Ginger, you have a great sense of humor.

Its funny you should say that I can remember back in HS all the guys thought every other girl was pretty but me I was the one with the sense of humor.It hasn't shown much latley but chating with you has helped bring it back just a little.

I can remember when I was first married my H would always laugh he use to tell me you are so funny I love the way you make me laugh.Now he says he wishes we could laugh again like we use to.

My dad always thought I would be a comic.

Me I'm just me and wish I could laugh a little more! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

In time, it will happen. I did not laugh much in the beginning. If I had a nickname it was doom and gloom, that was my mood. I didn't find joy in anything.

Me too not much joy these days. I will be having my little grand babies for three weeks,in the past I would have been so excited but right now I am just a little nervous hoping I will be able to handle the extra stress.Maybe it will be good get my mind on something else.

If I read your profile right we are not that much different in age.Look at me already a grandma,in a way I am glad I had my kids young it makes me a young grandma,in a way I wish I would have waited a little more wisdom with age and maybe not so many heartaches. Who knows.

I'm really sorry for your pain. I am the cheating wife - for about 5 or 6 years...who can count after that long? I have finally realized that I don't want to leave my husband and I want to make it work with him, but having stole from the OM for so long, I have that guilt to contend with, too.

I think I read that your husband's A has been going on for some time. Truth is, he probably doesn't want a divorce . He probably doesn't want to have the affair anymore. And he probably still loves you, but you are making it VERY EASY for it to go on because you don't say anything to him. And I'm sure he would love for you to help him end it...but the only way to do that is to confront him. (I say that, but I won't lie to you...he will resist and it will seem that he doesn't want to end it, but I'm just telling you that it is VERY hard to end a long term A.) But I'm sure he knows you suspect.

I've wanted to quit my affair for quite some time, but my husband (who I know suspects) only makes a few slight remarks occasionally, but never throws it in my face and confronts me. And sometimes I resent him for it because it seems to me if he really cared he would raise hell - cuz that's what I'd do. But he is not me. But if he would make it more uncomfortable for me, the more I would want the affair to end cuz that's the side I am leaning to.

I understand your wanting to be through with school so you can support your kids if you have to, but I question whether you are making the right decision or not. It seems that it makes the marriage secondary to everything else. I think it is great for you to have a backup plan, but it's hurting all of you to let it keep going on.

I have only read this one thread from you so I am sure I do not know the whole picture. Just know that I am telling you what I told you from my heart...a heart that wants to do the right thing.

Good luck to you.

Jaref,

Thank you very much for your input. I've questioned many times if I was doing the right thing. I also have history, that has shown me that my H has walked out when confronted. At this time, it would cause the kids and me more harm by confronting at this time. It is not much longer. I plan to schedule my boards this week. (we should have the money to pay for it).

If he is dropping hints, he suspects. He might be hoping that you will confess. I know I would love it if he would. If he confessed to me right now, and told me that it was over and he was sorry and would do anything to make it right so I don't file for divorce, that would be a step in the right direction. It would indicate to me that he is remorseful and wants to make our M work.

If you really want your M to work, write the OM a NC letter, tell you H about the affair, show him the letter. Tell him how much he means to you and you do not want to lose him. Ask him to mail the letter to the OM. Let him know you are doing this as a way to regain his trust. You want him to know you are sincere in wanting your M. Expect hurt, anger, fear, and who knows what else. Do all you can to regain his trust.

I have not used them, I've heard great things about the phone counseling with Dr. Harley. Suggest to your H that you want to do it. If you are willing to go to MC, tell your H that. Find a MC that is pro marriage.

I'm glad you posted. If you have not done so, start your own thread, expect to get flamed by some, you will also get help and encouragement to do the right thing. There are many WS here who have done the same thing.

I think your H must love you if he suspects and has not confronted. He is probably afraid of losing you by confronting. Do you have children?

Ginger,

Yep, we are about the same age. You will still be young enough to play with your grandchildren. My grandchildrens memories of Grandma will be pushing her around in her Wheelchair <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

JareF,

One more thing, the book Surviving an Affair (SAA) excellent book. I suggest you get it. It will help both you and your H.

I ordred mine from this website. I've heard it is available at Barnes and Noble. (I don't know if that is true or not)

Yes Sue I can play with them and the nice thing is when I get tired I can send them home!!Don't be jelous(just kidding)enjoy your children I guess if I would have started later I would have more energy right now I just want the last two to hurry up and be 18!

I am very impressed by your response to the other post I thought you gave some great advise.

It was easy, it is what I want from my H. I spoke as honestly as I could. She had some very valid points too. Ones that I have given a fleeting thought. I also dismissed them, not wanting to get my hopes up.

Hi Sue, Just wanted to say hello.I just got home from work thought I would check in on you and make sure you were doing ok.I know you are probably busy over the weekends.
Have a good weekend,hope your H is nice to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Very busy this weekend.

Went ot Menards and bought gutters, a screen door, priced aluminim exterior doors, clothes baskets, (I think I now own about 7 of those), paint for the awnings, sand mix to repair stucco and mesh.

Another storm went through and tree by garage is still standing. For 5 years I have been hoping lightening would strike it, and destroy my garage so I can get a new one. So such luck. I guess we will have to accept that mother nature will not help us and we will have to take down the tree and fix the garage. I'm really kidding on this one. The first weekend we moved in, we had a bad storm that sent us to the basement, we were worried the tree would fall on the garage, so now it is a joke with us

I had to work this week-end. My son came home for last home pass before he is back home to stay.He brought home 4 big trophies that he had won we were so proud this a child who has struggled his intire life with school always in special ed. has a low self esteme short temper I think that all contributed to his eventual drug use. It was his escape thats what he would tell me. Anyway I have to take him back tomorrow it is a three hour drive I have to be at work by 4am I get off at 12:30 then I will drive him back turn around and drive home.Loooong day!!!

I wanted to talk to H, Ive been having a hard time lately with all of this all he does is yell at me tells me to get over it quit bringing it up stop throwing it in his face I wonder how he would react if it was me that slept with someone else.I can tell you right now he would call me a s**t and be out the door. I hate all of this I don't know how much more I can take.Some times I want to leave but I don't want him to have the freedom to be with her.Stupid I know.

Enough of that how was your H, is he treating you any better? They are funny men I mean they think that they treat us so wonderful but how long would they last if we treated them the way they treat us.Not long I'm sure.

Well I'll check in later with you Sue take care.

he's been okay. He hasn't been home much this weekend.

I have a CD with potential sample type questions for the boards. I was taking that yesterday, the kids were asking me questions (timed test), and he was really good about telling the kids to leave me alone while I'm taking the test. They need to come to him.

I guess we can be thankful for the small steps.

My H did something out of the ordinary today.I had a really bad night,didn't get much sleep at all and had to get up early for work.He knew this and that I had the long drive today.He came to my job and told me he was going to take off early today to go with me.That was a surpise,he told me in the car he was so worried I would get in an accident that he could not let me go alone.That was a really sweet thing he has never done that before he has always just let me do what ever needed to be done as long as he did not have to change his schedule any.

Like I said lets be thankful for small steps.

Where has your H been?

Softball tournament, and helping a friend of my sisters. I was the one who asked him to help her.

My YD was supposed to spend the night at Grandmas' she loves staying there. She made a friend with the girl next door.

Grandma took her to church with her, so YD was saying things to me, I could tell she got from church. It was soooo cute.

First our conversation went about kids being stolen. She wanted to know why people steal kids. We had to stop at the bank so I could make a deposit in the night depost. I usually don't do that because it is not always a smart thing to do. I needed to get money in so some checks would not bounce. I had told her we could not dilly dally in the parking lot, because mean people sometimes hide in bushes, and try to steal from people. So, then my daughter tells me I have a good heart, and I love kids. I do my best to keep them safe. Then she tells me I have a "loving heart". After that she says she saw the lord at church, he does not look good in red, he should wear blue. I'm wondering if she was talking about the priest and his robe. I will have to ask my MIL.

She is a gem.

Well, I rescreened one more screen today, I will try to find time to paint it tomorrow.

Doing some of this stuff, helps me to build my confidence. I never thought I would rescreen a window. It never looked hard, I just always figured it was H's job. Especially since I usually had to do the cleaning, laundry, etc, I figured he could have the other stuff.

Well, he neglected those duties, and not the city is breathing down our backs, it all has to be done soon.

Some of the neglect was from before we bought the house. So, we have to fix that too.

I'm trying to convince H we do not need to paint the gutters. I bought white. H wants to paint them green.

Where do you get all your energy from?
I remember when I use to just go,go,go.Now I take more time to relax.Of course my kids arent small either.I will have my grand babies here in a couple of days and then there will be no rest for me.

You talked about your D and how funny she is, she sounds so much like my youngest when she was little.She would tell me the funniest things,I remember one time telling her how important it was that she wear her seat belt so that if we were in an accident she would not get hurt or even killed. She was about 4 at the time. Her response to me was "Oh goodie I want to die,because if I die I will be in heaven with Jesus and they have gold streets there!!! Well so much for me getting her to keep the seat belt on and I still have problems with her keeping it on now.
I love little kids I wish mine could have stayed little forever I miss those times so much.I think if they were still small I would be able to get through things easier,I always did back then but now I guess I feel more like it is just me and H and if he leaves me its just me.I don't know how well I would do if it was just me.

She is a gem.

Yes, I believe she must be. Like her mom.

SS

Thanks,

What scare me most, is I do see some of me in her. I don't know if I will have the patience my mom had with me. I sure hope so. There was a time, where nothing scared me.

Hey there.... thanks for the conversation, it was fun. Now take out that calendar and tell me if any weekends are off limits for the naked with whips bonfire. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hugs,

C