Lostpup,<p>I just don't want to do this anymore. Maybe I'm being attacked by satan- I don't know- I'm not angry-I'm just numb to it all.<p>I can't imagine his back in my life- I can't *see* what life would be life. I grieve for him, but this is his choose. I know that many think that *free will* is something that satan delights in, when we think that way. But, don't we all have free will? At some point, don't we all choose which path we take? At some point, don't we all have to take personal responsibility? <p>I loved my husband very deeply- more than the Lord- which is why this all happened, I'm sure. However, that love is gone now. I'm tired of crying and hopeing and praying and wishing on something that is gone and over.<p>I've begged for a sign that restoration is going to happen. I get nothing. I've cried and cried and cried, and still nothing. I've got no idea what the Lord wants me to do anymore. IF he wanted me to have my husband back, wouldn't He give me a sign?????<p>I just don't know..............

Broken, I see the enemy is now playin the freewill card. Yes we have free will. If we are Gods children, we have already given the Lord permission to break that freewill and He is the one to do it.
You have been given a sign. Its the sign of the cross. There are many more signs in the Bible. Thats why God wrote it. We run into troubles when we look for outward circumstantial signs. Especially when we want a non biblical answer.
I know the pain your in right now. Nothing matters, and you cant see past it. You probably dont even care anymore. The Lord is greater than your pain and will bring you thru it and this trial.
I have said the same things and felt the same hopelessness here on this sight more than once.
A few years ago, i accused the people here of giving me false hope and torturing me and i walked away for a while.(I did try to end my life) The Lord brought me back.
When we reach the end of our rope is where we really can find Gods peace. <p>Dear Lord, I pray that you would give Broken your peace and Love thru her great time of need and suffering. Lord, her strenth is at an end and she needs yours but doesnt know how to find it. Deliver Broken of the fear that the enemy has gotten her in.
In Jesus name, Amen

Lostpup,<p>You are a wise man. I can really see how God has touched your life. I really appreciate you taking all this time to talk to me. It is very nice.<p>I guess, right now, I am looking at the circumstances. I'm unable to look past them. I know that God can do it all. I have no doubt about that. I guess my point about free will is, that when one is unsaved, their will is ruled by the evil one. And, not all people will be saved, because of this. Not all people are willing to set their lives aside, and let the Lord in. Some are content being discontent. They are unable or unwilling to let the Lord in. What if my xh is one of those people. All the prayer/faith/trust in the world can't change that, right? At some point, it MUST be up to him to WANT to give his life to God, right?<p>Am I missing something here? Am I totally not seeing the picture? I want what God wants in my life, since I am nothing w/o Him. And I know, that if reconciliation is His plan, it will happen. I'm uncertain right now if that is His will. Some divorced people live happy, God filled lives, w/o a spouse. Maybe that is what the Lord wants for me. I just don't know.<p>I'm so tired of the struggles that go on in my mind. Should I; can I; Is this right; Is this wrong? I just want to do what God wants me to do. <p>I'm rambling. Sorry. I will try and pray about this again. I will try and give this back to the Lord, so He can deal with it. Things are just so bad right now, I don't see how it can be any other way. <p>I know you are trying to help me. I do appreciate that.<p>Lord, I thank you for the wisdom and the compassion you have given Lostpup. I lift him up to You, Heavenly Father. I thank you for this trial, because you are refining me and my xh. You love us so deeply, that only the best is your desire for us. Lord, I pray that you will touch our lives with Your glory; that You will bless us and keep us close to you. I pray for our lost spouses. I pray Your Heavenly hand will guide them to you, and that they will give their lives to you. I bind and rebuke satan in their lives, Lord. I pray the blinder will fall off and the Light our Your word will engulf their lives.
Thank you Lord, for your protection, your love and for all that you do for us. Bless Mark. Continue to mold him as he waits for the return of his beloved wife. We give you all the glory, Lord. IJN, Amen.<p>Thank you again, Mark. May the Lord be with you.

Hi Broken,<p>Don't give up. It doesn't matter what your "feelings" are because they will change up and down. You are married and the Lord wants you to be married. He also wants to greet both of you at the end of your lives and welcome you into His kingdom. That's really all that matters. Our time on earth is a drop in the bucket.<p>Don't you remember being little and in September you thought Christmas would NEVER arrive?? Now that you've grown up, doesn't it seem that if you don't start buying presents in September, it just sneaks up on you? Time goes faster and faster the older you get and next to eternity a couple of years on earth is nothing.<p>The Lord wants you to have joy. There is no doubt. I don't believe He wants you to suffer. The way to have joy is to follow Him and to love, love and love. Everybody. Not just your husband. When you have faith in the Lord and faith in His plans for you and you love those around you, your spirits are lifted. It might take a week, a month or a year - but you will reach a point where you feel peace inside you more often. And soon you will usually (not always) feel peace. True peace all over.<p>Going back to free will, we do have it. But God has very good ways of revealing Himself (read Lupo's post!!) With your prayers and fasting, you can loosen the grip of the enemy. The Lord will provide the circumstances to help open eyes and change the circumstances.<p>Continue to rebuke satan. Ask for the wisdom to recognize his lies. He has had ample practice at lying and is very very subtle but the Lord will shine a light where needed.<p>You don't need to be married and living together to be full of joy and serve the Lord. That should be your first goal. If you are separated, use your time wisely and help others to find the Lord. Pray, get involved with others who need you, volunteer at your church, invite people to your home. You may never have this much time on your hands again (relationships take work) so use this time for the Lord and let Him do the work in bringing your marriage back to Him for His glory. I believe He will. <p>If you push too hard to be satisfied in your own time and give up, you aren't trusting Him. He wants and needs you to trust Him so He can work a miracle. How many times did He say: "Your faith has healed you?"<p>The Lord is just waiting to enter into our lives. We just don't see it. He is there for you. He sent you Mark to help out and sent you to this forum so you could find help. He chose to work through us, His Church. He didn't build a temple made of stone, but He put Peter in charge as the Rock and worked through the Apostles and disciples. He needs you to save others. Maybe that's why He allowed this to happen. He needs your prayers, your example, your faith, your love. The Lord needs YOU and only you. You are the only one who can do the job you were sent here for.<p>Please don't disappoint Him. He has suffered so greatly for centuries through all of our sins and uncaring and selfishness. <p>Don't give up, I beg you. The rewards of virtue are infinite. I will keep you in my prayers.<p>Love, T