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#3016359 03/13/22 11:24 PM
Joined: Mar 2022
Posts: 1
V
Junior Member
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Junior Member
V
Joined: Mar 2022
Posts: 1
There truly is a first time for everything.
I have been dealing with depression on and off for the last 20+ years. I have been married twice before and I ended those marriages. I have been married to the love of my life of the last 13+ years. I adopted the kids when they were young and we have had a pretty good life. I have had a few difficulties….got sucker punched by my B-in-law, my F-in-law owns the company but did nothing. I did see it coming though….he fought with two other people but F-in-Law never did anything. Shortly after that, I had a meltdown and took pills. I was asked to leave our house at that point. We worked it out, kind of. I ended up cheating with someone that I didn’t really like at all. Meds? Stress? My wife has a heart of gold and we worked through it. Then I think we hit bottom. I had to fly out for business and left a few days early to visit my child who wasn’t happy. My wife suggested that I not go bc I was going to crash. The time with my daughter was ok, but I felt distant. Then the night before I was to fly to my business meeting I started crashing. I got upset with my wife, made a rude comment to my daughter, and while sitting in the airport, misunderstood a text from my wife and went over the edge. She had mis-texted me something and it read like she didn’t want to be with me anymore. At that moment, I lost everything that mattered to me, my wife and kids. I nearly got through that day and half the next before I started popping pills. After phone calls from my wife and family, I was able to get to a point where I could fly out, but not home. My wife didn’t feel safe, so I went with family.
My wife won’t talk to me, my kids won’t talk to me. She told me that she doesn’t want a divorce, but she can’t stay married like this.
I eat lunch with my wife every day. I love my kids. We work our butts off….two jobs each and moving a child around for sports. I know we had arguments. I wasn’t as close as she wanted me to be. I thought we enjoyed being together. I sent her a loving text message every morning and if something came up and I was slow to do it, she noticed. How can it be like this? Do I deserve it? I know that I will do anything to get my family back. Anything! Is it too late?
FYI…..people say that suicide is a selfish act, I can see it that way when I am not depressed. When you fall into that hole of depression, things aren’t that logical. The sense of loss for me was all encompassing. When I was in that experience, I was doing everything I could to not feel that sense of loss/depression.
I want to be a better person and do whatever it takes to be with my family.

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
Victor, welcome to the marriage builders forum! I encourage you to ask the moderators to move your thread to the Surviving an Affair part of the forum. It may be not too late since she is still willing to see you for lunches. But you want these experiences to be positive for you both.

In the meantime, are you getting treatment for your depression? I encourage you to listen to the Marriage Builders radio show. It is very encouraging and will help you in applying the tools you read about in the articles here.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010

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