I just spoke with WW and asked her to take the test tomorrow. I want to save the "sanctity" of Valentine's day. She said she would, begrudgingly. She swears she is telling the truth, and why would we need it. When I gently remind her, she says I am pouring salt on wounds. I said I am simply asking her to take the test, and not forcing her to do anything, but she still acts like it is me forcing my will on her.

I billed it as an opportunity to provide a platform on which to rebuild trust. She sees it as an ultimatum and form of humiliation.

It's good you are sticking to your guns. No more discussion about it from here out though. Once the test is over it's time to move on to the next steps of recovery.

She is now calling on her family to help her refuse to take the test. We just got off the phone with her father who made her promise not to take the test.

Forged, there is only one reason she is so adamant about not taking the test.

This is not unusual. Many WS's initially (although reluctantly) agree, and the closer it gets find more and more reasons to why it is distasteful to take the polygraph. Almost always, when pushed, they make additional confessions at the last minute.

Just be prepared for this.

She was hoping you'd relent, and you didn't so now she using her father to try and bully you. That's weak.

Don't give in. Insist on her taking the test. It's an extraordinary precaution that safeguards you. You have a right to feel safe in your marriage, and she has a responsibility as a spouse to ensure you are safe.

If she still refuses, I would write to Dr. Harley and ask him to address this on his radio show.

I would welcome new revelations because that would be a step towards openness. Adamantly swearing that she is telling the truth is just more of the same.

I am hurt and disappointed, and I am having a hard time seeing through the red flags.

She will refuse. She has her father, sisters and IC saying that it is a bad idea.

Can you provide details again on how to write Dr Harley? I can't think clearly right now.

Why is it a bad idea to do whatever it takes to make you feel safe? Why is it a bad idea to pay you just compensation?

You CAN think clearly. You know this is a bad idea *if she fails* There is no other reason it is a bad idea.

I think it is just and reasonable to take the test. Unfortunately she has made it clear that she doesn't plan on following through with just compensation. I am mailing NC today. She hand wrote it to script, but questions the need for it.

Her IC doesn't know what she's talking about. That's why it's important to buttress your argument with the testimony of Dr. Harley who has saved thousands of marriages, something I'm sure her IC and family haven't done. Read below the instructions for getting on the program. Let Joyce know this is urgent and ask graciously for a timely response:

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.

I found the radio address. I will email dr. Harley

Since she is refusing to take the polygraph, you must let her know that you believe the reason she won't is because she is hiding something. Rather than making this a deal breaker right away, I'd wait to hear back from Dr. Harley should you decide to write to him about your wife's refusal to take the Poly. After you hear his reply, I would share it with her and move forward based on what Dr. Harley advises.

Her stonewalling on this issue is pushing you up to the line.

How old are your kids? Are they out of the home or still living there? I ask because the POSOM is a danger to them. I would contact an attorney and start planning on making sure they are safe and with 100% of the time in case you two split up. This is simply taking precautions for the safety of your kids.

Does your WW know that if she does reveal the full truth to you that reconciliation is still possible? That you will not "punish" her but that this is what you need in order to move forward?

I would keep repeating that you want to give her to feel safe to reveal the 100% truth to you and that you would like to recover the marriage but that your marriage isn't going to make it if she keeps lying. Tell her that refusal to take the poly when she had already agreed tells you that she is hiding something.

I would keep the appointment and tell her that you expect her to go. Don't cancel it.

They are quite young, 6 I think and the OM has a criminal record including sexual charges against a minor and Forge's WW has already left the DD alone with the OM.

Forged, I hope you are going to fill Dr Harley in on these details about the OM and the fact that your WW is a multiple offender.

I agree about seeing a lawyer to protect your kids. Your WW is fogged out and basically in an active affair with someone that is dangerous. Your children's safetly has to come first.

wait om is a pedo and she's still seeing him?
dude you need to put your foot down on this like now.

you need to protect your kids man

I will be speaking with a lawyer today. I tried to cling to the belief that you "cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war", but my children come first.

OM was convicted through plea deal to multiple counts of unlawful dealing with a minor, and 3rd degree sexual assault. Basically statutory rape. Also convicted of solicitation for assault, 1st degree assault, and other charges related to hiring thugs to have his EXW boyfriend assaulted.

WW allowed DS6 to ride in a combine with OM before D-day1. after that time, they have not come in contact with OM. They are alerted to the danger of OM, and have let me know the one time they saw him from a distance while riding in the car with me.

WW has consistently allowed technical accountability, and I am also tracking with a couple of methods and devices. I do not believe she is currently in communication, but that could change at a moment's notice. I do believe she is still hiding information since she refuses the poly test.

She is wasting away before my eyes, from withdrawal and guilt. I am encouraging her to continue speaking with our pastor, to help her through these dark times. I don't fully believe that antidepressants are a good idea, since they can dull the guilt that she needs to feel.

I have drafted a letter to Dr Harley that I will send today. I spelled out the entire situation, and requested expeditious attention due to the danger to the children.

Make sure to mention your WW's threats of suicide to the lawyer as well. I would be really careful about leaving your kids alone with her right now.