I'll be sure to check in on you soon!

Keep your chin up!

Hi Sue,

Sorry to hear about your leg. If its not school its something else huh. Anyway sorry I haven't posted much lately, just been in la la land.
Do you have a date for ur boards yet? I have 2 1/2 months of school left. It's not too bad now. I think if I can just get on a schedule I'll be fine since clinicals are only held in the day time now.
How are things with ur H? Hopefully better#?!@ Anyway let me read more of your thread and get to bed. New clinical rotation tomorrow = boring orientation:)
melinda

Melinda - yours is the easiest to answer so I will answer you first.

Boards - not until I have the money to register. Since H is laid off, we cannot afford it. We had the money, since he thinks we have a money tree in the back yard, we cannot afford it.

Refinance - well, sort of fell through. Message was, all looks good, they need H to have a paycheck. When I was in earlier, he told me he got loans for 3 other guys from H's union.

We have enough to get through June maybe. That is if H stops spending like we have a money tree in the back yard.

Time to cut out the luxuries. Except H will not do that. I will, he won't. Such as cell phone, not needed, internet, not needed, cable, not needed, Everquest subscription, not needed. Right there is about 200-300 saving per month.

Which is about what we are short for bills every month.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know everything but I worry that one day you will have had enough and just end everything. I can't help but think that working on it a little bit now and thinking about what you want to do will help to prevent that from happening. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I might already be at that enough point. Honestly, I do not know.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In your dreams( best case,) how does this work itself out? In other words, describe the time line of what could happen in your life and in your marriage the next few months if it were to go really, really well, and make you the happiest. What would that look like? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In my dreams what does it look like,

I would have the money to pay for boards right now, I would be ready to take boards, and pass. I would already have a job lined up working during the day doing what i really want to do.

This would happen today.
H would realize where he went wrong, and he would come to me and tell me what he did, that he is sorry, that he ended it, and will do anything to make it work between us, including giving up the softball teams I have issues with, going to counseling.

First week:
He would send a NC letter because I asked him to,

He would change his cell phone number, and let me have access to it, and the bills.

He would make an effort to help around the house.

he would validate my feelings instead of dismissing them as irrelevant

He would do the same with out oldest son

He would stop keeping his life with his friends seperate from his life with his family.

And from there things will improve.

I should quit dreaming about what will not be. All it does is set me up for disappointment.

SS-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I bet between you and cerri, you could fix it with power tools, and makup. Maybe if you used cookware too? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't suggest I get near cookware. Most things are burnt by the time I'm done cooking. (While I'm cooking one thing, I start something else and lose track of time)

Hi Sue, I haven't done well to post replies latley been in a really down mood a long hard week. I just read your post and thought wouldn't life be wonderful if dreams came true all would be so much eaisier and life so much better. I just recieved my book SAA I only read the first paragraph and broke down I sure hope I will be strong enough to read the book and it will help. Anyway I just wanted to let you know I have been thinking of you.

One more thing - I'm going through the bills and mail and stuff. In it is a letter from H's benefit office. He leaves all that for me, it pertains to medical bills and what the ins. paid and didn't pay.

There is a letter, stating that they received a statement for services for our daughter from a Hospital in the southern part of the state. About 1 - 2 hours away. And the ins. company has on record that my ins. is primary, and this statement was submitted to them as the primary. Now, one, I was at work that day, two, I know she was not hurt that she had to go to the hospital that day, and why would she be at a hospital 2 hours away? This date was close to when H was laid off.

So, either the benefit office made an error, the hospital made an error, or there is something I need to know more about.

Hey Sue that is really strange. Did your D ever say she went to the hospital and that Daddy took her? Who lives two hours away? Does your H ever just take the kids for the day by himself I know my H never did when my kids were little. You need to call the ins. as soon as possible on this one.

Hey Sue,

Sorry to hear about ur financial stuggle specially having a H that thinks he has a money tree in the backyard. I was at least fortunate that my soon to be X-H didn't think he had one of those because he grew up in a single parent home with really not much of anything.

Don't worry though once you get in the door and start working you'll make it. My mom was also a parent of 4 that has a H (not my dad) that thinks he had a money tree in our backyard that never worked till just a few months ago. She was a CNA that did the ladder to RN and by the time I was 13 I started to see the difference(first time I got brand name shoes(=.) You might work lots and lots of hours but you'll see that what you make money wise will be worth it. I do have to say one thing though: just don't forget about the kids.

My mom worked so much that I pretty much did anything I wanted and that's how I ended up in the military because I needed something to get me on track. I wasn't wild or anything but I did many many things that if I had more supervision wouldn't of. I won't mention what because of the profession I'm about to enter but it was the past so I'll leave it there.

Melinda

I'll make it. I'm not worried about that. Even if I have to work part time to start and keep my current job (not my ideal situation), I will do that. It will only be temporary until I have some experience and can move into a position with more hours.

As far as the bill from the hospital goes, I called the hospital, they cannot find a record of it. I left a message for the benefits office to see what they have. I will have to wait until tomorrow to find out more.

I hate that H has to see us hit it hard before he wakes up.

This is the way he is. If he wants our M to work, he will have to risk losing me or lose me first. If he leaves in Plan B, I don't know if I can take him back. Not after all this time.

H's mom called earlier tonight, said she had to work and could not watch the kids. H had a cow, because that meant missing softball tonight. He gets his mom to watch them, she goes to work late, and commits H's brother to watch them. H's brother was late getting home from work. So H's mom is late for work. H's brother is mad at H. I told him, don't complain to me, it does not do any good. H does not listen to me. Complain to him.

H will not give up this night for ball, I wonder why. Okay, I think I can figure it out, can you guys?

My family refuses to watch the kids on Mondays for that reason. According to BIL, H said he would be there by 8pm to get kids, it is now 8:20.

Brain dead is brain dead I guess. MIL is such an enabler.

Sue,
I would say the first two things on your list to tackle would be taking your boards, and getting that knee fixed. If you have to put the rest of your money in another account, get another job, move out and let him fend for himself, get assistance from the state or the feds, or whatever, then do it. I know you are working on it. When that is done, you can discuss the list with H. I don't think he will come clean on his own, and you don't either, but you have your list of boundries all written out, so you have done some of the work you needed to do anyway.

Things will continue to get worse before they get better, but you have done this part before and you " are one tough women" and you can do this, and you know you can. ( that's a quote from you, a long time ago.)

There have got to be ways pay for the tests, what have you found out so far? I know you are looking for ways to make it work.

What I want to do right now is help you get through. I don't do hugs very well, but you know I care. Oh, what the heck. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}.

I wish there was a way to turn off the bad stuff while you recover and take tests, but I don't know of one. I do know that you can make it work anyway.

I do know sometimes pretending doesn't work, but for these things, the real thing will work anyway, and you know it will. You know you are going to make this work, don't you. And that is a statement, not a question.

Sue, after we have been around a while, we know. We've been there too, we had to make it work a time or two also. We understand, and we care. Hang on until we can all laugh about it on the other side of this one.

I recommend letting all the other go right now. Don't worry about ball games, or all that other stuff. Get the rest you need when you can, you'll need it. Do the research and get your boards funded. We'll use your wish list later to help you confront H and set boundries.

I have a great deal of respect for you. For what you have done, for who you are, and for what you will yet do, but I don't know how to get it across very well. This will have to do.

SS

hi sue,
check the hospitals medical records! they should have a copy of what happened! that's if something did happen! tell them that your doctor is requesting them, it will be free that way! that is so strange!
Ali!

HI Sue, Thanks for stopping by my thread just to say hi. I have missed you. I haven't really talked to you for a while I felt you just needed a breather, is all ok? Sue do you have anyone you can ask for help? It is ok you know. I know that your surgery is comming up and I hope all will go smoothly with that while your getting back on your feet that will be a good time for you to think things through and get yourself ready mentally for boards. I don't mean doing alot of studing but a lot of relaxing do you remember what that is? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Anyway drop me a line on my thread or here I always check in I really miss you. Take care I'll be looking for you.You are a very special person and have touched my life more than you will ever know, THANKS!!!!

I worry.

Should I?

SS

I am such a blonde twit... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> double post.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ June 09, 2003, 08:53 PM: Message edited by: cerri ]</small>

Hey Sue, long time no hear... you ok? You know you can call or email me if you need to talk too..... We can meet at the Mall and eat cookies and drink tea at Caribou if you need to just vent.... Let me know.

C

No need to worry, surgery went well, drugs, drugs and more drugs. I slept most of Friday, Saturday. Sunday I cut back on my pain meds, didn't need them, I spent sunday getting the drugs out of my system. I was sooooo groggy. Monday playing catch up, and took daughter to dance rehersal, Tueday spent it running around with H. He cashed in all his vacation time so we can have the money to help us get by and do some minor landscaping such as some bushes I found on sale. One of those parking lot nursuries was closing down, picked up bushes for 3.00 each. Watch H put them in. Today, first day I've had to sit down comfortably at the computer.

I have some pain in my knee, not bad. I won't take anything stronger than tylenol today. Today is Daughters dance recital. I will not miss that today. We spent the morning putting her hair up in curlers so she will have curles tonight. I have to get one more ticket today, H's aunt wants to go.

H has been really good to me since surgery. Even kissed me one night.

Experience has taught me, that this does not last long.

Found out it was an error at the benefit office with regards to bill from Hospital for daughter.

C- I'd be happy to meet to vent or just chat. It is called time out for me.

And everyone- thanks for your concern. I know I'm usually not away this long.

<small>[ June 11, 2003, 10:55 AM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>

sue, so glad to hear all went well with the surgery.I have done something to my shoulder so I know what you mean about the meds. I went to dr on mon. and I think he made my condition worse i was in pain when i got to his office but by the time he messed with my arm the pain was so bad it brought tears to my eyes i had to fight not to cry it hurt so bad. spent yesterday on the couch and in the bathroom throwing up because of the pain meds i don't know which is worse. my arm really hurt even to type this but i just wanted to say hi and that i have really missed talking to you. glad to hear H did a little something for you during all this who knows maybe he will relize what he has and what he will loose if he doesnt get his act straight real soon. talk to you soon.

Maybe he will.

Trying to get the bills paid today, find one more ticket for the recital today. This dance studio makes a big deal of the recitals.

I have to get daughters hair fixed in a couple of hours.

Oldest son does not want to go. I might try to find someone to take him. I have not decided.

Ginger - I hope your arm feels better.

What is wrong with it? I have neck and shoulder pain alot. It is mostly because of sitting and working at a computer alot and my work station used tobe ergonomically correct, since I've injured my knee, it is no longer correct. I will be now that my knee is fixed. I see a chiropractor for my neck, shoulder and stuff

oops double post

<small>[ June 11, 2003, 03:17 PM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>