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Talk to your lawyer and see if he has experience defending against/defeating an RO with subpoenaed evidence. Consider also getting a second opinion.

Since you two are married the judge is going to look at this as yet another run of the mill domestic dispute (even though it is not), and judges often look at an RO in domestic cases as a legal remedy more than a punishment.

If you can subpoena text messages I am almost certain you could find proof positive of the affair that would convince any judge. But I am concerned that you will not be given a chance to request and present that sort of evidence before the judge feels he had enough to render a decision, particularly since your WW is claiming you violated an existing TRO.

Could be way off, but might want to look into it. Might end up having to counter-file a charge of sorts sooner than later.


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

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Originally Posted By: MrWondering

short term marriage without children....go big on exposure. You got one big shot to bust things up.


Originally Posted By: markos
PLAN! AIM!


Originally Posted By: sexymamabear
You did an outstanding job of exposing. It is never an easy thing to do, but you did what was necessary anyway.

Now let the fallout land on everyone else while you stay quiet for a few days.


So I was reading back through my thread and had the thought, "who all knows now?" For fun I made a list for anyone following this thread...

My Side
-Mom, Dad, two brothers
-Two grandmothers
-Entire family extended out to first cousins
-5 coworkers, and my two superior bosses
-All my Facebook friends that would have saw my status or her martial status change, ~50 people have mentioned something to me in support of the situation
-Our Pastor

Her Side
-Mom, Dad, two brothers
-Two grandmothers
-She has about 50 relatives on her dad's side alone, I'd say about 30 of them are aware of the situation.
-Her aunts on her mom's side
-SexyMamaBear and HerPapaBear know, as well as their family laugh
-Her maid of honor, matron of honor and last bridesmaid
-Our Pastor

OM's Side
-Mom (handwritten letter & phone call), Dad, brother, step sister
-I sent about 30 messages to his family on FB - most notably his cousin responded

The Company they work for
-The VP of Human Relations
-The Regional HR manager of OM region
-The Regional HR manager of my wife's region
-My wife's direct superior/boss
-3 of her closest coworkers
-5 of his co-workers (1 was mutually a friend with my wife, and was very unpleasant in his response ha!)
-My brother works for the same company about 40 miles away, that entire office is aware thanks to my brother aiding in exposure
-One of her coworkers from this company when we lived in PA
-One of her coworkers that moved to FL

BONUS
-I told the tanning salon lady of the salon my wife and I go to...because the lady said "I saw your wife earlier today, she said you and her were going out of town this weekend?"
I just replied "Oh, my wife is having an affair and trying to divorce me...I love her though and would love to recover this marriage! Have a good one!"



Thanks guys so much for the support, I could not even imagine where I would be without you all...

Last edited by WrestlerChemist; 12/18/15 03:43 PM.
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Originally Posted By: WrestlerChemist

BONUS
-I told the tanning salon lady of the salon my wife and I go to...because the lady said "I saw your wife earlier today, she said you and her were going out of town this weekend?"
I just replied "Oh, my wife is having an affair and trying to divorce me...I love her though and would love to recover this marriage! Have a good one!"



I love your come back ! ! !


BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure

Ron_C #2873115 12/21/15 10:26 PM
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Eh... Not a good day. Thought about the wife alot today... Holiday season is hard. Hope she is struggling at least a fraction of what I am... frown

I was on a pretty long streak though of "good" days

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My brother just informed me that my wife has left her very lofty job here in Ohio to completely start over in SC (exact city where OM lives) for an entry level position at a partner company...

I'm completely devastated again... They both will easily be able to finance everything (our bills and theirs).

I'm sick to my stomach and I vomited here at work in a nervous breakdown.

I am at a lose for words...

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HerPapaBear just talked to me and I feel a little better... He said she is probably losing her mind in panic too. He is her family so he left me with "She probably left to get away from people shoving it down her throat, you and I both know she hates that."

The only good I see from all this is that it validates everything I exposed with to everyone I exposed to...

Last edited by WrestlerChemist; 12/22/15 10:31 AM.
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Dr. Harley always says that affairs are irrational. The more time she spends with this creep the more she will realize what a terrible mistake she's made. Or she could dig her heels in and refuse to admit to herself what a horrible mess she's made of her life like my ex did. Your actions have ensured the greatest odds of success. I did tons of research on my own, reading every infidelity forum I could find. It seems to me the odds of success if you do nothing are about 25% or less. With exposure and Plan A, the odds are around 50%. That number was true anecdotally from my time on these forums. There were three other men contemporary with me, and two of us ended up divorced while the other two are working on recovery right now.


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
nmwb77 #2873151 12/22/15 11:03 AM
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To further explain, between 95 and 97% of affairs end within two years, and nearly all waywards attempt to come back when the affair is over. I've heard tons of these stories among friends and acquaintances and read about them online. I've seen the claims that it's around 90%, and I believe they are true. The thing is, at some point, the betrayed spouse moves on, as I have. I fully expect my ex to come crawling back someday, but I've already moved on and will not take her back. That's my theory for why the number of reconciliations is so small despite the fact that almost all affairs end in a relatively short amount of time: the betrayed spouse moves on.


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Originally Posted By: WrestlerChemist
My brother just informed me that my wife has left her very lofty job here in Ohio to completely start over in SC (exact city where OM lives) for an entry level position at a partner company...


That just means the affair will die faster. I know it makes you sick, but when they move in together, the affair will go into a FASTER free fall. It is in freefall right now. The true colors of the RAT OM will start coming out too.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


nmwb77 #2873153 12/22/15 11:23 AM
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Originally Posted By: nmwb77
To further explain, between 95 and 97% of affairs end within two years, and nearly all waywards attempt to come back when the affair is over. I've heard tons of these stories among friends and acquaintances and read about them online. I've seen the claims that it's around 90%, and I believe they are true. The thing is, at some point, the betrayed spouse moves on, as I have. I fully expect my ex to come crawling back someday, but I've already moved on and will not take her back. That's my theory for why the number of reconciliations is so small despite the fact that almost all affairs end in a relatively short amount of time: the betrayed spouse moves on.


I hope I can preserve enough love for her for this day... I know it sounds crazy. I just want to be there when it all comes crashing down.

Originally Posted By: MelodyLane

That just means the affair will die faster. I know it makes you sick, but when they move in together, the affair will go into a FASTER free fall. It is in freefall right now. The true colors of the RAT OM will start coming out too.


It does make me sick. But, I know her parents will never accept this guy. Maybe the OM's parents do, but it will be awkward because they know she is married (and she knows they know). She is moving to SC to be with OM, and he is going to be the ONLY person she has there. She is going to have to rebuild her life from scraps.

I just was hoping the affair would die without something as substantial as her relocating and changing jobs. I mean one of the criteria I take her back on was leaving the current job she had...

I know I must sound like a broken record by now - thanks guys for the insights

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As betrayed spouses, we tend to think it all depends on the wayward and whether or not they will choose to come back. In reality, however, it is the betrayed spouse who will have to ultimately decide whether or not to take the wayward back and forgive the ultimate betrayal. The pain of infidelity is not a one time thing. The longer the affair continues, the more pain you will endure. At a certain point, you will reach your threshold of pain, and her account in your love bank will be in the red. At that point, she will have to win you back if there is any hope for reconciliation. This is why Dr. Harley's plan is so effective. Exposure speeds up the demise of the affair, and the other part of Plan A, meeting emotional needs, lets the wayward know the door is still open (and that things can be different). If affairs continue past a certain point, I believe it is the betrayed spouse that ends up making the final decision as to whether or not to return to the marriage.


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Originally Posted By: WrestlerChemist
[It does make me sick. But, I know her parents will never accept this guy. Maybe the OM's parents do, but it will be awkward because they know she is married (and she knows they know). She is moving to SC to be with OM, and he is going to be the ONLY person she has there. She is going to have to rebuild her life from scraps.


And just think of the kind of guy this is. He is a faithless rat who has no respect for your wife and no respect for marriage. Just ask yourself what kind of guy screws around with a married woman? Once the gloss wears off, there will be nothing to hold the affair together.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Shack up relationships tend to be renters relationships that are characterized by fighting and violence. The vast majority of domestic violence, for example, occur in relationships where they live together or lived together before marriage.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane

And just think of the kind of guy this is. He is a faithless rat who has no respect for your wife and no respect for marriage. Just ask yourself what kind of guy screws around with a married woman? Once the gloss wears off, there will be nothing to hold the affair together.


She was miserable when we lived in PA too, she really loves having her family around. The house we have now is like 2 minutes from her parents. It pains me to say this, because I hate watching her destroy herself, but I am thinking she is going to hate her life about a month from now...

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That would be good.

Last edited by apples123; 12/22/15 05:24 PM.
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Originally Posted By: WrestlerChemist
Originally Posted By: MelodyLane

And just think of the kind of guy this is. He is a faithless rat who has no respect for your wife and no respect for marriage. Just ask yourself what kind of guy screws around with a married woman? Once the gloss wears off, there will be nothing to hold the affair together.


She was miserable when we lived in PA too, she really loves having her family around. The house we have now is like 2 minutes from her parents. It pains me to say this, because I hate watching her destroy herself, but I am thinking she is going to hate her life about a month from now...



I am with you there, I am not sure what's worse the pain of the affair or the pain seeing your WW go and destroy her life.
I still love my WW so it's painfully for me to see the path she is going down.


BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure

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Originally Posted By: WrestlerChemist
It pains me to say this, because I hate watching her destroy herself, but I am thinking she is going to hate her life about a month from now...



Don't be pained by that. Her life needs to become hell in order for the affair to die and your marriage to survive. She needs to hit a rock bottom before you are going to look more attractive to her than OM.

She's made a series of extremely poor choices here and consequences (such as her new life being hard) are the medicine that will help her realize OM was a bad choice.

You are John in the John and Sue situation in SAA. Your wife has to get to where Sue was (broke/desperate) before she's going to come back.


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

My story
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Originally Posted By: WrestlerChemist
The Company they work for
-The VP of Human Relations
-The Regional HR manager of OM region
-The Regional HR manager of my wife's region
-My wife's direct superior/boss
-3 of her closest coworkers
-5 of his co-workers (1 was mutually a friend with my wife, and was very unpleasant in his response ha!)
-My brother works for the same company about 40 miles away, that entire office is aware thanks to my brother aiding in exposure


That WW is still with the same/related company...it will be uncomfortable for her to be in the same town/related work environment with OM. People will talk about them...even if people aren't talking about them, WW will be paranoid and think people are talking about her and OM...and they will be!! crazy laugh

WW may be in a panic to escape but she is going to a place where there will still be problems for her to face and the love busting will begin.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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She probably will be working with people who are unaware of her situation... However - his family knows, and his coworkers know - so there goes hanging out with anyone OM is usually hanging with I would assume.

I asked my attorney if we could delay things a bit by asking for an amended affavidit for her new job etc. He said she will have to submit one anyways. He also said "The TRO violation has not been dismissed, but he fully expects it to be."

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The office grapevine is Going to make sure everyone knows.this is too juicy for anyone to keep to themselves.

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