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"You have been very clear, we will never be together you and me. Yes, we will never live togeter at all. The only thing we can be is like .... *mumble mumle* ... if you ever do end up single wew might be having sex and everything else" His affair is with a married woman, by the way. You should - QUIETLY - get all the evidence and expose his affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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starfish, I agree you should ask him to move out. It sounds like he has probably had many affairs. It is best that you separate from him and go into Plan B. I would get the book Surviving an Affair and read up on Plan A and Plan B.
Can you hire a PI like we initially suggested? I have downloaded it from Audiable know and will listen to it. Is there any guidelines here about Plan A and Plan B in the forum or on the site? I cant afford a PI, it's too expensive to have them follow him around for a week. I have always been fine with a bit of flirting since I've always felt so secure with him. I NEVER thought he would do osmething like this (yes I know you think I'm naive but throughout all men I've been with he has been the most wonderful of them all). Not trying to pile on, but do you see how your lax position has led to affairs? You have been in denial for a long time. Flirting is a form of courting that should be off limits to any married person. Saying you felt "secure" with a man who flirts is like saying you felt secure with a drunk driver. Yepp, I see it. After reading almost all of HArleys books available on Audiable I see how easy it is to slip and also the pattern of how it will go on forever if you don't work n your current relationship. The bad stuff will not end just becuse you change partner.
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"You have been very clear, we will never be together you and me. Yes, we will never live togeter at all. The only thing we can be is like .... *mumble mumle* ... if you ever do end up single wew might be having sex and everything else" His affair is with a married woman, by the way. You should - QUIETLY - get all the evidence and expose his affair. If it is the one I think it is, she's not married but she has a kid around 10 years old and lives with another man. They have a smaller business and a smaller real estate together which makes it hard for her to leave. Should I ask him to move out NOW, and should I show him the recording? I feel sooo betrayed.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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"You have been very clear, we will never be together you and me. Yes, we will never live togeter at all. The only thing we can be is like .... *mumble mumle* ... if you ever do end up single wew might be having sex and everything else" His affair is with a married woman, by the way. You should - QUIETLY - get all the evidence and expose his affair. If it is the one I think it is, she's not married but she has a kid around 10 years old and lives with another man. They have a smaller business and a smaller real estate together which makes it hard for her to leave. Should I ask him to move out NOW, and should I show him the recording? I feel sooo betrayed. You don't need to show him the recording since he knows what he said. I would get more evidence asap and start suggesting that he move out now. Go to him and tell him you have thought more about it and would like him to move out now.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[
I cant afford a PI, it's too expensive to have them follow him around for a week. Can you have him followed for a couple of days? Somehow you have to figure out how to get some good solid evidence. You need to know WHO the affair is with.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"You have been very clear, we will never be together you and me. Yes, we will never live togeter at all. The only thing we can be is like .... *mumble mumle* ... if you ever do end up single wew might be having sex and everything else" His affair is with a married woman, by the way. You should - QUIETLY - get all the evidence and expose his affair. If it is the one I think it is, she's not married but she has a kid around 10 years old and lives with another man. They have a smaller business and a smaller real estate together which makes it hard for her to leave. Should I ask him to move out NOW, and should I show him the recording? I feel sooo betrayed. You don't need to show him the recording since he knows what he said. I would get more evidence asap and start suggesting that he move out now. Go to him and tell him you have thought more about it and would like him to move out now. But do I tell him I did record? If I'm going to ask him to move out, he needs to know why I'm so angry and all the other 100 feelings.
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But do I tell him I did record? If I'm going to ask him to move out, he needs to know why I'm so angry and all the other 100 feelings. You should not mention the recording in any way. For one thing, you need to keep on recording. You absolutely MUST find out this woman's identity. You have no chance of saving your marriage (if you later decide to try that), if you do not know who you are dealing with. You will never know the circumstances under which they meet, and you will never be able to verify that they do not continue their contact.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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But do I tell him I did record? If I'm going to ask him to move out, he needs to know why I'm so angry and all the other 100 feelings. No, don't tell him about your recording. Don't show your hand until you have evidence. All he will do is hide the affair much better. In general, don't tell him about any of your spy resources. Just say, "you have said you want to separate and I have given this alot of thought. It would be easier on me if you moved out now."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If you do not want to save your marriage, you still need to find out who this woman is. She has participated in the breakdown of your marriage, and you need to expose her affair with your husband, to people that know her.
How did he come across this woman, if it's the real estate woman? Did they ever work together, or are they business clients? How do you yourself know her?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Did you check phone records? Is his computer password protected or can you check browser history?
Did you also put a VAR in his car?
Last edited by goody2shoes; 03/08/16 09:37 AM.
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Me and my husband met back in late 2007 and married in June 2012. How old are you and your H, and do you have any children? Has either of you been married before?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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He's soon 31 and I'm turning 33. We got married in June 2012 after being together for 5 years. We have no kids and have ot been married before.
It's mostly a gut feeling I got that it is her. She started at his company around August as a project manager and he have never liked any of the other PMs before, but this time he did when I commented that it sounded like she was a bad planner.
I heard them talk on the phone once and he was rude adn flirty, like showing her who's the boss.
I haven't put any recording device into his car, but I should. He has started to tell me he's going somewhere and then I can see the car parked on the other side of the street and himjust sitting there. And he have told me he drives around talking in his phone.
I just want to tell him to "enough, get off".
I've emailed a few PI about cost.
Last edited by starfish83; 03/08/16 09:52 AM.
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Did you check phone records? Is his computer password protected or can you check browser history?
Did you also put a VAR in his car? I can't get to his phone. It's guarded like a prison and I don't know the code.
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But do I tell him I did record? If I'm going to ask him to move out, he needs to know why I'm so angry and all the other 100 feelings. No, don't tell him about your recording. Don't show your hand until you have evidence. All he will do is hide the affair much better. In general, don't tell him about any of your spy resources. Just say, "you have said you want to separate and I have given this alot of thought. It would be easier on me if you moved out now." If I ask him to move out, I wont be able to record him anymore. Should I just hold off on telling him to leave until I have some juicy stuff?  (still kicking myself for not being able to save the one i made yesterday, I think that was planty of evidence and he is sooo sucpisious now so I'm not sure he will continue to talk at home)
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(still kicking myself for not being able to save the one i made yesterday, I think that was planty of evidence and he is sooo sucpisious now so I'm not sure he will continue to talk at home) Don't fret about that for now. You can probably record him in the car. You need to tape over any lights that show when the device is recording, and velcro the device somewhere he won't stumble across it, like the underside of the glove box. You MUST NOT get caught doing that, or retrieving the device, or listening to it. You need to become a cool, calm spy in order to get this data.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Did you check phone records? Is his computer password protected or can you check browser history?
Did you also put a VAR in his car? I can't get to his phone. It's guarded like a prison and I don't know the code. What about when he's in the shower? What about his PC or tablet?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Did you check phone records? Is his computer password protected or can you check browser history?
Did you also put a VAR in his car? I can't get to his phone. It's guarded like a prison and I don't know the code. But can you get the phone bill?
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Did you check phone records? Is his computer password protected or can you check browser history?
Did you also put a VAR in his car? I can't get to his phone. It's guarded like a prison and I don't know the code. What about when he's in the shower? What about his PC or tablet? His PC is also super protected 
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Did you check phone records? Is his computer password protected or can you check browser history?
Did you also put a VAR in his car? I can't get to his phone. It's guarded like a prison and I don't know the code. But can you get the phone bill? It's a company phone so no
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(still kicking myself for not being able to save the one i made yesterday, I think that was planty of evidence and he is sooo sucpisious now so I'm not sure he will continue to talk at home) Unless you recorded something new, you might be able to recover the recording. If you think it will help you, google on data recovery on SD-cards. If it has internal memory, it might be possible to recover data if you connect it to your computer. Take a good breath and prioritize. You didn't answer if you can acces his browser history on the computer. Is the computer also password protected?
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