sue,i don't really know my sister came over sun. night to bring me something for pain and she thought it looked dislocated. on mon. when i went to dr. he said from x-ray that it was not that the sack (i don't remember the name for it)that is under the shoulder was inflamed and that was causeing the pain anyway he was messing with my arm and just made it worse if you ask me. like i said before i live in a small town and one thing we lack is good dr. i had to pick the best of the worst to go and see.so really i don't know what i did all i know is the pain is incredible and i shouldn't be typing but after two days of being in the house alone i'm bored. my H is always so busy that i'm last on the list.talk to you soon.

Sue,
Very glad for a little good in your life.

I have noticed that some things you can't pretend. The doctor used to tell me to pretend it didn't hurt. That never worked very well for me.

Happy thougts all arround. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
SS

I'm glad to hear your surgery went well and that you have only a lil bit of pain. Take care

Daughters dance recital went well. I was disappointed and amused. Her pictures were not in as expected. They are stuck at the Canadian border. For some reason, they won't let them cross the border.

The owner of the studio said she will call everyone when the pictures come in.

She was so cute up on stage. I cannot wait for next years class to start up.

Soccer is going well. The kids love it. I have to stay on top of schedules so uniforms are clean.

My marriage, who knows how that is. Righ now, I am so frustrated. H has been decent to me, but I know he still sees and calls her. Too many disappearing acts. Not as may as before.

H went out of town. Claims he is working, got a chance to work for a week. However, when I ask questions such as where, how much is it paying, are you depositing the money into the account, he evades the questions. I drove by her house, I wanted to see if his car was there. The last time he went out under the pretence of looking for work, she had the same week off in Vegas, which is where he ended up. His car was not there, but I did see a playhouse in the back yard. The same kind I want for my daughter. As far as I know, OW is the only one living with her parents. So, is the playhouse hers? Or did the parents put it there for their grandchildren? I can only wonder at this point.

I have to get back to studying for boards. The sooner I get that done, the sooner I can take boards and find a job.

HI Sue, You sound sooooo busy. Dance recitles are fun alot of work.I remember my youngest D at hers I was so proud my H however never stuck around to see the whole thing but that is just how it was then. My kids are all getting older youngest is almost 15 where did the time go I wish I could go back and have them little again life seemed simpler than. Anyway just wanted to say hi and keep in touch good luck with the studies.

H went to recital. He will not miss much for her. I bought flowers for H and boys to give to her at the end. I was in the dressing room getting her stuff when H handed them to her. He said her eyes lit up. She asked if everyone got flowers. H told her only if their parents got flowers for them. In the car on the way home, she kept smelling them, and saying how beautiful they are. She always uses words like delicious, beautiful, scrumptous. It is a delight to listen to her.

On a sad note, my middle child cried when he found out H was leaving for a week. H said to his dad, the he was afraid I was going to kill him. He bases that on I yell at them. I only yell when they don't listen. And usually I ask 3 - 4 times before I start yelling. The things I yell about are , time for bed, when it gets to be an hour past bedtime, asking is no longer appropriate, or how about asking 3 plus days in a row for them to pick up their room. When I start yelling is when I cannot walk in their room.

Daughter was upset about dad leaving, she wanted to know who's arm she will sleep on. They started a routine, they usually lay down together at her bedtime, she lays on his arm. After she is asleep, sometimes she is moved to her bed and sometimes she isn't. I've also noticed that there are times, H brings her to our bed so she is in the middle. I've wondered why he encourages her sleeping with us. Is it because he tells OW that we don't have sex because our daughter sleeps with us???? I could see him doing that.

Your kids sound like they really love thier dad. Too bad he can't treat you that way, what is wrong with these men. My H has been doing better he is just so busy no time for me I find myself putting up that wall of protection always afraid now that some thing bad is going to happen I hate this feeling. My son is home for the weekend it has been going ok he will be home for good next month then the real test of marriage recovery will start. It hasn't been as hard right now we are alone.

As for the yelling I did my share when the kids were small, as a matter of fact I got after my H today we have to live in this apt. and it is small and he just makes a mess every where it just gets to me after a while especially right now when I am in pain and know I am limited in what I can do.

How I understand that one. I can do some stuff around the house. I can do most of what I used to do, but not at the same pace. I have to take breaks in between, where before I was on contant go.

Oldest son is home tonight. Other two want to stay at grandma's. They stayed there last night, it was so lonely here. I'm glad one of my kids wanted to stay home tonight. I don't think I would do very well if H and I divorce and he has children every other weekend. I know I would adjust, but I would not like it.

we should look into messenger so we can have a real time chat!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I use to hate to be alone,I have gotten use to it now. Some times I think too much though when I am by myself but through all this mess I have enjoyed my time alone to cry and think and who knows what else. My H usually calls me when he works the late shift like tonight but he does it early it makes me feel like he does it to get it out of the way.

Oh by the way my H did do the flower thing for my D when she had her recital that was really nice she loved them. Your D sounds like my youngest when she was little always using those big words we got the biggest kick out of her,now she is a teenager they are not as much fun.

I am not looking forward to her teen years. In some ways she reminds me of me and the stories my mom told me.

In some ways my mom gave me too much freedom, in other ways, I think I would have took it regardless if she gave it to me or not.

I think she could have given me more encouragement, she let me quit things too early. Because of it, I learned later in life to stick things out. So, I do not let my kids quit things until they know what it is they want to quit. Such as hockey for the boys. My middle child wanted to quit when he was learning to skate. I told him, he started it, he will finish it. I will let him quit when he knows how to skate, and knows the game. If he still does not like it, he can quit. He wants to be a goalie next year.

So true,If I had it to do all over there is alot that I would do different. With my oldest D I try tell help her in raising her kids by letting her know the things I feel I did wrong with them and hope that she can take it and use what ever part she wants to help I don't want to be the kind of mom that is always telling them you shouldn't do that and so on.The nice thing is now that they are older they will tell me how lucky they were to have me as thier mom, the sad part is none of the kids are real close to thier dad he just never had time for us. He is a much better grandfather than he is a dad.

At least he learned. My dad spent more time with my neice than he did with us girls. Took her to the park, playground, all that stuff.

My D always says to me gee dad never did that stuff for us maybe he is trying to make up for what he did not do! I don't know maybe the reality of if he made a different decission it would all be gone right now. He loves my D little boy so much sometimes I think more than me I tell him I think that is the reason he stayed was for that little guy. He is a special little boy my D lived with us all through the pregnancy and until he was 8 months old it was hard to see them go. Her H now BF then was being a [censored] and did not know what he wanted but for us it was a joy to have them here that little guy is 3yrs.old already such a sweetie.

I think you could understand how my MIL felt when I moved out with the kids.

She owned the duplex we lived in when he first met OW. MIL lived upstairs, we lived down.

H left after I accused him of cheating. About 6 months later, I moved. I had decided it was time to get on with my life. I did not feel I could do it living in her home. I think that is hey H was nervous about my getting an apartment of my own. I think he felt that as long as I lived at his moms, I was his.

After I moved, he changed towards me. I thought it was over between OW and H. (H was BF or XBF at the time). We got married two years later. Now I wonder if it ever ended. Even when he proposed us getting married, not that I think back, he did not say he loved me. By this time I had moved back to his moms. H was on disability and I could not afford my apartment any longer. We came back from Vegas married, I assumed H was going to move in with us. He did not. Said lease was not up. So I said we move in, he said it was an adult only apartment bldg. I said fine, then we pay the rent, and he moves in with us. He belonged with us since we are married. I almost divorced him at that time.

Yes in a way as far as the kids are concerned,but I would not want to live with my MIL and I don't think any DIL wants to live with or near the inlaws. You sound like you have been through so much with this man, how do you feel about him do you love him? I know I have been through alot with my H and I have tried and tried not to love him but I just can't I always thought if he cheated that would be it.

I even thought I can take no more of not being first in his life his A should have been my out but instead I just relized how much I loved him it sounds crazy I don't really understand it. Sometimes I don't know if I am just afraid of life alone.

Do I love him, I don't know. Walls are up, so it is hard for me to know.

After reading SAA I understand a little more about how we love, for me right now there just has not been enough love deposits into my bank from him,I love him I just don't have that "LOVE"feeling and that is what I want. For you probably the same if you had some big deposits made you could probably answer the question differently!

Boy do I understand about the walls. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I think I can answer that question.

Yes, unfortunately I do. It would be so much easier if I didn't.

He called this morning, his voice sounded funny, you know that guilt tone to it. You know the one, where he is listening to your tone. So either she is with, or he lied about what this trip is about and he is trying to figure out if I know.

I was upset all afternoon, spent most of it crying. I'm so glad grandma has the kids, it would be so much harder for me to be a good mom with the mood I am in.

I know what you mean, sometimes I wish I could say I don't love him and all the pain would be gone. As for the kids and the crying I took my son back today I was in a real down mood heard about another cheating H a man I always respected as a good H I'm beginning to think all men are pigs. Anyway all I could think of today was my H A and so the drive home I spent crying. When I got home I told my H I don't know how I will do when we are not alone and I don't have the freedom to cry when I need to.

My knee has been hurting all day, I don't know why. I'd take a Vicodin, except I don't have anyone to drive me to PT tomorrow, so I will have to see if Tylenol will help somewhat

Melinda - how is school going. I couldn't find your thread, since you read here I will ask here. You are almost done. Keep up the good work

<small>[ June 15, 2003, 11:05 PM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>