I do not know of any weekend that is off limits for July or August.

Cool, can't wait for the nakedness to begin and the whips to come out.

It was fun, thanks for suggesting it. After I left, I returned a door, (I knew it was too big when I bought it, I was hoping we could take off the molding on the one side. H pointed out to me why my idea would not work. He did seriously consider it. (that is a first). So, I returned the door, went to the bank, drove out to a different Menards and bought the right size door.) It is sitting in my SUV in my work parking lot. I'm hoping to have that one painted and up by the end of the weekend. We will see if I keep on schedule. I also have to go to the center tomorrow to study more. There are open this weekend too, so I hope to get there then too.

I have to be on the go, if I start to get lazy, I get real lazy, then my brain gets mushy.

Hi Sue,

Sounds like lots of work I hate repair work.

Do you have any fun plans for the 4th?
My D and her family are coming tomorrow,my son and his family will not make it this year he said the air went out in his car and he needs to save money to repair it I understand that.

Today is my last day alone,I will have grandkids for the next 2 1/2 weeks and then our son will be home for good.I am a little fearful of what will happen between H and I.
I think he is glad the kids will be here that way there is not so much time just us and he won't have to worry about talking about A.I worry of the old life returning I can see it happening already.

Some things are different but some are just like before.We were home alone all morning I don't think he said two words to me he was to busy with his website.It was our last day alone I guess I thought he would take advantage of it.He did go to the grocery store with me we needed to get stuff for when the kids get here,usually he does not go or even offer to so I guess I need to be happy for that.

Well good luck with your studies,I'll check in later.

We are supposed to participate in a 4th of July celebration in where H's father lives. They both are involved in a group there that participates in this event. I was supposed to work the charity Jail. Since my surgery, I don't think they are counting on me.

I also plan to work on the house, study, and relax. I do and I don't like repair stuff. I like keeping busy, I like using my hands, I don't like working out in the hot sun. On the cooler days, It is fine, on the hotter days, well, I get very. very. very, crabby.

Tell me about it. I hate the heat and it is so hot where I live every summer I become a monster.
Maybe the heat is one reason I have had such a bad time these last few days.

I need to some how get out of my depression and get busy again.In my mind I make plans but by the time I get home from work I don't want to go anywhere do anything or see anyone.It just is not like me.I hate this.

Maybe the next few weeks with the kids will help,but to tell you the truth I am more scared of having them here then anything this is not me I usually would do ANY thing to have them.I feel like this whole thing has changed who I am.

Sue and Ginger,

Point me in the right direction to get up to speed on the two you.....We've got to stop meeting this way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Star,

My original thread was titled I strongly suspect. Mostly this one is a rehash of the old one. Lots of vents from me.
(I assume this is what you meant)

You know, this thread needs a icon with eyebrows that go up and down, sort of devilishly.

Ginger, I forgot the names of Gingers, (forgive me please.

For those who wonder why I said I am 99.9999999% sure, I was giving a very small benefit of the doubt that I could be wrong.

I have been know to be wrong, it is rare. (I think most of us have seen the rules for men, The woman is always right, even when wrong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (couldn't resist), I could have it I put some effort into resisting, but I didn't want to)

Sue,
I like your sense of humor it is right up my alley.

Star:I let my thread run dry,Have not started a new one don't know when I will,is that against the rules not to have a thread?

No it's not agains the rules LOL.....I don't have a thread. I'm in recovery so I just bounce around. I'll occasionally start a thread....but have never run a long story thread like these. Could you ladies just tell me a little about your marriages?

Star, I will tell you what ever you want to know but maybe I should start a thread to do that,or you could start one and I will visit it and answer any questions.

What do you think Sue?

I am courious about the whips and nakedness!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

There is a picture thread on EN, "Lets see you"

Like Water for Chocolate was wearing a strapless number, the picture is a shoulders on up shot, so all you see is bare shoulders and a necklace. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Everyone was giving her a hard time about submitting a naked picture. In MN we are planning a get together, so she is threatening to bring a whip to it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Star: I met my H about 12 years ago, we had two children before we were married. H's brother was in the Army at that time. When he came home, we planned our son's christianing, and we were planning on getting married so BIL could be best man. H met OW. I confronted him, for a month, we fought about it, he told me I was crazy, needed help, the whole bit. We split up, H walked out on me and the boys. About 6 months later, H wanted back. I believe it was because he noticed I was taking steps to get on with my life. Two years later we married, had YD. We have been married for 5 years now. H was introduced to OW by a mutual friend. H wanted to introduce friend to a friend of his. They made plans to meet. Friend did not want to come to this bar alone, so she brings friend with. Just in case she did not like H's friend. When she realized what was going on, she called me and apologized. She said she never intended for them to get together. H is now mad at her for telling me, says she is lying about the friendship he has formed with OW. Claims they are just friends. H will not talk to this friend any longer. Mutual friend told me that this OW, likes men who are attached. She has gone after many married men, including her best friends husband.

I went back to school Part time for Nursing when YD was approx 1 year old. I continued working full time, we needed the income.

A year ago April, I discovered that H was seeing OW again/still, maybe it never ended. The whole marriage I suspected, but put it down to lack of trust because of the past. I have not confronted yet, because I was trying to finish school, I graduated last May. I have to take boards and find a job, so I can work as a RN. If I confronted now, and he walked, the kids and I would face way to much hardship, I would not have the money to pay to take boards, and I would have just thrown the last 3 years away. Also, once I am working as a RN, I can support the kids on my own, without having to worry about when the CS will come.

Over the past year, I have made may discoveries that lead me to believe that the A never ended. Even though we were not married when we had the boys, we lived as a family unit, so I consider his R with her at that time an A. (Some would disagree with me on that point). Besides the feelings I had for him, I took him back because of the boys. We were barely making it. If it was just me, I would have moved on with my life.

Anyway, back to discoveries, we were in our house less than 6 months, YD is a newborn, next door neighbor asks if our phone was out, her kids saw H making a phone call from a nearby store. (H did not have a cell phone at that time). I thought how odd, questioned H, he said he was at the store and remembered a call he had to make. H kept coming home with shower Gel from a bath and body store from the Downtown area. H did not work downtown, I knew from the past, that OW worked retail, lots of retail stores, so I stared wondering if something was going on. Dismissed it as lack of trust on my part.

H comes home one day after a union meeting, says they announced that another union in another state was very short workers and they were looking for guys willing to travel for a few months to help out. H said it would be for about 3 months, they had a higher pay scale, and was working 60 hour weeks. I agreed for 3 months. I figured if he did start up with her, this seperation would help to deter anything. I went and visited H once, he came home once a month after that. Christmas he came home for 3 weeks. Three months became nine months. I also found out that there is a very strong possibility that she was out there living with him. (made this discovery within the last year). I have a legitimate reason to write the apartment complex with regards to the lease, so I am going to inquire who all resided in the apt. at that time. When I told H I was going to do this, he got very mad at me. Has me wondering is there an OC?

H comes home, things are good, or so I think, except for the nagging suspicion about OW. H gets a cell phone, hides the bill(s). Red Flag. H disappears for hours. Goes shopping for one item, it takes him hours and he does not come home with the item. Red flag. He takes many trips that does not include the family. In 5 years, we had one family vacation, which was last summer. He on the other hand has been to Vegas many times, up north many times.

Truth starts coming out about many things from past, such as H bought a Time Share when we were seperated (not out of town work trip). At the time he bought it, we were in the process of workign things out. I found out he bought it with OW. I told him I wanted him to sell his share to her, or we buy her share. No results. He knows exactly how I feel about their shared ownership. H claims the only time he talks to her is with regards to timeshare.

many times I expressed my displeasure about his trips, and the family not taking trips. H says, you can go on a vacation when ever you want. What about the kids, take them with if you want. I don't need to go.

A year ago, April, H gets careless. Did not hide cell phone bill as well as he thought he did. I find it, take it work. Coworker helps me look up numbers I did not recognize. Did search on internet on her name. Came up with a Credit union website, lists her as employee. Two of the phone numbers on the website are on H's bill. One downtown, the other one in a suburb.

I manage to find out H's phone password, I start accessing his bill online. He calls her daily, if not 3+ times a day.

It all starts to make sense, the disappearing acts.

When we got married, I expected that the kids and I would move into his apartment. Just an assumption, or he would move in with us. After we are married, I asked him, which way would be best. H says he has a small one BR apt, there is not room for all of us. I tell him the kids are little, they don't take up much space, we could have them sleep on the couch. Says apartment is an adult apartment. I questioned how could that be, when he had the kids there before. Evades anwering. H's mom owned a duplex, I was living there. He said he did not want to move back to his mom's. I almost divorced him after 2 months of marriage for this.

H, tells me he is moving back into his moms with me and kids. So, I decide to forget the divorce idea. We start looking for a house.

After discovery I go into depression. Trying to get through second semester of nursing school and maintains some control over my emotions. H notices depression, he does not say a word. I start searching into divorce options, found MB. Called two attornies, both adviced me at this time to stay in marriage until I finish school. One even said, that many marriages have survived infidelity.

I start posting on MB, bought SAA, HNHN, and a couple of others. Start Plan A, without confronting. Fear he will walk out before I am ready to be main provider for family. H's occupation has seasonal layoffs often. I cannot rely on CS as a means of support. I want my M to work, but only if it means that he ends all contact with OW.

So, here I am, at a stall. M having small progress. I'm pretty sure contact is still there. I suspect H tried to end it last Christmas, H's car was spray painted. Only one on block. H talks more about future together, talks about family vacations more. I know in the last year, he had two trips to Vegas and she was there. (I did my own checking).

Once I pass boards and find a job as an RN, line up childcare if he walks. I will confront. (child care I expect to be easy to line up)

I forgot to mention, this is my first marriage, H's second.

I suspect he might have cheated on his first wife. He says they grew apart, married young.

At some point, I did talk to her. She said too much had happened that she had no desire to work on their marriage any longer, she wanted out. She had hoped he would have grown up because she still cared about him. She never came out and admitted that she thought he cheated, things she said implied the suspicion. She never caught him.

So, is this a problem that has more to do with his own issues and less to do with our relationsip?

H's dad is married and divorced 4 or 5 times. now.

H's mom never remarried.

Sue,

Thanks for catching me up.....at least I can talk to you now having some idea of where you are. How long have you been in Plan A? So we are are talking about a very long affair here....I don't know how you've held yourself together through this. Ever talked to jenni on the EN board? Her H's affair lasted 7 years....he's finally ending it looks like, but the OW is really being psychotic.

So you believe confrontation would mean that your marriage would end? Or is the risk just too great with being in school right now? Seems like there are some very healthy ways of confronting that don't have to be so traumatic you know? As long as it isn't an ultimatum, I don't see why you couldn't say something along the lines of "Don't you think it's time you laid that other relationship to rest? It hurts me to know you keep seeing her." As long as you aren't LBing and don't get sucked into an argument, I think you can tell him how you feel and that you know. What does cerri say?

<small>[ July 02, 2003, 08:10 AM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

Star,
some of us pushed hard for Sue to confront early in this thread, and KaylaAndy had some very good observations about why she should let it go until she finishes tests, and gets a job. I think it's on page 3 of this thread. I was one of those that pushed, but after thinking more about it, I agree with KaylaAndy.
If you can find it, tell me what you think.

Sue, You seem to be doing better this week, but you could just be pretending. Some days are harder than others, I hope you have 4 or 5 easy ones in a row, I think it's about time.

SS

<small>[ July 02, 2003, 02:45 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Confronting right now is too big of a risk at this time. I'm not afraid of him leaving, just afraid of him leaving when I am not prepared for it to happen.

Cerri, understands why, and keeps encouraging me to get my boards taken so I can look for the better paying job. She really hasn't pushed one way or the other, she is concerned that by the time I do confront it will be too late.

Gotta go to work, will check back on break.

I just got home from studying at a center that specializes in test taking for these type of tests.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Sue with hope:
<strong>Confronting right now is too big of a risk at this time. I'm not afraid of him leaving, just afraid of him leaving when I am not prepared for it to happen.

Cerri, understands why, and keeps encouraging me to get my boards taken so I can look for the better paying job. She really hasn't pushed one way or the other, she is concerned that by the time I do confront it will be too late.

Gotta go to work, will check back on break.

I just got home from studying at a center that specializes in test taking for these type of tests.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just goes to show how very subtle pushing can be!! LOL

Hang in there Sue. My biggest concern is for you and that you'll just give up and not be willing to do the hard recovery work if he ever gets his act together. And who would blame you?? That would be so sad for your kids. You deserve a whole lot better, but the kids only get one shot at having a dad. Grrrr.... it just makes me so angry!

C back to work before I say something I'll regret. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Sue, Seeking, cerri,

I just went and read what Kayla wrote, and really I'm just asking questions about what the risks are and how sensitive this issue is so I can learn more about Sue and her situation. It sounds like any turmoil at this point could just upset the applecart too much.....and like cerri....I just hurt for her and think she deserves so much more. The fact that she can wait to do this at a time when she can best protect her future and her children shows alot of inner strength. Inside, like the rest of you.....I just want to scream!!!

(((((((((((Sue))))))))))))))

Star,
When I wrote it, I didn't want it to sound like I felt you were wrong for saying what you did, but I didn't have much time, and I figured you would get it anyway, even without more background.

Your kind and sensitive reply shows I was right.

I was one of the ones that really pushed - at one time. I feel the same about it as you, and like cerri, I wonder if it will be too late for Sue to want to recover.

The good is that Sue has been so strong, that I think she just may be able to pull it off. Recovery, and every thing else.

Sue, you are amazing, and no, I am not trying to make your face turn red.

SS

<small>[ July 02, 2003, 03:44 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

SS, Cerri, Star*, Ginger

You have succeeded in making my face turn red. LOL

How do I do it, honestly, I had to become very selfish and focused on my goal. I know that in the long run this is important. I try not to give my M much thought, by doing that, I dont' get frustrated. (Okay, I do have my down moments)

I think my mood is up because I'm busy again. I'm back to being focused on preparing for the board. With the knee injury and having difficulty getting around, that was bringing me down quite a bit.

H has to play bouncer at a fundraiser for a couple of hours on the 4th, then we are seeing a parade, H and kids might be in it. I'm not sure.

Saturday, we are invited to spend the day and maybe night at a friend of H's at their cabin. (H has not included me in something like this for a while.). Of course this friend is not the group of friends that H's keeps away from the house, and does not want me around them. This one, H wants to present the respectalbe family image.

Sue like I said before you know sue best.We can all say what we think is best but things are always easier looking through the window from the outside in.

Your weekend sounds fun but busy if you go to the cabin make sure you rest a little.

I enjoyed reading what you wrote there were a few things I did not know.It helps to know someone a little better when you want to be there as a listening ear.

I must say I am just a little disapointed about the whips and nakedness(LOL)I thought it was going to be something real steamy!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />