Hello all. Most of you here will not <I>know</I> me or recognize my name. I have not posted here in a very long time..... many months. But I used to be quite the regular here a year ago, all through '98 and the first few months of '99. Of late, even though I haven't posted, I've still popped in and lurked here from time to time. I'll read something I think I can respond to, but then when I attempt to click on "reply," my fingers just won't move. I'm not really sure why I become <I>frozen</I> like that, but I think it's because I really have moved on, in a sense, and to become involved with actively posting again would just bring up everything from the past all over again. I guess, I just got tired of being <I>the betrayed</I>. I don't want that title anymore. The infidelity in my marriage does not define me and who I am or who I want to be. It is a bad thing that happened in my and my H's life, but it's the past. So, I'm here to tell you about my life.... now..... today .... the present ...... and what I know to be my immediate future. I know this is long, so I ask you to please bear with me.<P>This past weekend, my H and I attended some dog shows. I've been showing dogs in both obedience and breed for over 14 years. I emphasize <B>"I"</B> because in the past, I'd attend shows primarily alone or with other show friends because my H was just not interested or involved. He didn't dislike it or stand in my way, and he was supportive in the moral sense, but mostly from afar. Basically, showing dogs was <I>my thing</I>, not his. His thing was fishing (alone) and powerlifting contests. <P>Anyway, since we've been rebuilding our marriage, my H has been a changed man. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I know that's been said many times before on this forum. And I know many of us have wondered if our <I>new</I> spouses are just "putting on an act," or whether they are for real. Well, my H has shown me that answer on many occasions over the past 18 months, but never so more clearly than he did this past weekend.<P>We'd thought we had plenty of time before we had to go into the ring, and we'd been walking around visiting vendor booths and shopping and decided to pop in to the building I was to show in and see how much time we had left. I was number "150," and when I looked at the armband on the handler in the ring, all I could make out was a "49." I couldn't really see if there was a 1 in front of it or not, but I didn't want to chance being skipped over..... so I told my H we had to dash to the car and get our dog. We were parked about 300 yards or so away from the building and my hands were full. So my H sprinted at top speed, much faster than I'd seen his 42year old legs run in a long time, and got our dog, then sprinted back just as quickly. But it wasn't so much the speed or quickness that he did it that blew me away. No, it was the look on his face. I have never seen so much determination before. He was so determined to help me. He was so determined that I would not be skipped over. He was so determined that I would not be disappointed. Even though he was almost completely out of breath, he was determined to get me over to the ring on time.<P>Well, needless to say, it was handler "49" and not "149" in the ring, after all. Figures. But after we rushed so much, we found out that they would break for lunch before they'd get to me, so we had a chance to regroup, sit down and eat, and collect ourselves. Well, we just laughed and laughed about my H's <I>mad dash</I> all through lunch. Just like a couple of kids with the "gigglies." <P>Last night when we returned home and I had a chance to reflect on the entire weekend, I just burst into tears. My H just held me and cried with me. No words had to be spoken. We both knew why we were crying. The tears were for all the lost time wasted when we could have been laughing and loving each others, tears of remorse for all the harsh words spoken out of anger, stubborness and refusal to forgive and move on. But most importantly, they were tears of renewal, tears of peace, and tears of contentment with <I>who</I> we are and what we've become today. <P>I love my H more than I've ever loved him in my entire life. No one, and I mean no one on this planet would have run like that to get me in that ring. He is my right arm, my rock of gibraltar, my knight in shining armour. Yes, he's made some mistakes. So what? Who hasn't? God knows I've made a bunch myself. But that is all behind us now because we've learned <B>how</B> to love each other. Yes, long ago, when we were different people, distant people, people separate from one another, we both made some grave errors. Neither of us is that person today.<P>Last night before we went to bed, my H looked at me and said, "Laurie, I'm so happy to really share my life with you this time. It feels good." It just doesn't get any better than that.<P>I wish you all joy, happiness and peace in this coming holiday season, and brightest hopes for the future.<P>------------------<BR>No one said this (life) was going to be easy.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by LaurieC (edited November 29, 1999).]

Thank you... thank you... thank you...<P>That was a great post...<P>Success stories seem so hard to find...<BR>It is so nice that you took the time to tell us yours. Thank you H fo us too!<P><B>It can happen!</B><P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

Laurie-Just so you know, I think I do remember you, I think you helped me once when I was new here. Also just so you know, things are working out with me and my H as well, so much so that we are expecting in May. I think it's great that you came back and visited, I often wonder why I am still lurking here, other than the possibility that I can help someone the way so many helped me when I first started here.<BR>((((((((((((((congrats!))))))))))))))))))))<BR>God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

<BR> That was a great story! Just what I needed for monday. I am not familier with your story<BR> but I am so happy for you! Things like this<BR> give me so much hope!<BR> Good Luck<BR> C.P.

oh, dear, dear, Laurie.....<P>I am brand new here, with an H that is willing to put heart and soul into 'making up' for his mistake, and I have ACHED wondering if it was true sincerity.....<P>I am bawling my eyes out right now, can't figure out exactly why....thank you so much....you are so right.....we can get over and through this.....it must NOT define the rest of our lives with our spouses.....<P>I too, look forward to removing the mantle of 'betrayed' from myself when I am mentaly able....I don't know you, but I am so proud of you, and so thankful that you did not 'freeze' this time, and that you shared these oh-so-happy messages and experiences....you have no idea what you, a total stranger have done for me this morning...... no idea.....<P>may all your tears be cleansing and spring from love.........give yourself the biggest hug......much, much success to you and your H<P>thank you for the hope you have shared...<BR>Dylan<P>

Thank you for a Monday morning lift! It is so good to hear that recovery can keep going beyond the initial emotional place that my h. and I are in now.<P>Thanks again.<P>Liz\Pearl of Great Price<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Thank you so very much for sharing your story with us. It is nice to hear that there is such a thing as a happy ending. I wish you and your H a lifetime of love and happiness.<P>------------------<BR>To Thine Own Self Be True<BR>A.K.A.<BR>PondVJ<P>

Hi Laurie:<P>Nice of you to drop in---and it's good that you're both doing the "recreational time" together at the dog shows (hmmmm, that does sound familiar... ).<P>God bless.

Laurie C,<BR>A few months ago when you posted, I asked HOW your H went from a quiet noncommunicative man into what he has become and has sustained since he sounds like he changed personalities since your problems, which is an added dimension to just recovery.<P>I'd still like a magic formula for that, but I just thought I would post and say I believe my H is moving in that direction. <P>The affair is just not an issue between us anymore. Not that the thought of it still doesn't bring up pain for me, but there really isn't much if anything to talk about. It is just over. Sometimes I have a few down days. I suspect that something triggers them that I am not even aware of...but for the most part things are good.<P>Somedays I wonder if I should be here, and I'm cutting back, but I do think helping others has been theroputic. He met her a year ago any day now, and I discovered Jan. 8th as he was walking away...so I think this forum will help me get through all these nasty anniversaries. We'll see.<P>Anyway, I see ata least an overall trend toward greater intamacy. Some of it is that he is trying because he knows that is what I want (and that has value), but part of it seems like he is wanting to come out of his shell. Since we are no longer "recovering", I think what I am seeing is sustainable. We are no longer trying to "save" our marriage (although he is adament that it was never in danger), so I think the chages we are both still making are long term rather than a quick fix.<P>I still don't see him becoming as emotional as your H, but hey, he's farther along than I would have guessed possible already. <P>Thanks for the update, it is good to hear you are doing so well. You were a greater inspiration to me than you could ever know.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Laurie, <P>Well, done. <P>SHA

Laurie,<P>A beautiful post! Thank you so much for taking the time to bring a spirit of hope and success to all of us strugglling here. Although my H is gone and giving no signs of interest in reconciling, I still enjoyed your testimony - people CAN be happy after infidelity, and I CAN, too!<P>Again, thanks for the inspiration!!!!! <P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Thank you for your Post. It gives me encouragement and hope.

To all, I'm very glad to give you some inspiration, hope and the motivation to move forward with your lives and marriages.<P>NSR,<BR>Your most welcome. You're right, the positive, uplifting success stories are few and far between on this forum, but we do exist! The reason not many are posted are because, like me, those who are doing well may just find it too difficult to continue posting here. But, we're out there, many of us are! Hang onto that!<P>Chick's,<BR><B>Congratulations!</B> A new marriage, a new life, a new beginning. I am so happy for you. Just keep continuing to move forward and you will be alright. God has laid His hands on you and your marriage. Don't ever forget that!<P>CutieP,<BR>You're most welcome! Glad I perked up your Monday morning! <P>Souloss'exH,<BR>Believe in your H's sincerity to make things right. That is such a blessing, and a true gift from God. As time goes on, your H will have plenty of opportunities to prove his sincerity. Give him a chance, and be patient. One day, you will be as sure as I am. Believe that. God Bless!<P>POGP,<BR>You're most welcome. Yes, 18 months ago, I was in the same dreadful place many of you are in right now. But time, patience, and diligence on both spouses parts does indeed heal the wounds. Keep on keeping on!<P>Viki,<BR>You're welcome, and rather than considering this a "happy ending" for my H and me, I consider it just beginning of a brand new lifetime of love together. Like the Carpenter's song says, we both feel like "we've only just begun ....." <P>K,<BR>Hello my good friend! Isn't it amazing how our canine companions bring out the best in us? I tell you, this dog has been such a blessing to us. It's almost as if he's known that he has a hand in building the bridge that brought us back together. <P>Faith,Hope,Love,<BR>I wish I could spell out a magic formula for you, but there is none. My H has made a complete 360 degree change, but he did it with his own diligence, committment, and will. I had nothing to do with it. I've always felt that the true character of a person can be judged not by the mistakes he or she makes, but by what he or she does to right those wrongs. He has been determined from day one to show me that he is remorseful, fully committed to rebuilding, and that he is capable of making the necessary changes to make this marriage successful. We just couldn't return to our old ways. Both of us had to change. He knew this, and he knew that if he didn't, then we'd have to return to the way we were (which was not an option for either of us), so, just like that, he made the committment to change. It has not been an easy road for him, however. Lots of bumps along the way. Going from a complete conflict avoider, to an open and honest person has been the toughest challenge he's ever faced. And that is what makes his metamorphosis even more appreciated and valued. He has truly proven that ANYONE can change. My brother struggles with substance abuse, has for many years, but the way my H has changed has even given me hope that my brother can put his addictions behind him one day. It does take patience and understanding on our parts, too. It sounds like you're giving your H the time and opportunity to change slowly and progressively. I know it will pay off for the both of you in the long run. God Bless! And don't give up on each other!<P>SirHurtsAlot,<BR>You're most welcome! I hope one day you can at least change your name to "Sir - Used to - HurtsAlot"! <P>RollMeAway,<BR>You're right, you will be happy again. I always knew that whether I stayed with my H or not, I'd one day be me, be happy, and have moved on because I trusted in God to take care of me. So, yes, you will be happy one day. You'll look back on this and know that it was what was meant to be to get you where you need to be today. God has it all planned for us. We can't question it, we must have faith and believe. God Bless!<P>NoTrust,<BR>I'm glad I've helped in any way. One day you will trust again.<P>------------------<BR>No one said this (life) was going to be easy.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by LaurieC (edited November 29, 1999).]

I would also like to thank you for your story. I need all the hope I can get. I just knew it was possible for people to have the marriage they always dreamed of. I look forward to posting my success story.<P>May God continue to bless you and your husband withh all the love and joy your hearts can handle.<P>Thank You,<P>Bill

LaurieC,<P>I remember you well. You gave me some good advise and responded to my post about "Wanting to see the OW. Has anyone done this?"<P>It helped me so much. I still haven't seen her yet but, plan too soon. Funny it was on my mind earlier today when I was out driving.<P>I am so glad that you and your husband are doing so well. It sounds like a wonderful Love Story. I am going to bookmark it and keep it as an encouragement for when I am really down.<P>So thank you so much for sharing now and then. <P>Congratulations. Although you will be missed (again) I understand why you can't post or respond.<P>Glad to know that there is life after infidelity. Praise the Lord.<P><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It made me cry my eyes out but it helped me believe that there is hope. Some days when you feel like there is no hope out there, someone posts something like this and helps so many of us out. I do believe that one day I will be posting a truly happy story - I just have to get through the bad stuff first. Thank you again and I wish you all the happiness in the world.

All I have to say is thank you for posting this...<P>Lord, help us to have something that even SOMEWHAT resembles this in a year from now!!<P>------------------<BR>Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you are among the stars!!

LaurieC -- I do remember you, and have often wondered how you guys were doing.<P>It is really good to know that things are working out so well for you and your H.<P>God Bless

Hi, Laurie! I know you remember me ... I've been here seems like forever. Thanks for posting - we see a few success stories, but not enough ... every single one is uplifting!<P>I'm glad you and your husband are doing so well. As you put in your signature: Nobody said this was easy ... and it's not, but it IS worth it!<P>Visit again soon!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P>

LaurieC, I haven't posted in a while either. Thank you so much for this beautiful, uplifting testament. I cannot believe it's already gotten buried after only a day. My pleasure to bring it back to the top!