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Hi Melody

I will give DS the letter on Sunday when I drop him off at football, DS can give to BF.

Thank you for sending me your email - got it! So kind of you to offer to help, I need to dig out the IM post. Will send to my 'new improved IM"!!!

Finding it hard to come off football group whatsapp messages. BF is posting at least 2 x daily. Will do it tonight. Another football mum has agreed to send me fixtures information, so no need for me to be on it.

Child visit schedule.

Every Tuesday night - pick up from school drop off at home
Every other weekend - pick up from school on Friday night, drop off at Mothers midday Sunday (No contact)

Still some issues

1. training Weds - think I will need to take him now, previous BF use to pick up and drop but this way I can drop son at training and sit in the cafe and wait (no contact)
2. football on the weekends that I have the children. This is the biggest one not going to watch my son play football. Football is a nightmare as every weekend he will be involved.

This is the next biggest hurdle for me when the kids go off on a Friday and i don't see them until Sunday. My worst nightmare come true. At most I have gone away for one weekend per year.

Thanks all, CoolB

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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings


Finding it hard to come off football group whatsapp messages. BF is posting at least 2 x daily. Will do it tonight. Another football mum has agreed to send me fixtures information, so no need for me to be on it.


Can't you just delete the app? That takes 2 seconds.

Quote


1. training Weds - think I will need to take him now, previous BF use to pick up and drop but this way I can drop son at training and sit in the cafe and wait (no contact)


Why would you need to take him now? Sitting in the car watching your husband coach is a breach of Plan B. Find another way!! Don;'t set yourself up this way. Do it right from the start and you won't have to go back and make corrections.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Hi Peeps

I have deleted the whatsapp.

Also agreed with football Mum to drop son at hers to take to training and then BF will have to drop DS at home. It will be one contact per week he comes to the house this way.

The kids facetimed him last night from home, one of his requests via the IM. I went to the other room but had to come in and heard him saying i am going back to the temporary house tonight, I am staying in on my own cooking dinner. The DD told him we were off to the pub which is our local, and was one of BF favourite things to do on a Friday with the family. Hope that annoyed him!

DS had football this morning so arranged to meet friend nearby so she could take him. BF asked my friend where she had met me before and where she was meeting me after. Hmm.

Apart from that have been enjoying the rest of the weekend, it has been gorgeous sunshine today here in the UK so the kids and I met up with friends and hung out in the fresh air which does wonders for the soul.

I have so many friends and family around me that care and are here for me, that are continually checking in to see how I am. I am a very lucky girl!!

So blocked loads of holes, now to send the letter!

Last edited by Coolbeginnings; 02/01/20 02:39 PM.
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I'm glad to hear you're having a positive weekend, Coolbeginnings.

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Originally Posted by AHersheyKiss
I'm glad to hear you're having a positive weekend, Coolbeginnings.


Thank you AHersheyKiss! Thank you also for your link you sent me earlier - it really helped! I hope you are having a great weekend too smile

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Hi All

So this weekend has gone well.

Only downside was DS this morning got really upset. His friend came over yesterday and asked where is your Daddy, DS said he told him not here at the moment. DS was really upset and said he didnt want to tell anyone about our family business. He then asked me why cant we be a normal family? He then said that BF had said that we argue all the time. The DS said I am sorry that Daddy doesnt want to be with you Mummy. DS hugged me and cried. Its heartbreaking. I told him that I was upset with what happened with the OW. It is so difficult to know what to say to them now as time goes by. DD also had a dream that her Daddy died last night. I know the OW was a single mum and I bet she has convinced BF that the children will be fine and get use to the situation and be better off.

I may have broken Plan B a little?! I went to watch DS at football this morning he was playing an important match and i have missed going so mch - so this was the first time I set eyes on BF for 3 weeks since Plan B started. He was over the other side of the pitch as he is coach and it went fine. I did notice he tried to get eye contact a few times. I also noticed that everytime DS saved a goal BF looked at me. I watched from the side with DD, and left 5 minutes before the end. I did make sure I was looking good, laughing and mixing with the other parents.

I felt fine seeing him. I did look at him and could not imagine giving him the letter. I think he will laugh straight in my face if he reads it.

I am doing really well though, I am chuffed. I slept well last night and handled the football well. I spent the day having a spring clean and getting organised after working and looking after the children all week. I even sat down and watched 'Gone with the Wind'! I cooked myself a healthy dinner and had a glass of wine. I haven't done anything like that for ages.

I have also booked a girls weekend to Spain for June, normally when I was with BF i wouldn't do stuff like that. I need to think what I will do with the children, there is a week school holiday coming up. BF will want to have a couple of nights with them too frown . So will have to think of something fun to do!

Last edited by Coolbeginnings; 02/02/20 12:15 PM.
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What happens with the BF anger now he is on his own? He was always so angry with my at the slightest things, I was literally walking on egg shells. What happens to all that anger now?

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My darling DS. They had a great day with Daddy today, then when I was putting DS to bed he started to get upset Mummy i dont want to say what Daddy said because it might upset you. Daddy said the he doesn't want to come home. I hugged him and said I am ok DS dont worry its going to be ok. He said I keep asking Daddy questions and he keeps walking out of the room and changes the subject. DS also said that Daddy told him he felt really sad yesterday. I am really struggling with DS his heart is breaking. I can so understand why I stayed as long as I did to avoid this situation. If it wasn't for the affair I would have carried on. DS also said that Daddy said we argued all the time and that is not a good environment for the children to grow up in.

It is obvious that BF has no intentions of coming back. That I am completely wasting my time and should just move on frown


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Has the plan B letter been delivered?

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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
My darling DS. They had a great day with Daddy today, then when I was putting DS to bed he started to get upset Mummy i dont want to say what Daddy said because it might upset you. Daddy said the he doesn't want to come home. I hugged him and said I am ok DS dont worry its going to be ok. He said I keep asking Daddy questions and he keeps walking out of the room and changes the subject. DS also said that Daddy told him he felt really sad yesterday. I am really struggling with DS his heart is breaking. I can so understand why I stayed as long as I did to avoid this situation. If it wasn't for the affair I would have carried on. DS also said that Daddy said we argued all the time and that is not a good environment for the children to grow up in.

It is obvious that BF has no intentions of coming back. That I am completely wasting my time and should just move on frown



I know how much that hurts, coolbeginnings. You must be gutted.

We're rooting for you though. Let us know when you send that letter.

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Hi there - given my letter to a friend to give to B, she works in his office. He should get it in the next couple of days. eughhhh

Its embarassing

Why am I in such pain for someone who treated me so poorly?

Last edited by Coolbeginnings; 02/03/20 07:43 AM.
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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings


It is obvious that BF has no intentions of coming back. That I am completely wasting my time and should just move on frown



CB, when you say you are wasting you time, what do you mean? Wasting your time doing what? I get the feeling that you think Plan B is a tool to get them back. It is not. The only purpose of Plan B is to protect you emotionally and physically. Sure, there is a slim possibility it may motivate the WS to change his behavior but that is a very long stretch here. My suggestion would be to plan to move on.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Good job for sending the letter out! I know that must have been hard.

As far as why you are in pain for someone who treated you so poorly, I think that's a natural response for many of us.

***EDIT***

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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
What happens with the BF anger now he is on his own? He was always so angry with my at the slightest things, I was literally walking on egg shells. What happens to all that anger now?


When my terrier was walking with me on Sunday she suddenly decided she was not walking one more step. I tried explaining to her that she was too heavy to carry. She gave me a look that said 'not my problem, you work it out'. She was so right. You need to embrace your inner terrier.

BF's anger is his problem. You didn't create it and you cannot make it go away. But he can if he wants to. I got a taxi by the way :-)


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What a difference a day makes! I had a great nights sleep last night and it has made me feel so much better. It seems when I have a decent nights sleep the days go by so much better.

I had a calm lovely morning with the kids. The sun was shining through the house. The kids seem so much better and calmer. It is nice not to be around someone who is so cold, distant and moody with you. There would be no 'have a good day at work darling', just seeing to himself before we all leave. I am starting to feel that I would be just ok without him and could never go back to that environment. DS gave me a cuddle in bed and hugged me and said I wish Daddy was here I miss him, I also said I miss him too. I kissed the kids this morning and hugged them tight, they are at Daddys tonight and i will next see them tomorrow after school.

I remember looking at BF once at home, and realising even before I spoke to DR Harley that the only way this would be resolved would be a separation. I just knew but I remember thinking if you do CoolB HAVE FAITH, in what you are doing, he absolutely loves you. I think he has gotten a little lost and does not how to deal.

Sometimes I look back and see where it all started to go wrong. It was definetly after I had the 2nd baby and I guess BF checked out. I am so annoyed that I did not get him more attention. I looked back at some of our emails to each other, we were in constant contact daily for 9 years, exchanging voice messages, texts emails daily. You can see the change in the emails but when things were good, they were so good, we were so happy on top of the world!

I think BF gets the Plan B letter tomorrow.

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Originally Posted by living_well
Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
What happens with the BF anger now he is on his own? He was always so angry with my at the slightest things, I was literally walking on egg shells. What happens to all that anger now?


When my terrier was walking with me on Sunday she suddenly decided she was not walking one more step. I tried explaining to her that she was too heavy to carry. She gave me a look that said 'not my problem, you work it out'. She was so right. You need to embrace your inner terrier.

BF's anger is his problem. You didn't create it and you cannot make it go away. But he can if he wants to. I got a taxi by the way :-)


I am embracing my inner terrier smile!!!!

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He has got the letter. I am shaking.

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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
He has got the letter. I am shaking.


Well done. No matter what the eventual outcome, this was the only way.


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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
He has got the letter. I am shaking.


I know that must be nerve wracking frown

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Thanks guys 😊

I have been putting up some family pictures in the home mainly of me and the children. I really want to put up some lovely pics of me and BF of various events we have been to but that would be weird. I should have done this before frown

Sometimes I think a lot of his treatment has been a call for my attention! I should have put more pics up of us 2.

I still get that lurching horrible feeling, is this actually happening? Oh yes it is. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking BF was here then remembered oh no he is not we have split up.

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