I apologize for saying people weren't interested in helping me, I know I'm being defensive and really am trying to accept what I have coming to me with grace.

I have not yet offered the poly as we have agreed to not really talk about working on our relationship yet.

I know it was clearly wrong to move out, however at the time I made an impulsive decision thinking I needed to figure things out, get space, blah blah blah...yes, I know it sounds like selfish excuses and I see that is what it wasnow, but it really was my intention. It is not a reasonable excuse, but at the time I was feeling so guilty that I was still feeling conflicted and was being brought back into it all that I knew my husband and my marriage deserved better.

I would love to move right back in, unfortunately that is not possible, which I'm sure is what I deserve. We were living in my in laws house...when I moved out, my in laws moved back in with my husband. Now that my father in law has passed away my husband needs to be there for his mom and there is no room for my son and myself to move back in. If we are to reconcile, my husband will either need to move in here with me, or we will need to find a new place. Yes, I've created a gigantic mess.
I went to the dr yesterday and I am on some anti depressants. Thank you.

I highly recommend you go home asap. He is vulnerable to an affair, likely needing support in this difficult time. And you need to be accountable for your where-abouts, which is easier to do if you are home all the time.

You do not have to create drama. Just show up and go to work helping out.

Be calm and focused. But being away from home is too dangerous. You need to give up the affair pad to prove sincerity. (even if you never used it for the affair, that is how the place will be perceived.)

Don't discuss the affair with family except to say it was wrong and you want to support your H now.

He should expose it at some point soon.

i will attempt to do that.
I am worried about his vulnerability to others right now also, which I know is completely hypocritical of me.
I talked to him yesterday evening a little. I told him I'm willing to take a polygraph and take all the necessary precautions to prevent any contact or sneakiness. I told him I don't expect him to blindly trust me and everything will be fine but to let me prove myself and build a relationship where it's impossible for this to happen again.
We have his fathers service tomorrow, then he and his mom are traveling out of state for a service in his home town. He will be gone for a week and he said he plans to try to do a lot of thinking during this time and we can try to discuss our situation when he returns. That's more than I've gotten from him before, so I'm trying to think positively.

Is there a reason you can't go with him?

I'm still super frustrated and wondering if anyone has positive suggestions for me. I did download the radio app and have been listening and intent on sending an email to the program when I figure out how to word it all.

My Husband came back from out of state and while he's been cordial to me and we've had a few good talked he is still not sure if he wants to remain married to me. He says it's hard for him to get past the images of my betrayal and that when I separated it totally broke him. I'm sure some of his pain and anger have to do with the death of his father so I'm trying to remember that. But right up until the time I went from being in my fog and ambivalent about what I wanted he was doing anything and everything to save our marriage...then the moment I came to my senses and realized I screwed up and wanted my marriage, he put on the brakes. I understand it what I did cant be erased and I hurt him terribly, but this whole time he's been all about trying to work it out. I have done the checklist the best as I can while we are separated, but he just doesn't seem to care. He says he wants me to be happy, he doesn't want to hurt me, but he's not sure there is a future for us.
So....I've been trying to do a form of plan a, even though I know it's more for the betrayed spouse to do to ws, but it's difficult because we are not living together and he doesn't really engage with me right now. Do I just give him time and space? I know he is susceptible to an affair right now and that concerns me, but there is really nothing I feel I can do. Is this just the consequences of my actions and I'm going to need to just deal with it? Do I try a plan b?

Also just want to add I in no way expect my husband to just welcome me back with open arms and we go back to how it was.

I've mentioned following this programe to restore a truly romantic love. I've sent him articles. I've offered to go through the online course and put it on my credit card and if it works great and if not, no loss for him. I am prepared to do whatever I need to. I know I screwed up, but I am truly sincerely remorseful, but none of it seems to matter

Plan B is for the betrayed spouse and would be extremely inappropriate for you. That would surely spell the end.

You need to respect his right to leave the marriage if he chooses. He has a right to leave the marriage if that is his decision.

You can Plan A him from afar, but it is his choice if he wants to restore your marriage or divorce. Keep doing what you are doing, offer him transparency, polygraph, etc and Plan A him even if he does not ask for or say he wants it. But ultimately, it may not be enough and he may still choose to divorce.

Since he has a history of A's and is very vulnerable to one, I am concerned he may be going down this path. Do have any access at all to his life to snoop?

I realize it's his right to divorce, I was hoping there might be something I could do. I'll just continue to be as open honest and transparent as possible while he sorts his stuff out. I told him that until I'm served with papers I'll continue to hold out hope and maintain my life in a way a married woman would.

I really have no access to him right now. He has come over a few times and I've met him at his work too talk but I'd have no way to really find out if he is talking to anyone else.

Thats all you can do. Besides respecting his decision whatever that may be.

The last I posted was over a year ago...hoping for some new advice.
My husband and I have been separated since June of 2015. There have been periods where we have both thought we were headed for divorce but neither of us have filed. And while I'm glad he hasn't filed I feel like we are not working on things either and developing very separate lives. I don't want to give up on him, I do feel like he's entitled to as long as it takes, but what can I do to help get my marriage back on track? We are talking on friendly terms, but not really discussing the state of our relationship. When he talks about his future he doesn't include me in it and does admit he's enjoying being single. When do I know I should just move on, or do I just wait and see if he ever is able to forgive?
And just for the record, I have maintained no contact with my affair partner.

Your FWH is not 'single,' and neither are you. Until you are divorced you are married.

Have either of you been dating other people in the last year?

What does your H say about the marriage, what is preventing him from rebuilding it?