Ok so I ask all these questions on here, I come here for help and advice and this is what I get?
You didnt even answer my question. What am I supposed to do?
There goes that snotty, demanding tone again...
There are two articles I'd like you to read, in order to get an idea of what your marriage should be like from now on, in terms of recreational activities and hobbies. Your husband's preference to go bowling weekly without you is a problem in at least two ways:
1. It allows for him to meet another woman who will meet his key emotional needs. This has already happened, as you well know, with his habit of drinking alone in bars. When that happens, he is having an affair.
By the way, is that what happened with his first affair many years ago? What were the circumstances of that? Did he go out alone, and meet a woman he could talk to? And when you say it became very emotional, what does that mean? What did you discover them saying to each other? Did he fall in love with her?
Also, how did that affair end? How did he manage not to see or speak to that woman again, if they were so emotional involved with each other? Did it have a clean ending, or did it drag on for ages? Was she married? Did she live near you?
2. You are both squandering an opportunity to spend your most enjoyable times together with each other, doing something that you both enjoy. If you've read all the articles about emotional needs on this site, you will know that being together when you are happiest is the fastest way to create romantic love. Contrary to what a lot of other people think, romantic love does not exist by itself, spontaneously creating happiness when people are together. People fall in love when they are dating, because they spend enjoyable time with each other. However, as many married couples find, when kids and long working hours come along, and they cease to spend time together, their romantic feelings about each other disappear. Their marriages become unhappy, and they become ripe for affairs.
This article explains the importance of spending recreational time together, and not going off separately and spending it with other people. Even if your husband is not having an affair at the bowling alley, the point is that
he is not having an affair with you, and he should be.
The second article explains why it is a waste to spend recreational time with anybody other than your spouse.
I hope you will see when you have read these that it is not about nannying him. It is not about timing how long he is away, phoning or FaceTiming so that you can check up on him while is there, or banning him from going. That is what MelodyLane meant when she said that you should not build a mother-child relationship with him.
The point is that you you need to express unhappiness with his having this alone time - these boys' nights out which are his escape. He should not be seeking to escape from you, and he should not be doing his favourite things without you. There is no point in being married if he has feelings that he needs to escape from you.
You must not lecture him about the wrongness of what he is doing, but you should ask him to stop, and suggest that you change your lifestyle so that you go out together 3 or 4 times a week. He has had at least two affairs while living his independent life, and that life needs to stop, for good.