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forged, I want to applaud you for stepping up! You have a long way to go to save this, but you have bravely taken the right steps. I would spend all your focus on moving because you won't be in recovery until that happens.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am okay with her modifying the letter a little bit . It will be mailed today either way. I will approve the wording and we will mail it together. I do not want her to say I made her do it, or put the words in her mouth. She needs to feel it, say it, and send it for it to mean anything. She understands that my approval and the deadline are set in stone.
After Brits_Brat gave real court info, I honestly think WW is afraid of OM. Seeing the facts on NYS letterhead (all three pages) had a profound effect.
We are searching for options to make a quick exit from town. We will get a new car for WW to increase stealth in the meantime.
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I am okay with her modifying the letter a little bit . It will be mailed today either way. I will approve the wording and we will mail it together. I thought you said it had already been written and placed in the post box. You are not being very clear here.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I am okay with her modifying the letter a little bit . It will be mailed today either way. I will approve the wording and we will mail it together. I do not want her to say I made her do it, or put the words in her mouth. She needs to feel it, say it, and send it for it to mean anything. She understands that my approval and the deadline are set in stone.  Any time the WS wants to deviate from what Dr Harley has written, that is a red flag. There is NO reason to change it, period. No, she doesn't need to "feel it" in order for it to "mean anything". Most WS probably don't mean it since they are still in a state of fog when the NC is sent. But it is part of just compensation and there is no reason to deviate. Red flags being thrown up here.
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After Brits_Brat gave real court info, I honestly think WW is afraid of OM. Seeing the facts on NYS letterhead (all three pages) had a profound effect. While that sounds nice, I wouldn't count on it. We have had WSs have affairs with dangerous people and also expose their children to said dangerous people and they don't just "wake up". True NC (not present here) and getting away might accomplish somewhat that but this OM will always be a threat to your M. Please don't deviate from what MB teaches. The A is like an addiction and your WW will be tempted, period.
Last edited by SusieQ; 11/02/16 12:08 PM.
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We are searching for options to make a quick exit from town. We will get a new car for WW to increase stealth in the meantime. That's good that you're looking to make a quick exit. I would take it a step further than getting a new car and just try not to leave your WW alone as much as humanly possible. She will be tempted. It's not just the OM that you need to protect her from (giving her a hidden vehicle) - it goes both ways.
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I'm seeing the red flags and am driving home now. Om daughter got the message today she says she has no influence over her father but that she is incredibly disappointed I am concerned that she will speak to him and increase irrational Behavior so I am going home to be with WW.
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she is incredibly disappointed I am concerned that she will speak to him and increase irrational Behavior so I am going home to be with WW. Your WW is "disappointed" that you don't trust her? I don't understand what you are saying.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am concerned that the daughter will speak to om causing an irrational outburst. We put the envelope in the mailbox this morning our pickup is in the afternoon after talking with WW, I realized that her sister convinced her to modify the letter. WW told me she wanted to change it and said she would wait until I got home to send it
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I called WW's enabler sister tonight to inform her of my concerns. She knows about the A (but didn't offer any info), but she knew nothing about the crimes. Is this the sister that your W is getting advice regarding NCL from? Someone you called an enabler? She needs to discuss recovery of this marriage with you and stop talking to the sister.
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SusieQ, the SIL in quotes is Facili-SIL. SIL today is not enabler, but still thinks this is about feelings and closure.
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I am concerned that the daughter will speak to om causing an irrational outburst. We put the envelope in the mailbox this morning our pickup is in the afternoon after talking with WW, I realized that her sister convinced her to modify the letter. WW told me she wanted to change it and said she would wait until I got home to send it I am sooo confused. Why would your DD speak to the OM? How would she have any contact?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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SusieQ, the SIL in quotes is Facili-SIL. SIL today is not enabler, but still thinks this is about feelings and closure. The SIL needs to butt out and stay out of this. She has no earthly idea what she is doing.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am concerned that the daughter will speak to om causing an irrational outburst. We put the envelope in the mailbox this morning our pickup is in the afternoon after talking with WW, I realized that her sister convinced her to modify the letter. WW told me she wanted to change it and said she would wait until I got home to send it I am sooo confused. Why would your DD speak to the OM? How would she have any contact? I think he means the OM's DD that he exposed to is going to confront OM and then OM will then do something.
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SusieQ, the SIL in quotes is Facili-SIL. SIL today is not enabler, but still thinks this is about feelings and closure. Did you hear this NCL advice from the SIL yourself?? Because wanting closure is wayward speak.
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Thanks SusiQ That is it exactly. OM's daughter just got the message, and likely will confront OM> I wanted to be here in case that happens. I took off work tomorrow too.
WW added one line to the above letter, and I do not object.
"I have given this a lot of thought, and my feelings for you have changed. I am committed to my marriage..."
I know it is not the stock letter, but it is not adding any sorrow or regret to the mix, simply stating a fact.
I did hear this directly from SIL about closure. It does sound like WW speak. She also said that WW should unblock OM to see what he says. I pointedly explained that this is a "no contact" letter, and that this is a deal breaker if it doesn't happen properly.
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She also said that WW should unblock OM to see what he says. Yikes. That's the opposite of what you want. This SIL needs to get out of the picture, pronto.
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I did hear this directly from SIL about closure. It does sound like WW speak. She also said that WW should unblock OM to see what he says. I pointedly explained that this is a "no contact" letter, and that this is a deal breaker if it doesn't happen properly. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Have you told your children?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Another setback. WW discovered web watcher due to a software glitch. She was upset. She didn't demand that I remove it but made it clear it was a problem. This has not been a good day. I know the flags that this throws.
She said that she was upset that I lied to her after we agreed to radical honesty. When she aked if I was reading her texts, I said no.
I pointed out that I hadn't betrayed her, and that I had caught lies since d-day, such as severity of PA details. It was a back and forth that went nowhere fast.
I offered to install it on my phone as well, but ended up uninstalling it from hers.
I don't feel good about this at all.
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