I don't think a wife should be such places without her husband. I read our texts back and forth about that situation and I am sick at how mean I was... But did I deserve all this?

Our entire marriage I worked 2 jobs! I worked so hard to provide for my family. I missed numerous occasions because I was working to provide. And now I am losing everything I worked so hard for!
I know she has made me out to be a monster. Poor ***edit*** my wife who is so scared of mean ol' ***edit*** betrayed husband. She has been aggresive towards me for months while I cowered. Begging for her to stay in our marriage. One night in the car she looked at me and said in a sarcastic voice "Poor ***edit*** betrayed husband, looks like a poor kicked puppy dog". Why? God, why did our marriage turn out like this!

On February 20th she filed for divorce. We talk on occasion and she is bent on a divorce. I have begged her to reconsider as we will probably lose the house and we will both be in finanical ruin.

She wont admit to having an affair but I know she has. She admits to turning to other men for comfort and support. She now talks to her HS boyfriend all the time and they are "best friends". I just can't do this! I feel so emotionally and physically drained.

She says we need to get divorced and "start over" as friends. I don't but that! She wants a divorce so she can be free to date and do whatever she wants to do that is fun...

Please advise!

You did a dreadful thing by enabling her addiction so long and helping to lie for her.

Lying to your kids has helped replace you with a new stepdad. I'm sure she liked that. Doesn't respect you though.

Are you ready to stop enabling her and expose this affair to everyone? It takes balls to do it the MB way but there is no other way.

You should not be helping her to have sex with another man with lies and giving her space. Are you ready to fight it instead?

Your wife thinks you're a vegetable who doesn't care who she sleeps with.

What evidence do you have for exposure of OM? Are you willing to risk her anger and fight?

I don't have any idea who the OM is.. I could be multiple men.. She blocked me on all her social media sites months ago. But it could honestly be multiple men.

I have the police record of her admitting to telling me that she was with 8 different men. In her words... I told her I was going to write up the story of what happened to us and include a copy of the police report and give a copy to the entire neighborhood.

There is a restraining order in place that wont allow either of us to see each other and I am not allowed near my house.

Welcome to MB.

Please read this Start Here First-Welcome SAA

When will the RO be lifted? Who makes the house payment?

Have you read the exposure thread? You need to expose the OM (you have his name from the ticket when she went to LA).

Is the OM married? Does he live in the same state as you?

You need to tell your children today. You need to stop lying to them.

You should click notify to have the moderators to move your thread to the Surviving an Affair area of the forum where you will get lots of help.

I have told the kids... She then tells me I am damaging them and that she is going to use that against me in the custody hearing.

I didn't get the full name of the OM that went with her to California because I had a friend look it up and she got nervous and only saw the name "Thomas".

I honestly believe she has had multiple affairs... I don't think there has been just one. I think she likes the attention she gets from multiple men.

The restraining order wont be lifted until after the divorce goes through..

I've always made the house payment. I stopped my checks from going into our joint account the last 2 weeks in February and I haven't given her any since. She's now telling me that she is going to go after me for back child support.

I'd give anything to save this marriage but she's blocked me at all the intersections. I'm not even supposed to have any interactions with her.

I'm so tired and depressed. I can't believe what she is doing. I told her I was going to make copies of the police statement where she admitted to being with 8 different men and pass them around the neightborhood. She told me it made her physically ill to think that I would do such a thing. HOW DOES SHE THINK I FEEL!!!

How often do you get to see your kids? Have your kids told her to stop her affairs?

Have you exposed to her family and friends? Your family?

Can you get to your doctor for some ADs?

Read this so you know you did the right thing.

Exposing to Children

Have you read the exposure thread?

Why did I leave my home! I was so STUPID!!!

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...&Number=1984719&nt=2&fpart=1

She wants to bring me the kids all the time!! I'm sure so she can bring her men into our home. If I can't take them she send them to sleepovers and their friends house. This happens all the time.

I've told my family and her family. When I told her parents about the condom she was standing there and simply said "it wasn't mine" I said "Of coarse it wasn't! You don't have a penis" Her father simply laughed at this. When I tried to tell her parents on a phone conversatin weeks later they simply blew me off.

I've posted my story on FB. She has blocked me and the kids from her page so we can't access her friends list.

I've been on medication for years for anxiety and depression. AND she is using that against me in the custody hearing.

Yes this is why we advise men not to leave.

Do you have a lawyer? Can you get the RO removed? She talks to you and brings you the kids. Can't you prove that the RO is false?

What does the actually RO say? You aren't allowed to communicate with her?

Are you documenting everything?

The RO says that we can communicate through email about the children... So that is really the only communication I have with her.

We have broken it on occasion to talk about taxes and my sons medical needs but it is basically kept to emails.

Yes I have a lawyer. He is very intelligent but isn't much of a bulldog. Her attorney is a bulldog and i'm scared she is going to take me for everything I have.

I am afraid there isn't much hope of getting the RO removed

Don't threaten, that's stupid. Stay quiet while you Plan.

You need to expose the affair, including exposure of at least one OM. Can you get a PI to follow her? Might also turn up stuff for the custody case. Hard to believe she's being a good mother right now.

You can also make a fake FB account to snoop with.

Can you call some PIs asap?

I have a PI that will do some investigating but it will cost me $500... I'm struggling right now with my attorney fees.

I honestly think she has moved on from the first affairs. She got really depressed at the end of January and I think one of her affiars called it off with her.

She started dating the second week of March. She told the kids that she was going to start dating. She is being a HORRIBLE mother right now. She will leave the kids and tell them she is going to the store and be gone 3-4 hours. My 11 yr old son can't stand her and calls her a liar. He sees through all her BS. I'm not going to fight her for custody. I will let my older children decide where they are going to live and hope they pick me. I just dont have the financial means to fight her for custody. She doesn't care about me or the kids. She just cares about having fun and $$$

She is VERY cautious about her FB account. She wont add anyone she doesn't know and deleted or blocked me, the kids and any mutual friends that we shared.

I wish I would have found you guys sooner. Like 4 months ago.. It seems like I have my hands tied because of the restraining order.

She has said she wants to go through with the divorce and then start over as "friends" and see if we can try again. I don't buy it. She always brings that up only when talking about letting her have the house. Giving me a false hope that we can fix things and be together BUT only if I let her have the house.

You need to speak to a criminal lawyer about the RO.

You are consistently violating it. It isn't reciprocal (judges expect "victims" to reach out to "abusers").

Get that dealt with asap. I would hate to see you violated when she gets pissed. Get it tossed, first.

Of course she's going to tell the court that you're damaging the kids with exposure. Right after she admits to her skanky affairs in a public court!

They all threaten it, never do it. Ignore.






Then a PI is a much better investment right now than a lawyer because evidence can both save your marriage and get you custody. Particularly as yours is super hopeless and has led you up a blind alley. you will only need a PI for a few days. While he gets good evidence you can interview new, super tough lawyers.




The truth is you have no idea. Affairees are commonly depressed and are on again off again. She's been giving you the impression she has lots of lovers but that's pretty likely just a tactic to make you feel hopeless.

Lips moving = lying.

It's highly likely she's protecting someone. Probably her HS boyfriend. Is he married?

If she were catting around with lots of guys she would have kept you home as a babysitter and manipulated you in different ways by calling you controlling if you didn't babysit.

If you can catch her with a married boyfriend she cares about, you will have struck gold and will be halfway to winning.


Please get off the ground and lawyer up. You are all your kids have. Start calling round for quotes and deals after you call the PI.




It's never too late to start doing it right



Yeah, you have time.


She's deathly afraid of exposure. She thinks that if she can get to the cleansing state of 'divorced' without people finding out, she's golden.

She probably does want to be your friend too. Most waywards want that. You get to do the hard work parenting, financial support while telling her you don't blame her at all for kicking your heart out.

You should take advantage of this to Plan A - don't respond to friendly overtures though unless you can legally. She might even lift the RO If it's the only way to be friends.