Ginger,

Do not apologize for being negative. You do not have to be upbeat all the time. I'm sure the last time you checked you are human <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Sue, ginger,

LOL News FLASH****** All men are men....well aside from the swishy kind...they are all chauvinistic to a degree. But Sue's H, and yours too ginger, and mine if I'd let him...will happily become cake eaters until something changes. We can't change them, we have to change US. One day soon....miss Sue will be in a position to do what is necessary to either end this affair, or end this marriage. I have spent two awful years rebuilding my marriage to get to recovery. Ginger, you will one day hopefully, develop the assertiveness you need to change the course of your life. In the meantime, we are all learning and hopefully helping eachother. You women are truly amazing....and it is wonderful to know you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sue and Star,

Thanks!

I hate not being happy.

I am happy to get to know you two too, and I cannot leave out SS, FBOW, and FMWB, and everyone else. (If I tried to name them all, it would be like at the Oscars, when the celebs spend 30 mins on the list of thank you names.)

I took H by surprise

I decided to call him up, just to say "I love you" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

He was surprised, did not now what to say.

After he regained some composure,

H responds: What did you do wrong?

me: Nothing, can't a wife tell her husband she loves him?

I did it because I felt like it.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sue you are always full of surprises it sounds like.

And me too,I am really glad to chat with everyone here.For me it is the only way to talk about all that is happening I don't have anyone else so thanks everyone.

Hi Sue,
It's an honor to be mentioned in your post. You bring tons of common sense, reminding of the reality of being human, yet hope and perserverance as well.
I really appreciate your input as you are a Mom and know how it affects your point of view and timing, and also how carefully you choose your actions as it's more than just you and your H being affected.
I am doing OK alone. Very tired because of the heat so relaxing in the evening rather than doing overdue chores. I don't feel too guilty, but hopefully will finish some of them during next week. I also re-read my thread and generally think a lot, especially about plan B. In my situation lying and dishonesty drains my $LB fast. More than the actual contact. More than knowledge of being unloved. More than rejection. Because honesty even if only about painful facts and feelings was the last thing left over after D day. And now I feel and sometimes know, there is no more.

Have a good weekend,
FBOW

FBOW,

We are responsible for creating our own happiness, what I mean by this, is we cannot look to others to make us happy, or be the reason for our happiness. By the same token, the actions of others can be the cause of our unhappiness. These are two totally different things.

At some point, we have to decide if the actions of someone else is interfering in our ability to find happiness. When the time comes, we all have to make decisions about the person or cause of our unhappiness.

Hi Sue - I've been out of the loop for a while, but wanted to check up on you. By the way, I changed my name... It got too cunfusing when I would read other posts and they refered to a MC, and I kept thinking... "hey, I never told you that" LOL

How are things going for you? Have you taken your board yet? Although I don't get here very much anymore, I think of you often!!! You were the one person here who "saved" me from myself in the "early days"!!! I really don't think I would be where I am right now without your wisdom!!!

Please know you are always in my thoughts and prayers, and I wish only the best for you... now and always!!!

-mac (aka mc needs your help)

Hi Sue,

Hows the weekend going?
Fun stuff with H I hope.

I would like to say no I am not amazing.
But I find your helpful advise to all very very amazing.You seem like you have it all together so strong so secure.I like that.

I hope to learn some things from you.

Have a good weekend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I wish I felt like I have it as together as you guys think. Thanks

Today H had a ball tournament. I don't like going to this one, he knows it. He gets so frustrated playing in this one. He does it because a friend keeps signing up for it.

We went to a city celebration, one of the guys on the team lives there, they are right on the main strip, so we sat in chairs in their yard and watched the events.

H made the comment that he has been doing alot with me lately. and he has

Hi Sue,

H made the comment that he has been doing alot with me lately. and he has

So tell me, what is the "rule of time" doing to the inside of Sue's heart?

H must be impressed to comment on it, but I want to know what it's doing for Sue.

SS

What is it doing for me?

Well, I feel good inside, like I matter to him. It also triggered some bad dreams last night. I'm sure they stemmed from fear.

H is at a softball tournament, I didn't go. I was not planning on going. I dreamed last night that H had OW there. No, logically in the light of day, I know he would not have her at this tournament. Too many people that know me are on this team. One of the wives of one of the team members, would not tolerate H doing this, she would tell him off in a heartbeat, she may or may not tell me.

H is the type, that will not bring her around to anyone who knows me or if he suspects they will tell me.

I had other illogical dreams surrounding OW and H.

The other day, I checked his cell phone, it had been 3 days since his call log showed they talked. (Almost afraid to tell this, for fear of jinxing the reduction in contact). I don't know what this means if anything.

Time will tell. Patience is a virtue which I am learning to develop.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Sue with hope:
<strong>FBOW,

We are responsible for creating our own happiness, what I mean by this, is we cannot look to others to make us happy, or be the reason for our happiness. By the same token, the actions of others can be the cause of our unhappiness. These are two totally different things.

At some point, we have to decide if the actions of someone else is interfering in our ability to find happiness. When the time comes, we all have to make decisions about the person or cause of our unhappiness.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really like this post you made Sue. It is so very true. My luck has been so bad lately, it has been work for me to create my own happiness. I feel beat up by life lately to be quite honest, but I know I have to keep moving forward.

I'm happy to see you guys are spending more time together. Use this time to Plan A him to the hilt, I'm betting it will be worth it. Now that you are out of school life should start getting a little easier... right? Keep spending as much time with him as you can. If he's with you... he's not someplace else... if you get my drift.

Oh, and thanks for mentioning me in your post above. I've been following (and rooting for) you for some time now.

IMO - Your H's OW is a distraction from his insecurities.

That's my one sentence summary of their A. I could be way off, I'm just going off of what you have posted here.

I've got an idea... Play this song for him, see if he gets a hint. (I love this song!! LOL)

RIGHTEOUSLY
(Williams)

You don't have to prove
Your manhood to me constantly
I know you're the man can't you see
I love you Righteously

Why you wanna dis me
After the way you been kissin me
After those pretty things you say
And the love we made today

When you run your hand
All up and run it back down my leg
Get excited and bite my neck
Get me all worked up like that

Think this through
I laid it down for you everytime
Respect me I give you what's mine
You're entirely way too fine

Arms around my waist
You get a taste of how good this can be
Be the man you ought to tenderly
Stand up for me

Flirt with me don't keep hurtin me
Don't cause me pain
Be my lover don't play no game
Just play me John Coltrane

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi Sue,

Lets see you have shocked him this week with your phone call,now he is noticing the time you spend together and less contact with OW.Not a bad week for you Sue.

What is happening with your boards you havent said much about that lately?

And bad dreams...........sometimes thats all they are.Are mind is a powerful thing and sometimes it is so hard to control it.I am learning this too.

Talk to you soon.

No progress on boards yet. Still about half short. Each week, I keep hoping to have it.

We are trying to refinance the house. If all goes well, then we will have the money by the end of the month, maybe sooner.

I keep studying. It is all I can do. I've called around a few places, to inquire about employment opportunities, especially since, right now, I cannot do the job. One sent me an application with a note, saying that they will give me equal consideration. So, with them I will send in my application now.

FMWB - I'm sorry you are having a bad a bad time right now. Will talking about it help?

MC - I like MAC the Wife. So, how goes it?

This summer is flying by.

I'm going to balance the checkbook, go grocery shopping, so I don't have to do it tomorrow and concentrate on boards again. I think I had caught a virus or something. I did not feel sick, but I was very tired. Everything I did wore me out and I took a nap. Today, I'm not as tired, but still just a little. Who knows.

<small>[ July 13, 2003, 09:01 PM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>

I forgot to mention, H left the house around 8 this morning, it is now almost 10pm. Well, I don't have to say what I am thinking. I guess, it was good while it lasted.

He has his phone off. I'm sure if I check the call log, I know what I will see.

Hi Sue,

Im tired too.
But it is taking care of two toddlers I think.My teen watches them during the day when I am at work but I try to take over when I get home.If they are not ready for bed when I am my D takes care of putting them to bed.I think I am going to meet my oldest D on wed.so she can take the kids back.It will be a little earlier than she wanted about a week but with my son coming home on friday there just is not enough room for every one.I hate to see them go but I am so tired, they have so much energy.

have a good night

Ginger, Sue,
Get some rest on weekends, both of you. You do too much all the time, and you ought to catch up and get a nap or something on Sunday afternoon.

Sue,
Darn it, take the boards. Maybe I ought to get up a fund and have everyone send you twenty or something. Dont' chew me out, just trying to help. Sell H's car if you have to.

Just kidding - sort of.

You are doing a great job of supporting others here right now, even with all your own pain and troubles. I have to admire that. I wish your H would wise up.

Still praying.

SS

Hi SS,

I might have the $$ to pay for boards. I'm going to do a final once over, to see what bills we have to pay, what we expect to get for income, with what we have in the checking. It looks good right now. So, I'm hoping it will stay that way.