Well, I recall saying something about aliens leaving a good H. Well, they switched them again. This one can leave and good riddence to him.

I am so angry right now, I want to pack his bags for him. Ever since he returned on Sunday he has been nothing but a big JERK!!!!!!!!!!

He probably spent time with her, and is now feeling guilty or she is putting pressure on him. I don't kwow which, and right now I do not CARE.

Yesterday, I took test, went to Doctor, came home, went to work. Didn't see too much of H.

Today, he would hardly do anything to help me. He says I am being the you know what. Okay, so I am grumpy, I'm in pain, all I wanted was a little help and all he did was sit on the computer all morning. He expected me to alter my hours to take daughter to soccer, so he could play ball. It take me 20 min to get from my car to my desk, so now I am supposed to take a long lunch to take his place at her soccer. I will be there once in a while, but not all the time. He expected me to then take the kids to where he is playing ball.

He does not care that that means extra walking for me, which means more strain on my bad leg, my good leg and my back.

Right now if anyone asked me if I want my marriage to work, my answer would be NO!!!!!!!!!

On a brighter side, I have an appt to see a specialist at the end of the month, so things are going there. I will be stuck in this brace until then.

Right now, I do not want to attend my graduation because I do not want Brain Dead (BD) husband present. Maybe I will take the kids out to celebrate and skip the ceremony.

Focus on what you have to do. That means leave alone the things you would "like" to do.

Sue, you know how it goes, and you will do what you need to do. You already know this stuff, but I just wanted to be your mom tonight and tell you anyway.

I am so sorry for the continued problems with H. I wish he would "get" it and start making us guys look a little better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

After all your study, do you have an idea of what is wrong with your leg?

I continue to pray for you, I know you are mostly venting, but want you to know that people care about you.

SS

It could be a few possiblitlites. I have not heard the results of the MRI. I'm not too concerned right now. The results will not change if I ask now or wait until I see the specialist.

It could be torn or stretech muscles, tendons, ligaments, anything with the knee cap, such as deterioration, misalignment, who knows, since I didn't ask what the MRI said, I don't know at this time. I figure if I knew, I would start looking it up, and at this time, I need to spend my time getting my house back to order, and studying for boards, not worrying about my knee that I cannot do anything about until I see the specialist.

Last night we went to dinner, during dinner, my knee started hurting so much, that I told my H I wanted to skip graduation and go home so I could go to bed. It has not hurt this much in a while. I think I overdid it. So, now I am cutting back. He asked if I was sure, he said this is your event, you earned it. I told him I would be too uncomfortable to be there. So we went home. I have to take the gown back today or tommorow since I was not there to drop it off.

Hi all,

I was washing Jeans a couple of days ago, in the bottom of the washing machine was a key. This key was all by itself. It isn't my key, I know it does not belong to the kids, and H had a pair of jeans in the wash with mine and the kids jeans.

So, I'm sure we can safely assume the key belongs to him. The question is, what/where does this key fit? It looks like a door key.

I also found 2 cell phone bills H hidden. I was not even looking for these, I was looking for something else I had misplaced.

I know how you feel my H was involved with his OW they had not met in person yet (he met her on the internet) and he totally forgot MY birthday I waited all day just for a happy birthday or something. Well of course it all made sense once I found out about the A. Hang in there!

Thanks - I am tired of hanging in there. Been doing this for over a year now. I'm probably just frustrated because I know the end is near. Ohter stuff is going on too. H's unemployment runs out if 10 weeks. If the union does not call soon, I don't know what we will do. I may or may not have a new job by then, if I don't, my paycheck is not enough for the family. He says he will have to go out as a traveler. The last time he did that, I had to get a second job because he was not sending enough money home to pay bills or when he did send it, it was not in time to pay bills. Since then we have added on a car payment that we did not have before.

I think she was living with him when he went out as a traveler before. It does not work if he does this. It will not work if he does this.

He will spend all his money talking to her.

I ask myself often, what makes her so damn special. I know he does not think I am special. If he does, he does not show it.

I'm trying to refinance the house. I hope we get it. It will drop our payment by about 300-400 per month. I don't think we will. We have about 3 late payments on the house. They are late by a day or two, but late is late.

I just want to cry. I really don't know why. Maybe it is because for the last few months out of necesity, I have been keeping myself under control and now I need to let go.

I have to admit the last few months have been pretty intense.

Sue,

You need some time to yourself, even just a day, just to sit back and learn how to breath again.
With no distaction's, you need to be able to let go at least for a little while. I do wish you the best and congrat's again on your final's.

Sue, I am just new to this site and already it has helped me just by being able to talk without someone(my H) saying oh no not this again. Any way I don't know all that you are going through and I don't know that I can even give you advise because I too just cry for no reason I ask my self why was she so special what am I chopped liver I gave him 25years of all of me she gave him three months and all but the time they met (for three days),it was long distance. Your situation sounds so hard it makes me feel like I should not even feel sorry for myself but I wanted to tell you something that as small as it is it may just be a little something you need. As I read your post I say this girl has personality she must be alot of fun, you see since D-day for me I seldom laugh and when I read about your mothers day and the rocks I laughed and all day I had that picture in my head and I would start to giggle and then I stopped and said to myself you are laughing how long has it been since I could find humor in anything so I just want to say thanks for the laugh. I wish I could make all your pain and hardships go away, but do know this in all the bad you did a little good for this girl!!!!

Somehow saying "Hi Sue" doesn't fit today.

I just want to cry. I really don't know why. Maybe it is because for the last few months out of necesity, I have been keeping myself under control and now I need to let go.

I have to admit the last few months have been pretty intense.

You need a rest, but you can't have it yet, and you know that, so it makes it all the more difficult. You can get part of an emotional rest by making plans. You know what kind of plans.

Sue, there are a lot of us that care what happens to you, and you know we do. I can't "pretend" that nothing is wrong, and neither can you. I can "imagine" that you will pass your tests, that you will get a very good job, and that your relationship with H will get better and that he will loose OW and commit to you.

You once said you are a strong women. I agree, or you never could have done what you have done.

By today you may be feeling better, I hope you are. If not, remember our prayers are for you, and you are a survivor, and a winner.

How's that leg?

SS

Hi all,

Thanks

Lets start with the leg - still attached, and still in a brace. On the bright side of my leg being in a brace, is, the muscles in that leg are getting streteched, I can now raise that leg higher than the other leg, I guess that will happen when you have to bend over to pick things up with one leg bent and the other leg streteched out for balance.
I see a specialist on the 30th. It does not hurt much, just inconvient now.

The key I mentioned in prior post, - found out where it belongs - to MIL garage. The sad part is, because of this situation, I am now suspicious over the smallest stuff, such as a key laying around.

Today was the first day of a week long class. I hope this helps with passing boards.

I really hope to see an improvement in my M after all settles down.

Sunday daughter had soccer practice. She was so funny. We get to the field, she runs up to the coach, yelling "Hey Coach, I have my brothers shin pads today"

A few minutes into the practice, she spots grandma. She yells "Grandma" and leaves practice to run to grandma and give her a hug. She then runs to the Coach and yells "My grandma is here".

At her age, it is mixed boys and girls, so Daughter is sitting with the other girls, and they are just gabbing away, ignoring the coach. It was so funny to see three little girls ages 4-5 just talking away, not paying any attention to the coach trying to get them to come practice

I know I need a break. If I need surgery, what better time to take a break. It maybe something that physical therapy will fix too.

Be back

I'm back - had to run real quick

Lets see,

This weekend was okay - H was not bad, when he was home. He went out Friday night, and Saturday night - I have no idea where or with who. Came home late. I know he didn't pay, we are broke so he could not pay. (unless there is the savings account he hinted at a couple of years ago). No I did not ask, I was not in the mood for a fight.

Ginger - I'm glad I was able to make you laugh. It does get easier. I have my good moments and my bad. When I have my bad, it comes in groups. Then, I am happy again.

Don't minimize your situation by comparing it to others. Most of us here suffering in our own way. If I was to compare mine to say Peachy over on Divorce forum, my H looks like Prince Charming compared to her Xh/STBX. It does not mean you are not in pain or dealing with issues surrounding your M.

When I first found out, I was really in rough shape. I had school to keep me focused on moving forward. The kids to keep me focused on what is important. I still have my occupational goal to keep me focused on the future. After all that is achieved, I can then deal with the issue of my M. My H, does not think there is anything wrong with our M. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> (I guess we have different definitions of what a good M is.

Today, I am in a good mood, I am not crying or sad, and H is, well, I don't know, and today, I don't care because I am not going to let thinking of him and is A spoil my mood today.

He did ask how my class went today. He has never asked before.

He did admit that he didn't think I would finish school He reasoning was, I always dropped out before. He fails to realize, that I never took classes for what I wanted before and I took classes that were logical with my current occupation and not for what I really wanted to do. That is the big difference here. Did I mention my H can be a real bonehead at times. (I think this proves it)

<small>[ May 19, 2003, 05:08 PM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>

Sue, thanks I needed to hear that especially today rough weekend for me!

Ginger - you are very welcome. Don't every sell your self short or minimize your own suffering because someone else has it worse.

Hi Sue, just thought I would say hi I have thought of you often today I was thinking how true your name is Sue with hope I know I have not been here long but I am really drawn to your personality and your words do give me hope! Today started out good but it has turned bad fast. Not all has to do with H but some does. I just don't know today I guess it's just one of those days.

Hi Gingersnap,

I decided a long time ago, I can be optimistic or I can be negative. I have my moments and when I do, I do. I indulge my moments of self pity, vent here, do what I have to do to get it out of my system, then I try to be hopeful again

I did find out that some of my classmates are experiencing the same things I am as far as feeling tired, and down, or wanting to cry. We think it is because we spent the last 2 years being intense trying to get through school and now, it has come to a stop.

Sue, I can only imagine what you have gone through over the last few years. Like you said it is at or near the end and time to go to the next level so you just let out a big sigh of relief and the emotions probably just come pouring out. I think I have come to a conclusion that I really need to do somethig just for me I have spent my life doing for everyone else. I have been married since I was 16 years old I'm 42 now I think what you said to me was so true you had school and your small children reasons to stay focused during the difficult times I have my job but my kids are older the youngest almost 15 and after I get home from work there are many times I just do nothing but think. My life has been so complicated over the last few years that right now I know I can not handle to much more stress but I do want to look for something to put my energy and focus into. I just feel like such a weak person I want so bad to be a strong woman but I do know alot of that has to do with my H and things he has done and said to me over the years and it was this A that has done me in. Do not get me wrong I have hope for brighter and better days it is just getting to them that is the challenge right now.

Hi Gingersnap,

It is easy for someone to bring you down, especially if you have been hearing it for year after year. What most fail to realize is that in some ways you are strong, you stayed. You have not totally lost yourself.

Growing up, I had an inner strenght, but I did not let it show. All through my youth, I was teased and picked on in school. I loved school and dreaded school. I dreaded the teasing and each day I hoped I would not be noticed. I wanted so bad to belong, and at the same time, I wanted to blend into the woodwork. At the same time, I felt like there was someone inside me dying to get out. I had very little self esteem by the time I graduated from HS. I wanted to be a nurse back then, I didn't think I had the brains to do it. By the time I was in my 20's I had built up my self esteem, then I met a man, an alcoholic. I didn't know he was a alcoholic. He kept it well hidden until we got engaged. Then the abuse started (or he tried, he was usually to far drunk to hurt me, except verbally). That tore me down. One day, I sat back and looked at myself, this was not the life I had envisioned for myself, so I dumped him. He had not intentnion of getting help, and I was not going to let him drag me into his personal H***hole. I deserved better. He went to treatment, wanted me to come back. I told him it was over, and because I cared, I support his decision to get help. I reeforced that it was over between us. Well, little did I know that to someone with a chemical dependency problem, just being supportive, he took to mean there was a chance for us. Took me another 4 years to totally get rid of him. By this time I met my H. We started out as friends. I was so embittered by relationships that I was not going to ever get involved again. Things progressed. My self esteem was not totally back, I was working on it. H and I, were not married, we had Son #1, then #2 came along. We were engaged. H met OW, H left. I was devestated. We got back together eventually, 2 years later we married. I thought OW was gone. Found out she wasn't, so here I am. During this time, I have regained my self esteem, made decisions that are in the best interest of me and my children. I keep my marriage in mind for these decisions, but, I also do my best to protect myself emotionally and the kids. Sometimes current H gets verbally abuseive, has threatened to be physical. I stand up to him. Of course I really believe he will not hurt me. If he did, he knows what will happen.

You have to tell your self that you are deserving of love, and a good relationship. Yes I have my set back, and I'm sure I will have more.

Wow what a life. I'm sure you read mine on my post the abuse the drugs he used and so on. I don't think he means to hurt me with his words but he says things like "you should feel lucky to have a man like me I am a real catch in the mexican community" (he is hispanic I am white)I told a friend this she said "sure he's a good catch he has a job" he tells me of all these women that give him thier phone #'s and invite him out I say do you ever say "no thanks I'm a happily married man" but for some reason that never crossed his mind. It is the things like this that have beatten me up over the years I want so much to be strong. I think one of the things I hated most when I talked to the OW was she seemed so strong and self confident and I did not like that I want to be that type of person I know its in there it is just trying to get it out that is so hard right now.

I need to find something acceptable to call him. I get tired of WH, and what I want to say is not appropriate for this website.