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#3004370 06/02/18 11:33 AM
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Luna42 Offline OP
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I need someone else thoughts on this. Maybe I did overreact and I shouldn't still be upset.

My husband cheated on me in 2015. A little over a year later we were taking about different fantasies when we were intimate. I can't remember exactly what was said, but I mentioned something about it would be a turn on to actually see him with another woman. He was talking dirty and it turned to that and honestly I knew it would turn him on and I just wanted the sex to be done with, I was tired. I was lying, but just trying to get it over with. The only time I had ever lied during sex. I even refuse to fake it. So, he took whatever I said and ran with it. A few weeks/months later he told me he had been checking out craigslist again and was looking for another woman for a threesome. I got mad at him and we argued. He didn't then and still doesn't understand why I'm mad at him and so upset about that. He sees it as perfectly fine because I "wanted it". I never told him that I wanted him to place an ad for a threesome! Two years later and he still doesn't see anything wrong with placing an ad.

I was wrong in saying it would turn me on. I never should have lied. Am I wrong in being mad at him over placing an ad? He just cannot see why that angered me, stills angers me, and I feel hurt about it and count it as cheating. He doesn't see anything wrong with it. Am I wrong? Is he in the wrong? How can I make him understand that it was wrong and I have every right to feel angry and betrayed over it? Or don't I?


A fantasy is just that - a fantasy. People don't usually act on them. I have many fantasies, but I'd never actually act on any of them, especially without fully discussing it first!

Luna42 #3004371 06/02/18 01:03 PM
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Luna, you seem to have a talent for getting lost in the weeds and this is another manifestation of that. Your husband is a serial cheater who is actively seeking action. You know that. There is nothing we can advise you to do other than separate. The concepts of Marriage Builders won't apply here, other than to get out of this toxic marriage.

You were given some great advice to separate from your husband. How is that going?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #3004372 06/02/18 01:54 PM
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Not that easy. I've looked online at the local community college. It's all stuff I'm either not interested in or just not smart enough to do so going back to school doesn't look promising. I can't afford a lawyer and a divorce. It's a small town, we don't have anyone willing to talk for free. I did open my own checking and savings account so I can start putting money in there. Like I said before , it's a small town, not much for jobs here. I have been looking online for jobs, but there's not much there. They all want a degree and /or a minimum of a years experience for everything on there. Or someone to work weekends and nights and I can't do that. Who would watch the kids? With it being summer soon the kids will be home all day. I can't afford daycare and honestly don't trust anyone to watch them safely. Everyone around here loves their guns and I refuse to have anyone watch them who owns one. It's a big issue for me. And they all want references. I started filling out an application online but it wouldn't let me submit it without references. I have none. Zero. I don't know anyone. I know i did this to myself. I'm going to try to get out of this mess, but for me it's going to take a while. I am looking online for jobs but it's hard to get around the lack of experience and no references.

Luna42 #3004373 06/02/18 02:27 PM
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I would start by consulting a lawyer. Many will work with you regarding finances. Your husband would pay the legal fees. You need to figure this out. Posting conversations like this is a distraction from finding solutions.

Do you have a Walmart in town? They are a great company for women. Many of their managers are women. But you have to start somewhere and work your way up.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Luna42 #3004374 06/02/18 02:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Luna42
Or someone to work weekends and nights and I can't do that. Who would watch the kids? With it being summer soon the kids will be home all day. I can't afford daycare and honestly don't trust anyone to watch them safely. Everyone around here loves their guns and I refuse to have anyone watch them who owns one. It's a big issue for me.

Thats a silly excuse to judge someone, ie: guns. A gun is an inanimate object. As long as they safeguard their guns, there is not a problem.

You need to start looking for solutions instead of concocting excuses for inaction.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Luna42 #3004396 06/03/18 11:18 AM
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Luna, have you read any comments on your other posts? Did you read my post about meeting with a lawyer to see what your options are? Have you done that?

Your serial cheating WH does not see anything wrong with his behavior of posting a Craigs List ad, because this kind of behavior is the NORM for him. He doesn�t even try to hide it very well. You catch him time and time again, he gaslights you and you just brush it under the rug. Unlike many serial cheaters who have SECRET second lives, he operates without much secrecy and why not, it is working just fine for him.

Do you understand that he is a serial cheater and he is going to continue this lifestyle forever? This is your life, if you stay with him?

unwritten #3004425 06/04/18 02:28 PM
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
I would start by consulting a lawyer. Many will work with you regarding finances. Your husband would pay the legal fees. You need to figure this out. Posting conversations like this is a distraction from finding solutions.

Do you have a Walmart in town? They are a great company for women. Many of their managers are women. But you have to start somewhere and work your way up.

How is it a distraction? I'm not trying to argue, but I don't understand. I truly wanted to know if I was overreacting or not? Yeah, don't think walmart would hire me considering I complain to them every time I'm there. Online and in store. Pretty sure the managers at my store don't like me anymore..... I can't help it, they never have the products I need, I have to climb shelves to get the products they do have, I hate walmart and wouldn't shop there, but small town......... not much else to shop at.




Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Luna42
Or someone to work weekends and nights and I can't do that. Who would watch the kids? With it being summer soon the kids will be home all day. I can't afford daycare and honestly don't trust anyone to watch them safely. Everyone around here loves their guns and I refuse to have anyone watch them who owns one. It's a big issue for me.

Thats a silly excuse to judge someone, ie: guns. A gun is an inanimate object. As long as they safeguard their guns, there is not a problem.

You need to start looking for solutions instead of concocting excuses for inaction.

No, it's not a silly excuse. I feel VERY strongly about guns. This is a small redneck town where every idiot owns a gun. My own cousin keeps her gun loaded with no safety in a basket with crayons in it. That's how people are here. There are no truly "responsible" gun owners in this country. I despise guns and WILL NOT risk my kids lives. And yes, I've been around guns, and yes, I've even fired a few. It felt very wrong. I don't like them and will not knowingly place my kids around someone who has one on them. And I cry every single day I have to send my kids to school because I fear for their safety in this country full of gun nuts. I will not risk them even further by sending them to someone with a gun. Do you have any idea how many kids get shot every day from accidents involving a gun? I read about them every day.




Originally Posted by unwritten
Luna, have you read any comments on your other posts? Did you read my post about meeting with a lawyer to see what your options are? Have you done that?

Your serial cheating WH does not see anything wrong with his behavior of posting a Craigs List ad, because this kind of behavior is the NORM for him. He doesn�t even try to hide it very well. You catch him time and time again, he gaslights you and you just brush it under the rug. Unlike many serial cheaters who have SECRET second lives, he operates without much secrecy and why not, it is working just fine for him.

Do you understand that he is a serial cheater and he is going to continue this lifestyle forever? This is your life, if you stay with him?

He said the other times he posted an ad were wrong. This time he thought it was what I wanted, that I was ok with it. He's only physically cheated on me once, one time. Do you guys consider strip clubs cheating? I'm just curious what's defined as cheating.

We don't have many lawyers to choose from here so I haven't yet. Plus, I don't exactly have a car to get there. We only have one car right now and no, there are no fancy buses or taxis like in a big town,.

Luna42 #3004426 06/04/18 03:05 PM
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Did you have a question about Marriage Builders? If not, I don't see how we can help other than the advice that you don't want to take.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Luna42 #3004427 06/04/18 03:23 PM
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Luna, Melody is the best person to help you. You need to listen to her. You are married to a serial cheater. Eventually this will kill you. I have a friend who has been driven slowly insane by someone who gaslighted her just as your husband is doing to you. She now spends half the year in a mental hospital.

Instead of worrying about guns, protect your mental health so that you can be their mother. That means working out what you can do to extricate yourself from this horrible situation, not telling us about how difficult it all is.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
Luna42 #3004447 06/05/18 07:32 AM
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Luna, he has been caught in many many questionable circumstances. He places ads on Craig�s list, trolls backdoor. These are not strip clubs and are not things you do unless you are looking to hook up with someone. He has large chunks of missing time, and charges at hotels he is not staying at. He has a story for all of this, one that any one of US would not believe for a second, but you do because you want to believe that this is just a guy with fantasies who goes to a strip club now and then (only the night he is there the girls don�t take all their clothes off...). I guarantee you that if you had him take a polygraph, you would find out that there were many many more PAs. But I�m guessing you are not going to do that.

You are in somthe major denial here my friend.


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