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Great update! Very glad to hear things are going well with you!


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
nmwb77 #2902235 09/18/17 06:44 AM
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So....update.

I probably should post more as I've been through a lot in the last year that I had MANY questions about during my separation and divorce, and I'd like to share that with people who are now in the situation I was in then. It can be very grim when you're in the middle of the storm or picking up pieces left in its wake.

Did online dating in 2016, got to know about 6 or 7 different girls pretty well, went out with few girls locally. Found someone very special, head and shoulders above the rest.

Some thanks where they are due:

- Thanks to board members for the advice I was given in this thread (I think?) on online dating. Followed it to a T, got good pics, kept profile from turning into novel (a real accomplishment for me if you've read my stuff here...brevity not a strong suit of mine), etc etc. Online dating is both frustrating and a lot of fun. Feast or famine, don't take it too seriously if you don't get a bunch of responses at first, keep reaching out to new people and you'll get flooded later.

- Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders is invaluable. Started as a freeloader and it helped me wait to settle until I found someone who's needs I met effortlessly and vice versa. Also used advice on Buyers to screen out a lot of women with renter attitudes about relationships. Those two filters combined made finding an outstanding candidate much easier than flying blind. You have a bunch of weird emotions that come up when you start dating post divorce and this helps you see through them, they aren't generally constructive. Divorce really sucks but if you can stick to your guns on this stuff you will find a better partner than you left behind, I promise you that. You have experience on how to spot bad partner traits and if you leverage that it's invaluable.

I'm engaged to ElleLian_84 who's posted in the dating forum. We started dating last October and I proposed to her on 9/2. I'm so excited because she is gorgeous and more fun than I've ever had with anyone, she is responsible/mature and a total buyer, and we are building this thing on MB principles from the get-go. She's already read His Needs, Her Needs and is working through Lovebusters and has just been gung-ho and totally enthusiastic about MB and Buyer attitudes in general. Has a humble attitude about relationships and very interested in learning how to meet each other's needs and protect each other's Love Bank, something that made her very attractive to me when we first were dating. Also, practices good OS boundaries. Huge contrast to my ex and very exciting. There are some hurdles to clear in trust/intimacy with anyone after you've been a BS, and having someone willing to get serious on building an affair-proof marriage makes that much easier.

We've got a short engagement scheduled (only two months)...we've been keeping things pure and we also want to get started on a family (we're both 32) so...yeah. smile

Only other comments I'd make....divorced/separated peoples...focus like a laser on the idea of a personal history questionnaire. I'd wager most of you want a radically honest partner whether you reconcile or remarry...if you get involved in revenge affairs or casual sexual relationships...that will resurface eventually, and it will make you look really bad to someone you care about.

We all have temptations and battles to fight in that situation, and I had to turn down dates during my separation so I know it's hard...but I am very glad to have fought that fight and not have regrets now. My fiance has also told me it makes a difference to her that I didn't get mixed up in any of that (I've been honest with her that it was very tempting).

Just something to think about, I see a lot of people get tangled up in that on here after a separation and I understand why. Stick to your guns, always be focused on your future.

I'm sure I'll be back to ask questions now and then, it's been sort of a rubber-meets-the-road kinda thing as this relationship has got serious. Studying MB is easier than applying MB and I've tried hard to stick to humility as I know I will have a lot to learn about how this actually works in practice, to make sure we do it right and we do it together (and not with ElleLian_84 and myself having different concepts of MB....POJA!).

Thanks again MB!


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

My story
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Woohoo! That's awesome, ax! Congratulations! So glad to hear this great news!


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
nmwb77 #2902238 09/18/17 09:34 AM
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Thanks for the update Ax, congratulations on your engagement!

unwritten #2902241 09/18/17 11:55 AM
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Congratulations ax! That's great advice to keep focused on the future to make great choices today.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
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Congratulations!! You two should keep sharing your MB path with us. So glad the two of both know about MB.

Tell her to update her thread as well. smile


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Hi Ax, I'm new-ish here but have read your thread recently and wanted to add to others' congratulations on your engagement. You seem like such a nice person and deserve all the happiness life (and marriage) can bring. Congratulations!


BW (me) 40
WH, serial cheater, 41
Four children:
DS1 8
DS2 7 (from one of WH's previous affairs, lives with me)
DS3 6
DD 2

D-day Jan 4 2017
Plan B (first attempt) Feb 21 2017
Plan D Aug 28 2017
Plan B (properly) Aug 31 2017

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs - and blaming it on you....or being lied about don't deal in lies..." IF, by Rudyard Kipling https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/46473
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Congratulations to you, Ax. I've been reading your thread for inspiration, and wish you both all the best.


BH (me) 50, WxW 47
Married 1994
D-day, plan A, & exposure Jan 2017
Divorced Nov 2017
abrrba #2902268 09/19/17 11:13 AM
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I'm very happy for you Ax. Wishing you both the very best and a happy life.


Belle, Domestic Goddess
Bellevue #2902275 09/19/17 05:04 PM
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What wonderful news! Congrats!!


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
SusieQ #3001979 12/28/17 12:43 AM
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Great news, Ax. You deserve this happiness, and your fianc� found a good one!

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