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Thank you. I’ll take the glass floor, and I’ll give a try at losing the resentment when UA gets cut short. UA time really fluctuates, especially since he is a homebody. So it’s a push and pull to keep that going. Thanks for sharing a “down the line” view of things.

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Forever is a long time. A long, long time. And in a universe of infinite possibility, saying something will never happen is a tall prediction.

A few weekends ago we went to one of my wife's best friend's wedding. She is a younger woman that worked with my wife for a few years. Like a surrogate neice.

My wife was a bridesmaid, and our daughter did her makeup.

God, have I hated weddings. These two naive people thinking this little ritual full of pomp and tradition is going to guarantee a "happily ever after." Thinking this little exchange of promises will mean anything versus the storms of life. I won't let my bitterness run my mouth, though. There's always a chance, right.

So, during the walk I sat in my chair and my eyes were affixed on the groom. I wanted to watch his face. I wanted to see that look that I once gave 22 years ago. He didn't disappoint. The 6'4" 300lb redneck was a mess as he watched his bride walk down the aisle.

It was a look I swore I would never give again.

And then I looked over at the prettiest bride's maid. I thought, you know what? I'm done with this. No more. It's over. 11 years later I am finally giving up.

She has won something resembling that look back. It will never be laced with the innocence of a 21 year old boy, but the wife she has become in the aftermath of breaking her vows and breaking my heart have earned something else, an adoration on a whole different level. And I can no longer deny that.

I haven't told her yet.

All I have told her is to stop planning trips in 2024, because we are going to do a ceremony, and I expect her to write her own declaration.

It's a long road, folks. And it isn't easy to travel. But, I promise you that if you walk that path together, it'll be worth it.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Forever is a long time. A long, long time. And in a universe of infinite possibility, saying something will never happen is a tall prediction.

A few weekends ago we went to one of my wife's best friend's wedding. She is a younger woman that worked with my wife for a few years. Like a surrogate neice.

My wife was a bridesmaid, and our daughter did her makeup.

God, have I hated weddings. These two naive people thinking this little ritual full of pomp and tradition is going to guarantee a "happily ever after." Thinking this little exchange of promises will mean anything versus the storms of life. I won't let my bitterness run my mouth, though. There's always a chance, right.

So, during the walk I sat in my chair and my eyes were affixed on the groom. I wanted to watch his face. I wanted to see that look that I once gave 22 years ago. He didn't disappoint. The 6'4" 300lb redneck was a mess as he watched his bride walk down the aisle.

It was a look I swore I would never give again.

And then I looked over at the prettiest bride's maid. I thought, you know what? I'm done with this. No more. It's over. 11 years later I am finally giving up.

She has won something resembling that look back. It will never be laced with the innocence of a 21 year old boy, but the wife she has become in the aftermath of breaking her vows and breaking my heart have earned something else, an adoration on a whole different level. And I can no longer deny that.

I haven't told her yet.

All I have told her is to stop planning trips in 2024, because we are going to do a ceremony, and I expect her to write her own declaration.

It's a long road, folks. And it isn't easy to travel. But, I promise you that if you walk that path together, it'll be worth it.


Awwww HHH so nice to hear from you again. I always enjoy your updates, even if sometimes they are difficult times.

So 2024 will that be 25 years??


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Not good times? Nah, this was a bit of revelation. It's a great thing to really feel like giving that proclamation. My wife is amazing beyond anything she was back when it was puppy love.

A year ago was a rough time. My mom passed - and it was my wife and DD21 that found her. I got the call and beat EMS there.

There is good and bad in it. We all miss mom, but she was battling cancer (and winning), but the treatment was a for the remainder of her life kind of deal, and would have eventually bankrupted her.


Aaaaaaaanyway, yes. We got married in 1999, the day after my 21st birthday.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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I’m so sorry for your loss. And I’m sure you’ve had plenty of good times.

I’m glad you come back and give updates. It’s good for readers to see good recovery stories.

Thanks again.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I always kind of peek and browse.

I jumped on for a minute when Writer and her husband resurfaced, but that didn't last long. I hope he has finally corrected his rectocranial inversion.

We are 5 days from the 1 year anniversary of my mother's death.

When we cleaned out her apartment, there was Christmas candy everywhere, some of it boxed and ready to be shipped.

End to end, there were sewing and quilting projects for children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.

I had a little breakdown after Christmas - a good fat boy breakdown - as I sat eating a little tray of the last Christmas candy my mother ever made.

This weekend rolled around, and I get home Saturday morning to a messy kitchen. A mess of Christmas candy.

My wife is no domestic goddess, despite her constant jokes over the years that she just wants to be a housewife. That would entail take-out 5 nights a week. It isn't a complaint. I'm down for whatever makes her happy. I do cook my share of meals - I am the better cook after all.

But, she had 23 years of my mother's Christmas candy, and she didn't want that to end. So, she took this weekend off and went at it. She scalded the white chocolate. Twice. I tried to help.... and scalded the third batch.

She got mom's peanut butter balls and Russian tea cakes DOWN, though.

We could have not been here. I could have walked away. But, I would have missed out on one hell of a wife. She earns her spot every day..


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
But, she had 23 years of my mother's Christmas candy, and she didn't want that to end. So, she took this weekend off and went at it. She scalded the white chocolate. Twice. I tried to help.... and scalded the third batch.

She got mom's peanut butter balls and Russian tea cakes DOWN, though.

We could have not been here. I could have walked away. But, I would have missed out on one hell of a wife. She earns her spot every day..

Wow!

Beautiful.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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We could have not been here. I could have walked away. But, I would have missed out on one hell of a wife. She earns her spot every day..[/quote]

Thirteen years ago, I too could have walked away; but I didn't because of some great advice from a MB member. She told me to think about all I'd be giving up at age 63. She reminded me that we had spent many happy years raising our children and preparing for our golden years, which seemed forever tainted at that point. My husband was truly devastated to see the pain I was going through; he promised to spend the rest of his life trying to make up for what he had done. We did the hard work, talking, evaluating, and attending the MB workshop. Today we are both so grateful for the life together that we salvaged. My life seemed to be falling apart in December 2008, but today we love each other the way we always envisioned that we would when we married 55 years ago.

Last edited by goldenyears; 12/21/21 05:34 PM. Reason: Not finished

D-Day EA 11/29/08
D-Day PA 12/12/08

markos #3016129 12/21/21 05:33 PM
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Thanks, brother Markos.

I recently discovered you blog. I... have since lost track of it again.

But, as a glutton for punishment I have been out in the wilds of teh internets trying to help people find the way forward - and, I think it was a post you made about disrespectful judgements, really helped to get the point across to people who are uninitiated.

It's a tireless thing to try to bring a unified message in the digital wild west.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Thanks, brother Markos.

I recently discovered you blog. I... have since lost track of it again.

But, as a glutton for punishment I have been out in the wilds of teh internets trying to help people find the way forward - and, I think it was a post you made about disrespectful judgements, really helped to get the point across to people who are uninitiated.

It's a tireless thing to try to bring a unified message in the digital wild west.

Hey, thanks HHH. I was terrible at DJs - totally oblivious to them. I did them all the time without realizing, and when Prisca would do them to me I would hurt but not even be able to identify why because I was oblivious to what had actually happened.

That list of DJs originated as my own private notes of things I had to stop doing. It seemed for awhile that list would never stop growing. I kept tripping over new discoveries of things I was doing that were disrespectful, like running through a minefield. Every single one seemed to ruin EVERYTHING. But once I started identifying what I was doing, I started to make progress, and I even started to understand why they were disrespectful. It's funny, in my 20's I could watch a romantic comedy with Prisca and see a scene where the lead lady gets mad at the lead guy and be totally clueless as to why she was upset. Now I watch such movies and wince and say "ouch" because I understand whose being disrespectful and when!

I started posting that list here and eventually turned it into that blog post, and I am so glad it's out there helping people!


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by goldenyears
Thirteen years ago, I too could have walked away; but I didn't because of some great advice from a MB member. She told me to think about all I'd be giving up at age 63. She reminded me that we had spent many happy years raising our children and preparing for our golden years, which seemed forever tainted at that point. My husband was truly devastated to see the pain I was going through; he promised to spend the rest of his life trying to make up for what he had done. We did the hard work, talking, evaluating, and attending the MB workshop. Today we are both so grateful for the life together that we salvaged. My life seemed to be falling apart in December 2008, but today we love each other the way we always envisioned that we would when we married 55 years ago.

That's beautiful!


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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