He sent OW this joke from Funnymailer: He might try honoring his vows.

********************************
A Change Of Vows

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer.

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the
young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally
before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "I do."

The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

*************************************
Normally I would have found this amusing, I don't find it amusing that he sent it to her.

Her repy was

See it can be that bad No changing the vows.

So, what does he tell her, how bad does he think our marriage is?

<small>[ May 23, 2003, 05:50 PM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>

hi sue, when did he send that note? was it just recently? I to find no humor exept that the wife got the better of her H. I wanted to ask you if the OW was still in the picture but I guess my question has been answered. Do you two talk about your marraige and your future? I know we didn't for a long time I knew we had some things to work out but that was normal in marriage he took it a step farther saying he thought I did not love him when he met her and that she was there when I wasn't. Exuse me but she was in a different state I was just in the other room!!!!! If he would have talked to me like he did her none of this would have happened.

Hey Sue,

What's the job situation looking like? Are you ready yet to start rocking the boat? Let me know.... I'm ready and willing to help, just say the word.

C

Hi Cerri,

Well, I have to take boards and pass them. Without that, I cannot get hired. Okay, I can get hired, contigent I pass boards. I cannot take boards until I have the money to pay for it. I just used the money for boards for an appraisal on the house. Normally I would not consider refinancing except it is lower the payment by quite a bit. We are asking for some cash to build a fence, and a little extra. If the refinancing goes through without a hitch, I will pay for boards with that.

I have to schedule for boards and study for them. After that, (assuming my knee is healed by then) I can find work as a RN. About half of my class has already started looking. My instructors suggested I wait. Walking in in a knee brace will not help my chances of employment. The person who can work will get the job over me.

I'm ready to rock the boat, except in the financial area. I look at it this way. I waited this long, what is a couple of more months.

Ginger - yes she is in the picture. I think she has been there from day one. If not day one, shortly after.

At christmas time, he bought me my first diamond ring. It is small, but I was excited about it. The first ring we looked at, I liked, we found out it was CZ. So, we moved over to the diamond section. What was affordable was small. H said fake diamonds equal fake marriage. I thought wow, and things were going really good. I figured she was probably out of the picture. Well, guess what, I think it has been a fake marriage the whole marriage.

As I look back, on the trip home from Vegas, he was rude and aloof towards me. He blamed it on being tired. I wanted us to have seats together, he didn't care. The best we got was each on an aisle across from each other. He hinted to the ticket clerk, that the farther apart the better. That should have been my first indication that there was a problem.

I even asked him if he was regretting marrying me. The whole trip home all he did was complain about this and that. Someone had bad gas, and WH kept making rude comments about it. Honestly it was embarrasing.

I dread rocking the boat, but it is what must be done. I don't want to live this way any more, I also don't want to be alone. I dont' want to start over, and I don't know if I could trust anyone again. I don't know if I can trust him again. I can't hide forever.

One more thing, the e-mail was sent a few days ago

Sue, I wish I knew what to say to make eveything ok. As I have been reading more on the MB site I find things that are more and more like me. I think of that first month after I found out, I don't know if you read my reply to you on my thread but it was about a phone # I found anyway the date on the paper was two days before christmas that ment he was still in touch with her then when I thought he was not anyway I am very sentimental and small gifts he gives me are memories well for christmas he gave me a diamond necklace it matched the ring he bought for our 25th aniversary (which I got only one month befor the A started) anyway I found out that he had told her all about my gift that really made me angry. I don't know maybe I'm just stupid. Anyway what I am trying to say is I know how you feel about the ring the excitment of things are going to be ok and then the let down the disapointment I don't know what to say except that if he is not willing to give her up why does he put you through all of this? It seems it would be easier on you to make a fresh start. I don't like to see any marraige end but do you really deserve what he is giving you? I know I don't know you well but like I said there is just something about your personality that I and I know others are so drawn to I believe you deserve the best that life has to offer. Please don't get me wrong I know we are all here because we want our marraige to work but am I wrong or does it not take both partners working on the relationship?

I know I deserve better. If I was not concerned about supporting 3 kids, he would have been history years ago. If kids were not involved, I never would have taken him back the first time.

His A has not yet been exposed. It will be soon. I have to get myself in a position where I can financially support the kids. That is why I need to get my new career going. The bigger paycheck will be enough to support us if need be. The CS will be the luxuries and it will pay for the kids activities and stuff.

I have been having a bad day on and off. I knew this day would come and many more i'm sure. For over a year I have been denying my grief about the discovery of the A so I could stay focused on school. Now, my focus is gone, except for boards. I decided come Monday it is time to sit down and study for boards. But for now, I need to acknowledge my feelings that I have been denying myself. Everytime I had a down period, I would give it some time, but I always redirected myself back to my goal.

Same o' same o'

I see I hope I did not upset you I did not mean to. I look at myself and I too would not be able to make it on my own although I work it would not be enough so I understand that. When things were really bad for us I always hung in there so I totally understand that. I always thought about the kids I still do even though they are all getting older that was one of the things he said upset him was that I put the kids before him.

I am with you there as far as having a bad day. I had two pretty good days yesterday I actually felt happy it has been a long time since I have felt happy but to day I don't know what happened I was at work and I started thinking about how predictable my H is I said He will call and say HI Ginger and drag out my name and then say how are you today i just wanted to tell you I love you. and sure enough he did just that it isn't that that in its self is bad but all I could think of was I bet he did the exact same thing to her call her at work say her name tell her hello I just could not get it out of my head it has made for a bad day that and the fact that I can never sleep I know it is a side effect of menapause but it really stinks I am so tired.

You didn't upset me. I was upset before I logged on.

I put kids and H on equal footing, depends upon situation. Sometimes he comes first and sometimes they come first. Except for school, I always came last. That is going to change.

YOu know, recently, he made a really stupdi comment with regards to how the housework slid while I was in school He said "you know I tolerated a messy house and did not say anything while you were in school" "you are out now". Okay, I was out for about a week before my one week class started which was all day every day. I spent the whole week and weekend that I was off cleaning with a bad leg. and he and the nerve to say that to me.

My classmates husbands took over the housework to help their wives and show their support. Nooooooo, I get Mr. I'm so wonderful I didn't complain, but it is now time for you to get back to it slave and get your work done. So, why do I want to make my marriage work. You know, she can have him if this is the way he is going to be. What a JERK!!!!!!.

If we divorce, he will marry again, I know him. It will be marriage number 3 for him. Maybe he is competeing with his dad for the most marriages.

I know how you feel about the no help around the house stuff. MY H acts like my 40hrs per week that I work are not as important as his. He never picks up after himself as a matter of fact last night he took off his swim suit in the front room and it was still there when I got home from work today. I don't mean to complain my H biggest fault is he is a work-aholic he works full time plus picked up a part time job which does help because of our situation (we were sued by the state for child support that is a whole story in itself)he goes to school two nights a week and this is all well and good my point is after that any tom,[censored] or harry that calls he is out the door to help them or do for them but where am I in this picture he will say "I'm sorry I know I didn't make anytime for you today" and this is an area that we talked about that he was not going to get his self to busy that he lost focus on us because I am the typical giver I will give and give weather I want to or not but when I get nothing in return I totally shut down and stop. I have tried to do all the things he asked of me after the A the things we talked about to help our M he gave me his list his wants and desires well I think he lost my list I haven't seen anything done off of it yet!

I don't know if I have the energy to continue with Plan A. I'm not sure if I did a good Plan A or not. To me I did.

Sue, good luck on the boards. Save your energy for that task right now. The boards are going to be easier if you can put yourself in a somewhat relaxed state of mind. Don't study yourself sick. I took the boards in California in 1980 .... Gawd!

I took the boards in Sacramento. My school chums and I drove to Sacramento together and got a hotel suite. (Nicer digs, and we shared expenses)The evening before the boards, my friends and I went out for a nice dinner together. We each had one glass of wine with dinner. We laughed, relaxed, and got back to the room early, took relaxing baths, and went to bed sleepy. Other students we knew, stayed up all night, drinking coffee and crammed. They did not do nearly as well on the exams! Do NOT study the day before. relax, have fun, and get SLEEEEEP!

Nursing is a wonderful profession. I took national RNP certfication exams pretty much the same way .... relaxed and well-rested, about 4 years later.

I'll do my special nursing board exam happy dance for you!!!! Works every time.

((( HUGS )))

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hi Sue, I agree with pepperband you need to put your energy on taking your boards after all this will become your livly hood this is what you have waited for, for a long time I think you said to me that you have always wanted to be a nurse well here you are as hard as it is and I may not be the best one to give advise after all I still try to make it through a day without being angry and hurt and I have not gone through near what you have it is time for you to take care of you! I don't know what your H is thinking. How is he with the kids? and do you two have any sort of a marriage relationship you know what I mean is he intamate with you at all? does he do anything to support you?

Sue would you mind if I e-mailed you?

Hi Sue,

thanks for helping me last night -together with Pepper (thanks to you, too) to make "Someone out there" understand that she had to take things step by step. I am really worried about her...checked today but there were no new posts.

Get your boards done ASAP, as long as everything you learned in school is still fresh.

Also #2: get done with it so you have time and energy to address the issue with your H's A.

My dear Sue: this can't continue like this indefinitely. Your H is a cake eater and you are suffering. I don't like to see you like this.

Recently I read again your first post to me from last year in August, where you talk about how important your kids are to you. I admire you for your determination to put them first. But don't forget about yourself. Get those boards out of the way!

When is the next board exam?

Hugs

Hi Liza,

I can take boards as soon as they have my stuff that i am qualified. They should have it by now. I now have to come up with the money for it. I expect to have the money in a couple of weeks. (I hope nothing falls through). We had the money and had to use it to pay bills.

H thinks I have money hidden and keeps spending as if he was working. Savings is almost gone. If we are lucky we can pay bills this month and that is it.

NP with regards to Someone_outthere. I hope she posts that she is okay. I'm concerned too.

<small>[ May 26, 2003, 08:08 AM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>

Well, today, I had troubles sleeping so I have been up since 4am.

The weekend has not been bad. Saturday H went to wash our comforter at the laundromat. I don't know why he wont do it here. But it took 4 hours. I know saturdays are busy, but it does not take 4 hours to get a machine. He says he fell asleep in his car. Did he or didn't he?

Sunday he was home most of the day, we went to a movie with the kids. Bruce Almighty, it was funny, there was a point where a scene was a trigger for me, so I started to cry. H just thought I was being sentimental. The older two liked it, the younger D didn't get it. I didn't think she would. Then we went to a park and had picnic. Went home, and H disappeared for about 5 hours. Says he went to his dads. (I don't believe that either). I hate being so cynical and suspicious. He could be telling me the truth, but I don't believe it.

The news this AM, had me thinking, kind of a morbid thought, but a reflection anyway. On the news a man died in a car accident, a taxi driver. He was probably just doing his job and he is in a fatal accident. If I died tomorrow, I would die not knowing if my H loved me or not. Okay, I'm done with the dark reflection, today is too sunny to be in a dark mood.

I have to run to the hospital and pick up my MRI x-rays for the Orthopedic to view at my appt. Fax some papers to a mortgage company. If our loan application goes through okay, we will be able to take advantage of the low interest rates available today. If that happens, I can afford to take boards. Fingers crossed all goes well. Our credit is less than perfect so I'm concerned we will be denied.

If we get approved, he will just find a way to spend it. Hopefully it will be on home improvements. Those I can live with.

I am so sick of a one sided marriage. Everything is about him. He has to be the center of attention.

I think I know why he encourages our D to sleep with us. This way he can appease the OW about him sleeping with his wife, after all, our D sleeps in our bed too. (You can always move a 4 year old after they go to sleep to their own bed)

Hi Sue, I too have had a rough week-end not really knowing why? I know my situation is not as grim as yours my H is trying it is the pain I can't get past. I do hope all goes well with your MRI and the house refinancing. It seems to me the more I read on this site many here are having money problems because of our situation a couple of months ago we had to move into a two bedroom apt. it was ok the first month or so but now sometimes I feel like the walls are moving in on me. Funny you could'nt sleep this morning I couldn't sleep last night not going to bed till after midnight very unuasual for me because on the days I work I get up real early. I just did not do well yesterday I don't really know why I guess it is all just part of this whole mess well I hope today goes better for you I will look for you later to see how things went.