hello i been married for 8 years we have 2 daughters 7 and almost 3 yeas old , about 3 weeks ago we had a argument where i raised my voice like always,she took it in like many other times before 2 days later i was still a bit mad i kept to my self,in that one week ,when sunday came in and it was time to put the kids to sleep ,which she always does because i never help on that department,i notice she was upset,and annoyed me ,so when she came to bed she threw the pillow at me and i told her to get out of the room with bad words included the next day i told her i'm sorry and i wanted to talk,so we met up outside the house ,and i apologize to her and i knew this time she was not going to forgive me,that's when she told me she had enough and she don't love me wants a divorce,and it hit me like a train my eyes opened up and i felt something i never felt before. that's when i recognize i have a anger issue that i wish i knew it was that bad, i enrolled my self in anger management classes ,and everyday i apologize to her but i don't want to push her away ,this time i think my bank is overdrawn by -1,000,000 ,and i think ill never win her heart again and it hurts so much i cry everyday i love her so much and my kids ,and i know now how she felt all those time i yield at her and made her cry,shes moving out at the end of the month and i don't know what to do , this time i think there's no turning back and i wish i could go back in time and not do it HELP i want her and i lover her and my kids mean the world to me ,can i still have another chance or is it really over this time please help

Hi flame, welcome to MArriage Builders. Is she moving out with the kids? Did she ask you to move out?

I am glad to see that you are in anger management because it certainly sounds warranted. I can't imagine what a horrible life your wife had living with you, so I applaud her for separating. Dr. Harley typically recommends separating for at least a year while the abusive spouse learns new skills.

The most important thing here is your wife's welfare, not what you WANT.. You ran your wife off with your mean behavior. If you want her back, you are going to have to make a radical change in your behavior and work hard on attracting her back. I would start by showing some empathy for HER.

Yes my wife is moving out with the kids and her mom , her mom leaving with us she's helping take care of the kids while we work , another point I didn't mentioned was that her mom when tru the same cenario but worst and there's more to this on how I became to be like this now I know that the damage I did is called verbal abuse and I didn't know I was doing that to her and I realize when ever we argue she never said anything she would just stay quite, and I wish she would had say something and not let me go off on her, I don't drink I don't smoke I never hit her , but every one tells me what I did is a lot worst then hitting a person. verbal abuse is very bad.

So when a woman CRIES you don't comprehend that she is hurt? It seems you are saying it is HER fault you did this because she didn't tell you?

If you were on a date with a woman, do you think she would be interested in you if you yelled at her and berated her? Surely you know she wouldn't go out with you again. So how did you expect your WIFE to want to be with someone who mistreated her so badly?

on my first visit in anger management my doctor asked me if we would consider marriage counselling,so i asked my wife and what she told me was ( is ok i'm fine i accepted what happened and forgive you but no reason to go since i have no love)

Thats good that she declined marriage counseling because that would make things worse. The last thing you need is to sit in an office citing grievances because she will be more angry than before.

no i don't blame her,i blame my self for being blind,i blame my self for everything ,neglecting her not spending time with her when she needed it me ,all she did was make happy and i didn't do that for her now im paying the price.i held in to many secrets and bad things that were going around work,used to work for her dad and saw what he did and told me many things that if you would know your mind will flip out ,and i kept all that in secret and i wanted to say something but i didn't want to destroy a family my wife's family because not only her mom when true it knowing what i knew about her husband dirty secrets would had braked her heart which at the end it did but i kept that secret in me for 5 years and drove me to stress and anger and not being able to say something ,and i believe i used that on the wrong person which ended up being my wife,when i finally said something i didn't say all of it but enough to expose him on cheating and sleeping around with young woman , my wife's 2 sisters didn't seen to care that he did that ,instead they turned their backs on the mom and that got me more angry that they felt sorry for the dad and not their mom. and i started hating her sister and i developed more anger issues because when we would go to family parties they were there and acting like nothing happened and they wouldn't talk to the mom ,so the mom was left alone

base on your responds you think i wont ever have a chance to win her heart again

You start off saying that you don't blame your wife, and that you blame yourself...

...but then you go into a tirade, without pausing to draw breath, of blaming your father-in-law and his behaviour, and your sisters-in-law and their behaviour.

You are blaming the abuse of your wife on things that other people did in their lives, and it's pathetic. You need to grow up. You abused her because you enjoyed doing so, and saw nothing wrong with what you were doing.

I cannot understand why you did not see that she would not put up with that forever.

i didn't enjoyed it at all ,i didn't even know i was doing so,i was that blind and stupid and i wish i never did.

So you did it because of your in-laws?

Hello, flames,

I am a formerly abusive husband who won my wife back using the Marriage Builders program. You can do it, too, but first you have GOT to knock off the angry outbursts.

I encourage you to supplement your anger management program the same way I did: by listening to Dr. Harley's daily radio show. Dr. Harley is an anger management EXPERT, having overcome angry outbursts himself decades ago and having successfully helped a lot of other people eliminate angry outbursts as well, including former convicts. The daily radio show is free - there are also paid archives I would encourage you to listen to.

There is an anger management 101 thread on this forum - you should read it and listen to the radio show links.

You should get the book Love Busters and read the Selfish Demands, Disrespectful Judgments, and Angry Outbursts chapters. You will find you are guilty of all three. I would encourage you to re-read these chapters every week until you have won your wife back.

You should read through all of Dr. Harley's Q&A columns about Love Busters. Go up to the top of the page, click on "Q&A columns," go over to the left and click on "How to Overcome Love Busters." There will be a list of pages under that - read them all.

You should buy a GSR meter and use it as described in this article: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8122_neg.html You will find that you are an "emotional person." I did!

I would encourage you to also get the book Anger Busters by Newton Hightower and read it. I think you will find it is a real eye-opener for you.

Get after it, my friend - you have a lot of work to do! You are the best man possible for your wife IF and ONLY IF you can completely eliminate your angry outbursts. Let us know what troubles you have following the program.

Hey, flames, part of being an angry person is being a drama queen.

Knock it off.

Don't whine about how sorry you are - it won't help bring your wife back.

Dude, you're a dude, so don't be a drama queen, okay?

If you can stop being a drama queen, that's 50% of the work to eliminating angry outbursts right there.

Take it from me - a former drama queen.

No more whining about how sad and sorry and stupid you are. It just makes the problem worse. Calmly, quietly get a grip on your emotions and your angry outbursts.

No more blame; just do the work.

Do you have a GSR meter yet?

Have you listened to Dr. Harley's radio show yet?

i dont know anymore and i wish this never happened. i missed her so much and is killing me ,and to think that i did this to her many times.she so strong and forgiving

thank you i need to hear this i need to hear positive things ,all i been hearing for the passed two weeks is negative things thank you
and will get the gsr

thank you markos

No more whining, just do the work. Do you have a GSR meter yet? Have you listened to Dr. Harley's radio show, yet? Have you read the Anger Management 101 thread yet?

Let us be the judge of what you need to hear.

Let us be the judge of what you need to hear. [/quote]



i will get the GSR Meter markos and i installed the app already and will listen to it ,also i will search what other programs i can attend
i want her in my life and i want my kids to grow with me
thank you markos,sugarcane,melodylane

good morning everyone i have a update

just saw today what i didn't want to see in my wife's purse .i wasn't looking in her purse or anything like it ,my youngest daughter got a hold of her purse and decided to play with her make up and basically pull everything out ,when i notice what my daughter was doing,i started to put everything back how i though it was and i saw a hotel card, it shock me so bad and i don't want to think that or jump in to conclusions,and i'm scare to confront her or say something.

Don't say anything about it because you can't draw a conclusion about a hotel card. You CAN quietly snoop on her as long as you SAY NOTHiNG. If you find anything odd, you need to come here FIRST and we will help you.

i will stay quite ,i don't want throw away what i have so far with her ,we been talking here and there ,little conversation like a normal couple should , i don't want to do anymore withdrawals,and i know i been depositing ,because i can see it in her eyes and that makes me happy and i know it makes her happy and our kids too..

how can i go about snooping ?

Think about how she would communicate with someone if there were another man. How would she do it? If it is on her phone, then quietly slip some spyware on her phone. here If she communicates via her computer, then you can install a keylogger. here

Don't accuse her of anything until you have absolute proof. That hotel card could be completely innocent.

By hotel card, do mean a business card or a room key?

will this work with iphone 5 ?

room key

it says ...essentials thank you for staying

Can you find a bank statement with the hotel's name?

she has her own account now,but if anything i will say the other person probably gave her the card ,to meet up at a certain time ,since our incident happened the only time shes been really late was on Sunday October 24th she came home at 11:00 pm she told me she was going to a friends football party but i got a bank text for a charge of $90 from yard house restaurant ,it made me think because she told me a friends house and it was a potluck party,so i dont know if it happen on that night or recent

i dont know about this kidinsafe she never leaves her phone unattended she always has it with her and it doesnt really tell you how to installed if the other person has her/his phone 24/7 with them

So how can you get the phone? what about while she is sleeping?

i can't she's really sensitive to sounds and movements and she keeps it under the pillow

How can you snoop to find out what she is doing? I seem to be doing all the heavy lifting here. You need to figure out how you can find out what she is doing when you are not looking.

CAn you get her phone bill? Can you hire a PI? Can you put a GPS tracker on her car? Can you put a voice activated recorder in her car?

Tell me HOW you can find out what she is doing.

i'm sorry i don't mean to give you all the heavy lifting here i really appreciate your help and ideas ,believe me i been trying to figured a way to get her phone because she don't make calls ,she text a lot ,we share the same plan , i just happy she hasn't cut my phone out yet i used to know her password and last night i saw with the corner of my eyes that she press different number to open her phone,but ill check the phone bill

Also get the GPS tracker and VAR.

ok so i got a hold of our phone statement which was really hard but i manage and notice the same number multiple times and texts
so eventually my mind started going in circles and started getting that anger outburst and was able to overcome it and not jump in to conclusion but the back of my head or my depression fillings kept reminding me about the hotel card i saw ,so i calmed my self down because i need to if i want her back ,so anyways thanks to FB i was able to find out who that number belong too ,and is her coworker (female) there were 2hrs conversations and text back and fort thru out the one month since i started the argument,so i believe since shes the only person shes been talking besides her Mom , i'm believe she's getting advises from the wrong person ,i say that because not only she's a mom 0f 2 beautiful kids but also 2 kids with 2 different fathers and because of her past experience i hope shes not filling her head with negativeness
and telling her that there will be no hope for us and to take it from her past experience and move on ,i strongly believe that i still have a chance and i will prove it to her that we can work this out ,but first i have to fix my self and them our relationship i just hope she waits for me and don't give up even tho she says she feels no love for me anymore but i will put a fight and not give up and i will pick up all her broken hearth pieces and put them back together even if she made a mistake to have a one night stand and is fine, i pushed her away and she did what she needed to do, 2 mistakes wont fix one mistake. i will let it go and focus in making this relationship ONE.

How do you know that it is her female co-worker?

How do you know that she has not stored the number under a female name?

well when someone enters your number on faceB. it shows who it belongs too because of I messenger, plus before my wife blocked me from faceB. she showed me a picture of her new hired which is the person we talking about

i just hope whatever they talk about is not about what happened to her in her past relationship and use that as a example, i believe all relationships are different and yes we can all learn from others past experience ,but it shouldn't be a reason to filled her head with no hope or a chance to fix our relationship
that's( my opinion and i hope i'm wrong not blaming anyone here)

i just hope whatever they talk about is not about what happened to her in her past relationship and use that as a example, i believe all relationships are different and yes we can all learn from others past experience ,but it shouldn't be a reason to filled her head with no hope or a chance to fix our relationship
that's( my opinion and i hope i'm wrong not blaming anyone here).



okay new update

so my wife got sick monday and yesterday she went to doctors ,so she came home with the answer of strep-throat infection ,so last night she was feeling really terrible and weak and in pain and also from the antibiotic shot she got. so is in my nature to look out for her and take care of her because she still my wife so i fed her ,check her temperature and gave her a massage,but i notice there was a few minutes where she will jump and gesture and will tell me i'm fine now even tho i knew she wasn't ,so i will know that she will get in defense mode,so i will stop and go watch the kids 2 hrs later i will go back and check on her ,and will do the same because i knew she was still in pain so i will massage her gently where it hurts and she will fall asleep,but will wake up again and will tell me the same thing im okay now i'm gonna take a shower ,so i was ok that's a great idea it will bring the fever down,so i put the kids to sleep and my self ,and woke up around 12:40 am because i start work at 2:00 am and notice she was still in pain so i did the same thing i been doing and i told her ,i don't have to go to work i rather stay home and take care of you,because you'll do the same for me so her answer was no is ok ill just take another shower plus my mother is here so go to work,i felt sad and hurt ,and told her okay i'll go to work.work. And i told her if you need me to come back and take care of you let me know please she answer okay ,but i know she wont ...DID I DO WRONG BY DOING THIS

it felt so good being close to her and feeling her body heat and caring for her needs but i don't know if i pushed to much,i will see in her face that she was feeling wonderful and i felt it too,but them she will snap out of it and get in her defense mode so that was my key to walk away .DID I DO WRONG

You did great!!!

Yes leave her wanting more and let her pursue you.

Good Job.

i missed her so much @ melodyLane
even tho she allowed me too care for her ,also put me for a moment of everything is fine stage mode ,that nothing happen everything is normal.
i had a anxiety attack at work yesterday and it broke me thinking maybe that will be the last time i'll be close to her so i cry so hard

Are you getting help for your panic attacks?

no all i did was cried a few minutes and then i felt a little better i believe it was the mix feelings, so crying made feel better and today i feel good ,and also i have a anger management session tonight

thank you for asking @brainHurts

You have taken your first steps on the right track.
Just keep going.

BEWARE

The most difficult thing is to keep on track, when you start seeing your wife come around. Setbacks happen if you let anger management slip and if you forget to put in the time and effort.
Making new and good habits takes time.

So keep up the good work.

I just picked up on this one little nuance here... why did your wife throw a pillow at you? was she trying to provoke you? You are being really hard on yourself for yelling etc.. you should not do that of course because it is a love buster, but she could be trying to provoke you or provoke your anger if she is having an affair to justify it or gaslight you into thinking you are the bad guy. I have no idea if this is going on... but I didn't understand why she would be throwing pillows at you and it didn't seem like she was trying to flirt... that didn't seem to be explained in your post.

@typicalman what happen was when we had the argument in the middle of the week and is always about the same thing, which is my mother in law not collaborating at home ,i mean she does help us by taking care of the kids which i appreciated really much is just the collaboration in housekeeping ,whem i will come home the house was always dirty food all over the place and the house still looks the same today a bit worse because my wife is moving out at the end of the month,my mother in law owns a dog which she never picks up after her self theres always poop in the front yard and whem my kids play in the yard they always step on poop ,so i would tell my wife to please talk to her mom and to please be clean ,she we always leave a mess in the kitchen even tho we just cleaned it but she wouldn't care and it would annoyed me so much i would get angry outburst and i would take it on my wife so after 3 years of this it finally took a toll on my wife and now shes leaving me her mom my kids and wife ,all because i couldn't control my anger and i took it out on the wrong person ,when i should had seat down with her mom and explain my self what i didn't like about her ,it could had been a easy problem fix ,but i didn't do that i would always argue with my wife instead,i blame my self, and now i'm working in fixing my self and hope she gives me a chance again because i love her so much and my kids

You've got to remember, flames55 - nobody can make you angry. No matter what your wife does or what your mother-in-law does, no matter what mistakes she makes, no matter how much she annoys you - she can't make you angry. Only flames55 can make you angry.

You'll have to learn how to not lose your temper NO MATTER WHAT is done to you.

You'll have to learn how to stop arguments 100% of the time from your end alone.

tm, Dr. Harley would say that no matter what his wife does or why, flames55 needs to learn to not lose his temper.

It doesn't matter if he's hard on himself or not because that won't help him learn to control his temper. He does, however, need to accept responsibility and accept that nobody makes him lose his temper but himself, and that he can learn to control his temper no matter what people do to him.

I was in the exact same boat and Dr. Harley helped me learn to control my temper.

I completely agree...
When you learn that you control your emotional reactions and losing your temper does nothing to help the situation... life is so much better. A life run by logic and not letting your emotions throw you all over the place is one of the things that has helped me ALOT! We all have times when we slip.. and no one is perfect and you also need to forgive yourself and move forward.

I also understand coming home to disarray... your emotional need to have a sanctuary and peace in your home is not met. You feel like life is out of control when even your own home is not yours. A man needs to find quiet & peace somewhere in his day to unwind, lower your blood pressure. I'm sure that the living situation flames55 is finding himself in was contributing to the problems with anger, feeling off balance, and without peace and calm. Your home can be an anchor in life.. when there is a big mess there, it really throws you off balance.

One thing I do is to find some little corner or room of the house that I can control, keep clean, have a nice chair & a bible. When you feel your blood pressure rising or emotions kicking in... just go there for ten minutes, get away, & relax yourself.

@ Markos
i been doing that already learning to take self control on my self learning my limits ,i been reading a lot and practicing self control, is been a month since this incident happen and is been 3 weeks that i have not had a angry outburst i been able to control it i been enjoying going out with my kids ,which i didnt do before ,a bad habit i had so i'm slowly replacing those bad habits and learning from my past ,because i dont want my kids to grow up with a memory of (my daddy was always angry) no i don't want that for them ,and for my self ,my wife at this moment shes's sick with strep throat and today it got a little worst then better ,it started on Monday and i been helping her with limitations because she always telling me shes ok but i know shes not ,i mention to her today that i will stay home and take care of her and we should go to urgent care ,and she say NO so i said to her i'm worried about you i been worried all week we should go to urgent care ,and she told me ( i don't want to go with you )so it hurt my feelings and she told me go to work ,so i said to my self ,get up and walk away give her space,so with pain and tears in my eyes i got up got dress and left the room and i gave her a kiss in her forehead,it hurts me so much not being able to help when i know she needs me like i need her but her defense mode is blocking i believe i don't know,

This is a tough one... should you have talked to your MIL yourself? Any thoughts on that? When you have a problem with inlaws, I'm thinking that this is a good place for POJA.. so you and your wife should have discussed the problem together is a safe way... (with in-laws, it's going to be a touchy situation).. but normally, you could brainstorm solutions with your wife and then approach your mother in law together... as a united front ideally.

I think that this is why living with an in-law can be such a difficult situation; a) you should probably follow POJA and solve this problem together BUT b) this is going to be a highly emotionally charged negotiation because there is an in law involved, so you would have needed to approach it carefully. I would still say that POJA is the way to go.. if you go it alone and your wife does not agree to what you are doing or how you talk to her mom you are likely to destroy love units just as in having an angry outburst.

Again.. I see you blaming yourself, but I don't know if all the facts are out. When you discussed with your wife, were there demands? was there disrespect? Was it a complaint or a criticism? We know it ended with an angry outburst. But is this also an issue with how you are solving problems and having "safe" negotiation with your wife versus simply talking to the "wrong person".. .I don't think that could be the problem.

flames55, let me just ask - are you listening to the Marriage Builders Radio show, daily? More than anything that show helped hold up for me the proper standard and teach me how to start solving these problems.

@ Markos ...yes i been listening to it everyday at 10:00 am pst
@Typicalman yes there were some demands,complaints,maybe some criticism, all i remember from all those argumentsis that i was like a train with no breaks,and i see it now very clearly and it hurts just remembering and i cry,and i know by crying it wont bring her back ...and all this crying and feeling afraid and mix emotions are not helping and i feel like giving up ,just like right now before coming to work i saw her laying in bed finally sleeping and it made me happy being able to help as much as i could as her sickness goes away ,i lean forward to give her a kiss on her cheek and she felt my body heat and woke up and rapidly turned to the side and told me i'm fine is OK i'm OK ,,,oh man it hurt so much being rejected and what do i do i start crying on my way to work it makes me feel a bit better ...and i did sit down with her mom the next day me and my wife had our incident ,i apologize to her for everything and for making her feel uncomfortable and not welcome and told her i thank her really much for taking care of our kids

i wish i can go back to October 10 when it all started and not open my mouth

he day she told me she didn't feel anything for me anymore it open my eyes and a door i never saw before ,and i realized what i have done ,i apologize to her mom the next day i beg her for forgiveness and for making her feel not welcome and comfortable ,and said to her thank you for all her help shes been giving us and with our kids and sorry for not showing my appreciation, and she told me it was okay ,and she told me she will try to talk to my wife and find out and tried to give her some positive thoughts,....and what happens ?? the following week i take my daughter to softball practice on a Wednesday
and her mom text me telling me why did i disconnected the cable ,she started going off on me ,i kept it civilize and told her i didn't ,i told her maybe what had happen was my 2 kids were playing in my room and provably unplug the power source but it was to late she had told my wife of what i didn't do and now her mom doesn't really talk to me,and after all this i would think the mom would be care of my wife while shes really sick ,because i'm the evil guy but no i'm taking care of her because is my job and i care for her health and because i love her. what makes me sad and cry is whem she sees me she put out a big grind face

i think i might had made a huge mistake

i forward the videos of LOVE BUSTERS to my wife i wanted to share what i been learning and ask her how would she feel about watching them and she told me

thank you but NO
i'm happy that your changing and spending more time with the kids but i'm sorry I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE

i dont know hoe i'm really going to deal with this now i really don't i though i was doing really good and my hearth is broken now and i feel like giving up

i love her so much is killing me slowly i dont want to go home now

Not sure why you are concluding this was a mistake.

Of course your wife says she doesn't love you. She doesn't. It's all about the love bank, flames. Eliminate the love bank withdrawals, build habits that make massive love bank deposits, and she will love you again. Don't try to short circuit that by trying to get her to profess love for you before she feels it.

CALM DOWN.

Angry men have got to calm down, flames. No matter what. It's rule number one.

Don't be a drama queen.

Just work this program, because it will work to turn your wife's feelings around.

Coming unglued when your wife tells you her honest feelings for you is the opposite of working this problem.

You have a problem. The problem is your wife doesn't love you. Solve the problem. Stay calm and solve the problem.

Oh, and stick to one thread.

This is not a new development. You already knew she didn't love you.

@ markos

i'm scare man really i am and what scares me the most is not knowing how to even begin to solve that problem not knowing how to approach her when she pushes me away

flames, problems can't be solved unless you remain calm.

I've described above how to solve the problem. I've solved the very same problem.

You can do this if you calm down.

When you are angry you can be sure that you are pushing her away.

Listen to markos

@oldpilot @Markos
I'm not angry I haven't been angry for 3 weeks I been learning to control it little by little, learning my limits , but I am worried and scare to talk to her I don't want to do anymore withdrawal and also let me add this right now my oldest daughter told me on our way to her softball game that her grandma my wife's mom told her that I'm a mean person ,that I always make mommy cry and call her names and yield at her , I believe that was not nice of her to say that to my daughter ? How do I deal with that without withdrawal ?

flames55, I would handle that by agreeing. "Yes, I have been mean and have hurt mommy's feelings a lot and made her cry and yelled at her. I am working to learn how to never do that again, no matter what happens."

@ Markos

okay thank you

i was about to confront the mom and ask her for a request to please rephrase her previews comment she made to my kids about whats going on with our relationship ,when the time comes we will be the ones talking to our kids about what's going on and thank you walk away ..that was my idea
don;t want to keep things in me anymore

advice will be really appreciated

flames, Dr. Harley recommends that each spouse talk to their own family on behalf of the marriage. You need to reconcile with your wife first and learn to negotiate solutions you are both enthusiastic about.

You can't control what other people say, so stop trying. This just leads to fights.

And in this case, nothing about what your mother in law said to your daughter needs to be rephrased, because it's all true, right?

You've got instincts that lead you to want to control what other people say and think. Learn to let them have their opinions, even if their opinions bother you greatly.

You've also got instincts to want to control or "spin" the truth that comes out. To keep stuff secret. Learn to override those instincts. Letting people freely express their negative opinions of you is healthier. You can change those opinions by following this plan and winning your wife back.

The last thing a man who struggles with angry outbursts needs to do is confront anybody.

so last night i got in on our home computer which i havent used in a while ,looking for apartment to live in ,so my daughter comes in with her ipad tells me to download some game apps so i plug the ipad in and it downloads ,so i started checking what photos and videos she had in ....and i saw pictures of my wife with other man ,she's cheating on me i guess i have to thank someone for icloud in iphones ,i guess she forgot that when ever she takes pics or videos it automatically downloads in to the icloud . So i deleted the pics and saved them om my phone because i don't want my kids to see that ,so i confronted her in a calm way we first talked about what the plan is going to be with the kids ,and i slowly merge the ,how long has this been going on, she told me 2 weeks but is more then that OH and his a coworker.and his also married with one kid ,but is been more then a month and that's where the hotel card key came from because there a picture of them in the hotel room and there's more so i'm going to stop trying to fix our relationship and just focus on my kids ,she also got really angry OMG never seen her like that before but i think she was acting like that because she got caught

Pictures taken with iPhones carry time and location metadata. You can easily access this additional information in the Photos app.

@mrEUREKA yeah i know about that she could had deleted the rest but this ones are the new ones and i remember when it was because of what shes wearing

don't know what to do now ....

one thing for sure i'm giving up on her i been crying for a whole month plus she said ..you knew it .. and i said yes i know i accepted ,just be safe and i think that's how she got that throat infection ,from him ,nasty not healthy

What you do now is stop crying and get to work on killing this affair. WE can help you save your marriage. The plan of attack is completely different from what you have been doing. Please go read my exposure thread and come back and lets talk.

okay

i read all that already my wife is the supervisor and the other man is a regular customer service representative and he doesn't have facebook how can i expouse him

help me how to put it down specially for her work area

You find his facebook page. You find his wife and you expose to her. You will also expose the affair to the workplace authorities.

Gather up all your exposure targets and start collecting email addresses to get ready for exposure.

Did you read the thread?

Go find all this contact information and plan to expose all on the same day.

i found his wife they are still married but now they been separated for one year so far

That means they are married. Your wife and the OM probably have a plan to move into together. I would put his wife and parents at the top of your exposure list. Do you understand how you should expose?

You should expose in this order all on the same day:

1. the workplace - email the director of HR, a key VP and your wife's supervisor an email using the template in my thread

2. contact the OM's wife and tell her all about the affair.

3. email and/or call your close family and friends using the email template on my thread

4. PM the OM's facebook friends and family

5. tell your mother in law and your older daughter

Tell them about the affair and send your evidence. Can you do this?

no they will not move in together because my kids are going with her so is her mom

i contacted his wife and shes being really helpful and she also told me that he has a drinking problem and also a bad temper and makes me worried if those mix together can become something really serious that can lead to rape because he's really demanding when alcohol is in his system so im worried

What will stop her? She is surely leaving you so she can carry on her affair. You do realize this, right?

How are your other exposures coming along? They should be completed today!!

Please focus on the problems you DO HAVE instead of problems you DONT HAVE. You have enough to deal with as it is.

See, you thought all your problems were caused by YOUR angry outbursts... yet your wife found someone with angry outbursts and a drinking problem..!!

It's great that you have improved yourself and that should make you all the more desirable... BUT... I still think you blamed yourself too much. The Affair is your BIGGEST problem. I think the Affair is MY BIGGEST PROBLEM TOO with my wife. We always had problems, but you can fix your marital problems. Your throw someone else in the mix for your wife to "compare you to"... someone whom she has no real problems to solve with and nothing to actually negotiate on (i.e. her Mom was not living with her and this other man) and of course marriage building is impossible. Right now, the affair is the biggest problem... and it's not all your fault.

so how can i start the letter for her work and family and how can i expose her on facebook i don't understand how to do it i already have some importants emails from work i got her managers and all customer service couldn't get HR

From Dr Harley's book, Surviving an Affair - pg 71,

"While I unhesitatingly recommend exposing the affair to friends, family, clergy, children and the lover's spouse, I'm not so quick to suggest exposing it to an employer. That's because such exposure could have unintended legal and economic consequences. For example, the affair might constitute grounds for a sexual harassment claim by the unfaithful spouse's lover. Or it might trigger the outright firing of the spouse, making it far more difficult for them to find another job. So in those cases I usually advise the betrayed spouse to warn the unfaithful spouse he or she will expose the affair to the employer in a month if the unfaithful spouse is still working there, giving him or her time to make a graceful exit from the job to another. Even if a new job cannot be found in a month, I recommend waiting no longer to inform the employer, unless the unfaithful spouse has already resigned."


im confuse now

I am frustrated. Did you not read my exposure thread?

What are you confused about?

flame, are you texting on a phone? CAn you go to a computer? I need you to be real clear with your questions so I can help you.

I usually advise the betrayed spouse to warn the unfaithful spouse he or she will expose the affair to the employer in a month if the unfaithful spouse is still working there, giving him or her time to make a graceful exit from the job to another. Even if a new job cannot be found in a month, I recommend waiting no longer to inform the employer, unless the unfaithful spouse has already resigned."



@ melodylane

please don't feel frustrated i appreciate your help you giving me i'm on a computer now i'll wait for you what i don't understand is why Dr Harley's mention to wait one month ??



thank you again

OK new update here ....i just spoke with my wife/ex wife

by text because she wont talk to me at this moment

Me: i asked her if she will going to proceed with this affair i need to know please.

wife/ex wife:no OK

Me:he needs to quit his job or it will never stop and he'll keep trying to sweet talk to you again ,no more lies wife.
THIS IS SERIOUS.

wife/ex wife: i know OK

Me: i will like to request to you ,please let me know by the end of the week ,he's out of the company and out of your life permanently please.

WIFE /EX WIFE : OK

ME: thank you

so i'm giving her the benefit of a dough and will check by Friday if he's still there i'm will proceed with exposure at her job and family only

Your exposures should be completed TODAY. You have no need to wait.

As far as her job, you can expose NOW or you can tell her TODAY that she will have to turn in her resignation TODAY and be out of that job within 30 days. If she won't leave in that time, you can expose AT WORK. BUT, if she won't agree to do this TODAY, you should go ahead and expose.

I am very alarmed that you are dragging your feet on exposure. Your exposures need to be done NOW. The longer you wait the less the chances of saving your marriage.

No, SHE needs to leave the job. Neither of you have control over the OM.

You don't limit exposure to family and job ONLY. You use the list in my exposure thread. Expose to your family, her family, your children, the OM's family, close friends. TODAY.

You don't wait and you don't do a little trickle here and a little trickle there. While you are dawdling, the affairees have a chance to make plans and strenghen their postion. When you have an affair on the ropes you don't let up and dawdle around.

You need to get to work NOW!

I am listening to your call to the radio yesterday. You didn't mention the affair until 25 minutes into the call!!

Your wife wants to leave you BECAUSE of the affair. She didn't start the affair after her decision to leave, she is leaving BECAUSE. You are being misled about this.

Dr Harley told you to go to the workplace and inform the workplace supervisors right away. He also suggested that you bring the OM's wife with you.

i don't know when the affair started it could had stated 2 or 3 months before our last argument i don't know

It started BEFORE she decided to leave, this is why she is leaving. She is blaming you to keep you off balance so you won't look at her.

Are you reading my posts? Are you following the advice? You don't seem to be taking this very seriously. You have a small window of opportunity to save your marriage and you are doing nothing. Is there a reason you are doing nothing?

Let me explain what has happened here. First off, women don't just up and leave unless they have an affair waiting in the wings. Sure, your marriage was bad, but it takes us months and years to persuade women in abusive marriages to leave. They almost always want to stay and work on the marriage.

Given that background, I assure you that what happened is your wife fell in love with this coworker and they developed a plan to leave their spouses and hook up. In order to justify this secret plan, they have to demonize their spouses and pretend like they are leaving DUE TO the problems in the marriage. Accusing you of being bad throws you off balance so you won't suspect the affair. The goal is to get you to take the blame for the end of the marriage.

Then, once she is separated she will pretend like she met this nice new man. That way people won't know she is having an affair.

I ASSURE you this is the scenario in your situation. You have been gaslighted.

@ melodylane

i'm sorry i have been reading all your post i think i'm being naive and not wanting to accept the situation and hoping for a chance

first exposure to work done

Good job! What about the rest of the exposures? It is critically important that oyu get them done in a very short time window so there is a tsunami effect.

You do not have the luxury to dawdle, Sir. THIS IS YOUR BEST CHANCE. Do you want to save your marriage? Then you need to get to work and expose this affair. STOP DAWDLING.

Tell your mother in law. TODAY
Tell your 7 yr old. TODAY
Tell your wife's family and friends. TODAY
Tell the OM's family [via facebook] TODAY

To whom did you expose at work? What did they say?

at work have not heard anything yet ,and her family dont want to deal with it or get involve they say is you guys problem and on facebook she deactivated her account

whats the worse case scenario when it comes to my 2 kids ??? i might be moving out by the weekend what if she denies me to see my kids because i did this ??? the judge always favors the mom no matter what she did in the past or doing now ..what happens then ?? oh and the other man does not have facebook or any type of media but his wife does know about the affair but she said is nothing new to her since he cheated on her more the twice that's the reason she left him

You should not move out. Don't abandon your family in their time of need. Many judges will frown upon your abandonment.

You should EXPOSE THE AFFAIR. I don't understand why you won't do this. Did you tell your MIL? Did you tell your family? Did you tell your older child? Did you contact the OM's parents?

I don't see you taking any action here.

Her ENTIRE family does not care? I don't believe that. I think you are blowing this off and we cannot help you if you ignore the advice. Do you want to save your marriage or not?

@melodylane

i'm following all the instruction your giving me i reach out to her family AND THEY DON'T WANT TO GET INVOLVE! what do you want me to do and i'm not abounding them she wants me out SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE AND DON'T WANT TO SALVAGE OUR MARRIAGE I DON'T LOVE YOU in what other ways you want me to tell you SHE TOLD ME!!!!!! i couldn't fine and can not fine any of his family members he doesn't have any type of media and his wife knows already

Would it be too much trouble to tell me what you have done instead of posting these vague one-liners? i have no idea what you have done. To WHOM was the affair exposed? What did you tell them? What was their response?

I shouldn't have to drag every detail out of you. Do you want my help or not?

and NO i haven't told my oldest daughter i think is wrong to say such thing to her i believe that's the worst advice ever but we will talk to her why we are separating and i will not mention to my daughter that my wife slept with another man

all i done is expose her at work which i know it will haunt me because if she looses her job and not the guy that means more weight on my shoulders for me ,and must likely she'll take me to court and file some type of report om me so what i'm going to do today i will speak to her and asked to inform her family that she cheated on me and that she was or still having a affair and if she doesn't i will tell them, i will do that today we are both MONSTER HERE i abuse her verbally and she cheated on me with a married man we both have to take the blame 50/50 not just me ,shes to blame to.@melodyLane i'm glad you and your husband were able to salvage your marriage but my marriage will not be able to be save thank you for all your help i really appreciated but i have to see it in my own point of interest too for my kids i don't care about her anymore my heart is broken like hers is too, but she found someone and i have to let it go for my kids ,she is choosing to go that route and i'm not going to stop her,shes a grown woman and i will let her make her own mistakes and she can learned from them and by me leaving home before them is because that's what she wants, i never wanted too i told her i still love and i didn't care about her having her affair we all make mistakes and i forgive you , and she told me again in my face with furious eyes I DON'T LOVE YOU WHAT EVER YOU DO IS NOT GOING TO MAKE ME WANT YOU AGAIN SO STOP!!!!so there you go

im going to stop and just focus on my kids because i want to see them everyday with no limitations or supervise visits.

It is wrong to lie to children. It just teaches them to be dishonest and causes moral confusion. Dr. Harley is a clinical psychologist and he would tell you not to lie to your child. You should tell her the truth about her life and give her moral guidance. If you don't tell her the truth, your wife and the OM will tell her lies. ABOUT YOU.

Dr. Harley on telling the children:

here



here

here

YOU are RUINING any chance at saving your marriage. And that is ok. If you want to ignore the advice and ruin your chances, that is your choice. You are IGNORING the advice that comes from Dr. Bill Harley, who has saved thousands of marriages.

I won't post to you again because I do not have time to post to someone who is not serious. Good luck...

YOU are RUINING any chance at saving your marriage. And that is ok. If you want to ignore the advice and ruin your chances, that is your choice. You are IGNORING the advice that comes from Dr. Bill Harley, who has saved thousands of marriages.

I won't post to you again because I do not have time to post to someone who is not serious. Good luck..




is not that i don't want to listen to you ,this is very difficult i will talk to my oldest kid but the rest i can not do anything about it your asking me to do the impossible when there are more resources
my family knows about it her family not yet but they will today and she has to go thru it like i am and thats why our marriage will not be able to be salvage and she told me in her own words and i believe her when she told me sorry for wasting your time but this is one that will not be able to be salvage as much as i want to but this one is serious

and the guy resign from the job one of the managers informed me a few minutes ago he got let go ,but i dont think it will stop my wife from seeing him she likes him and i dont think she cares if he had a a history in being abusive he made her fall in love and i can not do anything about but just wait

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE! THAT IS A SEVERE TACTICAL ERROR. SEE AN ATTORNEY TOMORROW.

If she wants to separate that bad, she can leave.

How is an unemployed divorcing dude going to meet her needs and be a fun date? He won't have any money.

If you want to divorce, do. You have every right to. But please don't roll-over and play dead for a nasty wayward. Also, don't agree to her moving the children from the marital home.

@apples123

i told her family even tho they do not want to get involve but i did ...lets see what happens now ... okay don't leave the house got it ,but what if i got approved already to move to apartment ??is been really hard finding something i can afford i told her i will help pay for car insurance maintenance,phone bill and whatever else she would like me to help ,i asked her if she has been approved already and she answer she'll know by Friday and i offer why not put my name in the lease so you can get approved faster with both our names will get approved faster and she told me no is fine and walk away shes been so stubborn and naive she so wrap up with this man i can not believe the decision shes making

she hates me i never should had sent that letter to her work now she really hates me and told me if she looses her job shell never forgive me and she told me one last time
i dont freaking love you get it in your head with or with out a man there no chance in hell ill be with you ever again specially with what you did i swear to god will never get back together not in one year not ever, wont take the kids away from you but ill make sure ill make your life a leaving hell if i loose my job
thats what she told me right now

omg shes going to filled a harassment report on me now ....what have i done

she told me this is really brutal of me to do now i have brutally abuse her now

WHAT DID I DO

HELP

Calm down. Telling the truth to her work and your family is nor harassment. She may think she has a case but she doesn't.

I recommend you get all financial documents and proof of her affair in to a safe place. AND SEE AN ATTORNEY TODAY.

Also, was her Computer bought with joint funds? If so, secure it too.

She is planning to move the OM into your home. She was planning to blame the breakdown of the marriage on you and she is mad because everyone now knows the truth.

CALM DOWN.

Why on earth not?

This doesn't make any sense, flames.

If you're not going to calm down and follow the plan that works, just go ahead and file for divorce and never see or talk to her again.

But either way, tell your daughter, because she deserves to know.

@ markos
.i'm doing that today just need to Figure out how i'm going to tell her or approach the matter i'm sorry i'm being a drama queen but what she told hurt so much

My wife did the same thing. She called the police but they did not do anything. It depends on your state though... some states will give her a restraining order for nothing but my state would not do it for her. Perhaps you could just talk to the police... I did, and they told me I was fine. When my wife drove to another state and filed a restraining order there, that was a whole different problem.

Also, like you, my wife said that she never wanted to reconcile with me. She pawned her wedding ring. She shut off her phone and got a new phone and blocked my calls. Once reality set in for her as to what divorce looked like, she moved back home. She still hates my guys and I'm having all kinds of problems with her, but the advice I will give you is to IGNORE THE FOG BABBLE.. .DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY... JUST FORGET EVERYTHING SHE SAYS WHILE HAVING AN AFFAIR.. .would you really take to hart something that a drug addict or drunk says to you? let her sober up first before you start listening to her.

@typicalman

her mom now wants to get involve ..she text me right now saying
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING!!!!!!
YOU REALLY F**K UP NOW

her mom lives with us

All I can say is that the same thing happened to me.. .my wife's mom put her head in the sand and did not help. Firstly, I would say.. don't panic, stay calm, and stay consistent with your message...you love your wife, you want her to end the affair and commit to a plan to rebuild your marriage.. blah blah blah..pass the turkey.. broken record. Does your wife's mom really support the affair or is she in denial?

I had my mom call my wife's mom.. .it didn't go so well. My step mom called her as well and they had a much more cordial conversation... I don't know if this was a good idea or not, but my wife's mom refused to talk to me.

Is she saying anything else?... you may want to just get a coffee with her, listen to her vent.. then turn on your broken record. It's hard to believe that she support s the affair. It's more likely, she supports her daughter but is just being stupid. Also, you have a complication.. her daughter is also her employer.. so her mom is in a tight spot.

your very right on that and thank you for the support @typicalman that help a lot ,and no her mom didn't text me anymore when i get home and face the consecuenses i'll just tell her to step back and let my wife and me talk and hopefully we can come to a agreement because by sending that letter to her family and work place i embarrassed her so i will hear it and let her vent on me because i know she has more to tell me

Be careful.. I would not tell her to step back nor anything disrespectful. She is your mother in law.. so anythign you say now will come back to bite you in the future. Stick to your script and your message in the exposure letter. There is nothing to argue about. You love your wife, you would like her support in encouraging her daughter to end her affair and you are willing to put in place a plan to restore her marriage. You are very sorry that she and her daughter feel embarrassment over her daughters affair. It's the affair itself that causes the embarrassment and the pain.. not the exposure of it.

I would also say that whatever the marital problems were, that is not a subject for argument. You are willing to work on these things with your wife, but she must end this harmful affair.

Well everyone after all I done so far exposure at work and family lead me to loose my family all her family hates me now they don't want to see me anymore they call me a [censored] a dush!! And I'm not welcome at their houses , because I could have gone another route instead of doing that and at my wife's soon to be ex wife also her job said that I was a pshyco and that she needs to stay away from me that she doesn't feel safe because of what I did but I'm glad my wife didn't loose her job and even tho I pull this stunt she will still let me see the kids in a regular bases , so let's see I lost my wife for good and I lost her family for ever all I have now is my girls , it back fired on me big time I'm so stupid , oh and I'm not welcome for thanksgiving or Christmas or any other family events they might have so I'm alone alone alone , and she wants me out the house by Sunday . What did I learn today ?? Exposure to work and family doesn't always work

So now is just me and the girls

Do not leave your house! If she can't be around you then she needs to leave, not you.
How can telling the truth be wrong? You absolutely did the right thing. Of course the in-laws are raging at you, they don't want the dirty, stinky finger of adultery pointed at their daughter.

So if you didn't expose, the same thing would have happened just slower (death by a thousand cuts).

Yet another person who makes the strange mistake of thinking "my wife's mad so it's over."

@Marcos
It's over man but I'm glad I have my girls, that's all I need , the wife she can go ahead and learn from her mistakes that she will make she said she can do it on her own so be it the only help she asked me is to help with my girls expenses that's all she want and to love them , so I will do that and focus on my self to be better for my girls she found someone else , I'm happy for her , not really but oh well ,, her choice , I want o at thank you everyone for all your advices I'll check in next month need to start packing and they also moving out too and I'm glad I'll be 3 miles away from my kids and 1 mile away from their future school and that makes me HAPPY =)

Please read. Men, Don't Leave your Home

You will still have your girls and that is great. You have learned a valuable lesson about your wife's family and what kind of people they are. "your wife has found someone else"... don't bet on it!!! Listen to Dr Harley's show and the statistics about affairs... how long they last and the success rate if they turn into marriages. The chance of this relationship working out for her is almost nil. It's time for you focus on being the best father you can be.

Don't say it's over.... it's your choice if you would ever want to take your cheating wife back, but it is way too soon to say "it's over". You are still the father of those girls and that will bond you to her forever.

The anger and outrage of my wife and her family (her mom and sister acted more crazy than she even did) was more extreme than anything I could ever imagine after exposure. The anger over this does fade away over time, but the affair doesn't look more logical over time.

If your wife leaves, it's time for plan B. The fantasy of this affair will become reality. This guy would inherit a live in mother in law, two girls, and a "crazy :)" x husband... really? how long do you really give this??? Dr. Harley says that almost all affairs are done within 2 years. You may be looking at 6 months.. who knows. Exposure will have speed the process along.

Also, you have a "cheating wife".. you need to do some soul searching to decide if you would ever want her back. With children, it's a tough decision... but give yourself some time to figure it out and don't jump into anything.

Most importantly... STOP LISTENING TO YOUR WW! while this affair is still so new for her, she is in the FOG. Nothing she says or does is going to be rational and you CANNOT take her seriously. Just completely ignor her! If you want to win her back.. plan A; if she says that it's over, just pretend she never said it. Tell her you are there for her. If she wants to talk, you are there to listen. Ask to meet her for coffee once a week etc... just listen to her but do not react to her meaningless affair babble. Talk about the girls or something else. No disrespectful judgements and no anger.

thank you for that t great advice @ typicalman
unfortunately we all moving out at the end of the month we rent a town home so she's getting her own place and her mom will be leaving with her because she has no where to go and my kids ,i'm getting my own apartment,and no worries i wont jump in to anything,and her family what a shame ,all i know if i would had cheated on her she would had tell everyone too right! and all her family would had come down on me like a avalanche ,but right now all her family thinks shes the victim here. which unfortunately is really sad the way they think

She is moving out... so what? all cheaters want to move out. It gives them the freedom to have their affair. My wife up and left after I exposed her affair... it sounds to me like she is "on script" for every other affair I have read about on this forum.

How is she going to do financially? supporting herself and her Mom on one income?

Do you really have to give her any money at this point? You may have some legal problems... but I would say, you support the girls when they are with you, and I support them when they are with me. Maybe, if there is day care involved, you just split the bill. If she wants to support her Mom, that is on her. In my view... her mom is supporting her affair why should you give anything that will go to her??? what do the other posters think of this???

Your wife's mom is obviously alone... is she a widow or divorced? Have they had affairs? It doesn't seem like they support marriage very much.

also... If I were in your shoes (and I am) why would you let your WW take custody of the girls? I would tell her that YOU will keep custody... SHE can pay you child support (or perhaps 1/2 of child care expenses) and SHE can see the girls every other weekend? That's just what I would do. I have taken alot of flack for letting my WW move back in... but I told her, the kids stay here in their home. I stay here in the home. If you want to see the kids, you come visit them here at the home. The end result of that is that she moved back in... I have a host of different problems now; but the one thing I did not do was allow the kids to move out anywhere!!

@typicalman

yeah my wife told me she doesn't need my help supporting her and i told her okay but i would like to help with ,car insurance and maintenance,phone bill and child support,and she said NO all i need from you is to help me only with the girls needs that's all, i make good money so i said okay as you wish ,so will split in half anything that has to do with the girls only nothing more and once again are you sure i asked, she said YES!! and her mom is separated her husband never gave her a divorce they been separated for about 4 years already he cheated on her many times and he also has a history of abusive husband type 4 i called it that because he did everything to her that has to do with being abuser ,all her family have had something happen to them ,whats going on right now with me and the wife will be there topic for at least 6 months because they love it. is like soap opera for them and it will bring them together as a family and that [is a FACT ] i seen it before and it will be seen again next week when they seat down for thanksgiving dinner which i'm not invited to attend because shes the victim and not both of us just her and that's how her family is, so i guess cheating on me is okay for her to do but me exposing is really bad and is really unsafe for her to be around me i was called a psycho by them ? pretty nice of them ...OH!!!! and another thing the wife told me she didn't want to tell me about her cheating on me because she was afraid i would hurt her and i asked her really you though that ?? yes and i said to her ,did i got mad at you when i approached you the first time i found out you were having a affair ? she said NO well there you go ,so she said well i was afraid because of your behavior your pretending nothing is bothering you ,well wife i said that's why i'm going to classes to better my self and this is how it looks sorry if you never seen this side of me but that's what anger managements does for you.. and the funny thing is when we went back home she went in to her mothers room to talk and i over heard my wife say ...i asked them that i was afraid of the way hes acting all nice and calm and the rapidly follows with yeah mija me too i'm afraid of him she follow her tread right away and i know why ,because she needs her she needs a roof over her head

my wife did the same thing. SHE had the affair, but she said that I was CRAZY and was going to kill her so SHE was the victim. It's like the same script they are following.

Think about it... if you rob a store and get caught.. then you are afraid of the store owner and now you are scared. Then you make a the store owner into the bad guy and you need protection.

It's crazy, it's wrong, but all this is all primitive human nature especially for people with low intellect. The best thing you can do is to not act like the crazy man that your wife and her family want you to. That will make it harder for them in the long run. If you act like the bad guy, you just continue to make life easy for them to side with your wife. If you act like the saint perhaps, eventually her drama will become old news and she will start losing her support.

when it came to the girls custody we said half/half if i want to have them every weekend i can and also during the week to help with home work and i agree to that and i think is better then nothing, and also i would wish to have them everyday but i wouldn't be able i would have to hire a sitter ,my work schedule would not allowed me ,and yes @ typicalman my girls make me a better man when i'm around them plus i know wife will ask my oldest how i'm acting around them get the 411 , but my behavior is changing little by little and is going to get better and better and is going to be a huge slap on her face when she sees that i can change.too bad by the time it happens i will be divorce because she doesn't believe in me and is ok it runs in her family not being supportive,only when is in there best interest just like her mom will support anything she says to her best interest

and also i think she filled for divorce yesterday because she was late to our meeting like 20 min and the court house is not far away from our home ,she did mention when i told her we still married and she said NOT FOR LONG!!!!

FOG babble... don't listen to it. She is mad about the exposure. Divorce takes a long time... don't let it phase you. I know it is hurtful. She wants to hurt you any way she can for exposing her affair. I've been there. You need to take the bullets out of her gun by not letting it affect you.

She is 100% on as script.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2315999

i just found out the guy shes having her affair with ,went back to work today WTH!!
I REALLY THINK THIS BACKFIRED ON ME,and what if she really did get the papers to filled for divorce yesterday at this moment if she did ,i think this is a lost cause and i'm wasting to much energy on her , i love her but it takes two people to make it work and i'm tired i even lost 20 lbs since it happen.

Do you have a question about Marriage Builders for the forum? If not, we are going to lock this thread since you are not following the advice.

@ denali
i am following the advice i just feel surprise the other man whom my wife is been having a affair went back to work today, has this ever happen to anyone who did the exposure at work and family members ?
what step should i take now ?

I see that many posters have given you advice that is not being heeded. Are you reading their posts and taking the advice?