If you've found his linkdin account then do you know what he does? That narrows the field considerably.

Have you tried googling his name "Joe scumbag" in speechmarks together with his occupation to find his workplace?

Like this: ("Joe scumbag" + occupation)

You can add the town or region too for better results. Try a few search engines.

Oh and of course, white pages and the phone book.

Well I exposed it all to my kids... The fake name, the trip to California, everything. She's furious! She told me if I don't sign the papers this week she'll press harassment charges.

She told me Our S13 started calling him "B", so they just went with it. Her parents have met him and know the kids call him"B" instead of his real name. They said they really like him. She told me she has feelings for him that she never had for me...

I can't take all the emotional attacks. I just wanted someone to love me. I thought that was her. It seems no one has really loved me through out my life.
_________________________

Prowl, can you finish all exposures if you have started them? You are supposed to do them all in 24 hours. You really need to find OM fast now.

You seem to be emotionally driven after so many months of this. Can you look into getting ADs when you are done with exposure?

You aren't going to get through this if you keep talking to her, listening to her and having such emotional reactions. Going off half cocked is not helping. You have to stick very logically to a plan.

Are her parents adulterers? You would just exclude them from recovery if you kill the A. Keep going.

She says that she had checked out of our marriage in October so everything that happened after that time didn't matter because although a piece of paper said we were married, in her heart we weren't... Her parents didn't like my treatment of her and are just happy that she is meeting nice guys that are really nice to her.

She tells me OM and her saw each other for months, and although she has feelings for him, she broke it off as he's not exactly what she is looking for. She is dating other men but she hasn't ruled out OM as someone she may want to be with in the future.

I really, really just need to learn to let go. You can't beg someone to love you. That's all I ever wanted. I messed up. I didn't treat her as good as I could have. We had a lot of things against us getting married so young and having kids so quickly. She made the comment about treating your woman good or another man will. That's exactly the mistake I made. I knew better and I took it for granted. it is what it is... Again I can't make her love me or fall back in love with me. We had a good but not great marriage and she wants to find that great love. I guess i'm just scared I wont be able to. I don't have a lot of self esteem and I don't know if someone will love me again. I'm not bad looking and I'm in pretty good shape, I just don't have the confidence.

She was a great woman and a great wife. She put up with a lot. She put up with us as long as she could and then she just couldn't anymore. The older kids say we weren't a good match. They're probably right... I just hate seeing my family fall apart like this.

Maybe someday I'll find love again.

Prowl,

You are severely gaslighted right now. Everything you just typed is right off the wayward script that many of us here have read dozens or hundreds of times from cheating spouses.

You need to understand that your wife is MANIPULATING you right now by feeding you that line of excuses, and her parents (who are immoral people) are doing the same. All of them need you to believe this and to be driven into the ground with guilt in order to feel justified.

You're right that you can't beg someone to love you but you are not in the wrong for trying to court her and expecting her to work with you on the marriage. That much was part of your vows, no doubt.

Poor marriages do not cause affairs. Plenty of betrayed spouses weren't exactly getting their needs met either and still did not stray, and any betrayed spouse suffers tremendous abuse during and after d-day, yet most do not have revenge affairs.

In fact we often have to try very hard here to convince women and men who are being physically abused by their partners to separate, and they are usually reluctant.

The reason your wife had an affair is because she has poor boundaries around other men. That is the only reason. Your wife's comment about "treat your woman good or another man will" is an excuse she has probably internalized herself to help her deal with guilt and reconcile the obvious incompatibility of such an idea with the concept of marriage. You are too close to the situation to see this but to an outsider that sentence reeks of selfishness and self-centeredness. Not attractive at all. She is deep in the fog, and I would guarantee you things are not over between her and OM.

Marriage is to forsake all others. Period.

And YOU must understand that her goal (and OMs...and her parent's) is to make you think this is about YOU and not about an AFFAIR. This is NOT about you. This is entirely about an affair.

If you want your self respect and self esteem back, FIGHT. Fight this. And don't believe another word of this crap about all of this being your fault. If you mope around in the lies they are feeding you right now, you could be depressed for a very long time.

If you draw the line and fight back you will see the liars look at you like deer in the headlights. It's the last thing they are expecting.

Did you finish your exposure? Take you manhood back and throw light on the deeds of darkness. Have you asked everyone to help you save your marriage?
Your chances are actually very good. What kind of man do you think would have an affair eith a married woman with 6 children? I can tell you that this sleazebag is not doing that because he envisions replacing you as their father.

This will fall apart and you will speed the demise of the affair by exposing the affair for the world to see. Everyone in their right mind will immediately see that you marriage dhould be repaired. Everyone but the greatest moron.

So, how is your exposure coming along?

And don't forget to expose her to all of the church.

why are you listening to the drunk????!!!!

Cut off the alchohol source!

Expose.

It sounds like your only goal here is to get her to speak nicely to you. She wont.

Focus on the affair. Wake up.

Screwing her in her marital home? Behind their wives back? Spitting in her face more like.

It's a nasty little addiction and you could easily ruin it. If she can tear you down emotionally though you'll leave her with the crack pipe.


Worse than this has been recovered prowl but only when the guy does the steps and stops listening to nonsense.

At this point even if she were to say 'you are my only love I am so so sorry' it would be a lie and a trap.

Anything she says before YOU have bust up the affair is a lie.

So, please, please please stop sitting around waiting for her to do your job of protecting the family.

Currently your little boy is the only one protecting the family and trying to protect his mother from this man.

Did you actually speak with her parents and present all your Intel on this internet booty Hunter? Or are you just listening to your wife again?

She's basically told me she should have left the marriage years ago but stayed because she didn't think any man would want her with 6 kids. She's saying she's finding lot of great men that don't care how many kid she has and they are men that she has more in common with and she feels safe with.

She then asked of we did get back together if I could handle her being friends with men she kissed or "done other things with". I told her if she chose us I would deal with that when it came. She said she is unwilling to give up some of the men friends she's made and asked how I would feel if she wanted to do lunch with "OM". I told her I would not be okay with that. I asked her if she would want me having lunch with my EA from my past. She didn't say anything.

This morning she have me the whole "we need to start off as friends again, as right now were not even that" I don't like being down graded to a friend. Currently my job may be in jeapordy as I can't focus and have been a mess. She's concerned about that and I think it's the only reason she's being kind today.

I've been laying down all day and just listening to my heart pound in my chest. It aches and it hurt. My whole body hurts. I just wish she would love me enough to want to come back. That I meant enough to save our marriage. I don't feel very worthy of anything right now.

Sir,

You need to force yourself to get out of bed and be productive.

Nobody is interested in what a liar and an addict has to say. We are more interested in what you are doing to discover the truth she's hiding and protecting your children.

If you need anti depressants to get out of bed then for the love of your kids - take them.

Behind the addict, your real wife might still be in there but lying on the bed won't free her.

Listening to the addict lie is the worst thing you can do. It will break you.

Your poor children have done more to fight the A than you have. More to find the OMs identity.

It's perfectly obvious there is one guy, probably married. Every time you get close to uncovering the identity of OM or 'B', she comes up with these stories of how there are multiple guys and it is pointless.

Red herrings designed to protect her addiction. She knows you are the guy who can bust this up and win her back. She knows B will likely dump her if his wife finds out.

If that happens, her addiction is over and after a period of withdrawal she will resume her old personality.

Prowl, you have photographic evidence and know he is being introduced to your kids.

Unless you can
a) get out of bed
B) stop asking your wife to do the job at hand
C) find and expose OM to his circle and spouse, expose to WW family, mutual friends and your own family.

I see this as hopeless.

These tasks shouldn't take no longer than 24 hours. Your call.

I had all the kids last night and my oldest son decided that I needed to know what else was going on. He told me that OM has actually been staying overnight. She will farm the kids all out to sleep overs and bring him over. My son saw his car late one night and then my son came home around 6:30 and his car was still there. My W has made it so no one can get into the house unless she opens the door. That allows her and her OM to i'm sure get dressed and act like everything is fine when the door opens. My son has also caught them numerous times making out on the couch.

But the latest news I gathered was that he himself is currently going through a divorce. I don't know if that is code for "still married" but that does help things. I just don't have any idea on how to get a hold of his spouse.

Last night my son and I drove by the house at 12:30, just as her and him pulled into the driveway. They jumped out of their car and ran into the house. My son jumped the fence and went in through the back door. He caught them trying to hide in the bathroom. She then came out and approached me while on the phone with the police. remember we have a RO on each other. I was at the curb so I wasn't breaking anything.

we ended up leaving. She called my this morning. and told me I just pushed her further into his arms by making him have to "save her" from me last night. The wuss stood behind the front door and peaked out. Real big hero.

Anyways I'm just F'ing exhausted... The boys tell me she has a picture of them framed and on her desk. She never had one of us. It's worthless fighting for someone who is so in love with someone else. Maybe they are soul mates? maybe they do belong together... She obviously really wants to be with him.

Prowl, get a grip here.
There is no such thing as soul mates.
You have been here long enough to know the love bank concept.
Any married man willing to lure the mother of 6 children away from her lawful husband is a ****.
Soneone who really loved her would never put her in that position. Yes snd he IS a whimp.

Now you stop being one yourself. Stop quivering and hiding in your bey and reexpose. Someone will know this person. Licence plate etc. You can have him followed on the way home. He does not have a restraining order on you does he?

Have you contacted OM's BW to find out the real story about the divorce?