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Got an email from my lawyer. His attorney is maintaining that he is not able to work the extra jobs he always worked, because he's just too tired. Never mind that he has done it in the past, never mind that he did it for six weeks before his boss was notified of the affair. She wants me to make up the gap in our income, because, while he admits the affair was wrong, my going to his boss was also wrong and caused the financial hardship we're facing. I KNOW this is garbage, but the two family judges in our city will buy it. He's also saying he can't pick up the extra jobs like he did before because he has to work around a set schedule for the kids, and he wants some flexibility. Who says the 2 judges will buy it? Saying that you are to blame for the financial hardship is the clear and flagrant blame shifting of a wayward mind. I seriously doubt any judge would buy that. Who said that? Your attorney needs to defend you and stop defending wayward fog babble. Is your attorney wayward? Is there a reason she won't defend you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I feel like he is just determined to take everything good from me. My marriage, my time with my kids, everything good, one piece at a time until there's nothing left.
I'm almost tempted to talk to him - to ask if what he intends is for the kids to be raised in a completely different way than we had been raising them, just because he's angry that he was demoted. If he was still the man I knew, I would ask him, because he didn't always see what the repercussions of his actions might be (obviously). But I know he's not that man anymore.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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] my going to his boss was also wrong and caused the financial hardship we're facing. That is wayward talk.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I feel like he is just determined to take everything good from me. My marriage, my time with my kids, everything good, one piece at a time until there's nothing left.
I'm almost tempted to talk to him - to ask if what he intends is for the kids to be raised in a completely different way than we had been raising them, just because he's angry that he was demoted. If he was still the man I knew, I would ask him, because he didn't always see what the repercussions of his actions might be (obviously). But I know he's not that man anymore. You can rest assured he doesn't care. You will just be more frustrated.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Who says the 2 judges will buy it? Saying that you are to blame for the financial hardship is the clear and flagrant blame shifting of a wayward mind. I seriously doubt any judge would buy that. Who said that?
Your attorney needs to defend you and stop defending wayward fog babble. Is your attorney wayward? Is there a reason she won't defend you? My attorney told me before that our two judges historically have "not liked it" when spouses "mess with the other's income". She also said if her husband had an affair with a coworker or subordinate (he's military), his boss would be her first stop and he knows it. His attorney also filed a motion to compel interrogatories, but it is because she wants us to send a proposal. I guess I need to have her let them know that the financial hardship is entirely his fault, that his demotion and third shift are not connected as far as I know, so he should be able to switch shifts at some point and I expect that to happen and I expect him to get regular extra work. Also, he can't ask me to get a job and offer him flexibility in his visitation schedule. You're right, she needs to go ahead and defend me on that.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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I feel like he is just determined to take everything good from me. My marriage, my time with my kids, everything good, one piece at a time until there's nothing left.
I'm almost tempted to talk to him - to ask if what he intends is for the kids to be raised in a completely different way than we had been raising them, just because he's angry that he was demoted. If he was still the man I knew, I would ask him, because he didn't always see what the repercussions of his actions might be (obviously). But I know he's not that man anymore. You can rest assured he doesn't care. You will just be more frustrated. I hate that you're right, but I know it's true. He is only selfish now.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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My attorney told me before that our two judges historically have "not liked it" when spouses "mess with the other's income". It is her job to defend you from waywardism. His income was affected by his pisspoor behavior. It is not your job to cover up his crimes. His attorney also filed a motion to compel interrogatories, but it is because she wants us to send a proposal. I guess I need to have her let them know that the financial hardship is entirely his fault, that his demotion and third shift are not connected as far as I know, so he should be able to switch shifts at some point and I expect that to happen and I expect him to get regular extra work. It is her job to defend you, not to defend wayward blame shifting. I find it hard to fathom that a judge would buy obvious blame shifting. Judges hear criminals blame everyone else for their crimes all day. Also, he can't ask me to get a job and offer him flexibility in his visitation schedule. Don't get a job. Say no. You're right, she needs to go ahead and defend me on that. Good grief. I can't imagine that she would think it would ok to tell you to get a job and dump off all these kids into daycare because your wayward husband wants to blame YOU for his affair!! He was demoted because he was reckless and irresponsible on the job. That is like blaming the whistle blower for exposing the embezzler!! Can your attorney grow some balls here?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Melody, I feel a million times better. When I talk with my attorney on Monday, I think I will ask her exactly that - to defend me to his attorney, to let him know I intend to get a job when I am ready, to let him know that shifting the blame for his demotion to me, the victim, is unacceptable.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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The implication that you are somehow responsible for his demotion carries the suggestion that you were morally obliged to help him hide reckless, irresponsible behavior at work?! That is blaming the VICTIM and nothing more.
If he would not have had a workplace affair he would not have been demoted!! You happened to bring this to their attention, but they would have found out eventually.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What does his demotion notice say? Wasn't he demoted because of his unprofessional workplace behavior? If so, then the case is closed. You did not make him choose to be reckless and irresponsible at work.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What does his demotion notice say? Wasn't he demoted because of his unprofessional workplace behavior? If so, then the case is closed. You did not make him choose to be reckless and irresponsible at work. Good point. Maybe I'll ask him to produce the demotion paperwork showing that I am responsible for his change in employment status. That would highlight the utter ridiculousness of his accusations.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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The implication that you are somehow responsible for his demotion carries the suggestion that you were morally obliged to help him hide reckless, irresponsible behavior at work?! That is blaming the VICTIM and nothing more.
If he would not have had a workplace affair he would not have been demoted!! You happened to bring this to their attention, but they would have found out eventually. They told me they already suspected because of his actions, but they weren't sure who she was yet. They didn't say whether they would have pursued it or not, but yes, he was definitely not as sly as he thought at work.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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What does his demotion notice say? Wasn't he demoted because of his unprofessional workplace behavior? If so, then the case is closed. You did not make him choose to be reckless and irresponsible at work. Good point. Maybe I'll ask him to produce the demotion paperwork showing that I am responsible for his change in employment status. That would highlight the utter ridiculousness of his accusations. Exactly. The REASON will be documented, so ask those asshats to produce the documents that show the REASON.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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That's really cute, blaming his own wife for his WORKPLACE AFFAIR!! What a jerk.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am learning that a wayward will stoop to any level to get what thy want. Affairs really brings the worse out of people involved 
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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I concur with ML, just say no. Refuse to get a job. Do not let the attorney strong-arm you here with such blatant victim blaming.
Also, I think MelodyLane needs to go back to school and become an attorney specializing in divorce where adultery is involved. I would love to be in the courtroom when some dumb attorney or judge tried to victim blame her BS client, it would be an AMAZING show.
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You, my dear, performed a great sevice to the community by exposing the affair. He was willing to endanger the public by carrying on an affair in the workplace. You 're a hero by protecting the public from his distracted law-enforcement.
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I am learning that a wayward will stoop to any level to get what thy want. Affairs really brings the worse out of people involved That is becoming abundantly clear to me.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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I concur with ML, just say no. Refuse to get a job. Do not let the attorney strong-arm you here with such blatant victim blaming.
Also, I think MelodyLane needs to go back to school and become an attorney specializing in divorce where adultery is involved. I would love to be in the courtroom when some dumb attorney or judge tried to victim blame her BS client, it would be an AMAZING show. I agree! I would LOVE for ML to be my lawyer! His lawyer seems to be taking whatever he tells her at face value. Her email also said he was "demoted to third shift" when I have already let her know he took that shift voluntarily. Unless they actually told him he can't switch shifts in the future, then that is just whining and blatant baloney.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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