Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 13 of 50 1 2 11 12 13 14 15 49 50
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
A
amac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
What should I tell the family members to say to her?

What should I tell the family members to say to my H?


BW (Me): 39
FWH: 39
DD: 5
DS: 3

D-Day 1: 5/8/17
Plan B started: 6/19/17
For real: 11/13/17-4/3/18
Affair ended: 3/25/18

DD 2: 2/14/20

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1


Originally Posted by amac
What can he do to fight for his marriage? I agree the adoption is the best leverage.

Should he threaten divorce unless she stops contact?

He should not threaten divorce, he should fight the affair. What you and he should do is cause as much trouble as possible in the affair. For example, you should call her parents and use the talking points in my exposure thread. Use the suggestions for exposure that you have been given. Ask him to call your H's parents and ask them to use their influence to persuade their son to leave his wife alone.

There is a lot of "they know" about the affair, but it doesn't seem they really do know. And I don't understand how her parents could "know" if the OWH thought it was a friendship.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by amac
OWH said his brother and sister know about the affair, he said his brother said this situation is BS and has gotten a lawyer for him.

I want to clarify that the purpose of exposure is not to spread gossip, but to enlist support and apply pressure to the affair. If the affairees do not even know these ppl know, the purpose is negated. And sure, some ppl will not reach out to the affairee, but the affairee should find out about the exposures regardless.

I want to make sure you know this, because yesterday you mentioned your concern that the OWH would tell the OW you spoke.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by amac
What should I tell the family members to say to her?

What should I tell the family members to say to my H?

Did you read my exposure thread?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
A
amac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
He thought it was a friendship when they first started chatting. He said she was talking to alot of people and would tell him about who they chatted with. He said he was naive but she has since told him that she is in love with my H.


BW (Me): 39
FWH: 39
DD: 5
DS: 3

D-Day 1: 5/8/17
Plan B started: 6/19/17
For real: 11/13/17-4/3/18
Affair ended: 3/25/18

DD 2: 2/14/20

Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
A
amac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
Your right, I was just concerned if OW knew about our contact she would find ways to block me again.


BW (Me): 39
FWH: 39
DD: 5
DS: 3

D-Day 1: 5/8/17
Plan B started: 6/19/17
For real: 11/13/17-4/3/18
Affair ended: 3/25/18

DD 2: 2/14/20

Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
A
amac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
Yes I was just re- reading it.

Ok, I have potential phone numbers of OW sibilings, I will call them. I will ask them to call my H.

I know I should ask OWH to call my in laws, but I know they wont like it! Since I filed for divorce they have been a bit reticent towards me and now have the mind that I should just "let it go." I think they would just tell me to stop these things and it would make my H feel more justified in his position towards me.


BW (Me): 39
FWH: 39
DD: 5
DS: 3

D-Day 1: 5/8/17
Plan B started: 6/19/17
For real: 11/13/17-4/3/18
Affair ended: 3/25/18

DD 2: 2/14/20

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by amac
Yes I was just re- reading it.

Ok, I have potential phone numbers of OW sibilings, I will call them. I will ask them to call my H.

GEt ahold of her parents and family members and ask them to reach out to HER, not your H.

Quote
I know I should ask OWH to call my in laws, but I know they wont like it! Since I filed for divorce they have been a bit reticent towards me and now have the mind that I should just "let it go." I think they would just tell me to stop these things and it would make my H feel more justified in his position towards me.

This has noting to do with you, their son is shagging his wife!! He has a right to ask them to persuade their son to leave his marriage alone. It is not your fault their son is having an affair with his wife.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 789
Likes: 4
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 789
Likes: 4
Do they know you were pregnant and alone when your husband and OW were slaughtering your marriage?

Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
A
amac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
Just had a long conversation with OW brother. Her family knows everything they have not been speaking to her for the last couple months when they found out about the affair. The OW brother said he tried to contact me but my ahole husband threatened them with a restraining order.

They have told me some really scary things about them. How OW is trying to get fake boobs now and is trying to get 1 million from her husband in order to make him divorce. I'm so disgusted right now. How can I fight for this man?

The OW brother gave him his mothers phone number and I am going to call her tonight.


BW (Me): 39
FWH: 39
DD: 5
DS: 3

D-Day 1: 5/8/17
Plan B started: 6/19/17
For real: 11/13/17-4/3/18
Affair ended: 3/25/18

DD 2: 2/14/20

Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
A
amac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
Yes, brother said when they found out about the affair he looked me up on Facebook and saw that I was pregnant. The family sounds like good people. They do not approve of what she is doing at all.

But again, this has been going on for months. This exposure is not stopping them.


BW (Me): 39
FWH: 39
DD: 5
DS: 3

D-Day 1: 5/8/17
Plan B started: 6/19/17
For real: 11/13/17-4/3/18
Affair ended: 3/25/18

DD 2: 2/14/20

Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
A
amac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
I am so disgusted. I want to call WH and tell him everything I know and ask him how can he be this person!!


BW (Me): 39
FWH: 39
DD: 5
DS: 3

D-Day 1: 5/8/17
Plan B started: 6/19/17
For real: 11/13/17-4/3/18
Affair ended: 3/25/18

DD 2: 2/14/20

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by amac
Yes, brother said when they found out about the affair he looked me up on Facebook and saw that I was pregnant. The family sounds like good people. They do not approve of what she is doing at all.

But again, this has been going on for months. This exposure is not stopping them.

First off, exposure only stops an affair dead in its tracks about 50% of the time. The longer the affair is kept secret, the harder it is to bust up, BUT it can hasten it's death. You should call the OW's parents and ask them to reach out to their daughter and ask her to end her affair.

Tell this to them: "there is no future for your daughter with my husband becasue she wll be eternally hated by my children and my inlaws for her part in breaking up our marriage."

You should also reach out to the OW and give her that same message.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Does the OW have a facebook page?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
A
amac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
Yes. I plan to. OW brother gave me the mothers phone number and I will call her when she get off work.


BW (Me): 39
FWH: 39
DD: 5
DS: 3

D-Day 1: 5/8/17
Plan B started: 6/19/17
For real: 11/13/17-4/3/18
Affair ended: 3/25/18

DD 2: 2/14/20

Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
A
amac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
She does. I looked up her family on there and that is how i was able to message them in the first place.


BW (Me): 39
FWH: 39
DD: 5
DS: 3

D-Day 1: 5/8/17
Plan B started: 6/19/17
For real: 11/13/17-4/3/18
Affair ended: 3/25/18

DD 2: 2/14/20

Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
A
amac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
OW brother told me such horrible things. They don't seem to care about having no friends or family. He says they want to extort OWH for money and vacation for the rest of their lives. Truly evil.


BW (Me): 39
FWH: 39
DD: 5
DS: 3

D-Day 1: 5/8/17
Plan B started: 6/19/17
For real: 11/13/17-4/3/18
Affair ended: 3/25/18

DD 2: 2/14/20

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Originally Posted by amac
This exposure is not stopping them.
Your WH and this OW have gone to extreme lengths to stop you from exposing. You told us you were afraid of making your WH angry with exposure, because he had gotten angry before.

Those are very good signs, amac. Stop writing exposure off before you've even completed this step, ok?!


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
A
amac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 419
What are good signs? OW family knows already and have told her to stop months ago and they aren't stopping. Same with my H.

I dont regert doing the exposure. I know it has to be done. And it is nice to see that OW family are actually good people which gives me some hope she has a conscious but exposure is doing nothing to deter them. I'm just getting more hopeless and disgusted with everything I hear.


BW (Me): 39
FWH: 39
DD: 5
DS: 3

D-Day 1: 5/8/17
Plan B started: 6/19/17
For real: 11/13/17-4/3/18
Affair ended: 3/25/18

DD 2: 2/14/20

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by amac
She does. I looked up her family on there and that is how i was able to message them in the first place.

I would expose to a crapload of her family and friends on facebook. Do you know how to do that?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Page 13 of 50 1 2 11 12 13 14 15 49 50

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 462 guests, and 55 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,838 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5