Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 1
A
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
A
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 1
My fianc�e and I have almost been together for a year. We both have children from previous relationships. In the past I have been physically, mentally and emotionally abused. Well, I have become very insecure of my relationships over the years. This is my third relationship since I have been 18. I found pictures in his email from a woman he use to talk to before we got together & there where very inappropriate. Those where when we first started dating. & he has been actively sexting two females I have known during our relationship one being his ex. I'm at a loss. I love him and I want this to work I just feel like something is wrong with me. And I'm scared it will just be a never ending issue. My children love him. I don't know which way to turn. He has opened every single account he has and gave me the passwords. Got rid of those girls and changed his phone number. Please help.....

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,344
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,344
Likes: 3
Dating is an interview for marriage and he has failed the interview. You don't deserve this. You deserve a man that won't do that to you.

Please know that you deserve better.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,344
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,344
Likes: 3


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 275
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by Ashley1988
My fianc�e and I have almost been together for a year. We both have children from previous relationships. In the past I have been physically, mentally and emotionally abused. Well, I have become very insecure of my relationships over the years. This is my third relationship since I have been 18. I found pictures in his email from a woman he use to talk to before we got together & there where very inappropriate. Those where when we first started dating. & he has been actively sexting two females I have known during our relationship one being his ex. I'm at a loss. I love him and I want this to work I just feel like something is wrong with me. And I'm scared it will just be a never ending issue. My children love him. I don't know which way to turn. He has opened every single account he has and gave me the passwords. Got rid of those girls and changed his phone number. Please help.....

I am sorry for your pain! I know this is hard- but nothing is wrong with you except for the fact that you seem to not be able to pick suitable partners ! Its ok... But it is time to earn how & what to look for. The book Brain hurts linked to is awesome!

So, if you were engaged and he did this.... It is a sign. What if you had your daughter come & tell you that her fiancee just raped her or beat her up, but has now promised to not do it again & she loves him. What would you do? He just did that to you- cheating is a huge boundary & abusive thing to do. What makes his promise "this time" better than last time?
We read on the surviving an affair forum all the time about how the serial cheats did this while dating. What he has done is horrifically painful !

He was willing to risk you for some cheap sexting???? There is more to this and If I was your mother, I would tell you to run!!!!!!!!!!! Faithfulness is a BASIC requirement and he cant even do that!

If he cant be faithful while just dating/ commitment towards marring you.... There are bigger things he wont do later.....

Tell your children he cheated....let them see your pain & then kick him our of your life. Dont see or talk to him ever again. It will suck for 2-3 weeks... Then suddenly, you will be fine hug


BW-3 Kids
Sep:2014
Divorced

"I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny.
I will persist until I succeed." Og Mandino
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Only an idiot would be "sexting" when a real woman is within reach.

Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
Ashley,
Romantic love has a power over us and sometimes we are not able to think clearly. So let's take ourselves out of the thought process. We can do that by taking the situation and applying it to our children. For example, you mentioned you have children. Imagine your child as a grown adult. Would you want your son or daughter engaged to someone who "sexts" other people? If any of my daughters were dating someone like that I would want them to run to the hills to get away from that person.

If this man did this to you while your are engaged, there is a very good chance he'll do it to you in marriage. The fact that he's done it more than once is enough to know that at the very least he is a very high risk candidate for marriage. I would not wnat my children starting a relationship with that level of risk. No way. The good news here is that you are not married to him.

Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389
If you find yourself in frequent abusive situations, you should realize that you are staying with the wrong men. Any woman with self-esteem would run from this, but you're already trying to fix him.

How will you stop being a victim here?

Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
Originally Posted by Ashley1988
My fianc�e and I have almost been together for a year. We both have children from previous relationships. In the past I have been physically, mentally and emotionally abused. Well, I have become very insecure of my relationships over the years. This is my third relationship since I have been 18. I found pictures in his email from a woman he use to talk to before we got together & there where very inappropriate. Those where when we first started dating. & he has been actively sexting two females I have known during our relationship one being his ex. I'm at a loss. I love him and I want this to work I just feel like something is wrong with me. And I'm scared it will just be a never ending issue. My children love him. I don't know which way to turn. He has opened every single account he has and gave me the passwords. Got rid of those girls and changed his phone number. Please help.....

Unfortunately, victims of abuse rarely leave their abuser.

Dr. Harley's advice to Married couples in an abusive relationship, is to separate and take a Minimum of One Year for the abuser to take Specific Anger Management classes, with the other Spouse having full and complete access to the information on how the classes and progress, or lack of progress are going.

Now, you two, Luckily, are Not Married. So, using that One Year Separation for Anger Management will get your head and emotions out of the fire.

He is Not showing the signs of being a keeper, just on That Aspect alone.

Now add in his outside Sexting, and who knows what else or how far other things have gone that you may not even be aware of yet and you have another reason why this is not a sustainable relationship.

Please, please start to value yourself enough to raise your bar higher on what you can and will tolerate in a relationship.

As stated previously, Dating is supposed to be the interview process for Marriage.

What Grade Do You Give Him So Far???

Also, please order Dr. Harley's book, "Buyers, Renters And Freeloaders", as it really will help you in future relationship gradings, analysis and ultimate decisions.

Now, think about what's best for your own Child too.

God Bless You.

P.S.
If you write in to the Dr. Harley MB Radio show, for either going on the broadcast, even if anonymously, or by receiving feedback via e-mail response, you will be given one of his books for Free and the call in is Free Too.

LTL


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 54 guests, and 108 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
cbm800, Dodo M, Kingpin, MikaylaVaux, I.P.
71,728 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,546
Posts2,322,791
Members71,729
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5