I still don't know how you did school, work, and family like you did. Tired? I'm amazed you're not dead. But you seem to be full of life and ideas and help even now.

I don't have time before I leave to say much. I am taking a break for this, but better go help Wife get the house shut down tonight. We usually read from the bible a little bit in the evening, and It's past time to start.

You know the hard parts are just delayed. I know you think about them still. I am glad you are finding good to help you right now, because you will need it. I think you ought to attend that bonfire if you can. Tell H something, anything, but go. You need it. I have a lot of faith in you, so keep up the good work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

See you later.

SS

Hello Sue and SS

I'm home!!

SS:I don't know if you really want to compare notes on 17yr olds.My S has put me and H thru h*** and back.That is one reason our M had so much stress and pressure we were both worn out and not taking care of each other instead we were blaming each other like most people do and thats when the A happened.So there I went back to h*** and now I am trying to find my way back.

Sue how is life today?H still treating you pretty good?

Life, well, it is still busy.

For a while there I was doing what I usually do, and trying to cram too much into a day. Well, it got to me. My body said WHOAAA LADY, I need a break. It pretty much shut down on me.

H and I were supposed to go out on Saturday. I was too tired. I spend most of the weekend sleeping. I had no energy for anything. All I wanted to do was sleep. I figured out on Sunday Iwas stressing out over trying to study for boards, do home repairs on the house, so, I was doing a little bit of each every day and really accomplishing nothing. So, yesterday, I decied to alternate, one day, I study, the next is home stuff, then study, home stuff. This way, I am getting stuff done, without trying to get it all done in a day. After I decided this was my new plan, I had a good nights sleep, and woke up refreshed. I got alot done today instead of a little of alot of stuff.

So, every other day my house will be messy. I can live with that.

H has been good lately. He has been nice to me, offered to do what he could to help with the housework. It is hard for him to do stuff right now. He is in alot of pain. Yesterday, we took the kids to IHOP, and I could tell he was suffering. He was trying to get through it. I told him we didnt' have to go. He said, no, we promised the kids.

I plan to go to the Bonfire, with or without him. One of my three kids is unsure if he wants to go. He and H may stay home together.

H may not want to go just because it is hard for him to do stuff. I'm sure he is thinging that he will not be comfortable, and will not feel like socializing.

I know busy,my life use to be busy busy busy today it is alot more calm but alot more stress.I can handle busy the stress is getting to me.

The bon fire sounds like fun.Wish I could go and meet some of the neat people here.

My weekend was good for me.I tried real hard to focus on me.I relize that I am in a deeper depression than I thought.My D asked me what was wrong we were at the mall and nothing seemed to interest me and she noticed.We use to have power trips to the mall,we were the power shoppers these days it just is not fun.I have got to learn how to get the joy back in my life.
I did not call H,I decided if he wanted to call me and talk he could other wise I would just leave it at that.He did call a couple of times.

My sons kids were so excited that I spent the night at thier house I told my S I am going to try and come once a month if I can he said that would be great they had a good time.

Hi Sue,
haven't posted much cause not much change, I'm doing better with more AntiD, I have a whole year of options.
Now really trying to detach, I don't care anymore much about a protective wall. I need it. My H does not get my feelings of lost trust and betrayal. I love him so his coldness hurts.
Will post more in a few days. Hope you life goes OK.
FBOW

Star*, FBOW, Ginger, SS and all,

I think I know why I have not heard back about my boards. When i first registered, I asked for special accomadations because of my knee surgery. I needed a Drs notice. Since I did not have the $$, I thougth I'd wait to see how I recovered. I registered with the testing facility, who has to coordiate with the State, which says I am eligible to take the test.

I think the hold up is because they are waiting for me to send the Drs notice that I need these accommadations. I contacted the Board, and to rescind, because I no longer need the accommadations I have to send that in writing. And it sounded like that was holding things up. So, I mailed my letter today. So, hopefully, I should hear in a week or two that I can schedule the test.

Thanks everyone for sharing ages of kids.

Star, you have an age gap between youngest and oldest. Almost like having an only child.

As much as I love all three, somedays, one is easier. And since I cannot pick and choose, I will keep all of them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well do you think you are ready when you get the reply?

I think you will do fine.

My sister said the way the test worked in our state was that you took it on computer and after awhile it shut off.
It could be because you had missed to many and would have to try again in a few months or that you got enough answers right and you passed.
Some of the people in her class took the boards before her,they told her they were there for a couple of hours before the computer shut down.She said when she took it she was only there about 1 1/2 hrs and the computer shut off.
She said she became a little nervous at that point because others said it took much longer to take the test.Well it shut down so soon because she had done so well on the test and passed.
She has been an RN for 2yrs now.Everyone tells me what a great nurse she is.I am very proud of her.

Thats how it was described to us. I know one classmate had 75 questions, another had 76 and another had 100 when it shut off.

I heard that 3 so far failed. I dont' feel ready. I hope to fee ready by the time I take the test.

The worst I'm looking at is failing and I can take it again. Which means more studying. I just get so nervous that sometimes I cannot think.

We were told they changed the format a little. Now they have fill in the blanks and questions on medication calculations, which I do okay on, except when I am stressed.

I am not a test taker.I always get very nervous and forget all that I know.

If you could make it through school and finals I am sure you can make it through this.

I know my sister was nervous but she did great.
She is already doing a house supervisor position.
I don't know how well she likes it but I think she took it because it ment a pay raise.She is a single parent so she needed the raise.

Hi Sue

Just checking in for the day.
And by the way you are so kind.
Thought I would tell you that just incase you did not already know it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Tell that to my H, some days he thinks I am not nice. I told him, it all depends upon who I am dealing with. I can be nice and I can be less than nice.

Today was another busy day. Didn't get done what I wanted, but I got alot done.

I did nothing but go to work today.

H and I had a big blow out again last night he is having a real hard time dealing with the added stress of having a teen back in the home.He takes it out on me.He says very mean hurtful things.

So I only got about 3hrs of sleep last night same with the night before.
I had a nice evening planned.Thought we could BBQ some burgers and watch a movie together spend some time cuddling on the sofa and then see where that lead too.Did not happen.

so today I am exhausted and on top of that I have an infection in my little finger I don't know how I got it but it really hurts.

And I am under alot of pressure at work right now for inventory it is my first and all eyes are on me.Last year I was not the manager and the loss in my dept.was huge so they are expecting a really good inventory this year so the pressure is on.

Hi Sue,

Hows everything going today.
A better day for me.

Hi ginger,

Inventory, you will do fine. Get a good nights sleep.

Have you ever told your H that if he cannot say anything nice to say nothing at all?

When my H is like that, I point blank tell him he is being disrespectful and I do not like it, and I do not have to listen to it. And I walk away. If he follows, which he usually does not do, I walk away again, until he gets it that I will not listen to it.

Was your S not living with you before? Your H is supposed to the the adult who should be able to be flexible and adjust to children, regardless of their age. Well, guess H will have to get over it. It is part of parenting. Comes with the territory. (In case you cannot tell, I feel strongly on some issues, and there have been times I've told my H as the parent, he is expected to adjust and use precaution, not the child.)(My H has a horrible habit of leaving things lay around, such as utility knives, saws, ect. Once one of the kids accidentally knocked his sawsall (sp), H yelled at him. I told H, that he is at fault, because he did not put it away. It is his responsibility to put his things away, and to make sure that tools he used are not left where children can access. If it fell and broke, he has no one to blame but himself.(the blade broke). I also told him that if one of our children gets hurt because of his irresponsibility and we have to take him/her to the Dr., if the social worker is called in, they will tell him the same thing, so he needs to adjust, not the child, especially a small child.

Hi Sue,

Remember I told you my S had been in a placement program for the last 16mo.So he has been out of the house for that long.

The kids have always been the biggest conflict in out M.My H was always very hard and negative toward the kids because of this I felt bad for them and probably gave in a little more than I should have.
He blames me for all the bad things in life,if the kids make a bad choice it is my fault he says I spoiled them.He does not look at his lack of involvement as a part of the problem.

He thinks that I turned the kids against him and told them bad stuff about him.
I never did this I even asked them if I had ever did or said anything that caused them to have bad feelings for thier dad they all said no.They said the way they feel has to do with how they were treated by him.
We all make bad choices and I have told him I take responsibility for anything I did, I have always defended him in all situations stood by him whether he knew it or not.

He just does not want to take responsibility for things he has done.
So when things get tough and stressful he takes it out on me,drinks to much to try and forget what is going on and then becomes very mean to me,saying ugly hurtful things.

Hi Ginger,

My honest opinion, is, if you can do this safely, point blank tell him the truth when he says stuff that is wrong.

If he says it is your fault that the kids hate him, tell him, no, the kids feel this way because of how you treate them throughout their childhood. Don't accept the blame if you didn't cause it. Put it back in his lap where it belongs. Tell him, that if he cannot accept responsibiltiy for his actions, that is his problem, not yours. Only do this if you can do it safely.

My opinion is, if you sit their and take it, it only justifies his behavior to himself, and he will continue.

Ginger, I know you love him, but do you honestly want to live like this for the next 10 years, 20 years?

Sure, he could go back to the OW, do you honestly think she will put up with this behavior. Probably not.

I know you live in a small town and are worried about gossip, just remember, the gossip is only alive long enough until some one else does something for them to talk about.

You are not responsponsible for his behavior. So don't let him put it on you.

If he blames you for his drinking, tell him, that he chose to drink, his choice, his responsibility.

My honest opinion, is that your M will not improve unless the drinking stops and he goes through treatment. I mean a real treatment center.

My x fiance, tried to blame me for everything that was wrong in his life. Even his daughter not talking to him was my fault. He would not look at the fact that everytime she called, he called her names. No wonder she stopped calling him.

Ginger, I think you are a wonderful person, who deserves better than what you are getting. You need to decide what you deserve and what you will do to get it and what you will not tolerate.

Sue

I feel like you were yelling at me and I deserve it.Everything I mean everything you said is absoulutly true.

I know that I am an enabler for him I am beginning to see it.I have spent my whole life trying to make sure he was happy.

I think about it all the time.Is this what I want for the rest of my life.
My biggest problem is I believe so deeply in commitment and my M is my commitment,I can not deal with failure to leave my M makes me feel like a failure,I cant handle that.I don't know if you can understand what I am trying to say.

My H is so blind when it comes to his own behavior.My oldest D told me the other day when we were talking about this subject that she would gladly tell her dad what he did wrong.She says she has no memories of ever doing anything with her father just the two of them.

I am afraid of change also.He is all I know,I am afraid of the unknown.
I know that I could make it on my own.I know I could but I still love him to much to leave.
I know this all sounds so strange.I even ask myself sometimes how in the world can I still love this man after everything I have been through.

Ginger,

I am not yelling at you. I am angry at your situation. I don't like hearing that you are being yelled at for his own behavior. I don't like hearing that he is being mean to you because of his own issues.

I understand committment to M. I have one too. However, if you have done all you can, and it is all or almost all one sided, there comes a time, when decisions need to be made. How long do you want to live this way,

Be back

Ok yelling was a strong word.Sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

That is the million dollar question.How long?

I always thought the one thing in life I would never tolerate was an A and here I am.
I really do not know what will be the breaking point for me.

I know in my mind what I want from my M and it does not seem to me to be impossible to have.Making H see the same picture is the hard part.

He wrote me an e-mail while I was gone last weekend and in it he said he wants to love me 100%but he cant because I cry to much.
Sorry but this statement did not set well with me.I did write him back,I told him I was sorry I was so hard to love. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I think I am pretty loveable myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm back

Now, don't get me wrong, please continue to come here. It angers me that he is so selfish about everything with himself, and refused to see how his treatment of you and the kids has created the current situation.

And as for you Ginger, there comes a time, when you have to decide what is more important.

Remember, it takes two to get married, and it takes two to make it work. Not one. The only failure in a failed marriage is when no one tries. If one person tries and the marriage fails, the person who tried did not fail, the person who did not try is the one who failed. They failed to protect their marriage by not trying. So, you would not be a failure. If you were, you would not be here trying to make it work.

However, you do not have to allow him to degrade you. I don't want to see you lose who you are with his yelling and blaming.