One thing that you need to know. Your kids love you both. I went about things the WRONG way. I've got a son who's 17 and twin girls who are 15. They all know about their dad's A. They hated him at first, but the bottom line is that you are both their parents and they love you. When I told the kids that their father was coming back home (he'd been gone 4 months), I expected them to be happy; they were SOOO angry. They were angry because they wanted to protect me from further pain. I explained to them that the whole time their father and I had been separated, I had hopes of repairing our marriage. I said that I loved them for their concern, but that it was my decision to make. The main thing you can do if they do find out is to assure them that no matter WHAT they think, what their mother is doing is NOT about them! Let them know that their mother is human and that every human on the face of this earth makes mistakes. I know it's sometimes very hard to defend the very person who is hurting you so badly, but it's the very best thing you can do for your children (and one day, it will end up being a HUGE love unit deposit for your wife). My H has been home for 2 months. For the first 5 weeks, he was pretending to work on things, while seeing and talking to the OW on the side. When I found out (and by the way, he has NEVER told me the truth without me finding out first), I made the decision to keep it from my kids. After my H again recommitted to the marriage (no contact supposedly began for good on 8/14), he made a HUGE point of telling me how much it meant to him that I'd kept his most recent lies from the children. He said "I love you SOOO much for that." So even if you W isn't showing what she appreciates right now, believe me, she does notice. Just keep loving on your kids, if they find out, there's nothing you can do. It will be up to your W to earn back THEIR trust as well as yours.