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You will feel so much better in a few weeks time.
You need little plans in Plan B. A stack of treats. Books, bubble bath, chocolate. Plans for every weekend. Hugs on demand. My best tips are funny friends and really silly movies. Good list! Doing stuff is hard though when I don't want to do anything! =/
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Bella, I hope everything went ok today. Your WH has tried to get through to you almost every day this week. I hope you are keeping up the fight and not letting him get through!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Bella, I hope everything went ok today. Your WH has tried to get through to you almost every day this week. I hope you are keeping up the fight and not letting him get through! Today was ok. I am totally staying strong! And honestly I don't understand why he would want to talk to me/get through to me you know. What could I possibly say to change his mind, that I haven't said already? He either agrees to commit or we get a divorce (which is what he wants anyway right?!)
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Bella, I hope everything went ok today. Your WH has tried to get through to you almost every day this week. I hope you are keeping up the fight and not letting him get through! Today was ok. I am totally staying strong! And honestly I don't understand why he would want to talk to me/get through to me you know. What could I possibly say to change his mind, that I haven't said already? He either agrees to commit or we get a divorce (which is what he wants anyway right?!) Isn't it interesting how a WS who claims to want to get out of a marriage so badly can't bear to be cut off from you? This happens almost every time. Your H was pretty creative in conjuring up many "reasons" he had to be in touch with you! I don't know if he will really file for divorce. I felt like he said that as an implied threat to get you to talk to him. We will see if he really files.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 120
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 120 |
Bella, I hope everything went ok today. Your WH has tried to get through to you almost every day this week. I hope you are keeping up the fight and not letting him get through! Today was ok. I am totally staying strong! And honestly I don't understand why he would want to talk to me/get through to me you know. What could I possibly say to change his mind, that I haven't said already? He either agrees to commit or we get a divorce (which is what he wants anyway right?!) Isn't it interesting how a WS who claims to want to get out of a marriage so badly can't bear to be cut off from you? This happens almost every time. Your H was pretty creative in conjuring up many "reasons" he had to be in touch with you! I don't know if he will really file for divorce. I felt like he said that as an implied threat to get you to talk to him. We will see if he really files. Yea! Ha! We will see I guess. =/
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Posts: 120
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Today I was given divorce papers. =/
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Today I was given divorce papers. =/ Don't be alarmed! It does not mean the end. You need to hire a lawyer and show him the papers. You can also consider using adultery in your counter becuase it is taken into account in your state when it comes to custody and property division. ALSO, most attorneys will try to get you to stay in direct contact and "co-parent." The reason is because they are lazy and want to facilitate an easy, "amicable" divorce. That is not in the best interest of your marriage so you will need to express to your lawyer that he needs to back you up on Plan B, which is recommended by a psychologist. You can tell him that your goal is "parallel parenting" which is the best plan for you. Check this out: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566139#Post2566139
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Get back to attorney right away. If the attorney isnt on board and supporting your plan, get a new one.
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Don't be alarmed! It does not mean the end. I know, but it's really hard not to feel like it is! You need to hire a lawyer and show him the papers. You can also consider using adultery in your counter becuase it is taken into account in your state when it comes to custody and property division. Ok. ALSO, most attorneys will try to get you to stay in direct contact and "co-parent." The reason is because they are lazy and want to facilitate an easy, "amicable" divorce. That is not in the best interest of your marriage so you will need to express to your lawyer that he needs to back you up on Plan B, which is recommended by a psychologist. You can tell him that your goal is "parallel parenting" which is the best plan for you. Check this out: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566139#Post2566139Ok, I will definitely mention this. Thanks!
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Posts: 120
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Get back to attorney right away. If the attorney isnt on board and supporting your plan, get a new one. Ok! Thanks!
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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I'm sure you're already doing this, but please make sure you're documenting everything. DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I have been documenting and also keeping all receipts of money I've been spending. But I have not read this thread so thank you for sharing it, it's helpful!
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
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I have been documenting and also keeping all receipts of money I've been spending. But I have not read this thread so thank you for sharing it, it's helpful! Good job. And we will be here for you.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 120
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Posts: 120 |
Good job. And we will be here for you. Thank you.
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Hanging in there. Trying to stay hopeful but still losing a tiny bit of hope each day. Trying to keep myself busy which is also a struggle but I am doing my best.
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Bella, you are doing a great job! While there are no guarantees, the things you have done give you the best chance at reconciliation. If your husband does not get on board, though, Plan B provides an emotional detachment that will make it easier for you to move on.
From what I have seen from dealing with your IM's, your Plan B has really upset your husband. He has tried many ways to get you to break Plan B so he could be in direct contact. You have all the leverage right now, so staying dark not only protects you, but motivates him to meet your conditions. Your best hope is to hold fast and not let him through unless and until he comes to the IM's on bended knee willing to fully commit to marital recovery.
Now that you have removed yourself, it will fall to the OW to meet all his needs. This will be the beginning of the end of his affair. Your Plan B gives him a stark reality check of what divorce looks like and reminds him of all that he has sacrificed for a faithless married woman. This is why he is so anxious to get in touch with you. If you are in touch with him, the reality of his actions won't seem so stark.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. I have not heard from your IM's in several days, so I am assuming everything is going smoothly? If you can keep us updated, we can help navigate any problems and I can email your IM's.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Posts: 120
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p.s. I have not heard from your IM's in several days, so I am assuming everything is going smoothly? If you can keep us updated, we can help navigate any problems and I can email your IM's. They were out of the country for a few days and recently got back. And she actually told me that she had to talk to you about something two days ago. Maybe she hasn't gotten around to it yet?
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 120
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OP
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Posts: 120 |
Bella, you are doing a great job! While there are no guarantees, the things you have done give you the best chance at reconciliation. If your husband does not get on board, though, Plan B provides an emotional detachment that will make it easier for you to move on.
From what I have seen from dealing with your IM's, your Plan B has really upset your husband. He has tried many ways to get you to break Plan B so he could be in direct contact. You have all the leverage right now, so staying dark not only protects you, but motivates him to meet your conditions. Your best hope is to hold fast and not let him through unless and until he comes to the IM's on bended knee willing to fully commit to marital recovery.
Now that you have removed yourself, it will fall to the OW to meet all his needs. This will be the beginning of the end of his affair. Your Plan B gives him a stark reality check of what divorce looks like and reminds him of all that he has sacrificed for a faithless married woman. This is why he is so anxious to get in touch with you. If you are in touch with him, the reality of his actions won't seem so stark. Thank you. I need to read these words every day!
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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