Sue, ginger,

Everyone has their reasons for staying. When I first got here.....many folks told me to leave my husband. But "why" do you stay? is alot different from "how" do you stay? When I ask "why?" I'm really just interested in the reasons you have for wanting to stay. There is no "how" in it....like it's a implication of being unable to believe on understand the reasons. I am very pro-marriage so I know a million reasons to stay....but there are definitely a few worth leaving for too. Abuse, addiction, repetitive infidelity, lack of remorse. Most marriages I believe CAN be saved, but not all marriages SHOULD be. But I'm not the one who gets to choose for anyone, and no one gets to choose for me. Where there is hope for better....I WILL persevere...that is how I am. I don't regret riding this out and saving my family. hugs to both of you.

<small>[ July 09, 2003, 09:22 PM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

If my M fails, I know it will not be for lack of trying. I have to stay until I cannot stay any longer. I hope things never get to that point in my M.

I know, I wonder too, where he has been driving? He has been unemployed since January, just went back to work. I've been home during the daytime, and so has he.

Hi Sue,
Its my day off so I got up early might be my only chance to go on the computer or have time alone so I thought I would check in now.

Hope all is well for you today.I am courious at what type of work you do right now can you tell me? I know you work the evening shift is it in the medical field?

If H works days and you work nights that must be hard on your M also.We did that for years when the kids were small to save on daycare.It does begin to take its toll on you.Now my H usually only has two late shifts a week,like yesterday I get home around three in the afternoon and he leaves at 4:15 for work so those days we don't really see each other at all.

What happened with the puppy? Did you get it or not.

I too believe in marriage if it can be saved I am all for it to many people jump ship in my oppinion but there are time you just have to call it quits.I sure hope that things don't get to that point for you and your H.It seems lately your H has been different maybe he relized the grass is not greener on the other side.I had a customer say to me one time and it was so true,she said"The grass is not always greener on the other side,sometimes you just need to water your own grass" I really liked that and how true it is especially when there are kids involved.

Well have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Answer to the Puppy question. I guess we are getting it. H's reasoning is, I did not say "no". If I really did not want it, I would have said "no". And he is right. I am not in total agreement with it. I have my reasons, and if he waits on me, the puppy will be gone and grown up.

When we got the dog we have now, I was not in total agreement with him either. Every dog we looked at I saw as a potential "baby killer" who was waiting to maul my babies. We have had him for 4 years now, and I almost trust him with my kids. I will not give him up.

So, needless to say, I am thinking the same of these cute adorable puppies who will grow into monster dogs who see my childrens as dinner. I have trust issues, in case you cannot tell. I am very over protective of my kids. The dog has to prove to me that I can trust him.

Honestly, I was leaning towards saying yes.

I work with putting specialized material on a network for subscribers. I don't want to indulge more than that because there is not too many businesses that do what we do. And, yes what we do is legal, and non ofensive.

Nothing more to report on the homefront. About the same. H is trying to help come up with the $$ for boards.

Sue,

Glad to hear H is willing to help with your boards.That must be a big relief.

I understand about not giving out to much info.I feel the same that is why I let my first thread run dry,at least I thought I did and then it popped up yesterday.I should have picked a different screen name if any one from this town found this web site and read on my post they would know just who we were and being that I have not told people about what I am going through it would be a big mess.People here have nothing better to do then gossip.I swear you can not go to the bathroom without someone in town knowing all about it.
One time H and I had a fight nothing big,he went to work and joking he said I was mad at him and was going to leave him.By the next day it was all over town that we were getting a divorce and I had everyone calling me asking if I needed anything it was so stupid ever since then we try and keep our mouths shut even if we are just kidding around.

Good luck with the dog!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You mean good luck to H with the dog, H will be training it. I do not train dogs. I have all I can do to raise my kids so they don't become mass murderers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Ok tell your H I said good luck with the dog.

I doubt your kids would grow up to be that!!!
after all look at thier mom.She seems like one really great lady!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Where is the blushing icon

I don't know but I needed it too when I read all that mushy stuff you guys put on my thread.

You underestimate your own internal strenght. You are one amazing woman. I know if my H did half of what yours had done, I would be long gone, kids or no kids. I can be a very tolerant person. I draw the line with chemical abuse.

Everything that has happened in my life I have just taken in stride.I never really thought about it as me being strong and dealing with stuff I just did what I had to do I do not think it is anything special.But what has happened now this has done me in.I don't know how to take it in stride like everything else, maybe thats why H thinks I am just dwelling on it having what he calls my pity party.

Or could it be that it makes him face the reality of his decision and he is having a hard time dealing with it, so he is trying to sweep it under the rug. He can sweep all he wants, it is still there, now it is under the rug, instead of on top of the rug where you have to deal with it because it is in sight.

There are some men that don't want to deal with the hard emotion stuff.

<small>[ July 11, 2003, 10:25 PM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>

You said it Sue that is just what he wants.

That is what I told H that we must deal with this or one day it will blow up in our faces.All the other things I just went on but this I wont I want to deal with it the right way make sure all the pain is delt with so we can truely move forward and have a great M.that is my goal.

Some people can be very thick skulled.

Do you think some of it might be the chemical abuse that has gone on in the past effecting the way he thinks?

Sue if you have not figured it out by now my H is a MSpig and I do not mean disrespect by this he will tell you himself and be proud of it.

He always thinks he is the victim in every situation including this.Therefore since it is over I need to forget it happend thats what he says.

He is also very very selfish but most people who have A's are. Even in recovery he is selfish everything on his terms.I should say that he does try but it doesn't last long.

What is a MSpig?

I still wonder how much of his attitude is related to his past chemical abuse.

One thing I learned from my engagement with an alcoholic, is that it is common that they blame everyone else for their problems. It is not because they made bad choices. (The chemical rehab he was in, where friends and family was invited to participate in meetings)

a male shovenist(sp)pig.
I thought if I did not spell it out it would not look so bad.

Sue I am sorry I am being very negative, today has not been a real good day for me.

H and I were both off.I did house work,took care of the grandkids did all the laundry and that is not easy because right now living in the apt.I have to walk to over to the laundry room.
H went to pick up his paycheck and then to the movies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This did not settle well with me.