It was recorded on my computer and when he starting asking questions I got super freaked out and just deleted it, but I saved the file but it was cut short.

Computer and phone are password protected and there's no way I can get into them.

Hmm..

A couple of years ago, a nerd-friend of mine fixed my computer. He messaged me for the admin password when I was at work. When I didn't respond within 5 minutes, he sent a second message not to bother, because he was already in, using a neat Linux trick.

If you consider putting spyware on his computer, I believe flexispy offers very good help. Their helpdesk might know if there is a way to get acces so they can install the spyware on it anyway.

But first do the easy stuff, like putting a VAR in his car.

This will be easy to recover, using simple recovery software. Google on free recovery software.

Do you have your own account on his PC? Is it an admin account?

I have my own comp and he has his own. Both of us work with computers and know how to secure them. There are no admin passwords.

I have tried to restore it but with no luck. There's one software bt it's so expensive, but I'm considering aying it, but I'm not sure if it will recover the lost data since I think was only a temp file.

Can someone guide me to some Plan A reading here at the forum? I got the audio book of how to survive an affair but I want to read something.

You've done, Plan A. Its time for Plan B. You've been trying to meet his needs for weeks now, and he has not been receptive. You've been trying to persuade him to work on the marriage rather than move out, and he's not having it. That was Plan A. Women shouldn't compete with other women for a man for any longer than the time it takes to sort out finances and get him out. You're at that stage now. He is going to be with OW no matter what you do now. All you can do now is expose and let people know what he is doing. The affair will probably implode shortly, if she has kids with someone else and is openly stating that he is just her plaything. She is not willing to attempt a permanent relationship with him. However, you should not have him back just because she dumps him.

Go to the red area at the top of every page, click "Articles' and put "Plan B" in the search box.

That's not really an answer to the question I asked, which is whether you have an account on his PC. However, I'm going to assume the answer is "no".

In this link, you find links to subjects that are important right now.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2695379

Plan A is giving him something to remember when you are separated. You don't want the last thing he remembers before seperating to be an ugly fight. You want him to remember the wife he will get if he ends his affair. Plan A is not plan doormat!

Because you are a woman and this abusive situation already lasts too long, plan A will be hard for you.

Sorry, I don't have an account on his comp.

I've read through the links you provided me and I'm going to move on with Plan B. I'm preparing right now and going to tell him tomorrow. I can't throw him out since we both own the house we live in and I have no legal right to do so, but I'm going to ask him to move out.

First, ask him to move out. I would pack his belongings for him. Once he is out, you can go into Plan B. But you can't go into Plan B until he has moved out.

In the meantime, you need to step it up and figure out how to get the evidence of his affair. You have given us endless reasons why you can't do this, but you need to figure it out. Even if you have to slip a GPS on his car and follow him yourself, you need to get er done.

Do you already have an IM?

A good Plan B requires a good preparation. So snoop, prepare your plan B letter, plan exposure. Educate yourself on the essentials of plan B.

Unfortunately this means absolutely nothing.

My first husband's first wife cheated on him. It totally devastated him. Like your husband, he was always critical of people having affairs.

So I blithely assumed he would never cheat on me. After we divorced for reasons that had nothing to do with infidelity, he informed me that he'd slept with all kinds of women while we were married, starting right after we married. His reason? He thought it would be fun.

I thought I was safe from him cheating because he knew how painful it was and we seemed happy together. But in hindsight - there were tons of red flags all over the place and I just didn't want to face it.


Um no, you don't. (But it sounds like you realize that now.) Good luck to you.

The keyloggers and phone trackers are a little harder to implement. Make sure you figure out how to do it on your own phone first. What you don't want is for him to discover you are doing it (which was my mistake in my case!)

The VAR is an excellent tool. I actually like the cheaper model (~US$25 made in China model) than the "professional" grade one (~$80 made in Korea). The Korean one is too sensitive and records all kinds of background noise, wasting your time listening to dogs barking, etc. You might want to pick up a couple of them and place them strategically where you WH talks. I have it on my WW in a couple strategic locations and have her legal playbook daily, and feed it to my lawyers when I hear something important! The most important thing is stealth and not have your methods get revealed, which makes these things useless once the WS is up to what you are doing!

Hi,

I know I've might sound hopeless when it comes to my snooping it's just that all the devices of his are very secure which makes it so much harder. I'm trying to find new ways of catching him. Recording him is soooo hard since it's an illegal act in my country and I could do time for it so I need to be careful. I am looking into other ways I can find something out and I sort of have a plan.

Now I'm a bit confused. Shouldn't I tell him when I ask him to move out that we shall not talk other than through an IM?

We are moving into a separation and he is looking for an apartment to buy. If he has nowhere to go (I know it says I shouldn't care but it's very expensive where I live and cold so he can't just stay on the streets. Also, as I stated earlier, I have no legal right to demand him to leave since we are both the owners of our house), could I leave instead?

How do I choose an IM? Is it my choose or should he be included in that decision? I know it should be someone neutral and I have a common friend in mind, but I'm not sure if he would go along with her. She is someone that is married to one of his childhood friends and they are also struggling with their marriage. She's given me a lot of advise on how to fix things between us and really wants us to stay together, but she also accepts the fact that we might end up with divorcing.

It's your choice alone and all she does is act as a filter for you to protect you. He has no say in the matter
Please read the link to the Plan B article first.

Thank you! I have read it but that part was a bit unclear for me

No, first get him moved out. THEN you will send him a Plan B letter asking him not to contact you directly. At that time you will tell him to use a certain IM.


You can leave. Do you have a place you could move?