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Om and I are not together nor do I want him. My husband is who I'm with and will always be with. Wouldn't kindness be better than the truth providing om doesn't expose us? Your husband deserves to know, and choose for himself. Right now he is living a lie, and I feel so bad for him. If you have any dignity left inside yourself, you will tell him yourself now, and not let the OM hold this over your head as black mail. Truth out weighs kindness 100 fold. In this situation truth is the only thing that matters. The only option you have to fix this is to tell him, and offer him a plan for recovery through Marriage Builders. Otherwise you will spend the rest of your life with regret and guilt. Please do the right thing....
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Om and I are not together nor do I want him. My husband is who I'm with and will always be with. Aren't you the one posting that John Gottman says there's a 90% chance your marriage will end in divorce now that you've had an affair? If you're not here to get advice on how to prevent this from happening, then why are you here? Dr. Harley knows how to save your marriage, and I suggest you listen to him. The plan I recommend for recovery after an affair is very specific. That's because I've found that even small deviations from that plan are usually disastrous. If you don't tell your husband the truth and make it impossible for the OM to contact you, it's going to be a disaster. I guarantee it.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Om and I are not together nor do I want him. My husband is who I'm with and will always be with. Wouldn't kindness be better than the truth providing om doesn't expose us? It is patronizing to hold this away from your husband like he's a baby. It is not kindness, it's lying. Your husband will find it far easier to forgive the initial mistake than the on going lie. For heaven's sake you and your lover are STILL discussing this behind his back. That's outrageous. Besides you will be exposed someday.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Om and I are not together nor do I want him. My husband is who I'm with and will always be with. Wouldn't kindness be better than the truth providing om doesn't expose us? No, it is not "kind" to lie to your husband and trick him into staying married to you. It is cruel and manipulative. You are being dangerous and selfish to him by lying to him about his own life. He has a right to know the truth about his own like so he can make his own decisions. By trcking him, you are denying him the right to make his own decisions. Heard of a woman who told told her husband that his daughter may not be his and after DNA testing the truth surfaced and the once daddy daughter relationship ended. That is your husband's decision, NOT YOURS. He is not your pet rabbit.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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As we speak our relationship between my husband and I is stable. That is a cruel lie and an illusion that has been orchestrated by your manipulations. You have tricked him into staying married to you. You are dangerous person.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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How will it affect the relationship between our daughter and her father should he find out the truth. How will it affect your daughter when your marriage fails because you did not tell your husband the truth and did not make it impossible for the OM to ever contact you again? Heard of a woman who told told her husband that his daughter may not be his and after DNA testing the truth surfaced and the once daddy daughter relationship ended. Isn't that better than never knowing? Isn't it better for him to make an informed choice?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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No, it is not "kind" to lie to your husband and trick him into staying married to you. X10000 He might not have any interest in being married to you. How can it be kinder to trick him into being married than to allow him to make his own decisions about you and your daughter? Not to mention the fact that your own peculiar brand of marriage recovery involves regular tete a tetes with your lover. At the very least your husband deserves the right to drive this scumbag off IF he chooses recovery.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Om and I are not together nor do I want him. My husband is who I'm with and will always be with. Wouldn't kindness be better than the truth providing om doesn't expose us? No, even if the om doesn't expose you, your marriage will still fail if you don't tell your husband the truth and make it impossible for the OM to ever contact you again.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Truth is I can't stand him over at our home! Wish that he would just go away Then wouldn't it be great to follow Dr. Harley's advice and get rid of this guy?????
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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sex between us will never happen! It doesn't matter. Even if you never have sex with OM again, your marriage will fail if you do not tell your husband the truth and make it impossible for OM to contact you ever again. Most of the time when he is over I'm in the bedroom or I simply leave the house until he is gone. It doesn't matter. Even if you avoid OM when he is over, your marriage will fail if you do not tell your husband the truth and make it impossible for OM to contact you ever again. It all started when Om came over to our home and my husband took an urgent phone call this is when the om threatened to expose the affair if I didn't share access to his daughter.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Wouldn't kindness be better than the truth providing om doesn't expose us? Is this your idea of "kindness:" 1. committing adultery with a man's best friend 2. having a child with said dirtbag 3. lying to husband for years about affair and the parentage of his child This is your idea of "kindness?" In what world? Are you so wayward from lying for so many years that you actually believe it is "kind" to destroy someone behind his back in this manner? If you care about your husband, you will tell him the truth about his own life. What you are doing is cruel and manipulative. It is certainly not "kind."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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There are a lot of women in my predicament who love their husbands. It's cruel and untruthful to say that I'm manipulating him into staying together. Simply not true! It was a mistake, also om is best friends with my husband plain and simple. Again how will it affect the relationship with our daughter is another factor, what if he disowns her and doesn't pay for her college or most importantly her wedding?These are things that must be weighed.
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Wouldn't kindness be better than the truth That doesn't make any sense.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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There are a lot of women in my predicament who love their husbands. It's cruel and untruthful to say that I'm manipulating him into staying together. Simply not true! It was a mistake, also om is best friends with my husband plain and simple. Again how will it affect the relationship with our daughter is another factor, what if he disowns her and doesn't pay for her college or most importantly her wedding?These are things that must be weighed. Why doesn't he have the right to disown her if he wants?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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There are a lot of women in my predicament who love their husbands. It's cruel and untruthful to say that I'm manipulating him into staying together. Simply not true! It was a mistake, also om is best friends with my husband plain and simple. Again how will it affect the relationship with our daughter is another factor, what if he disowns her and doesn't pay for her college or most importantly her wedding?These are things that must be weighed. Do not be talking about cruelty when you have had a child with another man, and are hiding this fact from your husband leaving him to believe that the child is his. THAT'S cruelty, Hon. Cruelty is keeping the truth from him.
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There are a lot of women in my predicament who love their husbands. It doesn't matter. Your marriage will fail if you do not tell your husband the truth and make it impossible for OM to contact you ever again. Did you read the words from Dr. Harley that I posted? Will you please quit wasting your time trying to give us a reason why you shouldn't tell your husband the truth and make it impossible for OM to contact you ever again? If you don't want to do it, just don't do it.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Your husband has a right to know what kind of "friend" his "best friend" really is.
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Joined: Jun 2011
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There are a lot of women in my predicament who love their husbands. It's cruel and untruthful to say that I'm manipulating him into staying together. Simply not true! It was a mistake, also om is best friends with my husband plain and simple. Again how will it affect the relationship with our daughter is another factor, what if he disowns her and doesn't pay for her college or most importantly her wedding?These are things that must be weighed. Its outrageous of you to expect a man to raise another man's child. Why on earth should he be expected to help raise and pay for your child?. If your husband decides not to raise another man's child - he has every right to do so. If you are not manipulating him, then simply tell him the truth. That way if he still decides to raise your daughter as his own it's for love and it will be his decision - not the result of your trickery. This is like saying it's ok to forge a check because your kid needs the money. Disgraceful.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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There are a lot of women in my predicament who love their husbands. It's cruel and untruthful to say that I'm manipulating him into staying together. Simply not true! It is true. You are tricking him into staying married based ON A LIE. It is cruel and manipulative.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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or most importantly her wedding?These are things that must be weighed. Most importantly her wedding? A big flashy wedding is not more important than honesty and most importantly a serious and honest attitude to marriage. A marriage is more important than a wedding.
Last edited by indiegirl; 07/07/15 05:06 PM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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