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By that I meant she in not in a mental place to work on M, thus, counselling would be a waste of time and money at the least, and a major catastrophe at the worst. Visiting any marriage counselor is a waste of time because they have no earthly idea how to save a marriage. Did you not want to use Marriage Builders? The reason Dr Harley created Marriage Builders is because MC does not work so he developed a program that does work. WW is chatting on the phone with facila-SIL with a lightness of being that makes it clear her EN are being met. How does this show you are meeting her ENs? Evidence... I have very little, but I have equipment functioning now to gather evidence by the minute. I have a list of deleted texts late night to OM last night, but no contents. I have actual mssg contents of morning mssgs to OM, planning to meet today to get an unneeded garlic planter (who plants in the rain?)
I anticipate a landslide of info now that tools are active. Text is her primary mode of communication, and there were at least 30 deleted txt last night to OM. In the task manager, her camera showed a snap of the edge of her nightstand with her light on, but the images were deleted already. Apparently sending late night selfies to OM. Do you have the ability to see these texts and pictures? WW is offering to go to OM farm to get straw for our chicken coop. I said I would rather just buy some elsewhere. I am not sure if I should have just kept my mouth shut and let her go get it. Why don't you let her go and then follow her there and catch her?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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How do I know when I have enough evidence to expose?
A Pink Floyd line just popped into my head:
"The evidence before me is incontrovertible, there's no need for the jury to retire." You need evidence that she is having an affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ML, her levity shows that someone is meeting her EN, NOT me.
I do now have ability to see communication and pics since about 4am today.
I can't follow and catch because I would have the twins, and the approach to the farm is wide open and I would not have surprise ability.
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By that I meant she in not in a mental place to work on M, thus, counselling would be a waste of time and money at the least, and a major catastrophe at the worst. Visiting any marriage counselor is a waste of time because they have no earthly idea how to save a marriage. Did you not want to use Marriage Builders? The reason Dr Harley created Marriage Builders is because MC does not work so he developed a program that does work. I am concerned bc I have seen MC discussed a few times on this thread, despite the posts telling you how dangerous it would be for your M. Now it seems like you're putting it on the back burner until your WW is in the right "place" to work on the M? I didn't see an acknowledgement to ML's last post to you. Listen, even if you expose and end the A, the MC could be a potential disaster. Counselors have no idea how to recover from an affair and typically support wayward mentalities. I have seen this here on the forum and IRL. A MC (a Christian counselor btw) told me and my exWH that stringent EPs didn't need to be a focus since it was clear to her that my ex WH was "sorry" and "didn't want this to happen again". Which is the exact OPPOSITE advice needed. And he went on to cheat again due to lack of EPs.
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Thank you for your concern. Please be assured that the information that Brain hurts shared has fully sunk in. When we seek counselling it will be phone counselling here.
WW was texting OM while we played boccee with the kids. She just texted " I can't wait to be in your arms again" "I miss you so much"
Apparently emoticons don't show on webwatcher, since there were several txt that just said "this may be a picture, if it is, look in the photo section"
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OM just said "I can't wait either it's already been too long."
I'm walking away from this now to spend some more QT with the kids. I'll let the BS pile up for a while to keep my cool
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Thank you for your concern. Please be assured that the information that Brain hurts shared has fully sunk in. When we seek counselling it will be phone counselling here. Just so you know, many of us have done the program on our own using hte books, the workbooks and the radio show. We can help you recover and if you find you can't do it on your own, you could use the professional services here. My H and I went through the MB program in 2007 but many people have done a good job on their own so you have options. WW was texting OM while we played boccee with the kids. She just texted " I can't wait to be in your arms again" "I miss you so much" Keep it coming, that is enough to expose but i bet you get better evidence today and tomorrow. Apparently emoticons don't show on webwatcher, since there were several txt that just said "this may be a picture, if it is, look in the photo section" Did you look in the photo section? There shhould be a place where you can see the pictures.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ML, thanks for the ongoing support. We did it on our own last time but WW didn't want to do all the questionnaires. (red flag #1.)
Nothing in photos, and WW has a habit of just sending emoticons sometimes.
I hope to get more solid stuff re: sex abuse convictions, but I will move ahead with exposure either way once I get some stronger evidence.
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ML, thanks for the ongoing support. We did it on our own last time but WW didn't want to do all the questionnaires. (red flag #1.) When you were here before, the board members didn't understand the MB program. You weren't helped with affair proofing your marriage, for example. The board is completely different today so the quality of advice will be much improved, I promise you. I hope to get more solid stuff re: sex abuse convictions, but I will move ahead with exposure either way once I get some stronger evidence. Great!! And bravo to you for getting the spyware in place!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I know I should expose to the twins, but I am not sure how to do it. Even though they are only 6, DD already saw that OM and WW acted like a couple. It breaks my heart.
I made a list of prime exposure contacts last night. I will start drafting my exposure letter.
I already spoke with our pastor a bit about this situation. I am wondering if I should blast out the exposure message to the list, and simultaneously expose the A to pastor in a meeting with WW. Would that be too much of an ambush? My reason for this thinking is that if she knows the church knows about A, she might stop going. If I expose with him, he can help steer her back into the fold.
Just trying to get my plan in order.
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Read this and listen to the radio clips. Dr. Harley recommends to expose to as young as 4 years old. Exposing to Children
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I know I should expose to the twins, but I am not sure how to do it. Even though they are only 6, DD already saw that OM and WW acted like a couple. It breaks my heart. You would simply tell them the truth. Explain to them that adultery is immoral and tell them how it is bad. Tell them how much it has hurt you. I made a list of prime exposure contacts last night. I will start drafting my exposure letter. Are you using the templates and directions from the Exposure 101 thread in my link? What about the OM's friends and family? I already spoke with our pastor a bit about this situation. I am wondering if I should blast out the exposure message to the list, and simultaneously expose the A to pastor in a meeting with WW. Would that be too much of an ambush? My reason for this thinking is that if she knows the church knows about A, she might stop going. If I expose with him, he can help steer her back into the fold.
Just trying to get my plan in order. Use the procedures lined out in the exposure 101 thread. you should expose the affair ALONE to the pastor and ask him to speak to your wife. What exactly od you mean when you say "blast out the xposure message" to the list? Did you read the exposure 101 thread?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I did read exposure 101, but will reread it tonight. I meant I would send individual exposure letters to each person on the list. By blast I meant all in one sitting. I realize it sounded like I would send a group text or something.
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I did read exposure 101, but will reread it tonight. I meant I would send individual exposure letters to each person on the list. By blast I meant all in one sitting. I realize it sounded like I would send a group text or something. Gotcha! thanks for clarifying. Do you have a list of his contacts yet? Does he have a facebook page?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Read the 101 thread again... getting up to speed.
OM doesn't have FB account. His online rep is ruined at google results #2 and #3, documenting his violent crimes. I guess WW reading glasses are fogged.
I have snail mail addresses for OM's mother, two daughters, and his business. I have a list of other relatives from Been verified, but I am not sure how accurate it is. OM is divorced. Should I expose to OM XW?
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A few evening texts, one is scaring me a bit:
OM: I miss u I'm drying these beans all by myself
WW: I wish I could of been there with you ⭐
OM: I miss u so much
WW: I miss you too! I can't wait to be in your arms again...
OM: It's already been to long I can't wait either
WW: I just got a strong feeling that BS is reading our texts. 15 minutes after our last texts he acted very different to me.
OM:R u surprised I told u. Tell him to come see me
WW:Not necessarily the best option
OM:Your right most of the time
WHAT? He wants her to tell me to come see him in all his felonious glory, and all she can say is not necessarily the best option? WHAT?
I need to expose asap. I am now more worried than ever about this jerk.
All I have for evidence now are text logs. I don't think I can distribute that for exposure.
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Read the 101 thread again... getting up to speed.
OM doesn't have FB account. His online rep is ruined at google results #2 and #3, documenting his violent crimes. I guess WW reading glasses are fogged.
I have snail mail addresses for OM's mother, two daughters, and his business. I have a list of other relatives from Been verified, but I am not sure how accurate it is. OM is divorced. Should I expose to OM XW? Is his Mother and family on Facebook?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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After you expose you can confront OM. Read this "I encourage BHs to confront OM" Dr. Harley Did you read the exposing to Children thread?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 169
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His mother is 80, not sure about FB for her. I have FB for one daughter.
I have no desire to confront this man.
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