What do I do now? I'm so lonely.

What do you do now? You survive... and you WILL survive....I know....I thought it was the end of my world and I found my courage, I found my self esteem, I found my confidence, I found my strength....to the point where I no longer survive, I thrive....and you will too....but for now, you survive.

AprilMay, are you eating, sleeping and taking care of your basic health needs?

Now would be a great time to find a women's workout group, volunteer groups such as the local food bank or shelter, or other hobby groups. Especially if you can find things to do while your son is away it will help you through the transition.

Yes, I am eating and sleeping better now than before. I am going to try to find some other things to do. Right now I am still doing my salsa class and trying to reach out to friends. I am having dinner with a friend tonight and then I am going to visit my college BFF this weekend

So WS asked if he can respond to my letter? That's all my sister said. I realized I didn't say anything in the letter about how to contact me if he wants to talk about reconciling? I know it's too soon but I am just curious

He can respond to her and she can pass on only:

1. pertinent information about child visitation, finances
2. a willingness to reconcile that includes the commitment to a) end his affair, b) leave his job and c) recover the marriage

all in her own words.

Anything else should be never be passed onto you. I expect he will say things to try to get you to break Plan B but without making any commitments. In other words, he will want you to make the changes rather than him. I expect a longwinded fogbabble letter blaming you for his affair. That should never get to you!

Please tell your sister she can email me and I will help her.

He probably wants to debate with you over the letter. That should not happen.

So he sent her a message to tell her that as of Monday he's ceased all contact with his AP. He didn't say anything about reconciling or anything, just that.

If he hasn't quit his job then he hasn't ceased all contact with his AP.

Oh yeah, I know this. I know he is interviewing for a new job. I'm sure he'll tell me (her) when he gets a new one.

Get her to re-send the Plan B letter. I don't have time to read back through the thread, but your letter should have told him what he needed to do if he wanted to be reconciled with you. Simply stating that he has ceased all contact is not good enough. He stated that before, but they were still having their affair. What concrete measures did you ask for, in order that you would consider reconciliation?

I know he hasn't mentioned reconciliation, but why else did he write this to her? He wants to go back home, but he wants to do so on his terms.

Nah-uh.

If he does tell her when he gets a new one, she should not pass that on to you. She should not pass on any information that is not 100% in compliance to your conditions.

He will try to make good will efforts to sneak his way back into your life. Giving up the OW for a DAY does not mean anything. Interviewing for different jobs does not mean anything. You need a willingness to comply to your conditions 100%, and anything less than that should not even reach your ears.

WEll, if they work together, he hasn't ceased all contact. Can you ask her to email me and i will help her navigate through this?

It said this:
"Until your affair ends, and you are willing to follow a plan of reconciliation with me, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. (My sister) will be available to make arrangements for (son) and for all other communication. If you want to communicate about (son) or any other matter, it will have to be through her. I will not be available to talk by any means, as it is too painful for me to do so.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your actions, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you might be together. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your relationship, follow precautions to avoid absolutely any contact with the other person, and join me in a plan to restore our relationship, I will be willing to discuss our future together with you. I respect your desire to work on your own emotional struggles and your feelings of being unhappy in our relationship, but in my heart I do not want to permanently separate from you."

More or less. This was the original version which I tweaked a bit with Melody's help.

Ok. I will reiterate that to her.

Ok she is going to call me later so I will tell her to contact you.

April, or you can just emphasize the letter to her as unwritten and Sugarcane posted. That is the key. Until he has committed to all of your conditions, there is nothing to discuss. He can't just claim to have ended his affair and done nothing to end it. Talk means nothing with a WS. As long as they still work together he certainly hasn't met that condition.

Does your sister understand the conditions of your recovery? It is important for her to understand, so she can weed through his fogbabble. That is the reason for an IM, to read through the fogbabble and not pass it on to you until he is meeting the conditions 100% and is completely on board with your conditions.

Ok, understood. I will let her know.

Ok, I get it. So even just a partial change (like "ending" contact with AP) is not enough. I need to tell her to remind him that I will have zero contact until all conditions are met.