I am better today than yesterday, I still break down, but I pull myself together faster.

H is still worried. He wants me to meet him for lunch and bring our daughter. We have met before for lunch, but he is worried. He has every reason to be

He has alot to lose here: me, the kids, the house, cars, his reputation, friends (all except one, who I know knows about the A)

I need to fine tune the letter. I know I will not be able to discuss it with out it. I see it now.

I hope she was worth risking losing everthing he could lose.

I'll be back later. Gotta go to the store then work. I need to regroup myself

FBOW-I'm sorry your H is being such a dufus. You are a good person who deserves so much better than he is giving you. You have shown that you have strenght. I don't think we are ever ready for confronting, and Plan B. I see it now. But we just have to pull ourselves together and face it. I'm trying to be strong and not spend all my time crying. When I feel like crying at home, I decided I will either clean, write or work out. Redirect the energy. I want to show him I am strong and can make it without him if I have to.

Sue, I totally sympathize with what you are going thru as far as the talking about the A. I have a very hard time telling someone what I am upset with them about, if it is something I am emotional about it's even worse. I'll just cry then get pissed off at myself for not being able to say what is on my mind. Writing is probably a very good way to get out what is on your mind right now.

I too am praying for you. Hang in there hun.

Sue:

don't wonder if OW was worth it. She wasn't and besides that is not how WSs think in their fog. Your H has just been kicked out of the Alien space ship. And with a hard jolt he has landed back on Earth.

Good that he wants to have lunch with you. Good that he wants to be close with you. More than good ...GREAT!!!

Now he has to figure out how to clean up his life. Meaning break up with OW and turn around his M. I am glad that you are doing better today. A lot of what will happen now depends on the messages you will be sending to him. DO NOT LET HIM BELIEVE FOR ONE MILISECOND THAT HE WOULD GET AWAY WITH CONTINUING THE A!!!

But I got the sense from your last post that you are already very determined to put your foot down and show him what you need him to do.

Good Sue, very good! Keep going strong <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
You can do it. You are one strong woman!

I intend to set boundaries. These are boundaries I need, anything else, well, even if I compromised, it would come back and bite me in the butt. I would be less than satisfied with the resolution of this A and I don't know if over time, if I would be happy in the M.

Wish me luck. I realize I cannot hold off until the end of the month which was my original plan.

Prayers and hopes for a positive outcome for you, and for you to feel strength and confidence in you - you know you don't need him. He knows that too. It will be a relief for you to get the whole truth out of him, if he chooses to continue being married to you. So he has to live up to your wishes. He'd better start cracking the MB books.

Sue,

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Like Kayla, I believe an enormous weight will fall from your shoulders when this is all out in the open. Sending you massive cyber hugs and good vibes!

I don't know if I will make it through the weekend without screaming at him. I have to get through the weekend. OS has a hockey tournament. WH is the coach. If he leaves after this, we will have to work out something for this.

I'm very nervous, scared, you name it. WH already thinks things are okay. Or he is at least behaving that way. Then again, maybe he is still worried. He called me at least 3 times tonight. He usually does not call me at all.

I feel so nauseated. Just like when I first found out. I didn't eat for two weeks, when I did, i practically chocked on it. I'm eating, but not much. Mostly because I don't want anyone to see me not eating.

Right now, I go back and forth between wanting to try to save my marriage and walking away. I have papers for filing for divorce. Do I fill them out? Don't I fill them out? I don't know what I want.

I think I liked it when I kept myself angry. At least then I could lash out. I don't have the energy to lash out. Gotta get back to work. OS has his very first hockey tournament this weekend. WH is the coach. What would all those parents think if they knew the truth?

Don't feel like you have to make a decision today Sue. See how things go with your H, but make sure you set firm boundaries for yourself. Do your best to eat when you can.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SwH:
<strong>...... What would all those parents think if they knew the truth? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sue-

Hey, there. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I know it feels terrible. My prayers for you and your kids. You are feeling a lot of emotion right now and need to concentrate on what needs to be done. I know, easier said than done. You've come a long way Sue.

About what others think......it doesn't matter. I struggled with this for a long time and still do occassionally. My STBXW had affairs with clients, two of her adult students. Her supervisors eventually were told. She still works for this organization today in essentially the same role as before. It didn't matter to the supervisors. A neighbor found out about the affairs. This neighbor was called as a witness during our final hearing and testified that she knew of my STBXW's affairs. She still testified that it would be in our childrens' best interest if my STBXW would be awarded full custody of the children because I was seen as too much of a disciplinarian around the kids, rigid in my rules, and a bad influence on the kids.

Sue, it doesn't matter what the other parents think. What needs to be done is to fix the marriage and if that means moving to a Plan B to help you save what little love is left and to stop LBing in front of your WH, then that has to be done. You know where you can get help. Sometimes Sue, the kids are going to miss a hockey game or other activities, but what is more important right now? Try to get help from friends and their friends' parents in moving the kids around. You're not alone.

Best to you. {{{{{Sue}}}}}

HoFS

I have to try to change my mood. I'm so down. I feel like you do when you are on the verge of crying but can't. My stomach is in knots, I feel anxious. I guess it is Zoloft time. My Dr. gave me some sample (okay, he gave me two months worth). I didn't need it. Maybe now I do.

H has called me at work 4 times so far (record number for him). I'm lucky if he calls me once a day. Anyway, because I'm down, it sounds that way when I answer the phone. A stranger may not notice it, but he does. He keeps thinking I'm crying.

I don't want to sound like this at all. I want to sound strong, confident. I also don't want him thinking I accepted his excuse. Because I know it is a LIE.

He even commented I don't sound like a woman who is going to spend the night in a motel. Even if all this had not happened I probably would not be doing flips over spending the night in the motel. After all, there will be 3 kids with. Not much happening there.

What was his excuse for all this anyway? I'm sorry you are feeling so anxious, it will take a little while for that to pass. Your body is in shock right now and you probably fear more bad news could be around the corner. Is there anyway you can get your hands on some xanax? (not sure if I spelled that right) It might help take the edge off and help you to eat and sleep a little. I know they shouldn't be taken long term, but it helps you to calm down some.

Do you know if your H has told OW anything?

Hi Sue,

Long time no see -

I think this is a good thing. I think you needed it to get going again. You were kind of stuck and this marriage stuff was affecting your whole life.

Remember some things as you go through this.

Remember that none of us are perfect. You want to do better? Welcome to the club. Just do the best you can, and that will be good enough - because you can't do it any better than that.

I don't know all the things going through your mind, but I can well imagine some of it.

Remember that you worked all this out before, and you know what to do. You really do know what to do - and I think you can do it.

Remember that there really is a God, and he loves you and wants you to succeed. He will help as much as he can without taking away your H's free will. Remember that you have help.

Remember that you have many friends praying for you. You have people behind you that care. Remember that counts for something, it's not just a kind thought.

Remember that you don't have to accept lies. You can call him on them. You don't need to tell him how you know, but you can call him on ever lie and walk away until he is willing to deal in the truth exclusivly.

Remember that (as many others have said) you can go it alone if you need to - you have choices and you are free.

Remember that you are free to choose what you will do, just as he is free to choose.

Many times we wish we could help more - this is one of those times. I believe there are better than even odds that you will succed and that your M will have a good future.

I'm a believer.

SS

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

WH's excuse - it was a joke, neither one of them know how it got there.

Well, I know how it got there. She put it there. Prior to this, she has been sending e-mails regarding them getting married.

I told H, it was not a joke, jokes are funny, this was cruel. I also said to WH, how do you know she didn't do it. I told him I knew about KQ, and I called the hotel. He ignored that, as if it will go away. It has not gone away yet, so why would it now.

I wanted to let him know I did not accept his excuse, so I told him that his answer was not right, it did not fit and I will figure it out.

Soon, very soon will this all be behind me. I will either be raising three children alone or we will be working this out.

Weekend was much better than I thought it would be. OS lost the tournament. They will get over it.

WH was very good and attentive. I was moody. Did my best to not let it show. Mostly feeling down.

Its time for the face off with your evidence, Sue. A full-blown exposure of his lies. His "excuse" is so pathetic I can't believe you weren't insulted by it. They BOTH are insulting your intelligence and I hate to sayit, you are allowing it.

I've been watching and wishing for you since March 2003. Just like everyone here, I want only the absolute BEST for you.

Its time you get it for yourself, Sue. We are all here for you.

<small>[ January 19, 2004, 12:31 AM: Message edited by: mojodiva ]</small>

Just checkin in on ya Sue. I hope you are doing okay.

I'm doing okay. Nothing new going on. Mostly thinking, working. Story of my life. Work, sleep, work sleep.

Hi Sue,
We worry a little more now that you put things part way out in the open.

It looks like to me (after thinking about it for a few days) that he is afraid of YOU LEAVING HIM.

That may not last long, and he may become MR Sneak again, but I hope he starts to really think.

By now you have done lots more thinking. You worry about lots of things and sometimes the more you think about things the worse it gets. (in your mind)

I hope you can get it out of your mind and spend your time working on things you can change. I still think you can do a good job of this, and that comes from watching you for close to two years now.

God be with you.

SS

<small>[ January 26, 2004, 01:22 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

SwH,

Have followed you all along.

Agree with the above post. We are worried about you.

Hope you are okay. Please update.

Prayers for you.

Love in Christ,
Miss M