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Bellevue #2873565 12/30/15 11:50 AM
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Originally Posted By: Bellevue
I have Lifelock. When I make a large purchase, I get a phone call from them within the hour, asking whether the transaction is valid. They are really on top of it!


What is Lifelock? Do you pay extra for that service? Can you sign up for it online or something?

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I looked up Lifelock - might be something I consider.

Man, I know it must get old but I just hit a wall today. I am thinking about her all afternoon here at work. Thinking about what her life must be like right now?
I know it sounds stupid, but my dogs are restless now because I don't play with them as much because of work and all this stress from this situation... and now they are becoming destructive. They chewed up a door yesterday while I was at work... I just looked at it in disbelief. My dad, and several others, have suggested just giving my dogs to her but I am afraid she would put them up for adoption or something while she is in the "fog."

I just am having a decent day, but I still just feel like I am "surviving" instead of really creating a new life. I know I am venting right now, pretty typical BS stuff too I am sure...

Just having a bad afternoon frown

The good thing is I am getting better at least at looking "OK" from an outsider's perspective.

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Originally Posted By: WrestlerChemist
I looked up Lifelock - might be something I consider.

Man, I know it must get old but I just hit a wall today. I am thinking about her all afternoon here at work. Thinking about what her life must be like right now?
I know it sounds stupid, but my dogs are restless now because I don't play with them as much because of work and all this stress from this situation... and now they are becoming destructive. They chewed up a door yesterday while I was at work... I just looked at it in disbelief. My dad, and several others, have suggested just giving my dogs to her but I am afraid she would put them up for adoption or something while she is in the "fog."

I just am having a decent day, but I still just feel like I am "surviving" instead of really creating a new life. I know I am venting right now, pretty typical BS stuff too I am sure...

Just having a bad afternoon frown

The good thing is I am getting better at least at looking "OK" from an outsider's perspective.


WC, why don't you take up some activities that you have always wanted to but for whatever reason couldn't or re-take up something that you used to enjoy but dropped? Based on your screen name, maybe coach some wrestling or maybe try out Brazilian Jiu Jitsu? Lifting with a partner? Biking or running club? Something more intellectual like a professional certification? Tutoring? Volunteering at the foodbank...I don't know what floats your boat, but enjoying yourself will help just as much as the AA/AD pharmaceuticals.

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Originally Posted By: WalkTheWalk

WC, why don't you take up some activities that you have always wanted to but for whatever reason couldn't or re-take up something that you used to enjoy but dropped? Based on your screen name, maybe coach some wrestling or maybe try out Brazilian Jiu Jitsu? Lifting with a partner? Biking or running club? Something more intellectual like a professional certification? Tutoring? Volunteering at the foodbank...I don't know what floats your boat, but enjoying yourself will help just as much as the AA/AD pharmaceuticals.


I signed up for a half marathon last night, and I am getting involved with a local Crossfit training facility with my uncle...

Its just like every hour that passes actually takes 3 hours to me... Every day seems like an entire week. Once all these activities get started maybe time will go faster? Man I hope so. haha

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Originally Posted By: WrestlerChemist
my dogs are restless now because I don't play with them as much because of work and all this stress from this situation... and now they are becoming destructive. They chewed up a door yesterday while I was at work... I just looked at it in disbelief. My dad, and several others, have suggested just giving my dogs to her but I am afraid she would put them up for adoption or something while she is in the "fog."


Play with your dogs. It will de-stress you and them...win-win.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted By: WrestlerChemist

I know it sounds stupid, but my dogs are restless now because I don't play with them as much because of work and all this stress from this situation... and now they are becoming destructive. They chewed up a door yesterday while I was at work... I just looked at it in disbelief. My dad, and several others, have suggested just giving my dogs to her but I am afraid she would put them up for adoption or something while she is in the "fog."


This sounds like separation anxiety more than just restlessness.

There are a lot of conflicting theories about the cause and solution for this, but one I've read a lot is that based on the dynamic in the home, the dog gets it in his head that he's responsible for you. So when you're gone, the dog is frantic to get out and protect you, the way you would be if you were trapped in a house and your toddler was wandering around in traffic.

I imagine the separation has probably changed your interactions with the dogs, and their general stress level. Plus, your wife was always there, now she's suddenly not. Who knows what goes on in the dog's heads.

Like Black Raven said - playing with your dogs more will probably help both of you.

Also, you might Google "Doggy Dan" on the Internet. We have a very anxious pound pup who chewed the molding off the door while we were gone. Techniques in the online videos seem to be helpful. We also got our two dogs with the worst separation anxiety "Thunder Coats" that we put on them when we leave.

I would be afraid to give them to her right now too. Especially if they're having behavioral issues.

AnyWife #2873625 01/02/16 12:44 AM
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Originally Posted By: black_raven

Play with your dogs. It will de-stress you and them...win-win.


Originally Posted By: AnyWife

This sounds like separation anxiety more than just restlessness.

There are a lot of conflicting theories about the cause and solution for this, but one I've read a lot is that based on the dynamic in the home, the dog gets it in his head that he's responsible for you. So when you're gone, the dog is frantic to get out and protect you, the way you would be if you were trapped in a house and your toddler was wandering around in traffic.


Its funny because they actually chewed a hole in the door of the room I keep them in... And I would play with them more, but the weather here has been really crappy and my back yard is a swamp right now - so I don't have the same room to play with them.

Anyways, I talked to my mom to see if she could watch them during the day. I need to get way ahead a work and the hours I am away from the house are affecting the dogs. One of them is really weirdly always getting under the bed on her side - then he is stuck there (because he is a mastiff/boxer mix, and quite large). Almost like he is looking for her...

My other dog - the chewer - does actually have vet diagnosed separation anxiety. So now that I am gone for several more hours, and she never comes home, they are in their room for like 10-14 hours some days.

I will see if letting them stay with my mom during work helps their behavior (she has two dogs and five acres, much more fun for a dog than a 10'x10' room).

Its just added stress I was not ready to encounter... I feel bad bringing it up because I know their are people out there having to deal with children and real assets, and I am here complaining about my dogs... sorry I am not trying to waste your time.

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My mom took my dogs today and offered to keep them over night to see how they behave around her two dogs at night. It opened up an opportunity for me to go to a workout that two of my other friends have been inviting me too for a while on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I started looking at apartments, I just do not know if that is the best idea... I pay no mortgage right now because I am sticking her with it - but eventually I will need to pay it again or something. Do I really want to sign a lease agreement?

Some days, I feel like the house is pretty "trigger" free - but others, the house is absolutely overflowing with them. This morning I was trying to do some laundry before work and even the soap I was using was the kind that "she" liked and it set me off. I was just starting to get teary again over her. I still have some pictures of me and her up. Just walking around the house I remember conversations we had in certain places of the house, where she was standing, where I was standing, what we were talking about, etc. Some nights I sleep on the couch because I do not want to be in the bed where her and I were intimate... and naturally those are usually not my best nights of sleep.

I just am unsure as to whether the financial risk of an apartment is worth the escape from the fairly infrequent (but powerful) days where I am overwhelmed with the history we have in the house. Not to mention, the dogs will need new homes if I go with the apartment route.

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A lot of you have invested a bit of time into my story so here is the most recent part.

Received a letter from my auto insurance that it has been terminated due to a check not clearing (automatic payment from an account she closed). I contacted my lawyer with the consultation from Herpapabear. Here is what I sent my lawyer.

I attached our new mortgage paperwork and the auto insurance termination documents to this email.


*Mr. Atty*,

It was confirmed to me recently that my wife moved to South Carolina to live with her affair partner. She has left me no way to contact her, however, she still has financial responsibilities here in Ohio.

I received this notice (attached) in the mail this week regarding our Auto Insurance and its termination. Please forward this to *my wife's attorney*

Also, express to her and her attorney that I have no intention of seeking out any coverage for the *car I was driving*. This was a vehicle brought into our marriage from my wife. I never wanted this vehicle and do not intend to pay any expenses associated with this vehicle. This *car* is not titled in my name, the loan is not in my name, tags are expired (as I could not renew) and its sitting out in front of our home. She can pick it up or do with it as she wills, but, again, I do not intend to be responsible for this vehicle. Based on what I know, the *car* is now uninsured yet has a substantial loan against it. Im sure this is in violation of her loan agreement. (This was a pre-marital asset and liability).

Ive also attached a copy of our mortgage that was recently sold to a new company. I assume she will need these documents as well to remain current on the mortgage payments. (I have also been considering leaving the house soon as the emotional stress is becoming more than I can bear and need your advice as to how to deliver this news) Regretfully this is a house my wife wanted so desperately so she could be just a mile away from her parents. Against my better judgment at the time, I acquiesced. We see how well that has gone for me now.

Lastly, just checking up on the TRO violation case and its status. Hoping to hear its been dropped or thrown out.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration,
WrestlerChemist



I will keep you all posted as more events unfold. thanks everyone!

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Hang in there, WC. Are you exercising and eating right?


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
nmwb77 #2873894 01/07/16 09:26 AM
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Originally Posted By: nmwb77
Hang in there, WC. Are you exercising and eating right?


I am nmwb77, thanks for asking. Physically I have felt good lately. I am hanging in there smile

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Hang in there, WC.

The problems you included in this letter will lead to the types of consequences WW will soon begin to deal with. This is the power of Plan B and NC. Reality bites. Fog lifts.

You are not there to "pick up the pieces." Is OM going to fix all these messes for her? Maybe. Probably not. He's enjoying dessert without having to pay for the meal....

Love Busters abound when they begin "disagreeing" about things like this. Sit back and wait for the show to begin.

Oh, and while you wait, enjoy yourself, play with the doggies, recharge and re-strengthen yourself, engage in activities you enjoy (like training for the run), build yourself up - inside and out!

God Bless,


Once I was BW. Now happily RE-married!
I was there. It's painful. It's hard.
But it's totally doable and worth it.
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Originally Posted By: OlderWiser
Hang in there, WC.

The problems you included in this letter will lead to the types of consequences WW will soon begin to deal with. This is the power of Plan B and NC. Reality bites. Fog lifts.

You are not there to "pick up the pieces." Is OM going to fix all these messes for her? Maybe. Probably not. He's enjoying dessert without having to pay for the meal....

Love Busters abound when they begin "disagreeing" about things like this. Sit back and wait for the show to begin.

Oh, and while you wait, enjoy yourself, play with the doggies, recharge and re-strengthen yourself, engage in activities you enjoy (like training for the run), build yourself up - inside and out!

God Bless,


The funny thing is I never really went into Plan B... She just kind of cut me out completely...

Dr. Harley said I need to wait until OM messes up or offends her. So thats what I am planning on doing!

Thanks for the encouragement OlderWiser. laugh

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So I shared this with SexyMamaBear, but I wanted to add it to my post so its in my story. I am sure she won't mind smile

It is a little graphic, but I kept it detailed because it was pretty powerful to me. Especially while it was fresh on my mind.

____________________

Two nights ago I woke up like super late in the morning, and lost control. Lost control of the thoughts about my wife. Completely lost control! I was desperately trying to stop but it was frivolous. It started pretty harmless, just memories about vacation and other minor memories. Then it progressed until I thought about every inch of her. How her toes curl during sex, how her breathing changes, how she smells, how she'd grab me, etc. I could not stop... Of course this immediately turned into me watching "THEM" have sex in a room with me in the corner (it was a room in a house we stayed on a vacation once). I could not get a grip on it, I was out of control - my mind even started inventing him laughing at me, while they were having sex... it was horrible.

I was crying so I went into the bathroom and started filling up the bathtub. I thought about trying to drown myself (I do not think I really could have done it)... I just wanted all of it to stop. Instead I just started praying. Praying hard... I still got in the tub - the prayer did not stop me from the thought of drowning myself...

I was in the bathtub, pitch black bathroom, praying. Instead I just thought about cleansing myself. I thought, I am a new creature. All the doubts of whether I am better than I was or not... cleansed. I just sat there in the tub and stopped crying... then I prayed some more about being made a new person, getting a hold of these thoughts. I prayed that God would wash the thoughts of that night down the drain when I unplugged the tub.

I essentially then just baptized myself. I came out of the water and felt different.... my skin felt different. My thoughts were clear... God answers prayers.

I am rattled a little bit by that night, but I think I really understand that I can be a better child of God with out my wife. I still want her in my life, but as of 01-06-2016 I really started the change - the old WrestlerChemist has been left behind (hopefully) and I really hope I can stay on this path. One that is good for me and ultimately good enough for my wife OR any woman that God puts in my life...
______________________

I have you guys to thank, and I expressed this to SMB (and HPB) that had I never found MarriageBuilders and this community - maybe I would have drowned myself two nights ago. You guys are life savers. I can't express enough how appreciative I am of the encouragement and support you have given me during my story.

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I'm glad you shared this experience with us, WC!

NOW you're on the path to healing, with God's help! I went through this process, too! (but without the "drowning" part), and spend many nights sitting and crying and praying in my bubble bath).
Praying for you, brother.

God Bless,


Once I was BW. Now happily RE-married!
I was there. It's painful. It's hard.
But it's totally doable and worth it.
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Do not let it be lost on you that January 6 is the Feast of the Epiphany....

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Originally Posted By: Brits_Brat
Do not let it be lost on you that January 6 is the Feast of the Epiphany....


Wow... I didn't even put that together brits. That's awesome.

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Thanks for the honesty WC.

As this goes on I think you'll find being a Christian BS is primarily a spiritual battle, even after the dark legal clouds and raw emotions fade or scatter.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

Ephesians 6:12

None of us ask to join this club but we find ourselves here nonetheless and there lies tremendous opportunity for spiritual growth and strengthening, if we are only willing.

Hang in there and lean on Him. I also found the MB books/materials a tremendous comfort in the waiting period. Good skills to hone until the opportunity presents itself to use them, will give you confidence.

Also praying for you.


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

My story
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Originally Posted By: OlderWiser

NOW you're on the path to healing, with God's help!


Originally Posted By: axslinger85

As this goes on I think you'll find being a Christian BS is primarily a spiritual battle, even after the dark legal clouds and raw emotions fade or scatter.

Hang in there and lean on Him. I also found the MB books/materials a tremendous comfort in the waiting period. Good skills to hone until the opportunity presents itself to use them, will give you confidence.
Also praying for you.


I am just scared... I know eventually I will see her again. I am just scared of how it is going to go...

The legal battle, I am scared of thinking about it. I look at our case docket often and when I see new motions, notices, etc filed by her it just gets me anxious and afraid.

She filed a Notice of Submission on 1-08-16 and the .pdf has not been uploaded to the Public records yet. I been freaking myself out thinking about what it is... I do not even really know what a notice of that nature refers to.

I tried to stop taking my AA's because they were making me sick to the stomach, but I like feel apart in nervousness at work on Friday when I tried...

Just highs and lows... today has been kind of a low for me...

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Does anyone have a link to a thread or article regarding the "carrot and the stick" ?

I would like some reading material as I address things throughout this legal battle...

Maybe its not relevant. I dont know smirk

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