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hopeless, the decent thing to do would be to tell your husband the truth. You have done some terrible things to your husband. The only way to make this right is to tell him the truth. There is no justification to continue manipulating him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Fail to see that since he has such a close relationship with her wouldn't the worst thing be to destroy that relationship? Prisca do you have any experience with this? Why break up a happy relationship, he buys her clothes and toys plus they take pictures together and he puts them all over his office, brags to others how beautiful "HIS" daughter is. At his high school reunion he introduced her to all of his old classmates as his pride and joy.he lets everyone know about her. Again would that be plain mean to disrupt it?
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Right now he is living a lie, and I feel so bad for him. We are telling you because we know how it is for your husband. Even if you have an amazing few days, months, years from today - he is going to find out. When he does find out he is going to look back at July 2015 as one big fat lie.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Fail to see that since he has such a close relationship with her wouldn't the worst thing be to destroy that relationship? Prisca do you have any experience with this? Why break up a happy relationship, he buys her clothes and toys plus they take pictures together and he puts them all over his office, brags to others how beautiful "HIS" daughter is. At his high school reunion he introduced her to all of his old classmates as his pride and joy.he lets everyone know about her. Again would that be plain mean to disrupt it? Why are you ignoring my questions?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Fail to see that since he has such a close relationship with her wouldn't the worst thing be to destroy that relationship? Prisca do you have any experience with this? Why break up a happy relationship, he buys her clothes and toys plus they take pictures together and he puts them all over his office, brags to others how beautiful "HIS" daughter is. At his high school reunion he introduced her to all of his old classmates as his pride and joy.he lets everyone know about her. Again would that be plain mean to disrupt it? You are mean and cruel to lie to your husband and trick him into staying married to you under the illusion that this is his daughter. He may choose to end his marriage and end his relationship with his daughter. ' THAT IS HIS CHOICE. You have no right to deny him the choices about his own life by tricking him. Your marriage is a fraud and you have kept him in this marriage fraudulently.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Did you read the words from Dr. Harley that I posted?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Fail to see that since he has such a close relationship with her wouldn't the worst thing be to destroy that relationship? Prisca do you have any experience with this? Why break up a happy relationship, he buys her clothes and toys plus they take pictures together and he puts them all over his office, brags to others how beautiful "HIS" daughter is. At his high school reunion he introduced her to all of his old classmates as his pride and joy.he lets everyone know about her. Again would that be plain mean to disrupt it? That is HIS decision not YOURS. He can decide to continue the relationship or he can decide not to. You do not get to make decisions for hm as though he is a pet.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Stop tricking him for your own selfish purposes. He is not your pet.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Fail to see that since he has such a close relationship with her wouldn't the worst thing be to destroy that relationship? Prisca do you have any experience with this? Why break up a happy relationship, he buys her clothes and toys plus they take pictures together and he puts them all over his office, brags to others how beautiful "HIS" daughter is. At his high school reunion he introduced her to all of his old classmates as his pride and joy.he lets everyone know about her. Again would that be plain mean to disrupt it? What's mean is allowing him to believe she IS his, when you know the truth. He may decide to stay FOR her because he loves her so much. But that's his choice to make, not yours.
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Prisca do you have any experience with this? Yes, Prisca is an expert at Dr. Harley's plan for surviving an affair! In fact she is great, and I suggest you listen to her and follow her advice closely. Did you read the information that I posted from Dr. Harley?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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There is no justification to continue manipulating him. My worst nightmare, it actually wakes me up sometimes, is that I never found out about the affair and my best friend/the mistress was still coming over.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Did you read the words from Dr. Harley that I posted? Will you answer this?
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Again would that be plain mean to disrupt it? Why do you keep asking the same question over and over again but not answer our questions?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Markos I just discovered this site yesterday please I haven't read everything yet and yes it is my plan to tell him. However there are just a few minute details that I'm working out. So you ask why won't I tell him? First H doesn't look anything like him because our daughter has more features like that off his best friend. My H is short and swarthy while his best friend is Nordic. That being said I'm a dark brunette so our daughter is a light brunette fortunately H grand father was tall with beeky nose and he sees a lot of resemblance in his grand father who he was close to in her.
Again sex with the right person is addictive truly didn't sleep with nobody else and have no intention of doing so. Simply put it was a lapse in judgement. But how will this affect his and her relationship?
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Hopeless, markos is referring the the quotes from Dr. Harley that he posted in your thread. Have you read those?
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But how will this affect his and her relationship? That will be up to your husband. He will make that decision. He will also make the decision about the marriage. He has much more to contend with than the typical affair because of the years of lies and betrayal. This goes beyond the manipulation we typically see. When will you tell him?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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When do you plan to tell him?
The longer you wait, the more likely your marriage will fail. A marriage cannot survive if it is built on lies.
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Indie sorry to hear about that however I'm not having an affair with om! TRUTH! Maybe your H was addicted to having sex with your BFF much like I was to H BF. Good news is that I've moved on and am not sexual with anyone but my husband. Maybe your husband has moved on too and is no longer missing the "mistress" like he is missing you!
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Hopeless, the lies are worse than the original affair. It doesn't matter if you are sleeping with OM right now. What matters is your continued lies.
A marriage based on lies cannot survive.
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Markos I just discovered this site yesterday please I haven't read everything yet This is what I posted from Dr. Harley. Please read it: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2002600#Post2002600Dear K. R., The plan I recommend for recovery after an affair is very specific. That's because I've found that even small deviations from that plan are usually disastrous. But when it's followed, it always works. The plan has two parts that must be implemented sequentially. The first part of the plan is for the unfaithful spouse to completely separate from the lover and eliminate the conditions that made the affair possible. The second part is for the couple to create a romantic relationship, using my Basic Concepts as a guide. I'll describe these two parts to you in a little more detail. The first step, complete separation from the lover and eliminating the conditions that made the affair possible, requires a complete understanding of the affair. All information regarding the affair must be revealed to the betrayed spouse, including the name of the lover, the conditions that made the affair possible (travel, internet, etc.), the details of what took place during the affair, all correspondence, and anything else that would shed light on the tragedy. This information is important for two reasons: (1) it creates accountability and transparency, making it essentially impossible for the unfaithful spouse to continue the affair or begin a new one unnoticed, and (2) it creates trust for the betrayed spouse, providing evidence that the affair is over and a new one is unlikely to take its place. The nightmares you experience are likely to continue until you have the facts that will lead to your assurance that your husband can be trusted. An analysis of the betrayed spouse's childhood or emotional state of mind in an effort to discover why he or she would have an affair is distracting and unnecessary. It takes precious time away from finding the real solutions. I know why people have affairs: We are all wired for it. Given certain conditions, we would all do it. Given other conditions, however, none of us would do it. So the goal of the first step is to discover the conditions that made the affair possible and eliminate them. After the first step is completed, the second step is to create a romantic relationship between you and your husband using my 10 Basic Concepts http://marriagebuilders.com/ca/to.cgi?l=qa080103bcas your guide. While your relationship may be improving, it won't lead to a romantic relationship because you are not being transparent toward each other. Unspoken issues in a marital relationship lead to a superficiality that ruins romance. Your nightmares are only the tip of the iceberg. They are but a small reflection of the suffering you experienced when you discovered your husband's affair, and the fear you have that the suffering will be repeated. You have no assurance that the affair is over because you don't even know who the other woman is. You are being asked to trust your husband, who has already proven to be untrustworthy. For all you know, he could be working with her, or you could be going to the same church, or she could be your neighbor. And since he won't discuss the details of how the affair took place, you have no assurance that another affair will not take its place. Infidelity is not something that can be swept under the rug. While those who have affairs want to forget about it and move on, those who are betrayed must take very specific steps before they can fully recover. In your case, those steps have not been taken, and as a result, your fear persists. I will send you a complimentary copy of my book, "Surviving an Affair," if you send me your address. It will describe these two steps to you and provide you with a roadmap toward full recovery. But the path will require full disclosure of all details. Best wishes, Willard F. Harley, Jr.
Last edited by markos; 07/07/15 05:55 PM.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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