You got it! He will try and negotiate the conditions and they are NOT NEGOTIABLE. This is where it can get scary for a new IM. He will throw out some crumbs and she will worry about making mistakes. This is where I can help her.

I will be on and off all today because I have a funeral, but you have some great posters helping you, unwritten and Sugarcane.

What have you been doing to fill up your free time April? You had a great suggestion to look into hobbies or interests, have you done that? Plan B is a great time to focus on you and the things you have always wanted to do.

Tell us some things you might be interested in and how you can start pursuing them.

I know Plan B is scary and you are probably focused mentally on your WH and how this is going to play out. You are doing so great and now is the time to stop worrying about WH and start thinking about you and moving forward. You are a strong woman who has set some very clear boundaries and will not accept crumbs. It is possible your WH will eventually come around, but until then move in a direction that enhances your life.

You're right. I am focusing to much on WH. I need to stop that.

I am taking a salsa class, and I have that tonight. I plan to sign up for another one once this session is over (3 more weeks). I just had dinner with my friend last night and she was telling me about a new yoga studio she is trying and really likes, I told her I'd go with her sometime, so that's another. I am going out of town on Friday to visit my other friend from college, and spend some time with her since we never see each other. I am trying to get back into the groove of my work because it's fallen behind. I have lost close to 20 lbs through this whole ordeal (which frankly I needed to lose), but now that my appetite is back I'm worried it will all creep back on so I am going to try to work out regularly. I don't want to have to put away the new clothes I just bought because I got fat again! lol

Other than that, I do have some blank canvases and new paints I would like to use. I do want to go out and about more, especially with my son during the day since we spend so much time indoors. Maybe read some books, go out to a movie or to dinner with my sisters or friends...stuff like that.

I wouldn't describe "ending contact with AP" as a just partial change. It is a huge change. It is 90% of what you are shooting for. If he had really done that, you could talk to him while establishing the other conditions for recovery, such as transparency about all communications (phone and laptop passwords etc), and moving away, if necessary. You could talk about the lifestyle changes you would both have to make, to ensure that an affair is not possible in the future. Certainly he cannot make decisions about such things as moving away without talking to you.

The point I was making is that ending contact is not achieved by his not having talked to her since Monday. As others pointed out, if he still works with her, contact will happen at any moment. Contact has merely been deferred.

I was also saying that you must not believe that contact has ended just because he says it has. My point was that he has said this before and it wasn't true. You need a much more concrete measure than his mere word that contact has ended. His acquiring another job, followed by his agreement to everything else you demand, is the kind of concrete action that you can evidence.

Last night WS high school best friend called me. I had exposed to him with everyone else last week. He wanted to tell me about his wife's affair and how he got through it. She did and said all the same things as WS and he went through hell, as I have been. He didn't separate from her, he wouldn't let her move out or anything and then he finally got to the point where he was done and said he was leaving and that's when she snapped back. This was apparently 6 years ago. It was nice talking to someone who has felt the same things that I am feeling and that knows WS. He said he's tried to text him but he's just gotten very cold, distant responses that don't sound like his friend at all. He doesn't recognize the person WS is either. Apparently WS told him all the same mumbo jumbo about not being "happy" for so long or whatever. He reassured me that his wife was exactly the same way. I actually am so glad I exposed to everyone and that I'm able to get some support from such unlikely sources. I don't know what's going to happen, but I feel very much sympathized with and listened to with those people that's I've told.

April, that is so nice he contacted you. Just so you know, Dr Harley does not give the same advice to betrayed husbands that he gives to betrayed wives. He doesn't ever recommend that a BH asks a WW to move out. He does give that advice to betrayed wives.

That's so interesting to me. I wonder what the psychology is behind that.

I'm so lonely today. I feel like my best friend died. I don't know how to live without talking to him. I should hate his guts but I don't.

Because betrayed wifes can't handle being around a wayward Husband (who hasn't ended their affair and committed to recovery) more than 3 weeks before it starts to effect them physically and mentally. Betrayed husband's can handle it a lot more 6months to 2 years and that's why Dr. Harley advises women different than men.

So WS has been following the "rules" to the letter. He only contacts my sister and does not attempt to talk to me when we exchange our son. We are having a massive snowstorm and he emailed to tell her that he would snow blow our driveway this afternoon. I told her to tell him no thank you. I did it myself, even though it's not something I would normally ever do. I did have a breakdown because my car was stuck and I just got so ANGRY at him. For abandoning me, our home, for reneging on his vows to stick by me in good times and bad... I was just in there crying and screaming about how much I hate him.

Also, we had worked out a deal where I would keep the dog if he came every day to exercise him. We had a schedule set up on a shared google calendar and he was coming everyday this week. All the blinds shut, I just sent the dog out he'd exercise him and then leave. No contact. BUT I can't handle the dog. It's not enough to exercise him once a day. He's too high energy and needy. He ripped up a library book and the next day a new sweatshirt of my sons. I told him today he needs to get rid of the dog (through IM). So he's taking him back to the breeder on Sunday. I feel awful because my son is devastated. I am planning to look into adopting a cat to try to ease him through losing the dog. Cats are more my thing, and no fist sized bruises from one ramming into your leg at full speed.

I have appointments for me for therapy and I just set one up with a child psychologist for my son the first week of December. I hope it will help him work through this whole thing. I feel things are just going to feel rough now that the holidays are approaching.

Got another couple messages from AP FB contacts. One was mean and telling me to stop what I was doing that I was borderline committing a crime and could be arrested (lol), and another was nice from a coworker of hers that confirmed she saw them walking back in September (regardless of his bs that they only stared "hanging out" after he told me he wanted out beginning of October). She said AP was acting "weird" ...gee I wonder why...an illicit affair with a married man will make you paranoid I'm sure. It was nice to get further confirmation that I have not been a crazy person.

Just wanted to update and vent a bit. Thanks for reading.

Well he tried to text me. Right now I still have the same number so he can contact me for emergencies when he has my son. I didn't respond to the text and told my sister to email him and tell him to contact her directly through email with his concerns. I think the fact that I am not bending and coddling him is starting to get to him. Who knows, maybe he really did break off contact with the OP and he's withdrawing and is finally starting to feel alone. I couldn't care less at this point. I'm so mad at him.

You did great by having your sister contact him. I would - right now - block him so he cannot text you. If he has an emergency, he can call the police or your sister.

If he is able to contact you, you will not have any peace EVER.