This is a good approach. I agree very much with indiegirl about why your wife is sending these to you.

Saying nothing back is the best policy. It is very hard when it gets to this stage and there is nothing but dishonest and manipulative communication from the WS (usually because of legal strategy), but you'll slowly realize (if you haven't already) that there is a vast expanse between where you are and where she is.

And you'll be grateful not to have to live in the sort of world where she is right now, where one cannot afford honesty or self-inventory. You can be comfortable in your own skin and find the areas to grow and improve as a person. But she will continue to have to run from herself as long as she is wayward, because everything she is doing right now must be justified.

The good thing about a strong Plan A is the elimination of lovebusting habits which will benefit you in any possible outcome here. Not lovebusting her over these false accusations (by not replying) will probably drive her nuts to some degree and may help lead her out of the fog eventually. The thing she says here about "a possible difference" shows that you've already piqued her curiosity about whether she has sized you up correctly or not.

Don't let up on the custody fight but don't count yourself out yet with her either. It's slight but there's an admission in that last message that your Plan A is putting a dent in her fog. Keep up the good work, and remember any lovebusters at this point not only reset the clock with her but could put your custody proceedings in peril. Be very careful with any communication with her. I remember well how hard it is not to get emotional when dealing with a WS.

billman,
you need to be on full alert, do not respond to her unless it is for logistics with the kids.
do not acknowledge any of her nonsense.
she is planning or has planned something devious (most all do when they get in a big mess)
have a VAR with you if you are ever alone with her

you and your attorney need to be in full court press for EVERYTHING as it relates to the kids (full custody, visitation, tax deductions, child support, food stamps, ROFR, etc, etc, etc)

you have to think about protecting your kids and yourself

Regarding Right of First Refusal: Get rid of it. You don;t want her to have that right.

Regarding child support: Dr. Harley would not encourage you to seek child support in plan A. This question was specifically addressed by poster Tranquil Dark when he asked (on the Radio Show) if he should seek child support while in Plan A. Dr. Harley said NO.

I want to share with you Right of First Refusal information. When my wife left to pursue her affair, she not only left me but 3 kids. My nearest relatives were 2000 miles away. I had to develop a plan to survive fast.
I searched the internet and found good tips for housecleaning (DADS housekeeping book and Martha Steward website is a Godsend), chores, crafts etc. I had kids roughly your kids age. 3 of them.

I placed my kids in summer camps, scouting, etc. Wife didnt care because she was in her affair and gone. A year later, she wants to see the kids all the time and wants to have a Right to First Refusal clause included in the custody agreement. Thankfully, there never was such a clause in my agreement or my kids would be kept out of all activities. Some of these clauses are written so if you go on a date, you have to call the ex instead of a babysitter. Is that what you want?

These concepts are popular among the happy co-parenting crowd but terrible in real life. The only situation I could see it helping is with a guy who wanted to win his wife back in Plan A and had only partial custody of the kids.

In your case, I see no benefit to Right to First Refusal clause

I was thinking from a one way RFOR for Billman, not for his wayward. But probably would not get it, so it is best to drop it completely.

I understand what Dr. Harley says about the child support, but if you dont go after it now, it is virtually impossible to be added later.
You are in a tough spot, with a wayward that seems on the verge of going nutso on you.

My oldest (10) had a text conversation with mommy a little over a week ago (recorded). She was at Grammie's the other day and she told me how Grammie yelled (actual raised voice) at her and made her cry because of the things she said to mommy; and also if she says "things like that again" she would not be allowed to visit. I have read what was said - they were strong words but all truth. Abryella told me she is now again scared to talk to mommy how she feels because of Grammie yelling. The worst part,mommy was sitting in the same room while this was happening.

Grammie and Grampie also told our children early on that if mommy and I got back together they would move far away.

Sorry to hear that Billman, that must be difficult. They are enemies of your marriage from the sound of it.

They are indeed. I can only imagine what else has been said.

I would look into this, but in most states, you can go after child support at any time and even go after back child support from the date of filing or date of separation. Custody and child support arrangements are able to change because the needs of children change. Most states allow for this and you are able to file a request for a new court order at any time.

You need to get a read from your attorney regarding the "climate" of your jurisdiction/judge. So many places are mothers day jurisdictions.

One thing he told me is that our judge doesn't like parents that alienate - mom or dad.

and now she is going against RoFR that we currently have:


***EDIT***
9:04 PM (21 minutes ago)
to me
***EDIT*** is spending the night at ***EDIT*** Moms with ***EDIT***. I won't be dropping her to you in the morning.

***EDIT***
9:05 PM (20 minutes ago)
to ***EDIT***
You are working tomorrow and I have right of first refusal. I am not consenting.

***EDIT***
9:11 PM (14 minutes ago)
to me
She is spending the night with ***EDIT***.

***EDIT***
9:12 PM (13 minutes ago)
to me
Also my weekend my choice

Please do not post names or email addresses on the forum.

Inform your attorney and keep your cool. She is trying to get a reaction from you.

She will not get one. This weekend I am compiling everything I have for the lawyer on Monday. It is going to be an extensive email.

Nobody should alienate. It is fundamental rule, back to age of Moses, to respect parents.

However, you should PROTECT.
Dont go PC on this. Go battle mode

How's it going?

I have not received any replies from my lawyer, email or call. I have tried daily. I am paying him, but I presume it is due to having an outstanding bill. But this is not the relationship I wanted to have with a lawyer...


Only thing of note beyond that, she realized RoFR was not in the custody order, and this was the email: "Just so you know went over the separation and custody agreement no where in there does it say first of right refusal. So I can have who ever I want watch the kids while I work."

Well, can you pay the lawyer his bill?

This is a golden opportunity to get custody since she is homeless but you need to act now