Hey everyone who has been helping me out here Thank you all so very much. My wife has ask me to print out alot of topic here for us to share together!! qshe wants to read some of the topics here but the kids are always up and we never have free time together so she ask for me to print some things out and to put them in our room so she can read them at night before bed. We both have agreed to write down 5 of our most important emotional needs and to share them together this weekend. I feel right now that I have to listen to her and to be there for her got to get rid of the op first. the only contact is through e-mail so I have to love him out of her life.Everything is looking up for now I have to keep moving forward and keep on my toes. This has been the first time that I have felt good in a very long timethis site has given me hope and the people who respond have already been through this so thank you all for the help and the warm welcome Dad

How wonderful that she is willing to read the posts! Best of luck to you and I will be praying for you!!!

I'm very happy for you. A word of caution...there may still be some waffling on your W's part. By that I mean, and I'm going from my own experience, my H would say he'd do it all one day (the EN's questionnaire, the counseling, etc.), then by the next day, he was totally NOT wanting to do any of those things. I do NOT want to put a damper on things for you, that is not my intention, just wanted you to know that (as most of us have been) this may be the start of a roller coaster ride for you. My prayers go out to you and your W that she means what she is saying to you...

Myownme thanks for the warning ! nothing is suprising me any more. Her affair ended back in jan of 2001 and I found out about it back in june.But she still E-mails him 1 or 2 times aweek. We have been on this rollercoaster for awhile now But I'm having a very hard time beliving her most of the time now. What really gets me is our very family is on the line here and she tells me one thing then does another thinking that I won't find out about it.The lies hurt more than anything else does. We are going to counseling on the 25th of this month my 14 year old daughter has found out that we are goingbut does not know the truth behind it all I'm trying very hard for her not to find out the truth but my wife fails to see the truth in all this because if she contiues with the e-mails and things get wrose for us it will all come out and our kids our the ones that are going to pay the price for the affair. I'm trying the best that I can and trying not to let anger in the way but it sure is hard to do at times.I'm so worried that the truth will be shown to my 14 year old girl and if this happens this will just kill her and her mother will not have a snow balls chance in @$#% with her for a very long time. I do not want the kids to ever find out! This is to painful for everybody but the kids they will be the one to really pay the price. I just hope my wife will clear the fogin her head and I hope she means what she says but not letting to much of my guard down! Well thanks again Dad

One thing that you need to know. Your kids love you both. I went about things the WRONG way. I've got a son who's 17 and twin girls who are 15. They all know about their dad's A. They hated him at first, but the bottom line is that you are both their parents and they love you. When I told the kids that their father was coming back home (he'd been gone 4 months), I expected them to be happy; they were SOOO angry. They were angry because they wanted to protect me from further pain. I explained to them that the whole time their father and I had been separated, I had hopes of repairing our marriage. I said that I loved them for their concern, but that it was my decision to make. The main thing you can do if they do find out is to assure them that no matter WHAT they think, what their mother is doing is NOT about them! Let them know that their mother is human and that every human on the face of this earth makes mistakes. I know it's sometimes very hard to defend the very person who is hurting you so badly, but it's the very best thing you can do for your children (and one day, it will end up being a HUGE love unit deposit for your wife). My H has been home for 2 months. For the first 5 weeks, he was pretending to work on things, while seeing and talking to the OW on the side. When I found out (and by the way, he has NEVER told me the truth without me finding out first), I made the decision to keep it from my kids. After my H again recommitted to the marriage (no contact supposedly began for good on 8/14), he made a HUGE point of telling me how much it meant to him that I'd kept his most recent lies from the children. He said "I love you SOOO much for that." So even if you W isn't showing what she appreciates right now, believe me, she does notice. Just keep loving on your kids, if they find out, there's nothing you can do. It will be up to your W to earn back THEIR trust as well as yours.