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It does sound as though the initial question from ML was on target: Did/does your WW support you financially?

Many of your posts indicate that you are not financially supporting yourself. Don't worry about looking for fulfilling hobbies if you don't currently have gainful employment.

A husband not diligent in providing financial support for his wife and children, while the wife works full time, regardless of other circumstances in the marriage/children, is a HUGE LB (love buster) for any wife.

This could be the #1 thing you need to fix in your life, from the sound of what you have posted, reading your whole thread.

From a family court's standpoint, determining income/financial responsibility is weighed considerably as part of a parent's competency in custody and visitation rulings.



Married 31 years, 5 kids, 4 GK



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Originally Posted by TheLongRun
It does sound as though the initial question from ML was on target: Did/does your WW support you financially?

Many of your posts indicate that you are not financially supporting yourself. Don't worry about looking for fulfilling hobbies if you don't currently have gainful employment.

A husband not diligent in providing financial support for his wife and children, while the wife works full time, regardless of other circumstances in the marriage/children, is a HUGE LB (love buster) for any wife.

This could be the #1 thing you need to fix in your life, from the sound of what you have posted, reading your whole thread.

From a family court's standpoint, determining income/financial responsibility is weighed considerably as part of a parent's competency in custody and visitation rulings.

Thank you TheLongRun for the guidance. Your post builds my ambition. It is very helpful. It can only give me the drive. I am taking this as the #1 thing to fix. I am not going to worry about hobbies. All the time is focused on succeeding financially and with kids.

We supported each other. They were down moments job-wise for each of us. I can mention that she controlled our finances, never gave me a chance to do that, she is getting all the income from our multifamily house, and the lawyers and court have not done anything, I was a trailing spouse for her expat job, supported her for career growth and that I pay my fee for forensics but this does not help me grow. I do not want to be in the victim "mode." I want to succeed like you are saying.

I cannot say much or strategies as for now because I may ask for the thread to be taken down because the court is likely to take the devices for forensics and she has shown signs that she may have discovered this thread because this computer was setup with her password. The results from computer forensics will show that I am visiting this site.

Last edited by WierdSituation; 06/03/17 09:46 AM.

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Update:
She has violated custody order many times refusing to release the kids. She wants the kids when it is convenient for her. I filed police reports as per my lawyers' instructions. Her mom(MIL) was visiting from abroad and at one point WW refused to release our son to me on his graduation day when he was suppose to come with me according to court order. Mom left after one month without seeing the kids that much because of the current custody arrangement. Not sure what MIL thinks.

She performed drama in front of police refusing to take kids' school bags(with books and home work) while she and kids went to meet her friend was visiting from abroad ith her husband and kids. I guess she may have told her friend that she has custody of the kids and the friend would have been surprised that they have the bags when she was picking them up from me. She dragged the kids even when the police was saying she should let the kids take their bags. Police said she is being a diva, I should have married a man, blah. blah.

I do not know for how long I can take this drams. If it happens in the presence of police what will happen in the future?


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Court ordered her to pay her part for the forensics to complete. She says she has no money. Her lawyers want to relieve themselves of their duties because she is not able to pay them.

I painted two rooms in the house we rent out. Kids told her this and she then went to change the locks saying by email that she was moving there because she could not afford rents. Turns out she was not moving. She just wanted to get tenants to get the money. She is a getting too much money from the house income.

I do not believe she does not have money.

Multiple times she asks for things from me that have already been delivered to her through her lawyer. Not sure why does this?


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She has not shown me the school report cards. My nanny went to take kids on the last day of school. Instead WW went to pick up the kids and the report cards. She was not supposed to do that as it was my turn to take the kids from school as per court order. The nanny felt so uncomfortable.


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My question: What do I do? How do you deal with such dysfunction? Even the lawyers cannot do anything they say. They say they cannot change her. She keeps getting away with all this. I am exhausted from all this. I want to straighten my family and its health. I fell so powerless when my family is getting destroyed by one person. The drama never ends. Kids are suffering. She is lying to kids too. Many times I just feel if she could be out of lives it would be better. Any advice?


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Your lawyer needs to file a Motion for Contempt against her for violating the Court order.

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Originally Posted by Brits_Brat
Your lawyer needs to file a Motion for Contempt against her for violating the Court order.
My lawyer is choosing a peaceful route. My lawyer wrote to the opposing lawyer mentioning all the events instead of filing a motion. The court here does not like motions. All this make her get away with many things.


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I've been practicing law for 31 years in many jurisdictions and never once have I ever heard that a court doesn't like motions. AND if I remember correctly, you live in a state I'm licensed in.

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Originally Posted by Brits_Brat
I've been practicing law for 31 years in many jurisdictions and never once have I ever heard that a court doesn't like motions. AND if I remember correctly, you live in a state I'm licensed in.

Thank you Brits_Brat. The judge does not like motions. OW has filed frivolous motions and the judge is very mad. He does not like her motion practice. He has warned us not to file motions and solve things with our lawyers because filing motions is expensive. Anyone(OW or me) who will file a motion will not look good to him. Hw wants the case done.


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Originally Posted by WierdSituation
Court ordered her to pay her part for the forensics to complete. She says she has no money. Her lawyers want to relieve themselves of their duties because she is not able to pay them.

I painted two rooms in the house we rent out. Kids told her this and she then went to change the locks saying by email that she was moving there because she could not afford rents. Turns out she was not moving. She just wanted to get tenants to get the money. She is a getting too much money from the house income.

I do not believe she does not have money.

Multiple times she asks for things from me that have already been delivered to her through her lawyer. Not sure why does this?

OK. This is not fun. "Mistake". May get permanent TOP from her frivolous acts.

She moved to the floor above the ground floor instead. Kids inform me. She moved to the house that she had thrown me to and had said I should have kids because it is far from school. I moved back into the neighborhood and now she moved to the house.

I went to the house changed the locks she had changed for the ground floor (we use it for short term rentals. not her apartment) because I wanted to move to the ground floor and not pay exorbitant rent in the neighborhood I live. Kids had told me the 2 rooms had not been occupied and that only one tenant was in the 3rd room. In changing the locks I realized that one the 2 rooms had a tenant after the locksmith opened it. She had not told me that she had put a tenant. I wrote an apology not for the tenant and left my number. WW filed for TOP in the Family Court saying I broke into her apartment. She did not file it the Supreme Court where I was case is being handled. It not her apartment. She said I broke into her guest. It is a tenant. The apartments have separate entrances from the street.

We went to Family court and kids were removed from the TOP. my lawYers are trying to consolidate the case in one court. My lawyer say I am likely to get a permanent TOP even though the she got it frivolously because I went to the house. She also went to Family court because she knew the Supreme Court judge would not give it to her. Mind you she got the TOP in a frivolous way had expired in early this year.

Now: I may never be able to reveal the affair if I get a permanent OP which would last for 2 years. Revealing after 2 years may get me another OP. and maybe late for the affair.

Any advice or thoughts? How to proceed?


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Originally Posted by WierdSituation
Originally Posted by Brits_Brat
I've been practicing law for 31 years in many jurisdictions and never once have I ever heard that a court doesn't like motions. AND if I remember correctly, you live in a state I'm licensed in.

Thank you Brits_Brat. The judge does not like motions. OW has filed frivolous motions and the judge is very mad. He does not like her motion practice. He has warned us not to file motions and solve things with our lawyers because filing motions is expensive. Anyone(OW or me) who will file a motion will not look good to him. Hw wants the case done.

Brits_Bats, the lawyers finally filed a motion today asking that the kids stay with me, that she gets supervised visitations based on many acts she has done including the frivolous -based TOP and alienating me from the kids. The lawyers said the judge will wait for the custody forensics first.

Last edited by WierdSituation; 09/14/17 07:15 PM.

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What is the best way to deal with friends or people who take the other(WW) side in a divorce?


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Originally Posted by WierdSituation
What is the best way to deal with friends or people who take the other(WW) side in a divorce?


Cut them out of your life.


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Originally Posted by living_well
Originally Posted by WierdSituation
What is the best way to deal with friends or people who take the other(WW) side in a divorce?


Cut them out of your life.
Thank you very much living_well. It is good to hear this because that is the path I was thinking but I was hesitant. I am game on. I am able to do this very well.


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Update:

I cannot afford the divorce bills anymore. My lawyers just told me they will not be able to keep representing me because it's business and they need to pay their staff. They cannot wait for the judgement on the house to get paid. I do not know what to do.

OW's lawyer fired OW two months ago because she went to Family Court without telling her lawyer, judge and our Supreme Court where our case is being held. They gave an excuse that she was not able to pay. Both of us do not have lawyers anymore. I cannot trust that OW will not get another lawyer.


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She just got a full time job. we both have jobs. For the last 13 months she has lied to both Family and Supreme Courts that she has not been working. I know she has been freelancing.

I know the companies. Lawyers had said there is nothing that can be done about it? Any ideas on what can be done to someone who is lying about working? Lying for child support and alimony. I was thinking these companies can be subpoenaed. is it ok to write to this companies saying what she is doing is not moral for the well-being of the kids.


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Originally Posted by WierdSituation
She just got a full time job. we both have jobs. For the last 13 months she has lied to both Family and Supreme Courts that she has not been working. I know she has been freelancing.

I know the companies. Lawyers had said there is nothing that can be done about it? Any ideas on what can be done to someone who is lying about working? Lying for child support and alimony. I was thinking these companies can be subpoenaed. is it ok to write to this companies saying what she is doing is not moral for the well-being of the kids.
Is there anyway you can get another lawyer?


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Originally Posted by WierdSituation
She just got a full time job. we both have jobs. For the last 13 months she has lied to both Family and Supreme Courts that she has not been working. I know she has been freelancing.

I know the companies. Lawyers had said there is nothing that can be done about it? Any ideas on what can be done to someone who is lying about working? Lying for child support and alimony. I was thinking these companies can be subpoenaed. is it ok to write to this companies saying what she is doing is not moral for the well-being of the kids.


Don't write to the company. That will just make you look crazy. But lying about income to collect child support and alimony is (in theory at least) fraud. You can subpoena the company for her 1099s but the judge will need to agree.


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I am looking into these options:
1. cheaper lawyers - hard to pay them because I am negative
2. I heard from one person who went through divorce that if I have a lawyer and she does not have one the judge is going to think I have money to burn and she does not have and he will judge in her favor. Is this true?
3. Ask the court for a state(free) lawyer. I do not know if it is possible when we have a house and I am working.

I guess it is not advisable to present oneself. Right?


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