I'll tell you what, I'm betting you will feel so much better once you work up the nerve to verbalise your feelings to him. Right now you are carrying it around like a sick cancer in your gut, and it's eating away at you Sue. You will so much better when you've transferred the power to yourself. It is possible, if you play your cards right.

You are a smart girl Sue, don't let him get the best of you.

I'm not magic, and I can't give you a fairy tale life. Right now I almost wish I could.

I do know that no matter what bad happens to us, if we turn to God, he can take the bad and turn it to good for us if we stay focused on doing the right things.

I believe you will, I expect fully that you will. I have watched you for too long, seen you make wise choice after wise choice. Sometimes (and this seems to be one of them) we are ready to say the heck with being the one that is dependable and always does the right thing, but even if you feel that way, you will still be strong enough to do what you feel is the right thing.

You have friends praying for you. You have a cheering section. I believe I know what you are and who you are, and the person I see is a winner.

Somewhere in the heavens is a loving God. Often it seems he is far away, and we wonder if he even knows about us, let alone if he helping us. I tell you that he does know you and he is helping. He gives just the right amount of help so you can get the maximum amount of growth from what is happening to you. Don't let down now when you have come so far. Don't give up.

I, like everyone else here is waiting to see how close to the top you are on your test scores. I don't doubt for a moment that you will pass.

I wish you had more help, I wish you were getting the support you deserve. Since your H isn't helping, count on God to fill in the gaps. I know in my own life that whenever I have done all that I could do to reach a worthy goal, he has always made up what I lacked to see me reach it. He will do that for you too.
{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}

SS

I did verbalize some of me feelings to him. As usual, it didnt' matter.

I decided to not focus my energy on being mad at him. I have to focus it on what matters. ME. It takes too much energy to be mad anyways. I was exhausted.

I dont' have the energy to put into my marriage right now. If I did, I would get upset.

H thinks he can pass the test. I have access to questions, not NCLEX questions, but questions to help you prepare for you weak areas, I told him he can take the test and we will see how he does. He thinks it will be easy to pass. He thinks all a nurse needs to know is how to take vitals and do med dosage caculations. If that was all I needed to know, then I would not be worried.

Well, I'm off to the center, thanks for being there for me.

((((SUE)))

That hateful feeling is a huge red flag. As soon as you are done and have passed your boards, sweetie, confront, implement Plan B because we all know you've worked your [censored] off at Plan A and its obviously not doing a damn thing.

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT BEING HUMAN.

Hi Sue
Just letting you know I'm still here for you.
You have been such a big help to so many,now let us be there to be help and support for you.

Normally I would be upset about my MIL interfering and taking the kids for the night, especially on a school night. Tonight, I am all in favor of it.

H call me and says "Talk to your F****** Brats".
The kids were screaming and crying in the background. H puts on OS, he's crying because dad won't let them go to grandmas after he said they could go. He was also crying because dad would only give him a slice of bread to eat with his medicine. He is taking Stratera, and it has to be taken with meals because it is very upsetting to the stomach. Meals means meals, not a slice of bread. H did not feed them dinner, and told them they had to go to bed.

He caught the kids throwing rocks at a tree. H's car was under the tree. One rock hit the car.

I agree with H grounding the kids, I agree with H saying they cannot go to grandmas, I do not agree with H calling them what he did, and I do not agree with not giving them dinner or just offering OS only a slice of bread.

In this case, I am glad MIL took the kids for the night. Even thougth they were told they cannot go. They need to be apart. H was the one who changed his mind and said they could now go.

OS said none of them heard what dad said (I didn't tell him what he said, I only asked if he heard dad's part of the conversation) before he put OS on the phone.

I called H, to see if he calmed down some, I told him that I didn't like what he said, and I didn't agree with him not giving them dinner. He fails to realize that both come under the form of abuse. One is verbal abuse, the other is neglect.

It would never even occur to my H to refer to his children that way. NEVER.

I can't wait until you get to really hit this guy between the eyes.

I don't know what has happened to him.

When we met, (I know everyone one puts their best foot foward in the beginning), but he was good to me, good to the OS, sometime after the second one was born, he changed. Then he seemed to change back, and now, he is well, you see what he is.

He is not the man I fell in love with.

Sue
What happened at your house tonight is the very reason I quit the best job I ever had(i am in no way suggesting this i know your situation is different than mine was)
I feared my kids were in danger while with thier own father.I do not believe my H has ever forgiven me for doing that.It was a long time ago but do I ever know the frustration you are feeling right now.
Sometimes you wonder who is the child and who is the adult.

Ginger,

I don't wonder who the child is and who the adult is. I KNOW

When I made my decision to go back to school, I didn't think it would be like this.

I really thought he could handle it.

At first it went well, as I started to see it deteriorate, I knew I had to continue, because I was thinking if we divorce, I have to be able to support the kids. I also knew my job was limited.

Today, we got word, they are closing another satellite office. The last one. Soon, they will start in our dept. I know it. I used to be middle level, I'm now the lowest level because of job elimination.

I know Sue that you have looked ahead you are so smart to do that.
I was only 27 w/three kids and all I thought of was them.If I could do it over I would not have done what I did.I would have looked more to my future.But in your 20's you just don't think of the future.
Now I think of the future to much and I think that is one reason it is so hard for me to leave.
I am so afraid of being alone and don't even know why.

I'm doing a little bit better today, the last couple of days I have been crying alot. All over the A, and the disrespect, mistreatment, everything. When I have more time, I will go into more detail.

Right now, I keep getting a caged feeling, and I know I need to think

Hi Sue.
Ive been thinking about you all day.
Its ok to cry you know that right?
I think it was you that told me it cleanses the soul <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I'm here for you if you need me.

Dear Sue,
((((Hug))))
Crying was OK with me as long as it did not drain energy I needed for usual, everyday tasks.
Vent your sorrow and frustration here maybe instead if it protects and preserves more of your stamina needed for the studying.
I keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
FBOW

Hi Sue,
Thinking about you this afternoon. Wondering what you are thinking about......wondering how you are. Wishing that bonfire was tonight, and cerri could get you aside, and talk to you alone for a few minutes. I wish I knew just what you were thinking - it would make it easier to know what to say. As you know, sometimes when people hurt, it is hard to help.

I'm doing a little bit better today, the last couple of days I have been crying alot. All over the A, and the disrespect, mistreatment, everything. When I have more time, I will go into more detail.

Right now, I keep getting a caged feeling, and I know I need to think

You have been here, in this part of the plan too long. You have seen some good times, but you have worked too hard, with too little return for far too long. We knew this might happen, we worried for you all along.

What has changed really? He is about the same, it is the time, and the drain on you that have given you this state of mind.

I can't really ask you (in all fairness) to do anyting more. When you think about things, keep your goals in mind. I can't say I known them all, but you have goals for yourself, and your children outside of school, and your upcoming job search. The school, and the job are just means to help you reach those other goals. Keep the most important things in mind when you decide.

Still praying for you.

SS

Nothing has really changed.

I know I have been in this too long, and I knew it when I started that it would be longer than what I should really do.

You know, you can put yourself on hold for only so long, and then, it starts in on you again.

I think what has made it very difficult, is it looks like we are making some progress, and then I find out they are making plans to go on a trip, or a concert. He does not make plans for us to do this. I fully understand that most A, end once exposed to the light of day. As long as they have the secrecy, they have no reason to end it.

It bothers me that this has gone on for so long, longer than what I was aware of. The more I search, the more I find out. This has been in existance for my whole marriage, maybe longer. So, what is wrong with her? Why would she do this? This was going on when our youngest was born, she is now 4 years old, almost 5. I made this discovery last spring or so. So, all I can ask is, why did he marry me, if he was not going to end his relationship with her. I'm sure it is because, she is more fun, after all, their relationship does not have the reality of bills, laundry, housework, chilren,

I recently found out, she moved out of her parents, and lives on her own. I don't know if she has a roommate or anything like that.

It was really easy to find out. H and I have shared cell phones now. He stopped calling her old number, and this other number showed up too frequently. So, I did a reverse look up and it is listed to her.

I know I talk a lot sometimes about practical things.......I want you to know I am sorry too. That I understand there is a lot of hurt, and pain. It just doesn't do me much good to talk about that, because I can't do much about it for you. It bothers me, I care - but I don't know what to do.

So, is it time?
Or will you bury it for another month?

I know what your heart says - but you have a head on your shoulders too.

Cancel his rservations and tell him "I canceled your reservations, I didn't want you to go with her." and walk away?

What are you thinking?

SS

Hi Sue
Just wanted to let you know that I am still here following everything that happens.
I care for you,I hurt with you,I cry with and for you.You are special,you are an incredible woman.
I just want you to know that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />