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i think i might had made a huge mistake

i forward the videos of LOVE BUSTERS to my wife i wanted to share what i been learning and ask her how would she feel about watching them and she told me

thank you but NO
i'm happy that your changing and spending more time with the kids but i'm sorry I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE

i dont know hoe i'm really going to deal with this now i really don't i though i was doing really good and my hearth is broken now and i feel like giving up

i love her so much is killing me slowly i dont want to go home now

Last edited by flames55; 11/14/15 11:00 AM.
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Not sure why you are concluding this was a mistake.

Of course your wife says she doesn't love you. She doesn't. It's all about the love bank, flames. Eliminate the love bank withdrawals, build habits that make massive love bank deposits, and she will love you again. Don't try to short circuit that by trying to get her to profess love for you before she feels it.

CALM DOWN.

Angry men have got to calm down, flames. No matter what. It's rule number one.

Don't be a drama queen. wink

Just work this program, because it will work to turn your wife's feelings around.

Coming unglued when your wife tells you her honest feelings for you is the opposite of working this problem.

You have a problem. The problem is your wife doesn't love you. Solve the problem. Stay calm and solve the problem.

Oh, and stick to one thread.

This is not a new development. You already knew she didn't love you.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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@ markos

i'm scare man really i am and what scares me the most is not knowing how to even begin to solve that problem not knowing how to approach her when she pushes me away

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flames, problems can't be solved unless you remain calm.

I've described above how to solve the problem. I've solved the very same problem.

You can do this if you calm down.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted By: flames55
@ markos

i'm scare man really i am and what scares me the most is not knowing how to even begin to solve that problem not knowing how to approach her when she pushes me away

When you are angry you can be sure that you are pushing her away.

Listen to markos

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@oldpilot @Markos
I'm not angry I haven't been angry for 3 weeks I been learning to control it little by little, learning my limits , but I am worried and scare to talk to her I don't want to do anymore withdrawal and also let me add this right now my oldest daughter told me on our way to her softball game that her grandma my wife's mom told her that I'm a mean person ,that I always make mommy cry and call her names and yield at her , I believe that was not nice of her to say that to my daughter ? How do I deal with that without withdrawal ?

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Originally Posted By: flames55
@oldpilot @Markos
I'm not angry I haven't been angry for 3 weeks I been learning to control it little by little, learning my limits , but I am worried and scare to talk to her I don't want to do anymore withdrawal and also let me add this right now my oldest daughter told me on our way to her softball game that her grandma my wife's mom told her that I'm a mean person ,that I always make mommy cry and call her names and yield at her , I believe that was not nice of her to say that to my daughter ? How do I deal with that without withdrawal ?


flames55, I would handle that by agreeing. "Yes, I have been mean and have hurt mommy's feelings a lot and made her cry and yelled at her. I am working to learn how to never do that again, no matter what happens."


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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@ Markos

okay thank you

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i was about to confront the mom and ask her for a request to please rephrase her previews comment she made to my kids about whats going on with our relationship ,when the time comes we will be the ones talking to our kids about what's going on and thank you walk away ..that was my idea
don;t want to keep things in me anymore

advice will be really appreciated

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flames, Dr. Harley recommends that each spouse talk to their own family on behalf of the marriage. You need to reconcile with your wife first and learn to negotiate solutions you are both enthusiastic about.

You can't control what other people say, so stop trying. This just leads to fights.

And in this case, nothing about what your mother in law said to your daughter needs to be rephrased, because it's all true, right?

You've got instincts that lead you to want to control what other people say and think. Learn to let them have their opinions, even if their opinions bother you greatly.

You've also got instincts to want to control or "spin" the truth that comes out. To keep stuff secret. Learn to override those instincts. Letting people freely express their negative opinions of you is healthier. You can change those opinions by following this plan and winning your wife back.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted By: flames55
i was about to confront the mom

The last thing a man who struggles with angry outbursts needs to do is confront anybody.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

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so last night i got in on our home computer which i havent used in a while ,looking for apartment to live in ,so my daughter comes in with her ipad tells me to download some game apps so i plug the ipad in and it downloads ,so i started checking what photos and videos she had in ....and i saw pictures of my wife with other man ,she's cheating on me i guess i have to thank someone for icloud in iphones ,i guess she forgot that when ever she takes pics or videos it automatically downloads in to the icloud . So i deleted the pics and saved them om my phone because i don't want my kids to see that ,so i confronted her in a calm way we first talked about what the plan is going to be with the kids ,and i slowly merge the ,how long has this been going on, she told me 2 weeks but is more then that OH and his a coworker.and his also married with one kid ,but is been more then a month and that's where the hotel card key came from because there a picture of them in the hotel room and there's more so i'm going to stop trying to fix our relationship and just focus on my kids ,she also got really angry OMG never seen her like that before but i think she was acting like that because she got caught

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Pictures taken with iPhones carry time and location metadata. You can easily access this additional information in the Photos app.


me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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@mrEUREKA yeah i know about that she could had deleted the rest but this ones are the new ones and i remember when it was because of what shes wearing

don't know what to do now ....

one thing for sure i'm giving up on her i been crying for a whole month plus she said ..you knew it .. and i said yes i know i accepted ,just be safe and i think that's how she got that throat infection ,from him ,nasty not healthy

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Originally Posted By: flames55
@mrEUREKA yeah i know about that she could had deleted the rest but this ones are the new ones and i remember when it was because of what shes wearing

don't know what to do now ....


What you do now is stop crying and get to work on killing this affair. WE can help you save your marriage. The plan of attack is completely different from what you have been doing. Please go read my exposure thread and come back and lets talk.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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okay

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i read all that already my wife is the supervisor and the other man is a regular customer service representative and he doesn't have facebook how can i expouse him

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help me how to put it down specially for her work area

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Originally Posted By: flames55
i read all that already my wife is the supervisor and the other man is a regular customer service representative and he doesn't have facebook how can i expouse him


You find his facebook page. You find his wife and you expose to her. You will also expose the affair to the workplace authorities.

Gather up all your exposure targets and start collecting email addresses to get ready for exposure.

Did you read the thread?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Go find all this contact information and plan to expose all on the same day.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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