OK Sue,
Here's yours for today. I have no idea where it came from or who wrote it, my W send it to me without comment. I AM NOT infering in anyway that you are like a bear. I simply post it for your enjoyment. I told my W I was going to, and she laughed.

Gonna BE A BEAR

In this life i'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, Your supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're momma bear, everone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If Your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yup, gonna be a bear!

Cheers,

SS

I agree, I'm gonna be a bear. I didn't know they had it so good. Works for me.

Things are still going pretty good. H has been supportive with the kids, where in the past, he thougth I was too hard on them.

Vegas is okay. I can do Vegas about once every 5 years or more. I've been there a total of two times. The spa was nice. But I don't have to go to Vegas to go to a spa.

Now, a fun place is Branson MO, or Lake of the Ozarks. I had a blast at both of those places.

I'll be back when I get a moment. Real busy right now.

I could be a bear I hate shaving!!!!!!
and the face wax what a pain <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Any way after all Ive been through with H A.I think I deserve a vacation.After all he took one right!And boy was it a vacation.

You guys name the place and time I'll work out the other details LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My H has been a little snoopy lately.I don't know what to make of it.He never use to seem to care what I was doing but I have cought him a couple of times coming on here to see what I have writen or maybe it is to see who I am writing to.Maybe he is just a little nervous what do you think?

I'd say he is worried. Especially if he has not not that in the past.

Worried what do you mean like that I might find myself an online lover like he did?

No, I don't mean that you would find an online lover. However, it is food for thought. Not that you would do that, but he might be concerned you might. What's good for the goose is good for the gander thought process. I work with a girl who told me that she dated a man who was cheating on her. He always accused her of looking around. She found out he was cheating and dumped him like a hot potato in front of all his friends and his other girlfriend. (She said she heard that the other girlfriend dumped him right after she walked out the door)

Does he know you post here? If so, he might be worried about what you say.

Yes he knows and he knows for sure I post on your thread,I dont think he really knows how it all works.
Tonight I was replying to someone and he was looking over my shoulder I did not care,I made sure I wrote something I was really feeling and wanted him to know,he did not stick around long.

Other than your thread I don't think he would know where to look.I really don't care he could read anything I write.
I even told him to start his own thread,I said tell them you are my H and see what they have to say to you.Well you know what he thought of that idea!

Of course he does not like that idea. He is sure that everyone will hate him.

What he does not realize is, that there is the chance he will get a few bad replies. I think he will get more good replies than bad replies on how to help the M and how important it is to resolve the issues and feeling around an A, and that it is important for you to work through the negative feelings you are experiencing.

There are some people in this world who are TOTAL CONFLICT AVOIDERS. They do not have a clue how destructive that can be.

Hi Sue,
Did not have a chance to get back on last night I am off today thought I would respond early before I get to busy.

Last night was not a real good night.We had some what of a fight.I am tired of fighting.You know he is the type don't talk about it,it will all go away.I feel different I have some real feelings I am dealing with and would like his help in working through them.

He asked me why we always end up fighting,I told him it is because he will not do what he is suppose to do to heal the marriage so I end up angry,hurt,and therefore I blow up at him.I told him he did a good job a for about 2mo.but like everything he quit because it was hard work.I told him it can not be one sided anymore it has been that way far too long.If he would put as much energy into us as he does his other interest we could have an amazing M.I just don't think he understands this.I don't know what to do to make him understand this.

I kind of wish he would start a thread here and get some advice on what to do to help me and our M.But like councling I think he just does not want to face the fact that he would really have to change some things about himself and do some things that would feel uncomfortable to him so he will not do it.

I don't know maybe I am wrong maybe I should just forget everything as much as I can and go on like everything is fine then he would be happy I'm sure and the fights would stop.I know I could do that I have done it in the past but what bothers me is once again I feel like what I feel and how I hurt is not important,only his happiness.

Whoah...face wax <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I put that stuff once...ONCE on my leg. After I ripped off the first strip I was screaming in pain. Imagine Mel Gibson in "What women want". It wasn't funny...and I have defiitely learned from that experience. Hot wax and on my skin? No way!

Hi Sue: looks like you gals are doin' better here. I've been hanging out in the recovery forum recently. How's the knee? ...and the job?

Can you give me an update?

Hugs

Dear gingersnap,
To let h have his way and for you to accept that would be the most foolish thing you could do. Like your not important and the cheater is. The world does not revolve around him. Weren't you ok before you ever knew him? I've been where your at and there is life ahead I promise. Your focus is everything and will determine whether you celebrate tomorrow or are depressed. You need to start to value yourself more and then you won't let yourself be such a sucker for his baloney. You are a good person and no one is more valuble than you. We were all created equal and that includes you. Sure you made some mistakes, who hasn't. And maybe you need to change a few things, but don't put him above yourself. You will only get his respect when you have your respect. Get tough, just don't loose your femininity. That is a gift that a real man knows the value of.
Behind you all the way
singleguy

Ginger - Singleguy really said it. I started getting concerned when you were talking about denying your own feelings and self for your H. Dont' ever do that. Doing that, means you give up on who you are. Don't lose your identity.

Your H's inability to face things, is his problem, not yours. You cannot make him change. Only he can do that. It would be nice if we could change our WS to be what we want.

How happy were you putting him above yourself? There is a difference between eliminating LB's and denying ourselves. Sometimes we have to be a little selfish. (When I went back to school, we had some doozy of fights. I never consulted him. I just did it. If I asked him, I knew I never would go back and this was too important to me. I was willing to risk my marriage over it.)

IP - good to hear from you again. I've peaked in on you over in Recovery. I didn't have much to offer. I'm glad things are looking good for you. (Or at least the last one I read was very promising and bright).

The knee is coming along. It is still weak. I am no longer walking with a limp, and I can predict the weather, not with accuracy.

I'm working on getting the strength back. Stair are a challenge right now.

Waiting for letter to come that says I can schedule my boards.

Wrote my resume, and started applying for jobs. If I have to, I will take a weekend job and keep my current one, until I get a full time job.

Marriage is still at stand still for the moment. Lately it has been good. I'm expecing any day now to find something that will set me back. Thats the way it goes.

H has some new friends. I like these guys. Honestly, I think if they knew, they would tell H how wrong he is. So far, what I've seen in this group, is that they value relationships and marriage. I hope they have a positive influence on H.

HI Sue

Glad to see things are still going good for you and H.
You sound like me now waiting for the time bomb.Try not to do that ok.

Not a good day today,I was so worn out I took a 3hr nap not like me to much stress I think.

S had a fender bender in my car,H exploded it was a mess,but first thing out of H mouth is,I cant take this any more I am going to leave.He always says that when things get stressful.I told him you are going to leave me over something someone else did.He says yes because he cant take the stress anymore,I say what about all the stress I live with daily.

I finally told him if he has been looking for an excuse to leave just leave quit trying to blame it on everyone else.H says he does not want to leave he is just upset.

H gives S the whole spill on every action has a reaction and you have to live with what happens and face the consequene. I want to take a bat and hit him over the head and see if he has any brains in there.
Why does every one else have to deal with what happens if they make a wrong choice but he does not want to deal with what is happening because of his wrong choice.

I do believe that old joke is true for my H,when God was passing out brains he thought they said trains and said give me a big steel one!!!!!!!!!

Hey Sue - didn't want to interject, but just wanted to check in and say I am glad that things are going well right now for you and your H. Keep it up!

LIT, stop in anytime.

At last look, it looked like you and MJR are getting better. I will look in again when I get a moment. It all takes time. I have my bad moments once in a while still.

Today I went and spent $$. Clothes for kids, (my kids think I pick the coolest stuff) school supplies, even splurged on me and bought a couple of pairs of jeans and a new shirt.

Bought a few extra school stuff to donate to my kids school. (I do it every year).

Ginger, how old is your S who got into the accident?

Did your H yelling at him change a thing?

My H felt sorry for the kid who hit him. He said he could hear the kids dad yelling at him through the cell phone. Accidents happen, that is why they call them accidents. Unfortunately, I've had my share of them. Not lately, knock on wood.

My S is 17.
My H was pretty upset.I tried to point out the good in the situation,he did not hit another car it was a pole,he did not hit a person so on and so forth but H was still hot him and S got in a bit of a disagreement.
Thats when H gets real mad and tells me he cant take it anymore and he is going to walk out on this family he is sick of it all.
He does that every time he gets real stressed out I don't think it is fair for him to tell me that.After all I have not walked out on him with all he has put me through.

I will be going out of town this weekend alone.First time since d-day.I am a little nervous.I probably would be ok but after his comments last night it would be the perfect time to look up OW and see how she is doing.

A shopping trip sounds fun.Did you take the kids with you?Its fun when they are little.Not as much when they get older.But when your D becomes and adult now that is a fun shopping day.Me and my oldest D have a great time shopping all day.

Is H back at work yet?
Hows everything with him?

One of my sons went with me. I do not take them all with at the same time. I've done that before, I end up being the mom who you can hear all around the store scolding kids who think the store is a playground.

H is not back to work. It will be a while I think.

Ginger, I have a 17 year old son too! Sometime we'll have to compare notes. His dad gets after him often, but they seem to get along most of the time, and even give each other hugs sometimes. I can live with that.

Sue, I get the feeling lately that it's about time to prompt you again. I don't know, I am still thinking about it. After the way you have been talking lately I half expect you to come back and report:

I finally confronted my H. I said, "Hey Baby, I'm more women than any man can handle anyway, you don't need that other chick any more." and he said, " You know, you are right, what was I thinking, lets fix this."

Yeah, go ahead and laugh. I slave away coming up with this stuff, and you crack up when you read it. Humph.

Anyway, I am thinking about it but I am too tired to do it now. Shall I leave you alone?

I'll think about it tomorrow when I am more fresh.

SS

You don't have to leave me alone about it

And, yes, I laugh at what you come up with. It is comical and gets the point across.

I'm tired right now. Thougth I'd look in on this

Sue, how are you doing? When do you take the boards? My daughter is 19, son just turned 18 and the little guy just made 6.