For anybody who wants the whole backstory that lead to this, you can read my previous post that I made here 2 years ago. A little background on us, I'm 30 and my Wife is 24. We got got married at a young age, been married for 6 years, together for 7 and a half. We have 3 young kids, 5, 3, and 10 months.
Marriage in Crisis WARNING: Very Long! I feel like to get everything out so you all know where this is coming from that I really should tell everything. But I was told my post was too long, so I'll try and keep this as short as possible.
So my Wife and I were about to go through a separation in January 2016, after some back and forth and the discovery of her talking to multiple different men online and having a one night stand, we decided to "work it out". Her reasoning for wanting the separation was that her emotional needs weren't being met and that I was being verbally abusive and had anger problems. And I agreed to work on them
Fast forward, to last year. We moved to a new state and ended up having another child in April and all seemed like it was going well between us. Well, my Wife was quiet the last few days and wouldn't say a word. Then she decides that she wants to talk and that's when she comes out and says that she wants a divorce. That she's not in love anymore and that she's been feeling this for a long time, that I started going back to my old ways with the anger and verbal abuse and that she can't do it anymore.
The conversation didn't last long other then her talking about child support, etc. We ended up talking two more times, there was more things that came out in the other discussions that didn't come out in the initial one.
She goes on to say that she wasn't ready to get married and that she was too young (she was 18 and I was 24), pressured to get married, etc. Then goes on to say that she needs to focus on herself, shes unhappy, doesn't know who she is anymore, etc, etc. She's not in love with me anymore, but she has love for me. But she doesn't know why she's not in love anymore. She said that she's been feeling this way atleast since the middle of last year, that we wouldn't talk alot and it seemed like all our relationship was about was nothing but sex all the time. She told me that it felt like that's all I cared about. Originally, her biggest emotional need was affection. So I tried to be more affectionate with her but I always got the cold shoulder when I tried. She said that because our relationship didn't start out with us being affectionate, that starting now was weird to her after not having it for so many years. Then of course there honesty issues aswell, she can't get over the fact that I was snooping on her and she feels like I'm watching her all the time.
Then she goes on to say that she feels like all she does is depend on me for everything and that she's tired of it. She wants to do it on her own.
To make a long story short, she's ready to leave and take the kids. She went out and got a separate bank account yesterday and got some moving boxes. She's planning on moving out next week, she's moving into her Dad's tiny 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo across town. She's going to attend phlebotomy school for 9 months while working at her part time job 3 days a week for which she makes $9.50 and hour at. She told me that the two older girls are going to sleep in the same sofa bed with her while the baby will be in her play crib, all in the same room. She says that once she moves out, she's going to start going to counseling for her depression and her sexual abuse, but I don;t know why she couldn't have done it when we were together.
To add some more to the back story, my Wife was sexually abused when she was younger and raped by a boyfriend. She's had depression and bipolar since we met, she was taking anti depressants but she hasn't taken them since 2010. She also has a problem with marijuana. She's been smoking it since I met her.
Now I've asked several times already if she's been talking to anyone else. She repeatedly says that she isn't and that she doesn't want to be in a relationship because she needs to focus on herself, she was actually offended that I even asked her, She says that she's been 100% honest. But I cant help but think that she's been up to her hold habits of sending explicit pictures and having conversations on the internet with different men since she's already done it in the past.
I had a gut feeling in my stomach that something wasn't right, so I decided to go through in November of 2017. A few days after Thanksgiving. And to my shock I found her having two conversations with two different guys on an anonymous chat app called Whisper. The one guy she was talking to lived half way across the country and supposedly was a cop. She sent him all kinds of explicitly naked pictures and were having sexual conversations. The conversation was quite long so I didn't really have time to go through everything. But she was telling this guy how her marriage wasn't working and how I'm verbally abusive, etc. The second guy she was talking to, there wasn't much going on. When I originally went through her phone, there hadn't been any recent communication with these men in over a week.
Now even right now, she hasn't admitted to it. And I've already asked her several times if she's been talking to anybody at all in the past few months and she keeps saying that she's being completely honest.
She went on to say that marriage is just a piece of paper. She believes that she has hope that we'll get back together once we've "focused" on ourselves and gone to counseling to address our issues.