Mediation likely isn't to your advantage. It just makes things easy for the wayward and the lawyer at the expense of the betrayed spouse.

Dr Harley doesn't recommend mediation, because it doesn't take into account the wayward fog. Can you drag this out?

For mediation? If you want to drag it out, then don't do anything. Let his lawyer suggest something. Personally, I think it's cheapest to send a proposal for settlement. If he's willing to negotiate, then having the lawyers send a few e-mails back and forth will be the cheapest solution. Mediation can last for hours and hours, and you're paying for your lawyer and a mediator.

As long as his lawyer isn't pushing the issue and your lawyer is waiting to hear something, you're not paying anything.

In my case, my ex's lawyer suggested mediation (which was scheduled for 4 months later). I agreed, and then at the last minute I had my lawyer draw up a proposal. My ex agreed to the proposal, and we were all set to avoid the cost of mediation, but then I rocked the boat with cheaterville.

I think thats a great suggestion. I have never understood the reasoning behind "mediation" between 2 people who have proven they can't get along. Makes absolutely no sense.

Agree with the others on mediation. Couldn't avoid it in my situation because it was state mandated but it was not helpful to my settlement and will be difficult for you emotionally.

Let your lawyer help you negotiate the settlement. They can handle all contact with your WH so you don't break Plan B.

States sometimes require it, which again, is dumb. Unless the court orders it and pays for it (like in my situation) it is not a good way to go. And if a court orders it, they usually let you do it in separate rooms, so its good if you are in Plan B.

Thanks for the replies. So right now, my lawyer is just waiting to hear from his lawyer. That is what I've asked her to do all along. His lawyer has requested discovery from me, but said we might not need it, then came back and asked for it. She seems intent on pushing things along.

He asked for mediation many months ago, and I refused. Then we both got lawyers and he filed. My lawyer has just recommended mediation "to try to reach some agreements". I have no desire to sit in a room with him, or to make this easy for him. I really don't want to fill out that discovery interrogation, either. Because it's miserable, not because I have anything to hide. I think it would be eye-opening to his attorney if he were to fill one out, though.

So at this point, would you guys recommend I wait for his attorney to get a court order for the discovery (because that is her next move) or would you compose a settlement and send it over to him?

Knowing that waiting means discovery which will eat the rest of my retainer and I'll need to get more money from my dad, which I can do but it will come with lots of advice to give up. But composing a settlement feels like the opposite of dragging it out. This is really hard. Thank you all for your help.

I would follow nmwb77's advice and send over a settlement offer. You just have to use your common sense, Ginger.

For some odd reason, uncaring court bureaucrats like to promote nonsense like "co-parenting" and "mediation." IF the couple could negotiate successfully they likely wouldn't be getting divorced in the first place.

Here is something else to consider. Even if this does go to divorce, that does not mean your marriage can't work out. We have had last minute reprieves and we have had remarriages. So don't let that stop you. You have dragged this out for some time. I wouldn't drag it out further at great expense to you and your father.

Thanks Melody. I'm not being intentionally obtuse, I just don't completely trust my judgement in this situation. I'm too emotionally involved.

Do you all know if there is a template of some sort for a settlement? I can Google butif you guys know of one that would be helpful.

My state doesn't require it. I definitely don't want to sit in a room with him.

What I did was write down all the things I wanted and gave them to my lawyer. My lawyer then prepared an marital dissolution agreement based on what I gave her.

Your lawyer can prepare the legalese part of the settlement, and they should provide you with a property/debt schedule to fill out that specifies who gets what. The discovery that your WHs attorney mentioned was probably intended to help him fill one of these out.

Unless your WH wants to bicker the attorneys should be able to communicate with their each other and you guys to get this filled out without discovery being necessary. It is expensive and time consuming, and not something that needs to happen unless there is a major dispute about assets.

In my case my wife had almost no assets to her name and I had no problem being open about mine so this went very smoothly for us. Not sure if you situation is similar, could make a big difference for how easily it goes.

We don't have much in the way of possessions/property. I really think his attorney is looking to intimidate me and get dirt/ammunition. There were specific questions about an affair (that specifically includes kissing, sensual touching, etc. - my WH had apparently held onto thinking I had a physical affair and lied about it for 10 years. He didn't say anything about it until the one disastrous counseling session.) And a question about any contact I have had with any of his supervisors and coworkers.

Also, he and his lawyer don't seem to have communicated much. When my lawyer talked to her about parenting plan, she didn't know how many kids we had or their ages. So she may be digging trying to get information that he knows doesn't exist, I don't know.

I'm not a lawyer but many of my clients are and I help them with their documents. I don't know the legalities behind it, but I know it is very common that they "object" to discovery questions and do not answer them.

Most of the questions you mentioned seem ridiculous to me. I wouldn't even remember when I saw a Dr. or what was discussed. Your FB history? Hey, if Hillary Clinton can delete all her email history, why can't you?! I digress.

I googled "objecting to interrogatories" and found this article. http://kbadvocates.com/pdf/articles/7.09_DeArmas_Advocate.pdf

It sounds like your attorney should be objecting to many of these questions whether she still has you answer them or not. If you do the search I did you'll find a lot of stuff. I know my clients even have standard objections they use again and again.

Good luck. I've had it with this jerk!

She probably is. She could also be looking to wrack up the billable hours with tons of discovery.

It really seems that way.

Exactly! He deleted his Facebook account, but I'm supposed to hand over my facebook archives? Ridiculous.



I'm so glad you mentioned this. I had no idea. And that medical history question is listed as an example of a question that should be objected.

My attorney has said that if we have to go to mediation, my state does it in separate rooms as a matter of course. She also said that unfortunately, her clients usually have to answer most of the discovery questions. She advised me to me to only go back 3 years rather than the requested 19, and anything over that we can object to. She did that we can send discovery over for him but it would be expensive and only serve to bother him. His attorney doesn't seem to be very bright - she sent an email asking for a counter offer to the parenting plan they proposed, and sent it as a reply to an email that contained the counter. My lawyer said she'll just have to make it very clear that is the counter. I saw the email, it was pretty clear to me.

I really feel tempted to contact him and tell him that discovery is just a waste of money and time. I won't - just writing it here has helped me realize how dumb that is. It would be breaking my plan B, it would be telling him what to do, it would make him think I'm hiding something, he would probably push it just because I asked him not to. So I guess I'll hope for the best - that his attorney will advise him to drop it when I propose the settlement.

Yes, resist the urge to break Plan B. It's never worth it. It's like scratching a mosquito bite. Temporary relief, more pain later.