For those following, the reason I haven't already sent a proposed settlement is my lawyer was waiting for his lawyer to send his 401k info. No idea why it took so long. Like 2 months. And now, she has it, but she also asked for a realistic description of what he is able to do because he told his lawyer he "tried to work his extra job but was too tired since I caused him to have to switch to third shift" (total BS) but then came back and asked for more time with the kids, during the time he said it was "too dangerous to work because he couldn't keep his eyes open".

He probably is exhausted.

I don't doubt he's tired. It must take a lot of energy to keep up with a girlfriend and your kids, not to mention the emotional toll a demotion has on a person. However, he worked third shift many times over the years, and switched to third shift voluntarily about six weeks before his boss began investigating his inappropriate relationship with his subordinate. And he continued to work the extra job those six weeks, until he had to stop because an officer under investigation is not allowed to work the extra jobs. So I stand by my description of what he has said. Total BS.

So, my IM just told me he doesn't want the things badly enough to make a list. What in the world? He went to the trouble if asking my IM to ask me for this stuff, but he won't go to the trouble of telling what stuff he wants? What did he think, I would invite him to come over and go through the house?

Maybe he did think he could get me to respond whenever he felt like it, like goody said. And when that was not going to be an option, he just said forget it. So odd. And his "logic" doesn't matter. The end result is I don't have to worry about that right now.

When the kiddos came home yesterday, there was an envelope in the diaper bag. It's a vehicle registration renewal notice. It's for the car I drive, which is still in WHs name. Apparently he went and had the address changed on the registration, because it was sent to him at his apartment. I expect this will be transferred to me in the divorce. My question is this: if I pay to renew the registration, am I going to have to pay again when it is put in my name? If I don't renew the registration, I'll most definitely get a ticket.

You might want to check with your DMV, but in our state we have to pay a small fee to change over the names.

Thanks, brainhurts. I'll check. I need to check whether the fact that my address doesn't match the title is a problem.

The different address is not a problem but why not just change it to yours when you renew?

You cannot take out insurance on a vehicle registered in another name. If he stops insuring the vehicle you must immediately turn in the plates to DMV or you will have a suspension of your registration. Been there :-(

Change what to mine? The address? Can I do that if the title is still in his name? Or did you mean the title? That's what I'd rather do, but anything my lawyer has asked his lawyer to get from him so far has taken many weeks, I mean it took two months for him to turn over his 401k info. Since he waited to give me the renewal, I only have 3 weeks to get it done and I really don't want to get a ticket.

Yes, leave the registration in his name but change the address when you renew. There should be a way to do that either on line or on the back of the renewal notice.



Don't mess with the title. That has to wait for the division of assets. All you are doing is complying with the law which says vehicle should be registered and insured where it lives.

Thanks. All of this is so confusing. Yes, I just looked into it and I can change the address online, I can renew it even though it's in his name, since I have the renewal notice, and the fee to change the registration later is not that much. I won't be paying the whole $90 renewal plus emissions testing again. So, I'll just go take care of it.

So, WH just dropped the kids off and yelled through the door "I assume you got the email" and then something else I didn't hear because I moved out of earshot.

That's the first time he's tried to talk to me like that. Of course I got no email, because I blocked his email addresses. Should I just ignore this? Have my IM remind him that everything has to go through her and let him know I won't get his emails?

I don't think I ever told him that I blocked his email.

I would just completely ignore it like you didn't even hear it. He doesn't have to know you heard it, that will just encourage him to try it again. He already knows how to communicate properly so I don't think you need to remind him.

Thanks. That's what I was leaning towards. Whether I told him I blocked the email or not, I told him how to reach me if needed. My guess is this is something that my IM has blocked, and he is trying to go straight to me. Or he thinks she'll block. Because he has been going through her for things like when he had to work during his regular visitation time.

I guess I'm letting it bother me that he thinks he has contacted me and he didn't. Or that maybe it's something important. But really, he knows how to get important information to me. If he is trying to contact me directly, it is something can't get through the IM and therefore it is something that is NOT important to me.

This is one of the challenges you face with contact and something you would have avoided entirely if a third party handled exchanges.

Yes, you're exactly right. I have been trying to find someone who is home during the times we do exchanges and would be willing, but I hadn't been trying very hard because it's very convenient for me to have him come to me. But this certainly isn't worth the convenience. Unfortunately, I'm having some trouble finding someone.

Got an email from my lawyer. His attorney is maintaining that he is not able to work the extra jobs he always worked, because he's just too tired. Never mind that he has done it in the past, never mind that he did it for six weeks before his boss was notified of the affair. She wants me to make up the gap in our income, because, while he admits the affair was wrong, my going to his boss was also wrong and caused the financial hardship we're facing. I KNOW this is garbage, but the two family judges in our city will buy it. He's also saying he can't pick up the extra jobs like he did before because he has to work around a set schedule for the kids, and he wants some flexibility.

She also said that he is not contesting my being the primary residential parent, but he has to get more parenting time with them, and that she's not aware of anything that would preclude him having more time with them.

So what seems to be my future now is he is going to force me to put my kids in daycare/school and go to work, even though we always agreed that we wanted them to be home with one of us. Now he just wants whatever is convenient for him regardless of what is best for the kids. So much change and upheaval. And I just forsee myself alone, crying the whole way to work every day, working to subsidize his affair.

I just can't believe how this man continues to find new ways to hurt me.

He is planning to remain purposefully underemployed, and he's going to get away with it.

Meanwhile, I have a midterm first thing tomorrow morning. I need to be studying right now, and I can't even bring myself to eat dinner. I just want to curl up and cry myself to sleep.

I think I might hate him.