</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He wrote me an e-mail while I was gone last weekend and in it he said he wants to love me 100%but he cant because I cry to much.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What a bunch of doggy doo doo. I know if my H said that to me, I don't know exactly what I would say, but I know I would have said something along the lines that it is a bunch of crap. He either loves me or he does not. Just because I have feelings and emotions does not mean he cannot love me. It means I am human because I have feelings. When it comes to disrepecting me to my face, I don't hold back.

He cannot accept that he had something to do with your unhappiness. He is trying to invalidate your feelings. They are your feelings, and yours alone.

You know, we are each responsible for making our own happiness. We cannot look to others for that. However, the actions of those we love can be the cause of our unhappiness. These are two entirely different statements, with different meanings.

Ginger, you really need to see just how wonderful you really are. Your kids see it. There is a reason why they are close to you.

As far as your S goes, he is still a minor, so your H will just have to accept that he has a responsibility to provide a roof over his head, food on the table, and clothing on his back.

What type of program was your S in. If you dont' want to discuss it here, e-mail me.

Could it be that S is bringing some of the program ideans home, and H does not want to listine to it. After all, H does not want to accept that he has issues.

Ginger - you said I was compassionate and nice, I think you make me look like Curilla (sp?). You are very sensitive to hurting others feelings.

I hope your H wakes up and smells the coffee before it is too late.

He is selfish this I know.
If I say nothing and smile we have a good day.
Today he called me when I was ready to get off work,he said he was at his favorite mexican restaruant and wanted me to meet him there.I had plans things I needed to get done but I said nothing about that and met him there.
He was in a good mood and we ate and talked a little about what he had done during the day.

I took a chance and told him it was our 8mo.aniversary.He looked puzzled and said 8mo.I said yes 8mo.ago today you took me to a restaraunt and the words you told me changed my life,I have not been the same since.Then I went on to say Is there something you want to tell me.He said no.

I was looking for an I love you,I am so sorry,I want to make everything right.He just said no.
I repeated my question again and then he said,oh yea I love you!!

He thinks if we do not discuss what has happened everything is fine.
I don't.

I will e-mail you the whole story on my S.

Sue you are so kind
I think it is your H that needs to wake up
by the way how is he doing

Oh, I already know that my H needs a big wake up call and he will get it.

H is doing okay, considering. Last night, when I got home, he was already sleeping. Everytime he changed positions he moaned in pain. He is taking meds, but somedays are worse than others.

He is going to both physical therapy and massage therarpy (I'd be happy to take this appt for him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). What I would give for a good massage.

His Dr. referred him to both of these.

Is he going to be able to go back to work?

My dad broke both of his legs and he was never the same he had to be trained for a different type of work he could no longer do what he was doing before.

Is the pain keeping him at home? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi Sue,
Hi Ginger.

Sue,
I have been thinking about you these last few days. I know none of us can fix your marriage with our advice. Most of us stay away from hard advice lately so you can get done what you need to get done. Mostly we try to give support lately, but you are always thinking, so I may as well say some things.

Mostly I wonder how you will finish this out. There are a number of ways you can go about it. I can imagine you bringing it up to him after the kids are gone to bed. I can imagine you speaking with a soft voice, but it has a hard edge. I see you telling him you know, going in to detail about how much you know and giving him choices.

I can't see his reaction. I don't know him like you do, and I can't guess what he will say and do.

Things I can't see:
I don't see you giving the next few months anything but your very best.
I can't see you making mistakes in this conversation. I see you cool, calm, and very firm.
I don't see you giving him any room to get out of this. There will be things he has to do, or it's over for him.
I don't see you ever going back to this same situation again.

So, we talk, we give support, we encourage, and we tease, but the bottom line is that we hope. We hope for the very best result possible.
When you think about things, and you wonder, and you ( sometimes) fear the result, remember you have friends. We care, we pray for you, and we will be there at the other end, no matter what that end is. Wish we could do more, just wanted you to know.

SS

Hi SS
Hi Ginger

I don't know if H will be able to go back to work. His Dr. told him today or was it yesterday, that he will be out approx. 6 more weeks for sure.

SS, you pretty much have it right. I have had along time to think this over. I know what I want, and I know what I will not accept. There is no room for negotiating. If I settle for anything less, I might as well pack and leave because I will not be happy in a situation that is less than what I want.

How will he react, even I'm not sure.

He might be angry, he might try to turn the blame on me, he might tell me I was wrong to snoop, and says he has the right to be made because I invaded his privacy, he might be shocked and scared. He might agree with everything trying to pacify me, thinking all he has to do is agree, and that will be the end of it. Which I will cover this part when I confront. I will let him know that if he agrees, he has to follow through, and there will be a time limit for him to do so. Failure to do so will result in separation, failure to still do so will result in divorce.

He might say I am crazy, and imagining things.

Will I use a soft voice, I don't know. It depends upon what I am feeling at the time.

I do have a temper. I try to keep in in control, and I usually succeed. I know I found out 8 years ago that Correll (sp?) breaks when thrown against a wall, and don't slamm things on glass tables, because you will shatter the table (about 3 weeks ago). (Now we don't have a kitchen table thanks to me).

I'm still waiting for my letter telling me I can schedule my boards. I check the mail daily. They cashed my payment. So, all that is left is scheduling, passing and finding a job.

I just received my e-mail confirmation that I can schedule my test.

Now I am really scared, I have until November to take it. I don't feel ready. I have a few more things I want to do at the Prep center, I'm thinking I will schedule my test so I can finish that up. Maybe at the end of the month or middle of next month.

I can find out the results in two days, but the official results will take about a month to get.

My student loans payments start in November, so I hope to be working before November.

This is scary guys. It is so easy to say I'm going to do it, now I have to do it.

You can do it Sue I know you can.

Sorry to hear about H didn't he just get back to work.Does he get any pay while he is out?

How has he been you did not say,is he staying around the house.

My FIL had a long term A,he burned his hand real bad,he told me that was a sign from God to stop doing what he was doing and take care of his wife and faimily.Maybe this is Gods sign to H laying him out flat on his back <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Have a good weekend I work this weekend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I don't know if he will get disability or not. I hope so, if not, then I have to find a second job. I don't make enough with my job to support the family

Sorry to hear that.You have enough to do without having to get a second job.

Is H able to help out with kids and house while he is home?

How was your weekend did not hear from you I figure you were really busy as usual.

Yes, it was busy. Kids had end of the year soccer jamboree, depending upon their level they play for the championship. My oldest team took second place. Not bad for a team that lost most of their games all summer. My other two their teams just played as normal. They don't do championship games at their level. As my youngest coach told them, they are all winners for playing the year. They all got trophys or medals.

I got my hair cut, and went to the center to study for boards.

Speaking of boards, I scheduled them. I could have scheduled them for the end of this month, but I don't know if that is enough time for me to be ready. Since it is costing me a total of 300.00 each time I take it, 100.00 to the state, and 200.00 to the testing facility. I want to be sure I have enough time to be ready. So, I scheduled them for mid September. Right now, I dont' feel ready. Or as one person put it, you never feel ready, but I want to go in their knowing I fully prepared myself to take this test.

So, I might be scarce for the next month, all my spare time will be dedicated to this.

H is limited on what he can do to help. But he is trying to get the kids to do as much as possible and leaving me dishes and laundry. If that is all I have to do, then I will be okay with spare time.

<small>[ August 11, 2003, 09:51 PM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>

Sounds busy.

Good to hear you are on your way with boards.I know what you mean about a nerve racking month.Tomorrow is my inventory I cant wait for it to be over,I just pray the numbers come out good.If they don't then they will be looking at who is in my dept. and probably suspect everyone of stealing.I do not like that,I am very honest maybe to honest so this type of pressure drives me crazy.

Oh a hair cut boy could I use one of those.By the end of the day I am so hot my hair is up on top of my head.My H tells me he loves it when I pull my hair up like that.It looks like a rats nest to me.I just cant decide if I want to cut it shorter or not.I have let it get a little longer than I have in years.Mostly I hate my hair,I wish God would have given me good hair,my hair is thin and has natuarl curls,so pretty much it has a mind of its own and does what ever it wants. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well stay on top of the family make sure they help you out as much as possible you have a long month ahead of you.

I think it is wise to study and be at your best when you go. (meaning that September is good.) I believe you will pass, and not just pass, but do very well.
Sue,

I am sorry that with all else that you do, you have the added trouble of a hurt H. I hope he is nice when he hurts, and not crabby like I am. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You sound pretty steady, you always do well in an emergency. Maybe God is just keeping you busy so you don't have time to worry.

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year.

SS

<small>[ August 12, 2003, 03:46 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi Sue,
I hope your H is in less pain by now and thus family life is less stressful for you.
I will be cheering for you haveing enough study time to assure success at the boards.

I am taking life as it comes right now. Anti-d made me feel more relaxed and less preoccupied with every move I make. I catch all little moments of joy I can have and hope that the miracle will happen soon - or at least while I still care.

I might not post very often, but I will still lurk. Thinking of you,
FBOW

I don't have much time, thougth I'd pop in reall quick, reply on a couple of posts.

I am very busy right now. H is not getting much better at the moment. Time will tell. All we can do is wait.

I am going to take a walk on my break, trying to get back the old bod I used to have. Got it from walking, i hope to find in on the walking path. My work has a walking path for employee use. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hi Sue,
I know how busy you are.
Any time to study today?

Thats what I need to do,some exercise.
I think I would have a little more energy then.
I'll be walking alright,from my apt.to the laundry room.LOL

Ill check in later see if you had a chance to post tonight.If not have a great night and talk to you soon.

I study from 10 - 1 or 1:30 almost everyday. I go to a center that is designed to help people pass Nursing boards, get into med school, law school, they even help prepare HS students for their ACTs, or SATs I forget what it is called. I have to pay for it, but they claim 95% pass boards the first time.