OK Sue, please do not be mad for what I am about to say but I thought my H was the only man out ther wearing that big ugly sign that reads "I'M DUMB AND I DON'T GET IT" LOL

I am so sorry this must be just to much to handle at times I dont know how you do it. I think for the last three days my H and I have been arguing I know it is againts the rules but he lies to me about stupid stuff and I hate it.It makes me think if he is going to lie about something so dumb what else is he lying about?

I could go on and on but you don't need that so I will just say have a good day and talk to you soon.
You are always in my thoughts and prayers I hope it helps. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

How much longer can you take this Sue? Your H makes me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> !

You seem like such a nice person, down to earth and smart. You don't deserve this treatment. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hi Ginger - I'm not mad. We all get frustrated

FMWB - Hi, glad to hear from you. I know, same o' same o'. As frustrating as it is that I have been living with this, and I want changes, I keep in mind what is important. I have to achieve my goal. Right now, it would be very difficult for me to confront. I don't have the money for boards, I'm counting on getting it from him. (He went back to work today, I know there will be enough for me to take it from the joint account soon). At this time, I cannot work as a RN even if I passed boards. My leg has loss so much strength, it was hard for me to make to to work today. I did it. It should start improving soon.

I know I deserve better. I will have that too. Either with him or without him. Either way, I am okay with it. I don't deserve anything less.

And thanks for telling me you think I am nice. My H does not think so. But then again, he says that to try to get his way. (what a big spoiled baby) OOOOOPPPS I think that was a LB <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You are nice Sue and you seem to have yourself together wish I could say that for me.
Sorry to hear about the knee I was wondering how you were going to do at work today.My arm is much better I guess the Dr. knew what he was talking about after all the meds. did thier job.

And about the LB I wont even tell you about the ones I have had latley!!!!

It took a while for me to get to where I am at. And there is quite a few times I slide backwards. Right now I cannot afford to slide backwards.

Can I ask you something Sue, it has been six months since D-day for me and the pain is still so intense is this normal or am I just a big baby and need to get off the boob.
It seems like every thing I read everyone just goes on, they just seem to be doing so much better than me.What is wrong with me.Why cant I get past this.

No you are not a big baby. You cannot put a time limit on these things.

The first time H cheated on me, I was a wreck. It was someone where around the 6 month mark I started improving. Note I said "started". I was no longer obsessing about what he was doing and who he was doing it with. Everything still bothered me about it. There was no way I was going to allow this person around my babies. They were my babies to protect from the evils (OW) of this world. Honestly, I really did not get over it until about a year ago. That was when I realized I was very angry about it, and being angry was only going to turn me into a bitter old women. I knew I had to let go of the anger.

I've read here that for some, the second time around is harder than the first, and for others it is easier. For me it is easier. You see, I did not like who I had become before. The first time I was a whining, begging, crying boob. He had me thinking that I was crazy. I knew I wasn't, but I was in an emotional whirlwind at the time. This time, I had decided he would not do that to me. I would stay and stand strong. I realized that keeping my focus on my goal was going to help me stay strong. As I said I have set backs. It is only natural. I do have feelings that I have to acknowledge. When I shove them back too much, they have a way of making them selves know to me. I'm sure once I pass boards, everyone in the state of MN will wonder which dam broke loose.

You are normal, and it takes while. A friend of mine, found out before she married her H that he cheated. She agonized over cancelling the wedding. She decided to marry him. The first couple of years she did not trust him at all. She said as time went on it got better. That was about 14 years ago.

So, tell us what is happening with the boards.

Lets see, and how the kids are doing.........what you are going to do to relax a little this summer.......your favorite icecream.....and that's probably enough for tonight.

SS

Thanks Sue for the answer,it really does help.
I know that he is sorry,he tells me, he says things were bad before the A but he would have rather delt with that stuff (because for us we always worked things out)than he would dealing with this.

Every day I tell myself today I won't hurt,I am worth something I am better than all of this but by the end of the day I am once again just a wreck,crying wonder how did my life end up like this.I want to put it all behind me but I feel we have to deal with the issues at hand if we want a full recovery,I don't think he sees it like that.He thinks just forget it make it go away and all is well,not me.

I don't know if I could go through this again I never thought I would go through it once I always said if he ever cheated I would be out of here,boy I wish that love thing had not gotten in the way.I gotta go just wanted to see if you had replied before I left for work I'll check in later when I get home. Have a great day and thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm studying for boards. This morning I went to the Kaplan center (that is the organization that has the course where 95% of the participants pass the first time). I reviewed a video, I am going again tomorrow. Thursday and Friday I plan to do the CD questions from home. If there is time I will review the NCLEX book. Saturday I hope to go back to the center to take a test. This test identifies your weak areas so you know where to spend more time on.

After I do all the bills this week, whatever is leftover I am putting aside to pay for boards. Hopefully there will be enough to pay and schedule the test.

I'm considering applying for clinic jobs, since those are mostly during the day, and with the condition my knee is in right now, it will be difficult for me to work as a staff RN in a hospital setting. I've been thinking about a position in an Urgent care, those are generally part time. I could keep my current Full Time job until I find a full time hospital job. These are just some ideas I'm kicking around my head.

Lets see favorite Ice Cream, I don't really have one, but I have a few I like alot.

The one with the peppermint candy bits, there is the type with English toffee candy bits. I think kemps or blue bunny makes these. Then there is the ones from Swhanns - I forget the name, but is is a coconut almond type, and there is the chocolate covered strawberry one. No plain vanilla for me. If it is vanilla I want hot fudge on it.

So, what is your favorite Ice cream?

Relax this summer - paint screens, fix screens, fix the cracked stucco on the house, clean up the yard that H will make when he reroofs the garage, hopefully take down a tree. (Most of this was wrong when we bought the house, didn't have the funds to fix it. The city is cracking down on houses that need repair. It would have been nice if they enforced the ordinances before we bought the house.) I hate where we live. They even called us on stuff that happened when my H was in the middle of reroofing the house, such as down spouts not attached to the gutters, well golly, he took the gutters off when he was reroofing. We talked to a fence company, he was telling us how they hate doing business in our city. They don't have they type of hassels they do from the more exclusive neighboring suburbs that they have from our city. I did not want to buy in this city. H wanted the house. I told him they were snooty and uppity. Nothing but a Wannabe Edina.

When we bought the house, we planned on doing the repairs and fixing it up. We had no intention of negleting the house. H does not help matters with the trips and spending he does, and all the ball games he plays. He could be at home doing some of the work. It amazes me how he will take the evening off of ball for a trip out of town, but he will not take it off to work on the house or for the kids. (well, he is finding that he has had to miss a game or two for the kids. I refused to leave work to help him out.)

I know H has helped his friends out with stuff at their houses, H will not ask his friends to help him with our house.

So when do I relax, never, I'm stuck in the middle between an ignorant H and the city with regards to our house.

<small>[ June 24, 2003, 06:00 PM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>

Hi Sue,boy I am tired just reading your post.

I remember those days of none stop life, not so busy right now for me I think that is why I am having a harder time getting through this.I just don't have a goal I'm pressing for right now and the kids are not little so its just me alot of the time,however my D just asked if we could keep her kids for a couple of weeks her and H are both in school and the summer session is really hard she said, and she really wants to get good grades.If we take them that means I will be running after a one and three year old after work I don't know if I am up to it but it will probably be good for me.

I am so glad I had my kids when I was younger I don't think I would have the energy to run all over after the kids now.

Well good luck with your studies and I hope all works out in the money department too.You said your H went back to work how is that going?
Take care talk to you later.

His working is fine, except, that he is back to expecting me to get up in the mornings (5 AM) to make him lunch. I get home around midnight. Everything is about him.

As I think back, he always expected me to buy him the more expensive gifts, while I settle for less than what I want. I got nothing for Mothers day, could not afford it. We could not afford anything for fathers day, he is expecting me to get him something when we have the money. I will get what he wants for his birthday. We will be able to afford it then. Why should I give him a belated fathers day gift when he justifies not giving me a gift at all.

He has the new car, the new computer, it is all about him having the best. My vehicle is not bad, don't get me wrong, he got the brand new one, I got the 3 year old one. I always have the used, and he has the new. I'm tired of settling.

The ring he bought me last December, that was not the ring I wanted. It was a smaller and cheaper one that does not even come close to what I want. I don't know why I expect so much from him, he is not capable of putting anyone first. It is like his love is for sale to the highest bidder. You know what, she can go bankrupt trying to keep him happy. I will not.

Sue,
Believe it or not I know just what you are saying.I have been married for 26yrs that is a really really really loooooooong time!!!!!!!!!

A year and a half ago was the FIRST TIME in my marraige I got the new car,he always got the new and gave me the old one.Same thing with birthdays and other holidays most of our life we could not afford my holidays but on his he always got what he wanted,take last year when he was involved with OW I waited all day just for him to say Happy Birthday to me nothing he forgot it but I'm sure he was talking to her that day.Well the next month he managed to afford a plane ticket to go meet her and two weeks after he got home he bought himself a new laptop.

Since the A I will admit he has been a little better about getting me stuff but I feel like he is trying to buy me.He has always bought me things so that he would not have to spend to much time with me gifts instead of him. He felt so guilty I guess about the A he bought me a diamond necklace for christmas but what put a big damper on it he told her all about it. He forgot our aniversary this year so I got nothing I bought him a gold braclet.He told every one that he had bought me a new ring last year so he didn't need to get me anything this year.

Sue I know just what you are saying.
Do you work the late shift?
Thats really hard with small kids I did the same thing when my kids were little.
I might add that when my H is tired he wants to sleep and lets me know it,but he thinks nothing of waking me up at night when he gets home from work(he works the late shift 2 to 3 nights a week)like last night he wakes me up (I get up at 4:30 am for work)because he was in the mood.Boy am I tired today!!

I don't want to sound materialist because I am not. I'm just tired of feeling like he thinks less of me, and expects me to settle for crumbs.

I have not worn the ring he gave me for christmas in a couple of months or so. I just cannot bring myself to wear it. It was not what I really wanted, he didn't even try to get me what I wanted. I believe he didn't really want to give me a nice ring, only did it to shut me up. Okay, I think it is time I stop. I'm getting very cynical

I don't think you are materialistic,We deserve nice things there is nothing wrong with that.You cook his meals,clean his clothes,his house,take care of the kids,help him financially,and lets see probably take care of his sexual needs when allowed.So why in the world would you think you don't deserve a few things in life that you want.There is nothing wrong with that.

Don't get me wrong my H can be kind I just know exactly how you feel I've been there.What he wants comes first.Even now trying to recover it is not what I want or need but what he thinks is ok nothing more, that means just forget it don't bring it up he does not want to have to face the fact that he did the most awful thing he could have ever done.He will not go to councling and by not talking about it he does not have to be reminded that he was a jerk and really screwed up.

I wrote him a long letter last night even suggesting a short seperation he said no way and he has acted different today but I've been through this before usually it only last a couple of days.

When I think about stuff like this, I really wonder "why do I want to try?" "Why do I want to make it work?" I know I deserver better. He is not worht it.

I know sue,when I think of all I have been through over the last 26yrs. I think I desereved more from life,I could have done so much more.But for me my H is all I know I am afraid of the unknown we have grown up together we were just 16 and 17 when we got married way too young.Now I am to afraid to start over,and wonder if it was worse then what?

Sue,
I don't get tired reading, but I do wonder how long you can do this. I don't think you will fail any time soon, but.........well, something has to give. You are pretty darn tough, but you have feelings, and they are important.

Schwans Raspberry Rumble right now, but plain vanilla is a close second after I make chocolate sodas out of it.

I have been gone for a few days, and now I'm behind. I owe you a longer post, and I'll try and get to it soon. Summer is the busy time for my business, and I hope you gals forgive me for the posts being few and far between.

Ginger, I haven't spoken to you much, but It looks like you are doing a little better. I hope so.

SS

SS- you have me curious, what do you do that summer is you busy time?

I've made some calls today, I hope I have found someone to haul away an old car of H's. He has this bad habit of keeping junk vehicles when they die.

Last winter I made him get rid of his 89 Jimmy that was sitting in the garage for 2 years, I still have an old Jeep Cherokee to get rid of, and a old Pontiac. The Jeep in is in the garage, so that one will take longer, H has the garage full of junk, that will be gone by the end of summer if I have to pay someone to haul it away I will.

I have to call back on Friday, I found a junk dealer that may take it. Cross your fingers for me. I'm tired of this junk laying around. And H wonders why we have the city breathing down our backs.

I want him to junk his trailer/camper, I don't know how we can get rid of that. It is from the 1970's, and I have major issues with it. He has taken the OW camping in it. I have never been camping in it, we have never been camping. I remember as a kid going camping with my Aunt and Uncle and cousins. I've been camping in campers and tents. He bought the camper during a time when him and I broke up back in our dating days. We broke up because of an old girlfriend of his. She kept coming around. He would not be firm with her, he was afraid to hurt her, she was fragile. Okay, she was mentally unstable. She did commit suicide about 8 years ago. It was her family that told him about the camper for sale at their campgrounds, so she was always around him and I was not allowed there because it would upset her. It didnt' matter that it would upset me. Thinking back, now, I think there was something going on then too. I believed him at the time.