Just a vent. I want to scream.

Living with this man is so frustrating. He has not concept of money and financial responsibility. Lately, he wants to be "Mr. Big Shot" acting like we are rolling in the green stuff when we can hardly pay bills. I told him how much we needed to pay bill each month, he thinks I'm full of it. It is like a repeat of my last fiance. He was the same way. I don't need this. I don't want this. When he was in school, and we had no money, he was different. He was humble. I liked that quality in him. Now, he is arrogant, and want to impress everyone by paying for everything. Why can't I find a normal responsible man? Does such a man even exist, or is this some fantasy I created because my father behaved like a normal responsible man. Or is this the man of the past, and the men of the present and future are immature irresponsible babies who still need their mothers to take care of them.

LOL
That was a really good vent.
Sorry everyone I am not having that great of a day either.
If you find that great man,will you ask him if he has a brother and then call me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> by the way he must be faithful too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

the only one I know of is married to a friend of mine. I told her if she figures out how to clone him, I will take one.

Hi swh
I also have problems with money and am now finally looking to get the finance house in order.
One of the things i've been told is that a budget is key. There are many ways to function within the budget, they may involve several bank accounts or different envelopes for each week or need. As I have only started now, I dont have any great advise but there is muach help available. My grandma used to put a percentage of each bit of income into a variety of envelopes labelled car, food, insurance, clothes, etc. She never took money out of one envelope to pay for something else.

Sorry I did not read your history before replying here, but in my family I have asked my wife to budget and she refuses. I wanted to show her what percentage of the after expenses money goes to dinners out and party supplies, bad habits, and other such things. I think she is afraid to look at the reality. A starbucks treat every day is like $1000 a year! It could be half of my fun money, for what, coffee and a bisciut?

Could you move the money that covers basic needs out of reach of the impulsive hands. Say the first $500 of each incoming check goes into a seperate account that is for those basic things that cant be ignored?

Something like that. I know that more money earned is sometimes the cure for the problem, and it sounds like your struggling to keep the income up, but also struggle with the outgoing money and if you can get a handle on it that may relieve some pressure.

Not easy with out cooperation but I know now that I should have done this even when my W was objecting.
I have links to some web sites if you are interested.

Good luck and keep those city account clerks at bay. There must be some way to get them looking the other way for a while. Apply for a permit to build an adventure park in your basement and see if that gets them busy . lol

Rusty

Hi Rusty,

Thanks, sure, I will look at the links.

I've tried it. I was saying something, and somehow I deleted it. In a nutshell, my H, thinks I make more than I do, and he does not want to part with what he makes. I think he is convinced I should support the family so he can play and keep his paycheck.

I told him today, that we will have to take our daughter out of preschool because we cannot afford it any longer. He did not like that. But it is true. I also told him we need to think about sending back the Saturn, and getting a older used car. He didn't like that either. If he is not going to stay within our means, then stuff needs to be cut out.

Sad thing is the responsible one always gets stuck because the other doesn't care.

A's and money problems seem to go together. You really do need to get this in the open. You have been nice to long so you could get through school and get a job.

I suppose it does no good to say you don't deserve this after you are already in the middle of it.

What would it take for you to have a relaxing day? About $10,000 and two weeks off?

I don't know if you can have a happy weekend or not, but that's what I am wishing for you - you too Ginger.

SS

SS-

I think I could take two weeks and relax on 10,000 (i'd even have plenty to spare after the two weeks were done)LOL

I went as far as looking into 2 bedroom apartments, what would it take to get into one.

Things wouldn't be so bad if H would get off his duffus and get on the butts of the office staff at his Dr's office. They need to send some paper work to the ins. carrier so H can collect the last 5 weeks disability pay due him. H has a problem with things like this. For some reason, it is almost as if he is asking for Charity. H is back to work on a 2 week job. Then he gets the pleasure of filing for unemployment. He didn't use up all his benefits from last time. They said they even adjust the time from the disability if it is over a specific number of weeks.

I'm still waiting to hear about my start date for the part time RN job I got.

I heard back from one I applied for. My application was submitted to the various dept. If any are interested, I should know next week if they want to interview me or not. (finger crossed).

Thanks SS
I have to work all weekend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> but I get off real early tomorrow so I will cook and then eat and then clean up and then maybe relax <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sue I have nothing to add I am sorry.My H has been a big spender in the past,but he has tighten his belt lately since the strike he has hardly spent anything(but neither have I) I guess that is one possitive on his part.

Every one here have a great Thanksgiving.

Just once, I would like to be carefree and irresponsible. The thing is, I did that once, back in my early 20's. When a person can be, before maturity sets in, and it is time to grow up.

I wish H would stop trying to impress people and stop trying to keep up with his friends who actually do have more than we do. They like us as we are. (Or I think they do. But then again, I'm sure H would tell me, that they are his friends, not my friends, so I should limit my interaction.)

I could say a lot of things, you know I could.

How about this?

Sue, you have faults, but you have a very good streak too. Let go of the faults for a while, both in you, and in your H. Think about the good for at least two days. No, don't use rose colored glasses, don't hide the problems, but concentrate on the plus side. Look for happy times, see what you can find.

I know (and yes, I am sure I used the right word) I know you still are happy a lot. You - becaues of who you are won't be beaten by these things happening to you. You will feel that when you read this. You won't fail. No matter the bad, you will come through.

Smile, you deserve to smile. Realize how far you have come. See who you are. The mirror may sghow a few extra pounds, but it shows good as well. Look at the good and realize it for what it is - payback for all your hard work. You should like what you see, after all, we all do. And if you don't see all you want to see, what then? Can you keep working on things for a while?

Can you take compliments? - how bout if they are true?

I only report what I see, and if you don't see the same, take my word for this one.

See you around.

SS

Budget links
[Personal Budgeting and Money Saving Tips]
Basics

[budgeting dot com]
Ideas

The envelope idea is an old one that is so workable becaause you can manage it with out any books or worksheets. Just put cash in each envlepoe and DO NOT touch that enveleope unless its for the purpose intended. You will still need to calculate some amounts to put in each envelope. Of coarse some money goes straight from the paycheck to the grocery store etc. but take some money from each paycheck to pay for future expenses. It will take time to build for some things but you will be suprised how fast $10 and $20 bills can add up. Dont forget to stick al your loose change away for a rainy day. I used to stick 'found money' (money I wasn't expecting) in hardcover books on the book shelf. It making rainy day reading a little more rewarding!
Hope this helps
Rusty

Hey Sue,

Please tell us how you are doing - how things are shaking out this week with all that was due.

SS

I'm here, I know I have my faults. Boy, do I ever. I don't expect perfection out of him either. I keep recalling the man he was when I fell in love with him. The man I am living with is nothing close to the man I fell in love with.

The man I fell in love with was sensitive, understanding, compassionate, idealist (too much, that it was actually cute). He was poor, impulsive, fun loving, bad with money, (but not like he is today, he was more responsible back then. Back then, he was realistic about the finances).

I'm too serious, too practical, like to know what is going to happen next. My practical side, interferes with my fun side.

I've decided after the holidays, regardless of my job situation, it is time to make the next step. I am confronting, exposing and if need be, Plan B. I've been looking into apartments, I figured out a budget on my pay alone. I can do it. It will be tight, very tight. I'm hoping it will not come to that. If it does, it means moving the kids (I will not give them up), sending the animals to a shelter, which will hurt the kids. They love their pets. I have to be realistic, in the worst scenario. I cannot afford to keep the house, and apartments that allow pets will not allow 3 pets. If I am lucky, I will be able to keep one pet, possibly the cat.

Specifically, I will wait until after my MS has his birthday. I don't want to find myself moving just before or just after his birthday.

I will apply for the apartment, put down a deposit, the day I get the acceptance, is when I confront. If he chooses her, I go and sign the lease and move. Call the lawyer to set up formal seperation agreement. Sell the house. There is noway I can help pay the mortgage while I am paying rent.

I cannot do this any longer. I figure I made it this long, I can get through the holidays.

My 6th anniversary is this month. Will there be a 7th? I don't know.

She invited him to a christmas party that is being held at her bosses house. He declined. He has plans with the boys. At least he is not changing them for her. So, does this mean that she has been having him at other work functions.

No more. I want it over, either between them or us. I want to get on with my life.

How am I doing? Not good. Crying alot, because I know it is time to make decisions. I'm scared to start over. I fear that is what I will be doing. I don't want to hurt my children. I know I am not the one who hurt them, but I will be the one they see as leaving their daddy. Until they understand, I will be the one they blame.

How's the new job going? How are you feeling about that?

You already know this, but I'll say it anyway just to back you up.

Do the right thing, and that's it. Do the right thing.

Your children will back you up in time. I have seen that one play out before, and they always seem to figure things out.

Stay, or leave, it will be best to have it go to the next step, and you sense that. I am not much help with part of this, I can't do much about the tears. Remember your friends love you, remember we pray for you. You can do this, and I think you know that, I support full disclosure.

Call Cerri if you need to, she already said she would help. Don't be afraid, there is no reason for it now after all this time, and after all you have done. I don't know the future, but I am firm in believing that you will do well no matter where it goes for you.

Can you have a happy holiday? Can we help? What do you need the most?

SS

Thanks

What do I need the most?

A faithful husband
Winning lotto number (I will share)
A full time Nursing job to appear


Job question - I have not started yet. I was offered a different job. I'm waiting to get my start date. I expect to get a call any time now. I decided on this job because it is withing a network. (better opportunities for full time in the future)

I'm scared, very scared.

I know what I want, I scared I won't get it. I'm scared I will and won't want it anymore.

Anyone and every one, go ahead and pray.

SS- did I read correctly on Cerri's B-day thread - 8 children. Holy moly. So, how old is the oldest and how old is the youngest?

I know with that many kids, the house is full of energy. I have 7 siblings. I hope you didn't have 1 boy and 7 girls. (That is what happened to my older brother. First born, and the rest girls. No wonder he joined the Air Force after graduating from College. He was afraid to come home (LoL)

4 boys, 4 girls.

S 26 Married
S 24 Soon to be married
S 23 Married
D 21 Married
D 19 college, but lives at home.
S 17 Senior and acts like it
Twin D's 10 Surprise!, Surprise!
We had a golden retriever but he passed away in Sept. He would have been 12 next week. (do pets count?)

Pretty even for a while, but now it's 4 girls agaist us two boys, and we loose most votes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You are right about their being a lot of energy around our house, and the married ones visit OFTEN. I thought it would be more quiet by now, but it's probably worse, because the older ones bring spouses with them when they visit.

How's Christmas shaping up for you? Did the house stuff get worked out?

I know you don't cry constantly, but I am sorry that now, when you ought to be able to find increrased joy, you have the added sorrow of not knowing what to do about your marriage.

When those worries almost consume me, when I can't sleep, when life seems to be the most bitter, I seek help in prayer. That's the only place I can go and get real help. I hope it is working for you too, but sometimes peace is a long time coming.

I really do believe you will be OK, but I know you still have to do the work to make it so. Here's to your success - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

SS

Wow SS
I am impressed.That is a large family.
Any grand babies??

No, but the first two are due within a week of each other in March.

I don't get to the recovery forum much, Just how is Ginger doing these days?

I don't feel old enough yet to be a Grandpa, but then, you sound too young to be a grandma, so I must be in good company.

Sue,
I hope something good happens to you this week.

SS